Fed up

[paisley]

I am brand new to this and I am scared to even admit to myself that I have a drinking problem. I am starting to believe it is an illness like diabetes or something of the sort. So here is a brief summary of my situation:

I was a cheerleader in high school. Was in the best shape of my life during my high school and the following college years. Now I am in dyer need to lose 30 lbs that I have put on these past 4 years. Thats when it all happened. Fours years ago I lost my dad to diabetes (hardest thing to deal with especially because he was only 57) At that same time, my boyfriend of 3 years cheated on me and we broke up. Needless to say I couldn't sleep and did not want to feel the great sense of lonliness and heartbreak. I wanted to feel numb. Everyday I wanted to feel numb. It started off the day after my dad's funeral. I went off to the liquor store and just thought I will buy vodka. (Thats what Brigdet Jones drank in Bridget Jones Diary when she was cheated on by Hugh Grants character) Anyway, so the funeral was over and my breakup was the week before my dad past away and so there I was in the store buying what would be the venom I would be addicted to till today)

I finally was afraid to go one day without vodka. It helped me sleep. It was what I would look forward to at the end of the day. Even though plenty of guys were interested in me, I felt anyone interested in me would hurt me. And so I stuck with my bottle of vodka that I would secretly stash away.

I want to stop or control it to just social drinking but how??? I just looked in the mirror and I want to get back into shape, get healthy and get back my life. I feel hopeless. Can anyone relate?:new::upset:

[startingover]

Fed up

Welcome DSA :welcome:
Oh yes, I am sure that many of us can relate to your story. I for one used alcohol to block out pain. But found that it really doesn't help.
Have you read the book? That will recommend that you try for 30 days alcohol free. there are lots of supplements and medications to help. And learning from everyone here will too.
Best of luck, stay close to the boards it does help.

[shelbysmiles]

Fed up

Welcome! Your story is like many of us here. I know it had to be difficult losing two people you love very much.
Have you read the book yet? It has a wealth of information. It is recommended that you do 30 days AF (alcohol free). After you have reached that then I think you will kow if you are able to moderate. There are supplements that can help you along. Keep reading and posting and good luck!

[SAUSAGE]

Fed up

Can totally relate

Firstly sorry to hear about your Dad, I also lost my Dad a few yrs back due to septicaemia (he was diabetic) although this in itself didn't increase my drinking.

5 years ago I harldly ever drank - was very fit - could run a marathon in less than 4 hrs (have completed 6). After my second child was born 2 years ago I developed post natal depression - which wasn't helped by the fact that i couldn' t get out and exercise because of the children and being on my own a lot and obviously couldn't leave them (husband in Navy, not always around, no other family nearby for support) Then medical problems meant I needed a hysterectomy which was a total shock and this took ages to get over physically and emotionally. My drinkingwent up from virtually nothing - the odd glass or 2 (max) socially to earlier this yr was drinking between 30 and 50 units of wine a week.
Decided earlier in the year that I was at a crossroads in my life - could either sort myself out and become the person I once was or commit myself to being a middle aged alcoholic (am 37) get fat and die early.
Managed 108 AF free days earlier this year - then a friend pursuaded me I could moderate - WRONG - within days I was back to 40+ units a week,

I'm starting afresh and would love to support you too. Been Af since beginning of month. Have also posted on newbie thread "New- needing encouragement" and on the 30 day AF week beginning 09/01 - so you can look up my posts and read my struggle.

Good luck and welcome:welcome:

[cuckoosnest83]

Fed up

Dear Dying, I can certainly relate to your story. It is difficult enough to deal with the loss of a parent without the added stress of a breakup. I think I used gin to isolate myself and to avoid dealing with issues that caused me sadness. I loved the movie Bridget Jones' Diary and yes she did use vodka when Daniel cheated on her but remember she also ended up kicking ass by working out, throwing out the alcohol and listening to Chakka Khan. I'm glad you found this site. For the most part it is an extremely caring, non-judgmental group here. I look forward to seeing you on the boards.

[paisley]

Fed up

wow thanks you guys. okay i am getting the book i hear so much about. i believe i can do this but its like riding a bicycle for the first time. I think i am gonna need some medicine but i will attempt it w/out first. Has anyone gained a significant amount of weight from drinking?

I wont even go into a shopping mall because i refuse to try on bigger sizes. I have really cute clothes that I want to get into. i am tired of staring at them hung up (most of them with price tags still on) Also, I want to start working out again. I have tried but I think when you drank the night before, it makes working out that much harder.

[paisley]

Fed up

I think i am going to start fresh Sunday. I want to mentally prepare myself for this. I hear withdrawals are not easy. You guys, I am so grateful for your kind welcome to me. i was scared as many of you I am sure. was afraid of judgement.

Another question, it has been four years now of this mess for me. i wonder if others know i am dealing with this. Did anyone feel like people could see right through you and know what you do when you are alone?

[Evie.Lou]

Fed up

I gained weight from drinking and it is melting away now that AL is out of my life.I feel SOOO MUCH BETTER...We can BEAT this BEAST TOGETHER...

[KateH1]

Fed up

Hi DTSA,
Well Huge congratulations on buying the book! It is the blueprint on how to break this cycle that is slowly breaking you. Alcohol is a vicious cyle, the empty calories make us gain weight, add the depression and malaize from a hangover and working out goes out the window too! We all have our own stories as to how we got to the point of becoming problem drinkers, but one similar thread is the same, at some point alcohol became an obsession, something we could not longer control. That is a big reason why we can all relate to each other.

I hope you stick around here for support. Continue posting and in time, you will be the one to step in a reach out to help others!

Best Wishes,
Kate

[LVT25]

Fed up

:welcome: DTSA

I figured out I was consuming an extra 1000 calories almost daily from beer, but when I just tried cutting down I didn't lose weight. When I quit totally I lost 5 pounds without trying. I have cheekbones now--no more bloated look. Now I'd like to do some toning.

The book is a great place to start!!

[gyco]

Fed up

yo alive nc story and welcom,buy the way it is a desease,just like a cancer or diabetis,but some say it is the easiest to cure,i myself dont agree, but thats ok,as far as your drinking,as some one said there aare a lot of dfferent interests here,but i think the best one is,if your down and out,dont be ,come up and just strike up a conversation on here or chat,thats the glory of this place,were not here to judge you,just give some advice,somtimes it helps,and somtimes it doesnt,have a great evening gyco

[SAUSAGE]

Fed up

Think I gained about 28lbs in total over last 4yrs but not all is due to drinking - had two children during this time and other factors were
bigger meal portions - didn't reduce meal size when I stopped breast feeding
lack of exercise
I admire you for not buying bigger clothes. I'm a bit like that too - have boxes of clothes from 4 yrs back that Ican't get into but i'm determined. Once you start going up a size and buying bigger stuff that's like admitting to yourself that you'll never go back.
You sound v determined - you should be able to do this
One other thing - you asked about people seeing through you - I really can't answer that as I dont' know enough about you and your outward behaviour but one thing I will tell you from just personal experience of my own battles with this and as a health care professional - you will be AMAZED at how many people have this problem and keep it hidden - the most unlikely person can suprise you and hardly drink anything in "public" but have great secrets well hidden at home.
Good luck on your journey

[paisley]

Fed up

well i gotta say from reading some other posts etc I believe i would be considered to be a "functioning alkie"

i mean people outside my home ie friends, family members, co workers etc treat me absolutley wonderful! But i dont know how i maintain some level of "normalcy" and smile as if everything is alright when i know deep down inside nothing about going home from work everyday and "boozing it up" is okay.

I think ive grown accustomed to the warm feeling i get from the very first drop to the last one i intake that knocks me out. perhaps i am feeling sorry for myself and want to be comforted and turn to vodka. i think i am replacing a man with vodka.

[WaitingToExhale]

Fed up

Hiya DTSA,

You have come to the right place. So much info .. so much support. We all relate to where you are at.

Me, not the weight thing so much because I have been getting ALL my calories from wine. But talk about getting out of shape! ACK

It will be a new day for you Sunday. Read. Read. Read . and Post. Post . Post.

I am restarting my journey tomorrow morning. This time armed with it ALL!

I'll be kicking Al's butt to the curb here real soon!

WTE

[paisley]

Fed up

i think i might start tomorrow as well! its gonna be challenging but i just know i have to take that first step.

Does anyone know how to change the username. my username is one i shouldnt have picked. it kinda makes me feel more down about me.