EX Fiance contacts me

[Seacailin]

EX Fiance contacts me

I guess there would be no harm in meeting him for coffee. I have not really been able to talk with him over the phone. My daughter knew that he called, and she was lurking. My kids do not like him. Our families would not be supportive of this because how nasty things got, but that was all do to AL. Thank you all for your input. At first I thought he called to make amends, and he did, but he also said that he thinks about me all of the time and he misses me, so I think that he is looking for more. I will let you know how it goes. Again, thank u.

[savon19]

EX Fiance contacts me

Just be careful, Sea (especially since there were bad things in the past...).

That you're feeling lonely makes you very vulnerable. (I speak from Experience!) And he's probably lonely, too. So much easier to go back to a prior relationship than to start a new one...

Not to be a downer, but not good that your kids/family don't like him.

But, maybe you need to see him again to know why it didn't work the first time!

Wishing you the best...

[Seacailin]

EX Fiance contacts me

Thank u Sav
He called me last night, and I told him that I was not going to get involved with anyone right now. I need to focus on my struggles with AL. I will meet him for coffee and a chat, but that's about it.

[Ripple]

EX Fiance contacts me

If the kids don't like him, then don't bring him home EVER again... :H

Good lUck with coffee, make sure you bring your own!!! :H

[savon19]

EX Fiance contacts me

(MY) famous last words!

[vera-b]

EX Fiance contacts me

Hi Sea,

Sorry I missed this thread on Wednesday. Have been so busy I haven't had much time to be on. I hope your coffee time (tonight?) went well. In reading all of the responses, the word caution jumps out, and I'll join that chorus. If you're lonely, you're vulnerable - so a romance at this point has your "wanting companionship" as a cornerstone. That can be a rocky foundation for even the best of relationships. Take your time to "read" him - study him well before committing to anything!

[Boss.man]

EX Fiance contacts me

Sea, you did good with the call and coffee and a chat.

There is danger when a relationship is based on rehab. And there are people who will accept you, without your needing to live within that danger zone. It's just a matter of working to find them, through your social contacts and your living your life fully.

It's also a matter of your Ex working to find his own path.

IMO from the "male" perspective.

[Seacailin]

EX Fiance contacts me

Wow, I am overwhelmed by all of the responses. Awwww, you guys really do care. I am really touched. I had dinner and coffee with him, then we picked up my girlfriend and went to a very large open AA meeting. I felt nothing for him. He said that he wants to see me again, but I am definitely proceeding with caution. I told him once again that I am too sick to become involved with anyone and he seems to be ok with that. So all and all, it was a good evening. Have I told you guys lately that I love you????:h:l

[brittzak]

EX Fiance contacts me

Glad it went OK. Dont add aditional stress right now to your life. You dont need it.

[Boss.man]

EX Fiance contacts me

We DO care. I'm blessed with a spouse who can take or leave AL any day of the week. In a way it drives me nuts; Martinis one night, and then a week before the next drink. Nothing like my ongoing obsession that keeps me focused on AF/AL every hour of every evening.

But it works, and my spouse helps keep me in line. We're looking forward to a great day tomorrow hiking up at the 6000 foot level of nearby Mt Hood, just to see the snow and enjoy a late summer warm day. A full day at high elevation will do us both some healthy goodness, as well as keep me away from the temptations of home.

You need that too. Someone who doesn't reinforce your bad stuff, but reinforces the good side. And your Ex needs it. It's ok to just say you don't need it together.

Turn over more rocks. There's still a lot of shy guys out there who can see you for the gem you are. Gems are rocks too, and shine best when they are cut and polished with care.

[nancy]

EX Fiance contacts me

Hi Sea

Well done for meeting him. I have gone back and forth with these kinds of things but in the end I think it can be healthy to see people again (in a safe environment) if you feel they were once important to you. To me now it's childish to hang on to old hurts and fears. The old days are in the past. You didn't really say what you meant by things getting ugly. That could mean a lot of things. I will stress that if violence was involved I would have a different opinion and advise no contact perhaps.

One thing I would ask though, why did you say you were sick as the reason you could not be with him? That's not really the truth is it? I would suggest you don't put yourself down or label yourself in that way. I only say this because I think self-esteem problems fuel drinking problems. Why look at yourself as if you are sick? Sounds like you don't really like this guy in a romantic way anymore.

Also, you can't help who you fall in love with, but for me, I would really prefer to be with someone who is not an addictive type of personality and does not have alcohol problems, that includes recovered alcoholics unless they are truly recovered including recovery from all addictive problems. I think for someone struggling, far better to be with someone who does not have the same issues. Granted, they can't understand addiction perhaps but the benefits outweigh disadvantages. If you want to date again, I would try to look outside of AA.

Nancy

[river0123]

EX Fiance contacts me

Hi Sea, first thing this morning, I had to check in to see how your evening went! I'm so glad the evening was good/positive for you! It sounds like you have a good handle on what you need to do for yourself right now. You're #1!!!:h

[greeneyes]

EX Fiance contacts me

Well done! Glad it went well - you sound very much in control in a healthy positive manner. :l

[Evie.Lou]

EX Fiance contacts me

Great Job SEA,you really have your priorities striaght...Thats a sure sign of sucess...

[Seacailin]

EX Fiance contacts me

Hate to ask for input again, but I am seriously going Nuts!!! The Ex called yesterday to see if I wanted to go out with him and his Grandson. I turned him down and went and hung out with my sister. Well, today he called and wants me to go to the movies with him and watch the football games with him later. I am so confused. Heres what I think I will tell him when he calls (any minute!). "I am still undecided as to whether or not this is a good idea. I need more time to think about it" What do u think guys???