Scared as hell

[Trixiebelle]

Hi everyone,
I am brand spanking new.
I am here after 27 years of boozing, and I'm scared as hell.
I'm sick of drinking everyday, and when I go out, writing myself off and embarrasing myself, cause I dont know what Ive said or who Ive upset - (mostly myself). I, like Roberta have married a man who likes to drink as much, if not more than me. Is there anyone out there that is in the same situation and how did you handle it (he will not stop drinking, so I need to take the first step) He will ask why I have stopped. How do I explain?
A lot of things in our marriage are based upon drinking, so this will be a major life shift for me, and a lot is going to change - that's why I'm so scared, but I have to do it, I cant keep going on with the shame anymore. He doesnt think we have a problem!!
Please advise:thanks:

[BecomingMeAtLast]

Scared as hell

Trixie dear,

Oh dear. We could be twins. My 19-year marriage has been based on drinking. :upset: My husband and I had something very much in common when we got married. Drinking. After 20 years of it it has taken a toll on our relationship, on our bodies, on our kids, on everything. I am now 5 days AF (alcohol free). I have been AF before and have slipped many times. My husband still guzzles beer like, well, an alcoholic. Me, I'm a wino. Chardonnay if you please. On ice. And a lot of it. Black outs were every night. You are taking a wonderful first step by being here. You are among the most amazing friends you will ever "meet". Stay in touch here. I strongly, STRONGLY recommend downloading and reading the My Way Out book. Don't give up. :welcome:

You're here for a reason. We're here for you. :l

[southernbelle47]

Scared as hell

Trixie
He has a problem....he just does not know it yet!
:goodjob: on admitting that you need some help.
We all do.....at one time or another in our lives.
My hubby dosen't have a problem drinking everyday either and his hobby is making wine even though he knows it is a problem for me.
You have to do what you know is right for YOU.......
Tell him the truth...you want to stop for your health ....physical and mental. You need a break from being medicated and want to experience life sober and be able to feel everything that comes your way.
Be prepared to have him not to want to join you.....maybe later ....
He will be defensive and not at all comfortable with you not joining him...
It is sad and lonely sometimes but you know in your gut what you need to do.
My thoughts and prayers are with you...

:lNancy

[vera-b]

Scared as hell

Welcome Trixie,

My husband also drinks, but he's one of the lucky ones that doesn't have a problem with it - enjoy's it but can leave it, too. I'm the one who let it all get out of hand which is why I'm here. The best advice I can give is to order RJ's book and get an idea of the entire MWO program. As for explaining yourself, I tried the honest approach. I told my husband I have to get control of my drinking, and he enthusiastically agreed (sad to say - it was obvious to all I needed to control my drinking). If that's not what you feel you can do, then perhaps you can say that you have chosen to control/stop your drinking for your health which is true. Read lots of posts and stay with us - we'll all give you all the support we can. Welcome!

Vera-b

[southernbelle47]

Scared as hell

Yes...the book is great!
And the people here are wonderful!
The cd's help me alot also.
)

[Trixiebelle]

Scared as hell

Thank you so much all of you,

I have downloaded RJ's book and am reading ch 2 at the moment. So thanx for letting me know that its worth continuting. I do intend on getting the CD's once I am done reading the book. I expect to need help with the cravings, so I will have to seek out a doctor who understands, and admit to them that I have a "deep dark secret".

I know you are all right and that I hope my husband will follow me down my path. I gave up smoking on New Year's Eve 2007 and to date he is still puffing away, so I dont expect overnight miracles. He has never admitted he has a problem, but I have watched him become worse over the last couple of years - he is actually worse than me.

We are the strong one's at least we admit to ourselves that there is something not right. Unfortunately we surround ourselves with like minded people, so all of our friends are heavy drinkers too. My life could totally change, but I am ready for it.

I thank you all again, and its fantastic to know I am not alone, I have my cyberspace friends.

[kriger]

Scared as hell

Trixie,
My husband is your husband...they probably know they have a problem but would never admit it to their wives. I had my last drink on 8/5/08 and still have to stock the frig w/ beer every day. I am not pushing hubby one bit because he must make that decision himself. I was a beer drinker too but it has not been difficult for me (so far). My husb is getting skinnier and more frail looking by the day. I am hoping to have in join me but that may or may not happen. My concern right now is MY path to sobriety and I will guard that with my life. Work on yourself right now-you have made the right choice to come here. I look forward to getting to know you better and feel free to PM me any time. Best wishes on your journey. Kriger

[Trixiebelle]

Scared as hell

Hi Kriger

Thanx for that, I totally agree, its all about us getting well to start with. I guess our husbands do know deep down that they have a problem, but dont want to admit it, like we did.
Congrats on being AF since August 5th, :goodjob:did you follow RJ's program? I am reading her book at the moment, not too sure about this Topamax and the fuzzy brain, I have been on medication before for an Overactive Thyroid, which gave me the same side effect, was really awful. I felt stupid (but I was on that for a couple of years) she said her side effects passed.

Good luck with the AF, I too will be stocking the fridge with beer and watching him guzzle drink after drink. I did the same when I quit smoking, he puffed away right next to me, was really tough, but I stuck it out, and have been SF since Jan 1 08.

Thanks again for the advice, I appreciate it, keep in touch.
:h

[Going Strong]

Scared as hell

Welcome

Hi Trixiebelle and welcome from another gal from Aus. Listen to Nancy she does have wise words. I think alot of us have partners that are drinkers and it does make it hard and for a while it was something I felt was impossible for me to achieve on my own. But you can if you really want this. Many aussies have found it hard to get topa in Australia but campral and anti-abuse is available. I don't know if my hubby is a problem drinker as he seems to be able to go without at times but in my heart I know I have a problem so have just worked on me. Good luck and keep us informed on how you are going.

[Going Strong]

Scared as hell

P.S. I forgot to add that one of the reasons I found it hard to stop was that I was afraid of how the dynamics would change in my marriage once I stopped. My hubby did make it hard for me initially and he actually got worse! But then he settled down and told me he was proud of me. Once again welcome and good luck.

[Trixiebelle]

Scared as hell

Hi Shas,
I agree with the dynamics of the marriage aspect, and I guess that the main reason I have waited until now to do something. I expect my husband to react like yours, although I dont expect that he will give up any time soon, if ever. I just dont want to get angry with him because he is drinking too much and not following me - something I guess I'll have to deal with.

I would like to be a moderate drinker, I totally admire those people, time will tell to see if I can be one of them.

I have looked on the internet for the Topa and it said that it is available in Aust, I will just have to search for it I guess. That is my next hurdle, to get a doctor to prescribe it for me. I dont really want to order it over the internet, like RJ did. Thanks for the other other names, they might be more readily available. Anyway will keep in touch. Thanks for the support.:thanks:

[LVT25]

Scared as hell

Trixie--I just have to chime in here and say if you can quit smoking with your hubby still smoking around you--you can do anything!!
I quit smoking too--and realized i had to quit drinking in order to be successful at it. I still have trouble if someone I know is smoking around me.
My hubby is another one that still drinks--a lot. he goes in spurts. I get frustrated and don't like to be around him when he drinks too much, but it's slowly getting better. I think this winter he will cut back, but I'm not counting on it.
Good for you for doing this! It's really worked for me so far. I feel like a new person.
And good job on getting rid of those nasty ciggies!!
:goodjob:

[lil.michelle]

Scared as hell

Hey hun!
first of all... welcome!!! It's soo great you've decided to take hold of your life and stop drinking! I think that if you stop drinking, your husband MAY cut down. If he asks you why you're not drinking, tell him what you have told us. Don't lie and DON'T let any pressure he may put on you get to you. Hopefully it'll hit him that he too has a drinking problem.
My hubby doesn't drink ANYTHING so i'm not in the same situation BUT trust me, i know about the shame and not remembering what you've done or said and who you may have upset =(
Stay with us, take the supplements, read the book and KEEP POSTING! We're here for you!!!!!!
STAY STRONG and GOOD LUCK. All my love XX