wedding next weekend

[Rachelita]

I posted this on my last Day 4 post, but figured more people would read it if I reposted it as a new thread.

I was invited to go to a wedding next weekend by a very good friend from highschool. It's a tricky situation though becasue he's been in love with me for at least 12 years. When he was in the marines he had a girlfriend named Kim and once while they we making love he called her MY name. When he told me that I stopped talking to him for a while... I love him to pieces, but just as a friend. Anyway, he's an old drinking buddy and when he called to invite me last night I could tell he was drunk, or at least buzzed. I don't know what to do becasue he is in the wedding and I will not know a soul. Usually I have a couple of drinks when that happens so I can talk to strangers. Plus, I've got nothing to wear and whatever I get has to be long to cover up nasty bruises I have on the back of my left knee. My parents are not happy about the prospect of a wedding so soon. I'm tempted to lie and say there won't be any booze. My dad already made the comment that he's going to have to have a "talk" with my friend. My mom was like, dear, she's 28 not 18... I don't know what to do.
I don't wan to drink, but it will be very hard. I've got this voice in the back of my head saying, ok, just this once then never again. But shit, I've got two more weddings this year! Don't know what to do...

[startingover]

wedding next weekend

Hi Rach, you have been through SO much just lately. From what you are saying it sounds IMHO that you are just not ready to go to that wedding yet. It it was me, I would stay away until I felt stronger. It really is just not worth it. That is just my opinion hun.
__________________

[savon19]

wedding next weekend

Rach - it sure sounds like it's not worth it!!

And even if he's in the wedding, he's not the bride or groom, right? He can manage without you...

I relate about him being in love w/you and you "loving him to pieces". I'm in similar situation. Very unfortunately, it looks like guy can't be "just friends" with me... it always gets back to the All or Nothing thing - which really bums me out, since I want him as a friend. He has been kinder to me for a long time than anyone...

Re-read what you wrote. I think you'll see in your words that it's not a good situation for you on several levels. Why put yourself Deliberately thru it?

[AAthlete]

wedding next weekend

Yep - listen to your gut. When I ready your post it sounds like you are trying to come up with excuses on why you should go, so I think deep down you know what the answer is.

[Rachelita]

wedding next weekend

I know it's not smart to go, I know. It's just that I've been SSOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
isolated from anyone besides my parents since December, you all really have no idea. I have spent the last two and a half months in literal seclusion. I only went out to check my mail (at night) or to buy wine. I ordered in food and shut off my phone. All I had for company was the internet and cable TV.

Everyone on here has families, kids, friends, jobs, etc. I admit my envy.

I have nothing but my parents (thank GOD), my sisters who both live thousands of miles away, and MAYBE five or six friends, but only one really good one who lives by where I am right now and that's the guy who asked me to the wedding. I don't remember the last time I did something fun. I need to be around people other than my parents. I need to get out. Don't you ever just need to get out? I'm going to call my doctor today and see about getting some antabuse. If I can get that, I'm sorry guys, but I'm probably going to go. If not, well then, I wallow in self pity and lonliness. And isn't lonliness one of the biggest triggers? It is for me.

I'm sorry if I'm disappointing people, but this is how I feel right now. The wedding is a week away and alot can happen in a week. I could have a total change of heart. I'm going to an AA meeting this afternoon...

Let me say again I know it is not a smart thing to do; go to the wedding. Another idea, IF I go is to leave all money at home. My friend, btw, knows about my problem and when my parents kicked me out he refused to let me stay with him. He is a good friend.

[nancy]

wedding next weekend

So this friend wasn't there for you when you got kicked out, but now you are going to risk the one stable thing you do have (your parents) to get drunk with him?

This sounds really unwise to me. you know you talk about having fun at the wedding. Try not to delude yourself because you are not going to have fun if you get wasted. you will wind up depressed etc. your friend is not accepting your problem and might be pissed off.

You say you only have 5 or 6 friends, but that is actually a lot. you need to cultivate the ones other than this guy. there are other social situations than weddings you could go to. weddings are particularly risky because alcohol is free-flowing. if you were going to drink in a social situation, doing it at a restaurant with a meal would be safer. I don't see why you have to be stuck with just TV at your parents.

I think you should go only if you can get the antabuse, that would be safe. Another thing you can try is naltrexone. Talk to a doctor about it. It takes the high out of drinking so you have less.

[tlrgs]

wedding next weekend

i would say this is your time to take care of you and there will be more wedding to go to later on but now is your time .. so do what you feel is right for you.. take care of yourself..
stay strong and think positive ..

[difficulttimes1]

wedding next weekend

Hey Rachelita.. Im on day 6 AF, but with antabuse.. Im posting here because Im 27 years old, close to you. I live in Ny. Are you af right now or moderating ? Let me know how your doing..

[Rachelita]

wedding next weekend

Nancy,

When I said he wouldn't take me in I meant it as a GOOOD thing. It meant he wasn't going to enable me. He knew the situtation; my dad called him before hand and let him know what was up and that I would probably try to drink even if I said I wouldn't. My friend did not want to enable me like my parents had been doing. He told me as much. He and my parents wanted me to bottom out as soon as possible so I would get better asap.

I'm calling my doctor on Monday for antabuse (they are closed on the weekends). I have made a promise to myself not to go unless I get antabuse. I realize this is risky, but it is also a test. If I fail, then no more weddings until I am confident I will not drink. Until my family is confident. I have a LONG way to go to eran back everyone's trust. But like I said, no antabuse, no wedding.


On a brighter note, I have made it through detox! It took four days, but I made it. I'm not shaking anymore and I still have librium left, so I didn't even need it all! Last night was the first night I didn't wake up all sweaty and shivering. I've been able to sleep the last three nights. I DID have to take a tylenol pm each night, but hey, at least I slept. I forgot how much fun sleeping is. Not passing out, but actually sleeping.

I'm taking all my vitamins, waiting on milkthistle, L glut, and melatonin. I still need to go to a GNC to find the stuff for bruising, but I started taking vitamin C today. How many mlgs should I take? I took 1500 today, too much? I'm 5'5" and about 120lbs.

I've been going for daily walks with my mom, but I want to start doing some strenght training. I have heard light weight lifting is good for women and helps prevent osteoperosis. Since I have an eating disorder, I'm at a much higher risk for that. When I was in the er two days ago my blood work came back and I about fell over when they told me my electrolytes were normal (they're supposed to be all messed up for bulimics). I've been doing really well with bulimia as well. Not that that has anything to do with this site, but I'm proud of myself and see how intertwined my alcoholism is with my eating disorder.

Another thing is, I STILL haven't gotten the book! I ordered it September 2nd and it's the 20th! I got an email saying they were having issues with the shipping company. I'm not happy about it. I would download it, but I already paid for the book and shipping.

Ok, sorry for venting and I sincerely apologize if I'm making people mad/frustrated with me. I'm doing the best I know how right now. Baby stepping.

[gyco]

wedding next weekend

ones gonna give me poop but go to the wedding and show him what he missed out on sorry gyco

[startingover]

wedding next weekend

Rach I am so relieved to hear that you wont go to the wedding unless you have the antabuse. It will get easier love, just give yourself some time. Like you say, baby steps. You are doing well I would hate to see you blow it for the sake of alcohol.

[Rachelita]

wedding next weekend

Well, it just doesn't make any sense to go to an alcohol laced place without a defense.
Sorta like going to war without a bullet proof vest and a gun.

[vera-b]

wedding next weekend

Hi Rach,

Good plan to go with your armor on! From your beginning post it sounds like there are several layers of issues which Savon picked up on. With this particular friend, relationship tensions (he wants one thing, you want another), history issues (former drinking buddy), family concerns (will she slip? asks the parents) and so on. Go and enjoy yourself with the antabuse as your defender. Dance a lot. Engage in interesting conversation. But when you're a little further down the road to a healthier you, perhaps you can work on getting out a little more with people and activities that won't draw you back to the al and your eating disorder. You've got a great start. Take care, and let us know who caught the bouquet!

Vera-b

[magic]

wedding next weekend

Hi

It's WAY too early in your sobriety to consider going to this this wedding and spending time with your 'friend'. The best laid plans.........the beast is right around your corner.

Stay home with a movie and some chocolate. Get a good sleep.

You 'll have plenty of time for weddings, graduations and friends with complicated histories in the healthy months to come.

Congratulations on your plan and getting through detox!
But remember.......you've JUST begun.

magic xxx

[Rachelita]

wedding next weekend

I know I have just begun and I am taking everyone's advice to heart. However, it is my decision to make, I just wanted feedback and I'm getting it and I am greatful.

I am leaning towards saying thank you but I just can't. It's difficult to say no to such a good friend. I don't mean to offend anyone, but I am getting offended when people are calling him a "friend", insinuating that he is not. He supports my sobriety. He is not an alcoholic and therefore he can drink when and if he choses to do so. I

will be talking to him about his plans for the wedding as far as his drinking is concerned. That will also affect my decision.

It is unfortunate that I can not tell all of our history to you as it goes too far back and would take far too long to explain. He knows there will never be anything between us and has accepted it. We are just friends. And he is a very good friend of the family. If my parents thought anything else he wouldn't be allowed in the house. Hell, my dad and he call eachother to talk about sports even if I'm not at my parents' house! If they (along with both my sisters) had it their way, we'd be married!

And you know, sometimes as alcoholics you have to accept the fact that other people are going to drink and drink in front of you. It is up to US to abstain no matter what the temptations are. We all know alcohol is EVERYWHERE. It's even in the cinemas now!

Today I wanted lemon for my iced tea and we were out. My dad was watching his (American) football team play last year's Superbowl champs and was glued to the tv, my mom was out. I asked him if I could go get lemons and he waffled, asking me where I was going to go. I was like, well, the supermarket... ANYWHERE I could have gone to get lemons would have had alcohol for sale. He relented, I went and though I saw wine, I wasn't tempted in the least. I got lettuce, lemons, cranberry juice, herbal tea with valerian root and some candy. Went to check out and came home. Passed my first test. Alone.

Anyway, I haven't spoken to my friend to day; he, like my father is in front of the tv watching Sunday football all day long. I call the doctor tomorrow. I start my exercise plan tomorrow.

Right now, all I ask is no more digs at my friend. That's not cool.