Does a decision have to be made

[Helpwanted08]

I am on day 22AF and I never decided when I got to day 30 if I would try to mod or keep going AF. I thought this morning perhaps until the holidays or maybe the end of the year. I don't really want to say forever yet that sounds kind of scary, I am kind of afraid to set a time when I might try a glass of wine. I would love to know what some of you have done.

[LVT25]

Does a decision have to be made

Hi Help--
I remember feeling the same way.. When I reached 30 days, I just kept on going! At 69 days we were on a little vacation for a wedding, and I had a little champagne to toast and 1 beer. Now, I only drink on rare occasions if I feel it is worth it. I cannot believe what a difference making the commitment to go af for 30 days made in my life!! Good job!

[startingover]

Does a decision have to be made

I have gone down that route too Help. Trying to decide when etc. I always ended up in a worse state than before. For me it is best if I never drink. But I dont think like that, what I am thinking is what I want from my life not what I cant have, but what I can. This way of thinking has only recently started for me (i am nearly 3 mnths af). I have started thinking less of alcohol now

[SAUSAGE]

Does a decision have to be made

Earlier in the year after about 2 years of daily drinking (about 40-50 units a week) I decided to try to do 90 days AF. I realised I was drinking at very unhealthy levels and so wanted to "break the habit" do 90 days and then - if I achieved it - reassess the situation as to whether I should abstain for ever or try and mod.
Managed to get to day 90 - an amazing achievement as I didn't think I could - but still wasn't sure what to do so decided to keep going AF until I had decided in my own mind one way or the other.
Got to day 100 still not sure so kept going AF
On day 109 I made up my mind i'd like to have the odd glass of wine now and again - just on special occasions and I would mod - after all if I could do 108 days AF I must be strong enough to do this - I can't be addicted can I ?!?!?!?
Day 109 1 glass of wine
Day 110 2 glasses of wine
Day 111 3 glasses of wine
Day 112 most of a bottle
Day 113 might as well finish the bottle
- I expect you get the picture
Back to daily drinking - at almost higher levels than before.
Was so dissappointed.
3 months later - 3 months of daily drinking later I decided to quit again - i've learned I can't mod and I started again on Sept 1st. i'm now on day 27 AF

In summary I would say - if you're not sure - keep going AF - do you think 1 drink would lead to daily drinking again - this I learned from another thread is something called the Abstinence Violation Effect - ie in my case I keep going because I don't want to spoil my run of days

Only you know your reasons for drinking before and how you may go when you try to drink and many people have to try to attempt to mod before they accept they can't do it. Personally I feel moderation takes a hell of a lot more willpower than just going AF - but thats another story something i've touched on Akgirl's thread - why some success and failure

I hope be 6 months AF I will think of Alcohol a lot less - it is definitely easier now than it was in first couple of weeks.

Good luck on your journey to a happier healthier life, whatever you do

[tlrgs]

Does a decision have to be made

for me its all or nothing ..i have to be af for me .. but it you are worried start from where you begin and look deep within yourself for that answer.. stay strong and think positive

[Sunbeam]

Does a decision have to be made

Hello HelpWanted,
It is amazing how different our stories all are. More than 30 days AF is definitely better. I think the alcohol could be pretty much out of your system after a week, but it takes a long time (months/years/a lifetime?) to learn new habits and how to deal with all the emotions associated with drinking. I went AF for 2.5 months beginning in January. I am currently drinking moderately one evening per week. I tried some drinks more often than that, but I found myself increasing after two months. What changed was that I only work part time over the summer, and that left too much time for drinking. So my story is nothing like Sausage. I think a lot depends on how much you were originally drinking. I currently record all my drinks honestly on DrinkTracker - 1 glass of wine = 5 oz, 1 bottle = 5 glasses. I wish I had started using Drink Tracker when I first started to moderate. One really does need to learn to moderate, change a lot of behavior patterns established during excessive drinking. I believe some can do this, and some cannot. Some continue AF just to be safe - is drinkng really all that great? I did not want to be afraid to drink. Moderating is harder than quitting, for me. I haven't decided if it is worth it. I would like to be able to enjoy a bottle of wine with my husband on a Saturday night at home. My husband has always been a moderate drinker. I think I am slowly getting there.

[Croft]

Does a decision have to be made

I am answering this without reading anyone else's posts. I really don't think you need to fret over making any decisions. If I were you I would join in the ODAT (One day at a time) post and just keep on living and keep on fighting the AL demon. If you need a goal then set a new one. If you don't then don't. But do what will work best for you.

[Accountable for Me]

Does a decision have to be made

For me, once I stopped fighting the mind battle of 'should I or shouldn't I?', not drinking became so much easier. I keep telling myself that I can have one if I want to; but do I really want to? The answer is 99% no and it doesn't bother me. There is that 1% where I really have to have a talking to myself - but it is only 1% of the time.

I find if you tell yourself 'never, or you have to quit forever' it places way too much pressure on yourself and you start to panic and then obsess for the drink. Then you end up all wound up and end up drinking because you are feeling like you are missing out on something. You have to admit most of us here don't like the word 'no' or 'never'. It makes us become a bit defiant maybe?

I know I can have one anytime I feel like it. That is my choice. I just love the feeling and freedom sobriety brings a lot more than a couple of hours of buzzing with a night of black outs, a lot more. A couple of hours of enjoyment is not worth it to me anymore because I never stop there - I keep on going until I don't even remember what I did the night before.

[Starlight Impress Forever]

Does a decision have to be made

Hi Help,
Well done for getting this far with AF.

This is my opinion from personal experience. I am not meaning to be in the least blase, but 30 days is so very easily undone. I slipped after 5 mnths. and found that I drank as wrecklessly the night I drank as I did before I ever quit.

I seriously think a longer AF period is necessary before attempting mods. My plan now is AF for life........is the only way for some of us and it no longer causes me any great distress to finally be a non-drinker.

Darling x

[vera-b]

Does a decision have to be made

Hi Help,

I don't honestly think there's any more an easy pass to moderation than there is to getting drinking off the excessive table. It's a very individual issue reflecting the no. of years you've been drinking, the quantity, other motivational sources and the support system there for you.

So, like the rest of the MWO program, it's best to take each day as it comes. Then you can exchange questions without having to confront someone. Will keep plugging for you!!


Vera-b

[Boss.man]

Does a decision have to be made

IMO Croft said it well. Every person is going to have a different solution. You know the dangers. One day at a time.

[A Work in Progress]

Does a decision have to be made

Boss.man;424970 wrote: IMO Croft said it well. Every person is going to have a different solution. You know the dangers. One day at a time.

Well, actually, I'm not so sure about "knowing the dangers." When I left AA after 3 years of sobriety, I told myself that I knew how to NOT drink, and that I could always go back. Those things were true, and it was also true that I knew about how bad my drinking had been before (and that was part of the danger I was risking).

But the danger I did not really "know" was how incredibly long it would take me (years), and how much pain it would cost me (and those who love me), to re-convince myself, and re-motivate myself, about the depth to which I had again become mired. One of the dangers that most of us fail to fully appreciate is that (and I base this on what I have seen of my own drinking pattern, and of what I have heard from people here) the decision to attempt moderate consumption often starts out with apparent success, followed often by an insidiously slow return to previously outrageous levels of consumption. And, even worse, it can be accompanied by an even stronger reluctance or apparent inability to stop, than had been the case in an earlier stint of giving up the alcohol.

So I can understand the anxiety that might, and probably should, accompany any decision to set up a plan for moderate consumption. It's a fair question and one that should be examined very carefully!

wip

[nancy]

Does a decision have to be made

Hi there.

This really is an indvidual decision you should make for yourself. Do you still think about alcohol a lot? Fantasize about getting that first drink? If so you might go on a binge once you get access.

How bad was your drinking problem before? Did you sustain a lot of damage, like DUIs, crashes, lost relationships? Were you drinking in the morning and did you suffer withdrawals? I think you should factor in the severity of your problem before deciding, and weigh the risks.

One thing for sure, to moderate you would need to have developed other coping mechanisms for problems if you used AL for problems and in my opinion, you would have learned to socialize without it. Some people sequester themselves and don't go out during their 30 day period. What have you done? Have you learned to enjoy yourself in social situations without it?

Another question to ask yourself.... Why do you want to start again? Do you feel really feel vehemently that you want to be able to moderate or are you doing ok? If you are managing ok without it, maybe you should continue for a while, don't say forever, just see how much better you can feel by going longer.

Nancy

[lil.michelle]

Does a decision have to be made

Hey. Well, for me, it had to be all or nothing too. I think it jut depends on the person and i don't think you'll know if you can mod until you try it. Just be aware before you try that it can all go to pot and you MAY have to start back at day 1 AF. I think we all think and say... yes, i can mod and most of us abuse the drink again.
Whatever you decide, good luck!!! Do what you think is right. You can never make any decision for life so don't try.

[Helpwanted08]

Does a decision have to be made

Thank you all for the input, I really don't think much about it and have gone to one social event and was fine with out it. I was drinking 5 nights a week 2 glasses up to a bottle of white wine just depending on the evening but it was becoming a habit. I was getting nervous about it and a bottle was making me black out which I did not like. I think I will just keep going until or if that day comes where I feel like I really want one. THanks again,
Help