It's Time, I'm Ready and I'm Broken

[struggles]

Hi everyone.

My experience is not unlike anyone else's. I didn't ask for this, I never thought it would happen to me, I denied it, I welcomed it, I hate it, and finally I want out of it.

I have been drinking for 12 years, about 12 to 20 beers daily. I have two young children who I try to take care of and an abusive husband...mentally, not physically.

I'm pretty insecure about myself, although am pretty and outgoing so nonone would ever guess the horrible feelings I have towards "me". I give to everyone and truly enjoy it. I have, however, a problem with giving to myself and taking care of me.

Anyways, I have filed for divorce from my husband, who knows of this problem and is totally unsupportive....his answer is just put it down or down open it. Ha!

He has been seeing someone else and after 12 years of marriage and my drinking, I have come to realize that our relationship could be a factor in this...he is very controlling and so I did I filed.

I have cut down a lot, having between 3 and 8 beers daily, but want to really take care of this. I am on celexa and high blood pressure meds and would like to ask if anyone out there has taken to topamax on such meds and what are the side effects?

I know my dr. will not prescribe to topamax for alcohol, but since it is prescribed for migraines, and let me tell you how many I get since this divorce thing, I think I can get a prescription.

My fears are, will I lose my mind or my memory or not be able to hold conversations? How long does it take before you actually stop the drink?

Any advice will help me. I'm stressed, I'm a drunk, I'm a good mom, a horrible wife and I want ME back....healthy and in control.

Thanks for listening,

Struggles

[Waiting for his way out]

It's Time, I'm Ready and I'm Broken

My husband has been drinking for over 12 years. A couple of months ago he started on Topamax. He has been able to get through AF for several days, has had some minor relapses, but the progress is real. I am sure everyone reacts differently to the Topa, but I can tell you he has some minor short term memory problems. Nothing that is impairing and probably only noticeable to me who knows him so well.
You are removing yourself for what you consider a potential driver to AL, your husband, so it sounds like a good first step for your own recovery. There are so many people here who can help you and support you. Take care of yourself and everything else will follow. Good luck and stay in touch.

[Waiting for his way out]

It's Time, I'm Ready and I'm Broken

sorry to hear that. I know all about divorce, went through it many years ago with my first husband (nothing to do with AL) It is amazing though.. when you will look back it will not be such a big deal after all. Time is the best healer.

[Helpwanted08]

It's Time, I'm Ready and I'm Broken

Hi struggles and Welcome,
Good for you for taking the first step to help yourself. The Topa is different for everyone. I noticed it the first day I took it, I poured a glass of wine and never finished it. Over the course of a month I increased it to 75mg and now I am back down to 50. I had some minor short term memory issues but nothing too bad and if you read the MWO book she talks about an herb you can take that will help with your memory so don't let that stop you from taking it, I am sure you forgot alot of things after 10-20 beers. Good luck on your new journey and let us know how we can help.
HW
28 days AF

[gabby]

It's Time, I'm Ready and I'm Broken

the topamax will help you a lot. especially since you drink beer. it makes it taste funny.

good for u on filing. get out of that relationship and your life will get better.

[startingover]

It's Time, I'm Ready and I'm Broken

Welcome Struggles. You have come to the right place for support, everyone here is amazing! I am so sorry to hear about the pain you are going through. It must be horrendous, but the fact that you have already managed to cut down despite what else is happening shows what a strong person you are.

I dont have any advice about topa, but I do take supplements and anti depressants too. These things have really helped me.

Good luck and keep posting

[Evie.Lou]

It's Time, I'm Ready and I'm Broken

Welcome struggles,I feel deep compassion for you.Divorce is Difficult and an even bigger challenge is to recover from Alcohol.I can give you encouraging news....you have taken a very big step by coming to this site...The time to start feeling better is different for everyone.One thing for sure, the sooner you start the sooner you will feel better...Dive deep into the MWO program and then design a plan for your new SOBER life...You can do this...I know you can..

[vertigo]

It's Time, I'm Ready and I'm Broken

Struggles,

I am so sorry about your relationship situation, but it seems you've taken a very postitive step in helping yourself, by removing a big negative in your life. I would think that any abuse, mental or physical, would lead to lack of self-confidence, lack of control, and certainly provide a reason for drinking - if for no other reason, as a way of not having to deal with the abuse. However, focus on the good - as you said you're a good mom, it's not that you're a bad wife - it's that you don't have a supporting husband, and most importantly you WANT to change the negative in your life, so you have the desire, and here, you should find lots of support.
Try Kudzu - it really helps with diminishing the desire and number of drinks.
My best wishes and luck to you!

[tlrgs]

It's Time, I'm Ready and I'm Broken

:hello2::colorwelcome::wave::groupluv: do your best and keep coming back