Coping with this shit

[cke123]

Hi there!

I am back again. Not sure what kept me away for so long, but it's really bad now and I feel so alone, trashy, unloved, unhealthy, bad, paranoid, and obviously, hungover. I have been blowing it out of the water lately. Binge drinking. Waking up hungover and having the panic attacks from hell.
Happened this morning...and although everyone I was with (work people...ugh) is totally fine, and no ones mad, and I didn't make a fool out of myself, I still feel like the bottom is about to drop out, and I can't take it anymore. I can't take the paranoia and the anxiety. What can i do? I can't look further than right now, right now. It's hopeless....am I going to lose everything? My job? My relationships?

I don't know how to cope. I forget what it is like to feel happy and not have panic. What is wrong with me?

[paisley]

Coping with this shit

cke123;428620 wrote: Hi there!

I am back again. Not sure what kept me away for so long, but it's really bad now and I feel so alone, trashy, unloved, unhealthy, bad, paranoid, and obviously, hungover. I have been blowing it out of the water lately. Binge drinking. Waking up hungover and having the panic attacks from hell.
Happened this morning...and although everyone I was with (work people...ugh) is totally fine, and no ones mad, and I didn't make a fool out of myself, I still feel like the bottom is about to drop out, and I can't take it anymore. I can't take the paranoia and the anxiety. What can i do? I can't look further than right now, right now. It's hopeless....am I going to lose everything? My job? My relationships?

I don't know how to cope. I forget what it is like to feel happy and not have panic. What is wrong with me?

you are in a place where you have to make a decision. or try to change a little bit at a time this demon that we all face. it takes on a life of its own. you are a strong, significant person in life and just take control and be in the drivers seat. why dont you try the 7 day jump start plan and we can be there for each other. i did not thnk i could make it one day with that sob vodka tonic that lead to many and here i am at day 10 and though the temptation is there (esspecially after work) i have decided to look at the bigger picture.

you can do it. you may need a little/lot of help but you can do it. i am here for you

[Cinders]

Coping with this shit

CKE,

The more sober time I have under my belt, the fewer panic/anxiety attacks I have. My daughter says the same thing.

We both still get them, albeit mild ones, but we both agree our drinking made them much, much worse rather than better.

The first 10 days are rough but well worth the ride.

Plan for it. Like Chief has told many a newbie, "Pretend you have the flu."

After 10 days, it is the mental battle only and you can learn to deal with that.

I am so glad I toughed it out and am down the road sober today.

I have had some other issues that I know if I had been drinking, I would be much worse off than I am today.

Love,
Cindi

[cke123]

Coping with this shit

Thanks Cindi and Paisley,

I really think my anxiety is due to alcohol abuse. But right now, I just want to know that I am going to be ok. My sick brain tells me "you better worry so you can prepare yourself for the bad things that are coming" It's CRAZY. My boss told me he had a great time, and so did everyone that I was with! What do I f-ing think I did? It's terrible. Does anyone else have this problem?

I know its all cause of drinking, I just want to feel better, and know that I am not the only one.

Today is my day one, but I can't think about the real choices, my head it too clouded. I am not sure if that makes sense...I just want it to go away.

[cke123]

Coping with this shit

It's almost like I feel that it's too late, the damage has been done or something. Everyone already hates me...or something like that...I dont know...I don't even make sense.

[Sunbeam]

Coping with this shit

Sounds like THE BEAST talking to me. He will tell you all kinds of lies to get you to keep drinking, or start again once you have stopped. He is only a figment of your imagination. You need to believe YOU CAN BEAT HIM UP!

[Cinders]

Coping with this shit

CKE,

I do know what you mean. It is a very self-fulfilling prophecy, too. That I can assure you.

Do not start out with the "I am going to change my entire life and get all better by quitting the drink forever."

At least for me, that didn't work. I tried that many times and just became overwhelmed. Forever is a long darn time, and darn it, even without drinking bad crap happens to me.

At first, look at the one thing you can do right now. That is stop for today. No drink today.

It sounds trite but there is a reason AA uses it, MWO has several threads that use it, etc. Our alcoholic brains can deal with one day at a time, forever is just too much.

Mags has told me that some days early in her sobriety it was simply putting one foot in front of the other. Somedays for me have been like that.

However, as time goes by, those days are farther and fewer between, the urges are milder and the self-loathing and lack of self-respect start to evaporate. You find yourself enjoying the things in life you never could have because you were drinking so much.

Consider your options, CKE, you can go on as you are and stay in this place, or make small steps every day to find a better path.

Oh, and you have us here to help you when you stumble, get scared, or falter. Lots of hands here to guide you.

Love,
Cindi

[cke123]

Coping with this shit

I will not drink today. Mostly because I think I would throw up. I wish I could fast forward about 10 days or so to make sure I will be ok. I love talking to you guys, I don't know why I stay away. It's important for me to feel accepted.

[Chief]

Coping with this shit

CKE.....first of all, I'm glad you're here....

You said, " I can't look further than right now, right now..."

That's exactly what you have to do right now......you are sick of being sick. The pain of drinking is worse than the pain of quitting.

It's time to take the bull by the horns and stop this insanity.......and it's not too late.

Make a vow to not drink tomorrow....no matter what. It's just one freakin' day! Get up and make it your mission for the day....for the right now. Get on here and stay on here if you have to.....we will help you.

It's time to stop the battle. It's time to step out of the ring. The only way you will ever beat The Beast is to never step into the ring with him......

Took me 30 years to figure that out....

You can do it....you can...

Don

[tlrgs]

Coping with this shit

all you can do is your best .. it is not hopless dont give up ..you can and will be able to do this ..stay strong and think positive .. just for today one day at a time ..

[Boss.man]

Coping with this shit

Welcome!

One of they symptoms I found from daily drinking is that it makes me both paranoid and angry. I'm not generally an angry person. But when I find myself snapping back at a coworker, for no reason, and then mouthing off, I know that's wrong. And my only problem was being hung over. My real issue is the daily withdrawal process, and that is my problem not their problem.

It's my goal to end the daily bummer hours, by stopping the chemical intake. Day 2 now and not happy about the world. I'm confident it will get better, and this is the correct solution to the problem.

[Pyes]

Coping with this shit

I'm kinda of where you are now so I have no words of wisdom for you except that I'm here you're and we can do this :l.

[cke123]

Coping with this shit

Thanks bossman and pyes.

I would love to not feel angry and paranoid,,what would that be like!!!

[Pyes]

Coping with this shit

It would feel like being a kid again I reckon.

[planetjanet]

Coping with this shit

CKE & Pyes,

Hang in there and I agree with what everyone has advised, it's all in your head right now and once you have had even a few days, you will notice a difference. The panic attacks will subside and just TRY (I know it's hard) not to beat yourself up. The fact that you posted your story, is prove in the puddin that you want to work on this problem. That's what's going on with me right now, I had binge drinking with my boyfriend and we both decided that we needed to stop for now(again not making promises for the future). Today is AF Day 2 and since I have been through this process over and over of having weeks of being AF and then the old mind starts playing "drinks" me.....ha ha that's a funny way of putting but it's TRUE! I refuse to give up and will be able to beat this beast and so will you. Just 2 days ago, I was having the same panic attacks that you speak of and the only thing that helped me was to just get some rest, watch tv, read MWO posts, eat well and best of all what I love is running but for you it's could be different.

I have to say that the panic attacks have subsided and now it's alot easier to see a light at the end of tunnel. Be strong and keep us posted of your progress and please know you are not alone. Best of luck.....

Big hugs,
Janet