Yabasta is my sister

[Rachelita]

Yabasta is my sister

AA,
thanks for sharing all that. I know you are right.

Everyone else, please keep telling me your thoughts on what my sister posted.

[GoodAsGold]

Yabasta is my sister

Hi Rachelita
Just reading up on your situation. Sounds as if you have a lot to handle right now.
Easy to say but - you can only do your best.

Where are you right now with things? What is your first priority?
(One thing at a time!)
And when's the wedding, I don't know if you've said

LUV
GG

[Accountable for Me]

Yabasta is my sister

I am just a little p'd that your sister went off on you like that knowing you inhabit this site.

Your sister wants a dry wedding; well my sister uninvited me to hers. I went anyway - and do you know what? I was babysitting all of the heavy drinkers! How is that for being nice and staying sober?

The difference between your sister and I is that my sister is an alcoholic and it has escalated to where she is drinking daily now. I have nothing but compassion; but she tries to keep it under wraps because she has the nicest husband that picks up her slack.

Anyway, you concentrate on yourself. Maybe see a doctor to get some help with your depression/therapy even.

Someone who isn't an alcoholic will NEVER understand; but if they are close to you they do wear a lot of pain because they don't understand.

This can be done! No one is perfect and this is hard work, but I believe each and every one of us can really get this monster under control.

All the best to you, hon. Keep your chin up and keep on walking that path to get a grip on this.

[Rachelita]

Yabasta is my sister

GoodAsGold;430764 wrote: Hi Rachelita
Just reading up on your situation. Sounds as if you have a lot to handle right now.
Easy to say but - you can only do your best.

Where are you right now with things? What is your first priority?
(One thing at a time!)
And when's the wedding, I don't know if you've said

LUV
GG

I'm two days AF. First priority is getting into either inpatient or out patient help.

Wedding is in June of 09.

[Chyrsa]

Yabasta is my sister

I read the Yabasta post. She is obviously very sane. This thread however had nothing in it but enabling, enabling, enabling. Rachelita.. you should watch 28 days with Sandra Bullock. It is about a sister like you who runied her sister's wedding and went to rehab. It is actually funny in a very sad sort of way.

[Accountable for Me]

Yabasta is my sister

and I had a lot of run on sentences in my last post. It winded me reading it!

Your sister means well, and until she can really understand to some degree on how alcohol takes your life away she will remain hurt and angry. This wasn't something we had planned for. It happened and we have to try our hardest; explore every avenue, to get out of it.

I would rather give birth every day for a year than put that energy into convincing myself that alcohol should not be a part of my life.

Anyway, sorry for the ramble. :l

[Rachelita]

Yabasta is my sister

Chyrsa;430775 wrote: I read the Yabasta post. She is obviously very sane. This thread however had nothing in it but enabling, enabling, enabling. Rachelita.. you should watch 28 days with Sandra Bullock. It is about a sister like you who runied her sister's wedding and went to rehab. It is actually funny in a very sad sort of way.

Chyrsa,

I've seen the movie on more than one occassion.
Unlike Sandra Bullock's character, I don't make scenes like that or make an ass out of myself in public (not since college anyway). Although I began as a social drinker and escalated to binge drinking in groups in college, my drinking in the past 4 years or so has been largely at home where I live alone. Things changed when I lost an overseas teaching job and had to return to live with my parents until I could get back on my feet. It was then that the extent of my drinking became apparent. I have not gone out drunk in public and made a fool of myself embarassing family.
They just don't want me to drink because of my health and safety. And for the safety of others if I were to drive under the influence.

Who here is enabling me, btw? I haven't interpreted any of what has been posted as enabling. Examples?

Just curious.

[GoodAsGold]

Yabasta is my sister

Hi again Rachelita
So, what help do you feel you need, either in or out-patient?
What's your next best move?

??? If you're getting into other people's heads & thoughts,
is that going to progress you - right now?

I'm sure there's a time for reflecting on that but,
stepping stones.
What do YOU need right NOW
(the others can follow I'm sure, in their own sweet way : ))

LUV always - best foot forward : )
And. . . what's you're outcome for the wedding day, what would be best 4 YOU???
Let's make it happen (or at least get close. Give you something 2 aim for!)

GG xxx

[vera-b]

Yabasta is my sister

Hi Rachel,

I'm sorry I've lost track of you. I usually have a short time each evening to read and post, and miss a few days here and there. Sounds like a lot of drama here. I'm not convinced it's worth all the effort to "unpack" everything that's been said and try to justify a certain position, reaction or emotion. Aathlete had some solid things to say; but his closing remark to use this as a springboard to action makes an incredible amount of sense to me. You know what you need. And it sure seems like your head is in the right place to roll up the shirtsleeves and move forward.

I hope rehab works for you if that is where you think you need to be. I stand ready to be supportive as are the other members here. The best gift you can give your sister for her wedding is to love yourself so much that you get well, whole and healthy. Blessings to you.

Vera-b

[bloggy]

Yabasta is my sister

Hi Rachelita

I did read your sister's post, without knowing who her sister was, and while it is obvious she cares for her family and her sister (You) very very much, I do not know if coming to a forum, where you have come looking for help (and are an active member) and posting such an open letter was the right way to go.

I understand she is hurt and angry and wants us to see the other side of the coin- but many of us alcoholics DO understand the other side of the coin- I myself lived for 6 years with an alcoholic before my own problem developed. Many others here are doing their utmost to quit while still live with drinking alcoholics.

You asked for our opinions of her coming here and posting, and my opinion is I would not be very happy if my sister had done it, but I do wish her and you all the best in beating the beast Al.

I hope the fact that your family are probably reading your posts won't effect you coming here and posting.

[lil.michelle]

Yabasta is my sister

Hi. First of all here's a big :l

Now, someone said they thought it was either yours or my sister.... I'm in a very simlar situation. I live in my own house tho but work along side my parents and unfortunatily my husband has used the fact that we're close to get me in more trouble when i drink.

I read your sisters letter after you posted this post. It really hit me hard. I hope it did the same to you. Her post seemed to be something she has bottled up for a while and as much as it hurts, she's very right.

Unless someone is addicated to drink, they'll never know what it's like but we we'll never know the pain we cause to the people watching.

That message should be a message that you print out and keep with you. That letter should be enough to pull you up and start a sober life, get your life back on track, prove to them you CAN do this. Get a job! If not, you'll lose your sister and then your mum and dad.

Please don't let that happen. Drink is evil and destroys everything that has meaningto us! You can do this!

[Rachelita]

Yabasta is my sister

Thank you for all for responding and letting me know your opinions.

As I mentioned earlier, I am not going to say anything to my sister at this juncture. The sting is still a little too fresh and I don't want to argue. I'd rather just have a calm conversation about it at a later date. Hopefully before she leaves, but who knows?

I know that I need to get better. At this point, I don't really have much say in the matter. If I want to keep my family, I have to do what will make my parents happy and benefit me the most. As much as I would like to say I can do it alone, go to out patient, etc. I know deep down, I cannot. I will need some inpatient time. So that is something I will be exploring today.

Yesterday was a fairly good day. My sister, my mom and I went for a walk in a nearby park. Then my sister and I took my laptop into the shop to find out somehow liquid got spashed on it and fried my battery. So I need a new laptop that I cannot afford:upset:

To cheer me up, my sister took me to lunch at the Cheesecake Factory. I ordered a lunch portion salad and it was HUGE! We had to double check with our server to make sure she hadn't accidentally brought me the dinner portion-nope! Only in America, good lord...
We got a piece of cheesecake to bring home to mom (she loves her sweets).

That night we rented a movie, made some pizza and salads and vegged as a family.

So, it was a pretty good day.

Tomorrow I go to Kentucky to visit my grandparents and my aunt. My aunt may come stay with me for a while, until I can get into inpatient somewhere. There's always a waiting list...

I still haven't heard from a certain someone why this thread is enabling...

BTW, I can get a job, although I'm not sure I can do anything fulltime at the moment. I have a very bad back (1 herniated disc, 2 buldging discs, and arthritis) and being on my feet more than 3 hours is not possible. I had to have cortizone epidurals two years ago because the herniated disc was pinching a nerve sending pain down my left leg. I opted not to have surgery since there is no guarantee it will work. IB profen does nothing for me. A desk job would be just as bad, as I cannot sit for very long either. I need to be able to move around. So, finding something like that is going to be tricky.

Ok, that's all for now.

[bloggy]

Yabasta is my sister

Thanks for the update, Rachelita.

So happy you had a good day with your family. You just hang on in there girl, hopefully an inpatient place will be available for you soon, if that is the route you want to take.

[rubywillow]

Yabasta is my sister

Hi, Rach. When I was in rehab, the families came in one day and told their side of the stories. I sat with people who had become my friends, while husbands, wives, significant others told how their lives had been affected. It was harrowing, but not vicious. Look after yourself. You're your own responsibility now. Wishing you well.

[bloggy]

Yabasta is my sister

I know we are all different, but I would find this very very unhelpful.

I mean if my boyfriend sticks with me, he must have reasons to. It is because the good is better than the bad. it could become the other way, that the bad outwieghs the good, then I guess he would leave.

I know kids cannot leave, and that is sad, but others do have a choice too.

I do not mean that we do not hurt them in many ways, but I think calling them all in like a bunch of wounded warriors would be unhelpful. (At least to me, anyway- maybe they would think differently)