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    #1

    Yabasta is my sister

    So, if you don't speak Spanish, ya basta means enough already.
    I read her post last night and realized about half way through it was her. She also speaks Spanish and everything she wrote pertains to me.

    (She posted in family member's forum)

    It made me cry, I was very hurt and felt like I was being kicked while down. I haven't spoken to her about it. She did see me cry, although I am not sure she knows why or suspects why... She did not ask me why I was crying.

    Her post did make me just want to drink to drown it out and if I had had access to my car keys I probably would have.

    I know she is angry, but feel that in my vunerable state of depression and addiction it was too harsh (for me). I understand she needed to vent, but wow...

    I had the chance to drink this afternoon but did not do it.

    Still taking my vitamins and trying to eat healthy and do some exercising. But that little voice is always in the back, whispering in my ear.

    Anyway, thanks for those of you who told her I may not be ready to handle what she had to say and for pointing out to her the conflicting things she posted. I need cheerleaders, not haters.

    If you thought she was validated in her post, please let me know why. Maybe that insight will help me...

    Thanks
    It is easier to ask for forgiveness than it is to get permission.
    Tags: None
    #2
    Yabasta is my sister

    I had a feeling she was your sister. Either you or lil michelle was my guess!
    I don't know why family members think that saying hateful things will get someone to stop drinking, I think it's there way of trying to get control over an uncontrollable situation.

    You need to consider your family members in this of course but there must be a better way to let you know that you should be working and considering your parents.

    I hope she just gets on with her life and stays out of it.

    Comment

      #3
      Yabasta is my sister

      I don't think it is about validation and I believe a lot of things were written out of anger not from the heart. we all says lots of things under stress and frustration we later regret. I have told my husband many things I should not have when he pushed me to the edge with his AL addiction. Some days he still does.
      Take the message as a message of love and a call for action. You have already taken the steps, let your family know you have and keep doing it.

      Comment

        #4
        Yabasta is my sister

        Nancy, it is all very confusing for all of us. The person who drinks pushes and pushes, the non-drinkers take it and take it. sometimes both side errupt, not necessarily at the same time and it gets ugly. no single person is to blame, in the end we are all victims of the AL who controls us one way or the other.
        But, with help and determination we can win the battles and succeed for our sakes.

        Comment

          #5
          Yabasta is my sister

          She pretty much does stay out of it. It is easy for her to do since she's located way out west and we're in ohio. She posted the day before coming for a visit. Her wedding will be taking place here in Ohio so she came for a week or so to take care of things like catering, flowers, etc. She knew I would still be here, so I guess that's why suddenly she decided to post (she's known about the site for a while).
          Like I said, we haven't talked about it. I'm going to ignore it for now-there's no need for any drama at this juncture. Plus, I haven't seen her since last Christmas, so I don't want to fight.

          As of now, the plan is to return to my apartment on Monday after visiting my grandparents on sunday. My aunt might come and stay with me for a while. If not, my parents want me to go to rehab.
          So, we'll see.

          Thanks for sticking up for me Nancy.

          To everyone else, please give me your insight!
          It is easier to ask for forgiveness than it is to get permission.

          Comment

            #6
            Yabasta is my sister

            I think now I understand.. she was probably scared something would happen at her wedding. she was angry and afraid.
            It may not be what you want to hear, but it is the other side of the coin. It sounds like you are on your way to better things.. I wish you the best of luck. if only my husband would agree to go to rehab, sigh!

            Comment

              #7
              Yabasta is my sister

              Waiting for his way out;430600 wrote: I don't think it is about validation and I believe a lot of things were written out of anger not from the heart. we all says lots of things under stress and frustration we later regret. I have told my husband many things I should not have when he pushed me to the edge with his AL addiction. Some days he still does.
              Take the message as a message of love and a call for action. You have already taken the steps, let your family know you have and keep doing it.
              I know how hard it is because I (ironically) went through the exact same thing with my now deceased best friend. He suffered from bi-polar disorder and self medicated with all kinds of drugs (in the end it was mainly meth) and alcohol. He came to live with me to escape his drug addiction, but he continued to drink heavily and couldn't hold down a job. I was supporting him and all he could do was drown his pain in a bottle. I eventually kicked him out after he got a DUI in my car, which was impounded. He went to stay with his grandfather and aunt and they sent him back to where he was using meth... He shot himself in the head less than a month later.

              And now here I am doing to the ones I love most exactly what my very best friend did to me. That makes it hurt even more. Like, what the hell Rachael?? I often feel like I am outside of myself watching myself destroy everything and I can't do a damn thing about it and the madder people get, the worse I feel. It's just a vicious cycle.
              It is easier to ask for forgiveness than it is to get permission.

              Comment

                #8
                Yabasta is my sister

                Gia;430601 wrote: Rachelita,

                I read the post, and she is very very angry; if I was in your position I would have been devestated as well. I've been following your progress as much as I can, and I really feel you are improving. Now that you are both going to be in the open maybe a good vent to get everything in the open will be good for you both, no more hiding or miscommunication. I wish you the best, and chin up girl, you have my support.
                Thanks Gia. I really appreciate it.
                It is easier to ask for forgiveness than it is to get permission.

                Comment

                  #9
                  Yabasta is my sister

                  You are doing something about it.. you are seeking help and you have found it here amongst wonderful people who help each other everyday (they even help me If rehab is an option for you it could be just what you need.

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Yabasta is my sister

                    Waiting for his way out;430611 wrote: I think now I understand.. she was probably scared something would happen at her wedding. she was angry and afraid.
                    It may not be what you want to hear, but it is the other side of the coin. It sounds like you are on your way to better things.. I wish you the best of luck. if only my husband would agree to go to rehab, sigh!
                    Her wedding isn't until June, but I know that she has tried talking her fiance into doing a dry wedding. My mom's sidee of the family is Irish catholic and his side are vodka swilling Russians, so I don't know how well that would work. On the other hand, if I am sober from now until then, that's 9 months AF, maybe a dry weddnig would be a moot point by then.

                    I don't know, I just want things to get better for everyone.
                    It is easier to ask for forgiveness than it is to get permission.

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Yabasta is my sister

                      sorry misunderstood about the wedding. I saw on this website an interesting blog about holidays and drinking..I think it was in RJ? maybe that would also apply to weddings. whatever happens an Irish/Russian wedding surely will be a lot of fun and something for you both to look forward to.

                      Comment

                        #12
                        Yabasta is my sister

                        I'm sure the wedding will be loads of fun. I am co-maid of honor so I'll be up front. Eyes will be on me anyway I'm sure, but being at the wedding table will make me extra visable. Ill try to llok up the drinking and holidays post.
                        It is easier to ask for forgiveness than it is to get permission.

                        Comment

                          #13
                          Yabasta is my sister

                          Rachelita, it sounds like your sister is extremely upset about the whole situation and needed to express the pain that she was feeling. I'll share what I was like when I was drinking that caused my family to react very much the same way. They may or may not pertain to you - so you be the judge.

                          1). I was in denial about the extent of my problem. I would absolutely not own up to myself or anyone else that I could not control my drinking. I could quit if I wanted to, but I didn't want to. I don't need AA or rehab, you're crazy if you think my drinking is that bad...

                          2). I was selfish and self-centered about everything but couldn't see it. All I thought about was myself and my needs. I would leave my son at home while I drove to the liquor store (already drunk) to buy more booze. How it that anything but thinking only about me?

                          3). I stopped talking to people about my feelings. Sure I would talk to them, but not about what was going on inside my head. I shut down emotionally and would let no one in, and then would be so full of self-pity that I would drink about it. People should be seeking me out, I shouldn't have to start a conversation with them!

                          4). I would quit for a week and expect accolades and forgiveness from those around me. "Look at me, see I don't have a problem - I am cured!" Why the hell don't people believe me, this time I am serious....

                          5). I would lie about drinking. I would say it was the smell of mouthwash, or that I only had a beer or two, or that it was just this one time. Anything to get the heat off so that I could supposedly enjoy my drinking in peace.

                          It could go on and on, but I think you get the point. When we are drinking we can do stuff that seems normal to us, but to people who don't have this problem we look to be out of our minds. As many people here have proven, beating this disease is possible if you want to put in the work.

                          But, we can't expect miracles overnight, and you can't wish and pray your way to recovery. People who we have wronged don't suddenly forgive us - it takes time and a steady persistence on our part. We have to work at getting better each and every day, and we can't worry what others think or say about us as it will lead us right back the bottle. If you are true to yourself you will succeed, and if you lie to yourself you will fail - simple as that.

                          So, take what your sister said and use it for motivation to change, right here and right now. Become the person you want to be, and that pain that others around you feel will eventually turn to love and compassion. Best of luck to you.
                          Sobriety Date: June 15, 2007 -- "It's not having what you want, It's wanting what you've got...."

                          Comment

                            #14
                            Yabasta is my sister

                            That was a great post, AA. We all need to remember who we WERE and WHAT we did to stay on this path of sobriety, don't we?
                            Krigs
                            "People usually fail when they are on the verge of success. So give as much care to the end as to the beginning." Lao-Tzu

                            Comment

                              #15
                              Yabasta is my sister

                              If you are true to yourself you will succeed, and if you lie to yourself you will fail - simple as that

                              I needed to hear that AA
                              Thanks

                              GG (newbie)
                              :sun:

                              Comment

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