Hi everyone.
I started MWO in January this year and had an awesome 5 months...very easily stopped and/or modded until I hit summertime party season and:
-- I stopped posting
-- I stopped reading other's posts
-- I stopped hypno
-- I stopped supplements
-- I stopped thinking I had a problem
And of course...I started my old patterns again. It was so quiet and fun and comfortable. Now I am once again feeling like crap (right now my back is killing me and I feel like I have the flu, my eyes are puffy and I've put on 15 pounds), hurrying to put my kids to bed at night so I can get my wine. Last night I "only" had slightly over a half a bottle of wine left so I had to have 2 beers after that was done. Then very carefully said, 'well good night!' to my husband without slurring (I was so proud of myself) and ran up to bed. It's disgusting.
I look back at my journal from when I started in January. I was so, so, so happy. And now I am depressed and sick. Why on earth do we do this ? (rhetorical question. I know why but when you see it in b/w it makes no sense).
It's noon where I am now, in Chicago. I was going to sneak off and take a bath and have a beer. Then I was going to run to the store to get pizza dough for tonight..and oh, hey, maybe a few bottles of wine.
But I've had enough. I'm so beat up. I came here instead and it felt good to just see the site again. I need to start living again and be there for my kids...get my mind into life and out of this constant nagging that is sitting there behind every normal thought I have.
I will drag out the hypno and get started again. I have my all-one powder and l-glut and kudzo ready to go...please wish me luck, I have a feeling this time around is not going to be as easy as the last time. It helps me to post, thank you for being such a great community.
Happy4once (well, hoping to be again)
I started MWO in January this year and had an awesome 5 months...very easily stopped and/or modded until I hit summertime party season and:
-- I stopped posting
-- I stopped reading other's posts
-- I stopped hypno
-- I stopped supplements
-- I stopped thinking I had a problem
And of course...I started my old patterns again. It was so quiet and fun and comfortable. Now I am once again feeling like crap (right now my back is killing me and I feel like I have the flu, my eyes are puffy and I've put on 15 pounds), hurrying to put my kids to bed at night so I can get my wine. Last night I "only" had slightly over a half a bottle of wine left so I had to have 2 beers after that was done. Then very carefully said, 'well good night!' to my husband without slurring (I was so proud of myself) and ran up to bed. It's disgusting.
I look back at my journal from when I started in January. I was so, so, so happy. And now I am depressed and sick. Why on earth do we do this ? (rhetorical question. I know why but when you see it in b/w it makes no sense).
It's noon where I am now, in Chicago. I was going to sneak off and take a bath and have a beer. Then I was going to run to the store to get pizza dough for tonight..and oh, hey, maybe a few bottles of wine.
But I've had enough. I'm so beat up. I came here instead and it felt good to just see the site again. I need to start living again and be there for my kids...get my mind into life and out of this constant nagging that is sitting there behind every normal thought I have.
I will drag out the hypno and get started again. I have my all-one powder and l-glut and kudzo ready to go...please wish me luck, I have a feeling this time around is not going to be as easy as the last time. It helps me to post, thank you for being such a great community.
Happy4once (well, hoping to be again)
Comment