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[hippie37]

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I feel helpless because of the media portrayal about these situations with 'fathers for justice'. All the good advice in the past about "keeping her on side etc" has done nothing and I'm fed up of being Mr.Nice (NO not Howard Marks OK?!!). I tried to go about things today the 'right' way. I went to the CAB and was sat there for an hour and a half to be told I could not be seen today as they were closing. I was told I could make an appointment to see someone at 4pm tomorrow. I normally see Jas at 3 though and I'm fucked if I'm not gonna go down there and see her. No doubt there will be 'no one at home' but I'm gonna force this thing.

Let me explain a bit. It was the first week end I've had Jas staying over night with me again. She loves staying with me because I give her ALL my attention. Nothing else matters in that time I spend with her apart from HER happiness. I'm not this hands off dad where I get my kid and let em watch movies all the time she is with me. I need to have interaction with her and I can SO get down to her level and do that. We have the most amazing times together playing 'house' and 'doctors' etc.

Sal phoned me yesterday to ask if I could bring her home early. I asked why. She said that Ritchie is going to work soon and he ants to see her before he goes out. WHY? I asked. HE gets to see her everyday; I don't. So then an argument puprsued about how she will decide what's best for Jas and NOT ME. When I did try to take her back early ANYWAY I was given a frosty response at first. When I questioned her over her comments she basically told me that I'm a fuck'n no good looser and an alcoholic who doesn't deserve ANY rights whatsoever. I don't deny the fact that I have problems but i have NEVER put my daughter is harms way because of my drinking. I'm at a loss myself where this outburst came from. She is 8weeks pregnant with Ritchie's child at the moment and I can only put it down to hormones or the fact that she really doesn't want me to be a part of that 'extended' familly that Evie talked about. Either way I feel at a loss and with what's happening right now with my 'sanity' over other issues I am starting to feel really depressed right now. Thankfully the sun is shining here today.

Love hips
xx:l

[Chelle12]

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I agree wholeheartedly with Gia... Hips YOU HAVE RIGHTS.

You're feeling helpless now... but in a couple of hours... tonight...tomorrow morning.. you'll be raring to go.. USE THAT FEELING...you need ALL your faculties about you to sort this out.
I'll do some research tonight on father's rights.. and will PM you everything I find.

You're a doting dad and Jasmine needs you... I dont know whether this particular Alkie's statement will hold up in court, but if you need a character reference, then by God I'll do all I can and Im sure everyone else here will too.

Love and hugs

Jo

[lil.michelle]

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Hi!

I thought this site was for a safe place for us and for all the things you just said. Well that's what i've been doing anyway. I'm on day 12 and STILL struggling. Feel free to rant, moan and tell us everything and anything you want to on this site. We're here to listen and we do not judge. I've screwed up soooooooooooo many times and i've done some really bad things while drunk and never once have i been judged. We're all in the same boat here so let loose when you want to. We're here for you through everything!!!!!! Oh and i've used this site to moan about being ill with a cold *lol* oops

[Chelle12]

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Hi Lil.Michelle
You're on day 12?! How do you DO it I cant string more than 5 days together...
How are you feeling one Day 12? What'sthe bad parts and the good parts? TELL us

[tlrgs]

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Gia;440021 wrote: The thing is, is that she is not the one to decide what's best for your daughter. The courts will do that, my own lawyer told me that. And for her to hold Jasmine away from you, will not look good on her. She thinks she has all the rights as she is the primary caregiver right now, but that can all change. Be smart Hips, don't get irrational with her and document everything. Now is not the time to get hot headed on this, if she wants to, that's fine. But you be smart.

i totally agree with gia hippie ..do your best buddy

[bloggy]

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Great idea to start this thread Chelle.

now everyone should be happy

Hope you feel better soon as well Rach.

Hipps- I am so sorry your ex is being like this- it really really sucks that she is getting away with this.
Please try to get back to the CAB tomorrow- (obviously better to go not smelling of booze if poss) I will be thinking of you.

[hippie37]

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Hi lil.michelle. I guess day 12 comes with it's thoughts and feelings about WHY you are doing this in the first place. I tried NOT to question those thoughts in the beginning and let things just be as they were. In that time I realised my ex ws trying to force me into having another child so she could 'cement' the relationship. I got wise though and I began to learn that my feelings for her were not as they were. Getting sober is a hard job becuase SHIT man "I have to get in touch with reality". What was real for me was haze of drunkeness. I lost years of my life through it. I am still struggling today chelle. i ain't gonna beat this thing first time round even second or third. It's a big learning curve and I lost that as soon as i started getting drunk everyday.

Show some resolve my friend, cause I ain't got any at present. You are worth more than this.

Love hips
xx:l

[GoodAsGold]

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Rachelita - hope you're feeling a bit more settled & maybe gettiong some fluids down

Hipster - you've got every right to feel upset & angry at how you've been treated. Your daughter has the most adoring & devoted father & I'm sure she feels & knows that. Be interested to hear how you plan to proceed with this once you've dusted yourself off

lil.michelle - hoping you feel some relief SOON! If not, maybe a talk with the Doc?

All - thanks for being here

Gold

[lil.michelle]

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Chell12 and all

First if you didn't already know, i have been the QUEEN of MEGA slip ups since starting this. Everytime i slipped i was like, this is it, i've hit rock bottom, i'm going to do it this time and then i slipped again. I don't think there is such a thing as rock bottom cause no matter what, worse things can STILL happen. just knew i had to change. I look at what i have, an amazing supportive husband who i've been the meanest bitch too and i'm surprised he still loves me and is with me, an amazing 1 year old (on the 29th of this month) who means more to me then life itself, 2 annoying at times but very loving parents, a fantastic house, cars ect ect ect and i was losing it all for a liquid in a bottle.... really..... I knew i had to change cause i wanted to be there for my baby girl, i wanted to do stuff and not pass out.

The first few days were ok, not great but ok cause everything was still so fresh in my mind (last drinking session, attacted my mum, killed my dad with words and watch him cry) but that feeling of hate and sadness goes real quick and the cravings of drink are as strong as ever. I take all the supplements, drink LOADS of lemonade with orange juice, sweets, lots of food and lots of sleep.

The 2nd week... well... it's been HELL. Day 11, i was pulling my hair out, i was soooo LOW and sooo WEAK it was unreal, the cravings were killing me. I honestly didn't think i'd make it through the day. I kept busy but still no help. I did however take lots of calms and valerian root (help with sleeping and relaxing you) and that REALLY helped. I took them during the day and i functioned like normal just calmer. Today day 12, again, BAD day but in a different way. The cravings were not really there but the voice in my head was almost taking over saying, go on, one drink, it'll not hurt you, you can mod ect ect. I have been caught out MANY times by this voice so i sit and talk to myself (crazy as i must seem) I'm like, OK, so IF i go to the shop, buy a bottle of wine, have a glass (if i can stick to one glass is doubtful) what will it do... Make me feel good and hyped for an hour maybe but then i'll go down hill, i feel crap, sluggish, i'll not want to do anything, i'll eat to much, i'll leave my baby with my hubby, make an ass out of myself, hurt a few people, i'll feel so ill i'll just go to bed or have passed out, THEN i'll wake up in the middle of the night, i'll then start thinking how shit it was, why did i do it and hate myself and i'll be back to square one going through all the cravings and hell.... Worth it... NO.

I really do recommend taking Valerian root AND calms when the cravings hit because it gives you that relaxing feeling the drink gives us without all the shit and it's herbal. Try it. One last thing... just GRIT your teeth and think of how life will be after the cravings and voices go.
I'm aiming for 30 days... No idea if i'll make it but i'm so desperate for it it's unreal. I'm sooo scared i'll not make it. All i can do is try. Just like one2manys quote... There is no failure except in no longer trying. I wonder what the next few weeks have in store for me. Funny thing is people say it get easier... i'm STILL waiting for it, if anything, it's got MUCH MUCH harder! Sorry to say but good things in life take work... we've spent years getting like we are and maybe it'll take just as long to get away from it...

Who thinks they crave drink or is it the relaxing feeling it gives you? When that relaxin feeling is there we drink more and more to try keep it but it gets us pissed?

[lil.michelle]

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Sorry the post was soooooooooooooooooooo long

[autumn08]

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New Too

Hello All. Not sure how this website works.:new:

[startingover]

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Hi Autumn, welcome to you. If you want to post a bit about yourself you can start a new thread. Maybe in the Just Starting out section? Or just read and post on whichever threads you want to. Would be great to get to know you so feel free to post away!!!

Michelle, I found the second week VERY hard too, cravings, depression and exhaustion. it started to make more sense to me around the third week. Hang in there and MANY MANY congratulations on 12 days. I know how much you have struggled and you are doing so well.

[evie]

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Hi there!
Wow lil michelle! 12 days is absolutely fantastic! I've been reading your posts and know how much you have struggled.... give yourself a very big pat on the back!
Just wanted to add to the thread as I'm well and truely strugglin ... been to relate tonight with husband who admits that he can't get close to me because I drink, even though I've cut down loads. Makes me feel very hopeless and despondent and I feel that the only way is to be perfect and never ever touch a drop again, which I can't say I can manage.
Don't want to take away from Chelle or anyone else but want to say I understand the difficulties of trying to give up totally. The feelings that begin to surface when giving up alcohol are very hard to deal with, not sure how it is possible without lots of support.
Sorry for my ramble
eviexx

[evie]

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Sorry Autumn - welcome:welcome:
yes it is best to start a new thread and just try to open up abit about yourself...well done for making it here, this is a really good place!

[IAD]

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Autumn......hello....tell us your story !! IAD.