so can anyone figure out why.........

[universal]

Okay.....so about a year ago I joined.......I was a mess then......lots of members that are still here can tell you.....

So now......I still drink but not nearly like I did.....

My relationship with my boyfriend has settled to a place where it is honestly so amazing I wonder if I deserve it.......he is so great to me....

I have a 7 year old daughter who I swear was put on this planet to test my patience.........aaaaaauuuuuuuuuugggggghhhhh

I have a great therapist who helps me a ton.....

so - I wonder......I am not the "typical alcoholic"......or so you would thing of what you see in the movies..

I have a great job, a great boyfriend.....make fantastic money....

Yet....okay, so my daughter stresses me out to the point where sometimes I want to blow my head off but lets face it.....kids do that...

so with all that is good in my world, why do I drink? I don't drink daily but when I do choose to imbibe it's hard to stop? Why? I have gone so long without? I have moderated fine.......It seems that since I have found this site I drink way less but worry so much more? Kind of like maybe.........maybe I shouldn't try to mod? Even though I have moderated very successfully? It's like.......In the past year all the worries and the reasons I didn't want to drink have evaporated but now maybe I just don't want to drink strictly because I JUST DON'T WANT TO!!!!! WTF is that? I don't want to drink?

My mind is going through a wierd place right now.........did anyone else go through this while they were cutting down and figuring out what they wanted to do?

[nancy]

so can anyone figure out why.........

Hi Universal

I am a little confused by your post. You said that you moderate successfully. But then you said while you don't drink much you imbibe too much on the times that you drink.

If you are imbibing too much on occasion, I can see why you are thinking abstinence would be best, because one bad time could ruin a whole lot. If you are moderating successfully but having to work really hard to achieve that, abstinence also makes sense, since all the reasons you used to drink no longer exist. You know, society makes us feel drinking is so important. It doesn't have to be a part of your life at all.

Nancy

[Starlight Impress Forever]

so can anyone figure out why.........

Hi uni,
As nancy has said, perhaps overindulging occasionally is making you wonder if you are indeed that successful moderator we all initially struggled to become ?

I also think you`ve possibly just reached the stage where you`ve come to realise that you don`t actually NEED drink to be happy. So many of us could still enjoy a drink (if we could trust ourselves to stop after a couple........which we can`t).........I think when we realise that we no longer need drink is when we have finally taken back control of our lives.

Am happy to read that all is good in your life.

Star x

[Bella]

so can anyone figure out why.........

Hi Uni...this is an interesting post and I can relate to it.

Something Star said has struck me too.......you don't NEED to drink to be happy.

This is something I struggle with...you see I feel that I do need to drink to be happy..and its a myth....

thanks for your post..it has made me realise I need to think alot harder about WHY I drink...then and only then will I really get anywhere with this bloody battle with the booze.

Bella XXXX

[universal]

so can anyone figure out why.........

Hi guys,

thanks for the responses - I think what you have all said is really what I am feeling.......that I don't need to drink to be happy. It's true sometimes, the social preassure to "have a drink" is sometimes so difficult - and then as mentioned above, you have to really "work" at modding! Which usually I do very well, but yeah, those times that I don't I feel really guilty about it and then have these confusing "why do I even bother drinking at all" thoughts.....

thanks for your support and for relating to what I am saying here.

Love you guys,
Uni

[nancy]

so can anyone figure out why.........

Oh I see. Well it sounds like you are doing great and that you don't need it but have it for social reasons and then get sucked in sometimes.

What you could do in social situations is let's say they are filling wine glasses, when it comes your way, just ask for half a glass. You could take a sip or two, virtually nothing, or hold it during toasts, but really just leave the glass there. I don't think people will notice. When they look over your glass is half full. Then you cover your glass when the bottle comes around and say you are all set.

This is if the pressure really is strong and you don't feel like making a spectacle of yourself explaining. I think in most situations, drinks can be turned down politely and more easily than that. You could start to view yourself as someone who drinks "virtually nothing" seeing as you can moderate. Meaning, you might have half of a half of a glass occasionally.

[nancy]

so can anyone figure out why.........

But I should add... nobody's opinion is more important than your health and happiness.
So maybe you could develop a new attitude in social situations.

[Chelle12]

so can anyone figure out why.........

I can so relate to the 'social pressure' aspect.. which is one reason why I hardly ever go out! Well, not that it stops me drinking though i suppose.
The thing is, if you go out on a night time, you are surrounded by people drinking... and where are the places that people go on a night time? Pubs, clubs, wine bars, cinemas, bowling alleys... and yep, AL is there in every single place.
Now, Im living in the north east of the uk... a working class city and 90% ofpeople here tend to work 9-5 through the week then spend their wages boozing on a weekend... it seems to be a routine, and the "done thing" around here... I grew up with that mentality.
I live between two off-licences (Im probably their best customer) and have an 8 foot high poster of a bottle of lager staring at me every time I bleeding well look out of my living room window...
Is it just my warped, one-track mind.. or is AL advertised everywhere?!
I turn on the tv and all I see is Carling this, and Guinness that and bloody M&S "This is not ordinary wine..." s***e...

I SWEAR AL is a bigger killer than cigarettes... so why cant the Gov try for an AL-Free society instead of the smoke-free stuff?
At least smoking isnt as destructive a mood-altering drug that AL is.

Sorry for the rant...

[Chief]

so can anyone figure out why.........

Hi Uni!....good to see you....

I think if modding is work then it is not successful modding. Someone who can mod can have 1 or 2 drinks and not have to think about not having another.....

I think you are realising that trying to mod is too much work......I think you're realising you don't need to drink, and, can it be possible, that you don't even like to drink anymore?....that it's really just something you feel you have to do, but don't really want to do....

Maybe it's easier to quit......

Don

[patricia]

so can anyone figure out why.........

Hi everybody

I was happier when I didn't drink for a month or so. I just am happier, more comfortable with myself, less nervous, lighter and all the rest. I don't make an a**e of myself when I drink, most times I just go to bed merry and usually don't have much more than a sluggish start and a dry mouth to the day provided I drink 4/5 glasses but I get absolutely terrified in the morning about the harm that I might be doing to myself by this habit. I think that I'll probably end up not drinking but I seem to have to be being dragged there! When I don't want to drink I watch health programmes and sometimes that works! Also sometimes when the thought hits your brain if you don't do anything about it for a while it passes - for what amounts to a couple of hours drinking in the evening can have such an impact the next day. Does any of this make sense or am I just rambling? Think I just want to be on this site at the mo.

Px

[AAthlete]

so can anyone figure out why.........

Chelle, it is hard sometimes but we need to remember that the great majority of people out there don't have a problem with alcohol - they can take or leave it when they want. They start to feel drunk from several drinks and they want to stop because they get that drunk light-headed feeling. In my case, I started to get light-headed and that meant that I wanted more - lots more!

For better or worse alcohol is an accepted part of our society (even if it is over-marketed) which means that have three options: We can either continue drinking, lock ourselves up in our houses and never go out, or find a way to live in peace and serenity that will allow us frequent those places without feeling like drinking, and to feel comfortable doing do around others.

[trixietrack]

so can anyone figure out why.........

yeah everyone as always has great advice here. that's why am back. you know the social pressure part is really difficult, especially if it's a circle of friends you used to drink heavily with or on a regular basis.

this is a typical scenario with some old friends who still drink like fish. the first year of moderating I couldn't be near them although we care for each other and it was hard.

Now when I go and meet them I come with anti AL weapons

first I make sure that I eat a good healthy meal with protein.

the first thing I do when I get to the pub or their house or where ever they are drinking, Is I ask for a big glass of water with no ice (usually a pint) I make sure I finish that before even touching any alcohol, the trick is that if you take your time drinking the water, you start seeing everyone getting drunk, and you fill your belly as well.

then order a drink and don't focus on it it's just an alcoholic beverage.

bartenders tend to push the stuff, it's their job. I had to train the bar keeper at the local. he would just fill my glass. I wouldn't touch it. finally he got it, and now after 2 drinks he gives me water, which I think it's great. I don't go there very often, I can see how poeple get wrapped up in the whole binge at the bar routine. It is really bad here in NYC

it's a lot of work. That's why I think people should be trained to drink, before thinngs get out of control.

[universal]

so can anyone figure out why.........

I appreciate all of your responses......I think the hardest thing for me is when I drink wine. I just think that is a form of al I cannot moderate with at all (does that make sense?) I can drink beer after a ball game or at a party and literally have the take it or leave it attitude - I can have a couple and then go to soda and really be fine - no stress, no worries, nothing. But get that first glass of wine down my throat and I'm F"d......, can't stop. And Chief, like you said - yeah, I don't like to drink wine anymore. I still do enjoy the occasional beer though - probably because I am the sports gal, I am always around the "team having a picture after the game" and because beer has never been a problem for me.

So yeah, the wine? Thinking I have to say bye bye to the wine - completely, totally no looking back.

Question now for me to answer I guess is.......am i an alcoholic? or a wineaholic.....? sounds stupid but I only ever have problems with wine....so If I give that up, will I end up using beer as a substitiute? If so, then I guess I'm an alcoholic. If I can just say goodbye to wine but still have the occasional beer after the game is that okay? Or will it get to a point that I can't just have one or two beers? Cause right now that is not a fight, not a problem.......

Damn.......I effin hate wine........

Thanks for listening guys and for all of your advice!

[nancy]

so can anyone figure out why.........

Seeing as you have had some success at moderation, why not try just having the odd beer now and then and avoid wine?

I know this view might not agree with everyone. But I think the idea of avoiding triggers can work with moderation as well as abstinence.

You can always cut back from beer if you feel like it becomes a problem. But it sounds like you don't like it as much and maybe it's part of this game thing and it's more social.

Don't worry about labels for now.

[Peanut]

so can anyone figure out why.........

Funny - but I have been finding the "social" situations ok. I can go out with my running/drinking buddies, and stay totally AF. It is at home where I do my wine swilling - so who is pressuring me?? Only me! It is all in me! Can't blame anybody or any situation for it. It is a terrible, personal struggle.