after many efforts!!

[want-to-let-it-go]

after many efforts!!

Thanks guys, gee it helps to know you're there! My closest friends don't see my other life ever, amazingly, socially I can hold it together, but get home & shut the door where no one can see & my best friend (wine) - & worst enemy - really start, and keep going. So it's pretty lonely doing it all alone as I'm sure you're all aware (effects on the kids worries me tremendously although most of it goes on after they go to sleep). I have resigned myself to the fact that I won't enter into a relationship until I can get this thing under control as I don't want to inflict this rubbish onto anyone else. I truly did not think other people went through this, everyone else's lives seem so perfect! I know that sounds stupid, but so good to know we're human & can admit it! Stay in touch, please! xo:h

[A Work in Progress]

after many efforts!!

Want, it's great to hear from you. And I know what you mean about not wanting to "inflict" this on anyone else; but remember that you are already in a relationship... a relationship with your kids. Even if it seems that most of your drinking goes on after the kids are asleep, you might be surprised at how much it is affecting their lives. Having a parent whose "best friend" is alcohol is something that has an impact on kids... both my parents were in love with alcohol, and I always knew that their favorite thing in life was cocktail hour. It took them away from me every single day, because they were focused on the drinking much more than they were focused on me, and they became very different people once "cocktail hour" (which of course went on until they finally went to bed) began.

I'm not saying this to make you feel guilty... you probably already feel that... but to encourage you to see clearly what this stuff is doing to your life, and theirs. You can make SUCH a HUGE difference in your lives, and futures, by getting the alcohol out of your life! It's a struggle, but it is so very much worth it...

best wishes,

wip

[spirit pixie]

after many efforts!!

Hi Want - i also just found this place - its giving me chills reading everyones thoughts and comments because i dont think i have ever found anyone who i can honestly spill the beans with. i was nervous chatting online to strangers but honestly in a matter of an hour reading - i can see the value of this honesty.
pixie

[want-to-let-it-go]

after many efforts!!

Needed to hear that

Hi wip,

I really needed to hear that. Yes it does make me feel guilty, so I should. You just gave me a huge wake up call - I can't believe I'm thinking of some guy's feelings over how this is affecting my children! They say I change & it's an awful thing to hear, but I talk myself out of it & think they're ok. I have somehow justified that I have been doing it for so long that they wouldn't know any different - what a crock of $%^!! My mind can be so dulled just getting through each day (doing it all on my own with no support) that I think I've lost my way. My parents used to have "cocktail hour" that went on all night too & I used to hate it! I could tell they were there (but weren't). So grateful for your thread, many thanks. You are going so well - you're an example to me

[A Work in Progress]

after many efforts!!

Want, the trick, for me, was to somehow use my own disgust with what I was doing (and becoming) as fuel to motivate me, to help me become and stay determined to get the alcohol out of my life.

Disgust with oneself is a funny thing... it is very powerful, very strong, and it can certainly be toxic, if we allow it to be (if we allow ourselves to wallow in self-pity), but it can also be channeled into a positive direction, if we focus on what we want INSTEAD of the crap we keep getting when we drink. For me, self-disgust became a form of healthy anger that pushed me forward into a change of behavior, and a change in the way I allow myself to think...

You can make it work that way, too... And, never give up.

wip

[christyacc]

after many efforts!!

One thing that helped me think about quitting was, if I was home with the kids, and hubby was working or out, and I was drinking...if there was an emergency, how would I get them to the hospital?

[want-to-let-it-go]

after many efforts!!

Thanks wip, I see where you're coming from. That drive to do it has to come from deep in your core. Yes self disgust is a potent motivator!! Thanks again, talk soon

[want-to-let-it-go]

after many efforts!!

Hi Spirit, yes so good to let it all out, especially as everyone here is in the same boat. In this short time I've found it's pretty cathartic, stay in touch....we can all help each other

Hi Christyacc, I know what you mean - what if there was an emergency! I actually had to phone an ambulance a few years ago, because my son got hurt & I couldn't drive, felt so ashamed & angry at myself...I stopped for a while after that...but of course started again. Why do we think something that takes away our dignity, hurts loved ones, eats our time & damages us physically is our friend????

[Helpwanted08]

after many efforts!!

HI Want and WElcome,
I too was a nightly wine drinker, never anyting else. It sure seems like wine is the beast to alot of women. The Kudzu and L-glut help alot too. If you put the L-glut under your tongue when you get a craving for the wine it seems to work well. Good luck and keep posting.
Help

[Helpwanted08]

after many efforts!!

sorry for all the typos, I realized my little boy was standing behind me so I did not spell check.
Help

[time2change]

after many efforts!!

Want
Welcome!! Just coming on this site will help. As you can see there are many here to offer support and advise.

[vera-b]

after many efforts!!

Hi Want,

Can so relate to the parent/child relationship that often has a bottle wedged in between. My parents and their "cocktail hour" are still a trigger for me; and as a result I don't visit them more than I do. My younger daughter saw the worst of my drinking because of its progressive nature. She was in high school at a vulnerable time and needed a parent who was present. And I was anything but. I'm not proud of that, and like WIP have used that shame to motivate me to this day. We enjoy a wonderful relationship today (she's in college), but it's in large part because she knows how hard I've worked to stop the madness. And that's really what it is - madness. I only wish I had been your age when all of this became clear to me. You go, girl.

Vera-b

[want-to-let-it-go]

after many efforts!!

Thanks for the tip Hw08! Will try it - amazing how your mouth is just ready for that familiar taste - so be good to nip it in the bud! You're an inspiration! xo
Hi t4change, well done on your af time, thanks for the support xo
Vera...so glad you have a good relationship with her now, I think once they are old enough to understand how strong this thing is, they find a new found respect & enjoy getting to know the sober parent they've never met or haven't seen for a long time. Some people never get to that stage, just make the most of each other - strange how sometimes the hardest obstacles can bring you closer than you could ever have been, once overcome, take care, great to hear your story xo
How does everyone go with the Topamax?

[want-to-let-it-go]

after many efforts!!

Hey guys
How r u all going? I have tried to reduce, stop the triggers, it's not going to be easy.your normal life just goes on around you & that's a trigger in itself, I hate this addiction!!!