I could kill...

[Peanut]

for a glass (?) of wine!!

I swear - if my BF and his son were not in the van after the pool/gym, I would have stopped at the wine store. Why is it after a really good workout - I swam 2km, nice and strong - I always want to drink. As soon as I finish that last lap, that is the first thing on my mind when I pulled myself out of the pool.

On another thread started by Chelle, there was great discussion about the term Beast. Somebody mentioned 'the committee', a term I learned when I first joined and I had a great visual to go along with it. THAT is what was happening while I was drying my hair. I was so aware of it - trying to stand back and see what was happening in my head objectively. It didn't do much, but it was an interesting thing to observe this in myself. I got home and took a half a 1000mg L-glut under my tongue, else I would have strangled somebody. BF even offered to go get me some wine!! So do you have to hold it under your tongue??? Kind of dry!!!! I swallowed it down with water.

Feeling a bit calmer now - will drink an Odoules and try to get at least a bit of sleep tonight. It's just so frustrating - oh why oh why is this so damn hard!!!!!

OK - think I'm ok - I WILL NOT DRINK!
On to day 3!!
xoxo Peaniut

[CS04]

I could kill...

Peanut, sorry to hear you're strugglig. When I read 'the commitee' on that thread, I thought of you! I have not been doing very well at all lately, esp. today, but is is good to hear your resolve.

[IAD]

I could kill...

Don't drink peanut and remember...... LOL IAD.

[Peanut]

I could kill...

Ha!! Good one IAD!!!
Thanks CS - yes, that committee term, made me think of all your peeps on our MaY/June 30 day thread. You all were my lifeline then. I can't figure out why it is so much harder for me now!!

[nancy]

I could kill...

Hi Peanut

It sounds like you are going through a rough time right now.

I got a lot out of reading Alan Carr's book EasyWay To Control Drinking. He talks about how people start to think they can't do anything without cigarettes (he is best known for helping people to stop smoking.) It's ridiculous when you really think about it, that people start to think they have to have one just to pick up a phone!

Anyway, it's interesting that you have connected such a healthy thing like swimming to having a drink. Do you feel stressed when you swim? What do you think is behind this? Do you have similar cravings during other activities?

I will say that once you stop acting on the behavior the cravings get much weaker. I used to always drink by myself at home when I felt lonely. It became a real habit and it really was ok the night of but ruined the next few days. And I didn't have fun. And the problem didn't go away.

I don't really get those urges to go pick up some wine for home anymore. One thing that really helped me is seeing alcohol for what it really is, you know it's really life-threatening when abused. It's not a light matter. Once that really sinks in, resisting gets easier. (By the way, my goal is moderation but I still think of it this way.)

If you find yourself getting romantic about it, think of the very real dark consequences. The craving is tied to a dream about what alcohol is. Remind yourself of a very bad drunk experience.

The other thing that helps is watching your thoughts and realizing you don't have to act on them. Meditating really helps with this. You have all kinds of things going on up there. Getting some distance by just observing is so helpful. Trust me on this one.

And when you get some success under your belt, it feels wonderful and this drives you to succeed even more.

Good luck and keep going strong.

[Peanut]

I could kill...

Thanks Nancy,
I have been thinking of getting that Alan Carr's book. Maybe some reading about the problem would help me. I am trying to step back and watch my thoughts, but they are so convincing! Also, I am rather OCDish in my behaviour, which I think makes things worse!!! My routine!!!!
I am going to bed now - so one more day without a drink of wine is better than not!!
xoxo Peanut

[DeeBee]

I could kill...

Hi Peanut,

I think you are doing a fantastic job... you are thinking the cravings through... it's a great leap forward!

Sweet dreams.

[river0123]

I could kill...

Hi Peanut, how are things today? I hope you wake up this morning feeling great and blessedly hangover free!
I "slammed" two l-gluts last night under my tongue, feeling super-stressed with kids & homework. It helped. I swished it around with water and let it stay in my mouth for a while. Yes, it is totally dry (try talking with it under your tongue - I answered a kids question once and looked like a magician when I answered and "poof!" it came out in a white cloud. :H

[Chelle12]

I could kill...

river0123;448535 wrote: I answered a kids question once and looked like a magician when I answered and "poof!" it came out in a white cloud. :H

LMAO!
Thanks River, you've made me smile

Ive ordered some l-glut from the MWO health store... should be finding its way over the pond any time now.

[christyacc]

I could kill...

Glad to see that you made it through the temptation. I agree that if when we think of drinking, we connect with a bad experience. I really think that helps. It's been working for me.

As for the L-Glut, you open the cap and pour it under your tongue? I used to take it in a powder form (mixed with a glass of water) and after about a week or so, I ended up with terrible canker sores on the back of my throat. It was absolutely awful....felt like razor blades when I swallowed.....I thought about trying the under the tongue trick, but am fearful.

[LVT25]

I could kill...

Hi Peanut and CS too!!

I'm sorry to hear you guys are struggling. Peanut you have got to be one of the few that associates healthy activities (running, swimming) with drinking! I agree with Nancy, the more you don't act on your cravings, or switch drinks, your brain thinking should change. It is so true that we have to rewire our brains! And it takes time, but it does tend to pass quickly too. You know with me it was the smoking mostly. I still cannot believe I did this thrpugh the summer with all my drinking and smoking triggers--working outside, gardening, canning, etc. It's like a commercial I saw on tv--trying to learn to do things without a cigarette. This guy puts his pants on backwards, can't pour his coffee in his cup...... I can talk on the phone with my friends now without a beer and a cigarette--I don't like to, but I can. I still have trouble in social settings, watching someone enjoy that beer and ciggie combo. So I don't go there if I can help it! Someday, I pray that it simply "won't register" that that would be enjoyable.
Anyway, I'm pulling for you guys. My hubby is still drinking, but I am handling that better for the most part. It's better if I don't say anything. He made a comment yesterday to one of our friends about being worried about dementia, etc when he gets older. Of course I couldn't leave that alone and made some comment about all the beer not helping with that concern! He got a little defensive and said something about that's why he's cutting back, which turned into me having to bite my tongue pretty hard. His idea of cutting back is to not drink every night, but taking a night off now and then! Well, enough about that--I could go on and on......
Hang in there, keep thinking how much better you feel without the AL!!:h

[Peanut]

I could kill...

Thanks for everything guys! Your support really means alot to me - it's what keeps me going in this battle!

I heard a terrible news story - I think from Ontario - about a young 20yo kid and his friends, after drinking in the bar, heading to cottage country, and going through a barrier, landing upside down in the water. How horribly sad - I have this terrible tendency to picture MY kids in that situation, and get very upset and have to lecture them on it, tell these gruesome stories, and hope and pray that they don't get themselves into that situation.

I feel pretty good this morning, I think I may have had close to 8 hours sleep last night, for the first time in ages!!! There is a scale in the gym at the pool, and I weighed in - it seems I have gained 5lb since July!!! I really don't want to gain back what I lost back when I was not drinking!!!!! Another very good reason not to drink so much wine. I will take your advise and try to remember the bad drinking experiences when the cravings come on - those real embarrassing episodes,that surprisingly I DO remember!!! I think it appears my drinking is related to healthy activities because after a swim or a run, I feel so good, and the better I feel, the more I tend to want to drink. I have to work on that to change that attitude!!!!!

Christy - eewww - canker sores?? I will try to limit the L-glut under the tongue maybe??? Anybody esle experience that?
And LVT - so glad you have been so successful this past summer and fall. Sometimes it's hard to bite your tongue at some comments, eh? More often than not, I don't!!! Doesn't help, but I just can't stop myself!!!

I shall be highly productive at work today! A small tour coming through my lab - and I won't be paranoid of stinky wine breath!!!Yay!!!!

xoxo Peanut

[nancy]

I could kill...

That's still really curious to me that you crave a drink after a swim!

Maybe you feel you need a reward? Do you actually enjoy the swimming or see it as a chore...

Remind yourself of the embarrassing things. You know, there is also something very sobering when you become aware of the very real danger alcohol presents. Have you ever been in a dangerous situation? Even reading about experiences of others on this site sometimes help me in my resolve, things like falling down stairs, waking up in a car with shattered glass, driving children around drunk, DUIs, waking up with big gashes or soaked in urine. I have my own bad stories of course that I do remind myself of. Having arguments with people is no fun.

This isn't the relaxing agent or companion we dream up when we have a craving. During cravings, it's all about release.

You have done well to resist because the compulsions can be very strong. Like I said before, having some success drives further success. This needs to be viewed as a choice for health, not a deprivation. Alan Carr makes that point pretty well.

Nancy

[BecomingMeAtLast]

I could kill...

Your resolve is helping me through a tough patch, Peanut, thanks very much. No wine for me today, either. I have my glut ready to go!

[Angelcakes]

I could kill...

Hi Peanut, I think we're both quite similar...I can be OCDish with my routines also...which makes getting out of the drinking routine a challenge! AND my biggest drinking nights were after the gym...like a reward or something. Anyway, the good news is that the routine can be changed in just a couple of weeks and last night (a drinking night some weeks back, after the gym)I got into bed, feeling body tired from physical exercise and no al and just thought about how much more rewarding it was...and the sleep is real sleep.
You did good, you fought it, go Peanut!
Angel xo