Tool box

[DreamThinkDo]

Tool box

Byrdie has asked me to post this in the Toolbox, and I gladly do so. The first paragraph is from a post by Lifechange, the rest is my response to what she said.

Quote:
Originally Posted by lifechange View Post
So far, for me, every chance I've had to experience a celebration without AL, I've been reassured that I'm on the right track! I really love my new life and the new strengths I'm discovering within myself.


Not only knowing that I'm on the right track, Life, but every time I do something "new" without AL, I exercise my AF muscles - those muscles that have nearly atrophied. The more I use them, the stronger they get and the more I can do with them. (And with "I", I mean all of us.)

Yes, it is intimidating to do things without my long-time best buddy, but it is also very liberating to rediscover the real me that had been hidden for so long. I had a really nice evening out last night, and the best part of it was that I realised I could be funny and witty and entertaining (well, I hope so, anyway) without the contents of a bottle or more inside me.

I still missing sharing certain things with AL - like watching the sun go down - but the sun will keep on setting, whether I'm there to watch it or not; it doesn't care whether I have a glass of white wine in my hand or a mug of coffee: it still puts on a beautiful display for me. It's my choice to enjoy it or not. So, I choose to enjoy it - just in a different way. As I see it, it's focussing on what I can have and can do, instead of what I can't.

[DreamThinkDo]

Tool box

Byrdie has asked me to post this in the Toolbox, and I gladly do so. The first paragraph is from a post by Lifechange, the rest is my response to what she said.

Quote:
Originally Posted by lifechange View Post
So far, for me, every chance I've had to experience a celebration without AL, I've been reassured that I'm on the right track! I really love my new life and the new strengths I'm discovering within myself.


Not only knowing that I'm on the right track, Life, but every time I do something "new" without AL, I exercise my AF muscles - those muscles that have nearly atrophied. The more I use them, the stronger they get and the more I can do with them. (And with "I", I mean all of us.)

Yes, it is intimidating to do things without my long-time best buddy, but it is also very liberating to rediscover the real me that had been hidden for so long. I had a really nice evening out last night, and the best part of it was that I realised I could be funny and witty and entertaining (well, I hope so, anyway) without the contents of a bottle or more inside me.

I still missing sharing certain things with AL - like watching the sun go down - but the sun will keep on setting, whether I'm there to watch it or not; it doesn't care whether I have a glass of white wine in my hand or a mug of coffee: it still puts on a beautiful display for me. It's my choice to enjoy it or not. So, I choose to enjoy it - just in a different way. As I see it, it's focussing on what I can have and can do, instead of what I can't.

[HumbleRider]

Tool box

Hi everyone,
Byrdie asked that I share my 30-day reflections with you in the Toolbox, happy to do so!

Hi all,
Welcome minderaser and congrats on day 3. This place is a tremendous help, so keep checking in.

Pav yes it feels wonderful to say 'I don't drink' and mean it for a change. Thanks to all for the congrats on the 30 days. I've got my celebration hat on that Byrdie sent my way earlier.

Now it's speech time. As for what I did to get this far in my sobriety this try around (and it had better be my last), here goes. I think there are a few reasons, one of which I am not sure of the origin. I woke up the morning of my first AF day with a strong desire to quit and no desire to continue drinking. In the past I would have conflicting desires, quit, drink, quit, drink, with drinking ultimately winning.

Once I realized I had been given this gift of no conflicting desires, I thought I had better shore up my luck with items from the toolbox, some of which I'd already thought of and others I found here in your posts. Primary to my success thus far in that regard (I think) are the hypnosis tape by Joseph Clough ($2.99) Joseph Clough - Hypnotherapist, Coach and Speaker, the supplements I've been taking, this forum, and my husband's support.

I am grateful for this chance at a normal and healthy life mentally and physically and do not want to sabotage myself. I think of how I want to check the posts here to find out how everyone is and to let you know that I still don't drink. It's a motivator for me. I chose the name HumbleRider with a fun online random adjective + noun generatorRandom Adjective Noun Combination). When it came up, it felt right, since this battle with alcohol has finally and completely humbled me on this ride called life. Before I often thought I was in the driver's seat, and now I know that it was at the wheel the whole time.

Have a great MAE wherever you are, and an AF one at that.

[HumbleRider]

Tool box

Hi everyone,
Byrdie asked that I share my 30-day reflections with you in the Toolbox, happy to do so!

Hi all,
Welcome minderaser and congrats on day 3. This place is a tremendous help, so keep checking in.

Pav yes it feels wonderful to say 'I don't drink' and mean it for a change. Thanks to all for the congrats on the 30 days. I've got my celebration hat on that Byrdie sent my way earlier.

Now it's speech time. As for what I did to get this far in my sobriety this try around (and it had better be my last), here goes. I think there are a few reasons, one of which I am not sure of the origin. I woke up the morning of my first AF day with a strong desire to quit and no desire to continue drinking. In the past I would have conflicting desires, quit, drink, quit, drink, with drinking ultimately winning.

Once I realized I had been given this gift of no conflicting desires, I thought I had better shore up my luck with items from the toolbox, some of which I'd already thought of and others I found here in your posts. Primary to my success thus far in that regard (I think) are the hypnosis tape by Joseph Clough ($2.99) Joseph Clough - Hypnotherapist, Coach and Speaker, the supplements I've been taking, this forum, and my husband's support.

I am grateful for this chance at a normal and healthy life mentally and physically and do not want to sabotage myself. I think of how I want to check the posts here to find out how everyone is and to let you know that I still don't drink. It's a motivator for me. I chose the name HumbleRider with a fun online random adjective + noun generatorRandom Adjective Noun Combination). When it came up, it felt right, since this battle with alcohol has finally and completely humbled me on this ride called life. Before I often thought I was in the driver's seat, and now I know that it was at the wheel the whole time.

Have a great MAE wherever you are, and an AF one at that.

[j-vo]

Tool box

Congrats Humblerider!!!

[j-vo]

Tool box

Congrats Humblerider!!!

[Byrdlady]

Tool box

This was an article I found on LinkedIn....it is totally UNRELATED to AL, but it is as if it were written for us...worth the read:

Mentally Strong People: The 13 Things They Avoid


We can define mental strength by identifying the things mentally strong individuals don?t do. Over the weekend, I was impressed by this list compiled by Amy Morin, a psychotherapist and licensed clinical social worker, that she shared in LifeHack. It impressed me enough I?d also like to share her list here along with my thoughts on how each of these items is particularly applicable to entrepreneurs.

1. Waste Time Feeling Sorry for Themselves. You don?t see mentally strong people feeling sorry for their circumstances or dwelling on the way they?ve been mistreated. They have learned to take responsibility for their actions and outcomes, and they have an inherent understanding of the fact that frequently life is not fair. They are able to emerge from trying circumstances with self-awareness and gratitude for the lessons learned. When a situation turns out badly, they respond with phrases such as ?Oh, well.? Or perhaps simply, ?Next!?

2. Give Away Their Power. Mentally strong people avoid giving others the power to make them feel inferior or bad. They understand they are in control of their actions and emotions. They know their strength is in their ability to manage the way they respond.

3. Shy Away from Change. Mentally strong people embrace change and they welcome challenge. Their biggest ?fear,? if they have one, is not of the unknown, but of becoming complacent and stagnant. An environment of change and even uncertainty can energize a mentally strong person and bring out their best.

4. Waste Energy on Things They Can?t Control. Mentally strong people don?t complain (much) about bad traffic, lost luggage, or especially about other people, as they recognize that all of these factors are generally beyond their control. In a bad situation, they recognize that the one thing they can always control is their own response and attitude, and they use these attributes well.

5. Worry About Pleasing Others. Know any people pleasers? Or, conversely, people who go out of their way to dis-please others as a way of reinforcing an image of strength? Neither position is a good one. A mentally strong person strives to be kind and fair and to please others where appropriate, but is unafraid to speak up. They are able to withstand the possibility that someone will get upset and will navigate the situation, wherever possible, with grace.

It takes much practice to hone mental strength
It takes much practice to hone mental strength

6. Fear Taking Calculated Risks. A mentally strong person is willing to take calculated risks. This is a different thing entirely than jumping headlong into foolish risks. But with mental strength, an individual can weigh the risks and benefits thoroughly, and will fully assess the potential downsides and even the worst-case scenarios before they take action.

7. Dwell on the Past. There is strength in acknowledging the past and especially in acknowledging the things learned from past experiences?but a mentally strong person is able to avoid miring their mental energy in past disappointments or in fantasies of the ?glory days? gone by. They invest the majority of their energy in creating an optimal present and future.

8. Make the Same Mistakes Over and Over. We all know the definition of insanity, right? It?s when we take the same actions again and again while hoping for a different and better outcome than we?ve gotten before. A mentally strong person accepts full responsibility for past behavior and is willing to learn from mistakes. Research shows that the ability to be self-reflective in an accurate and productive way is one of the greatest strengths of spectacularly successful executives and entrepreneurs.

9. Resent Other People?s Success. It takes strength of character to feel genuine joy and excitement for other people?s success. Mentally strong people have this ability. They don?t become jealous or resentful when others succeed (although they may take close notes on what the individual did well). They are willing to work hard for their own chances at success, without relying on shortcuts.

10. Give Up After Failure. Every failure is a chance to improve. Even the greatest entrepreneurs are willing to admit that their early efforts invariably brought many failures. Mentally strong people are willing to fail again and again, if necessary, as long as the learning experience from every ?failure? can bring them closer to their ultimate goals.

11. Fear Alone Time. Mentally strong people enjoy and even treasure the time they spend alone. They use their downtime to reflect, to plan, and to be productive. Most importantly, they don?t depend on others to shore up their happiness and moods. They can be happy with others, and they can also be happy alone.

12. Feel the World Owes Them Anything. Particularly in the current economy, executives and employees at every level are gaining the realization that the world does not owe them a salary, a benefits package and a comfortable life, regardless of their preparation and schooling. Mentally strong people enter the world prepared to work and succeed on their merits, at every stage of the game.

13. Expect Immediate Results. Whether it?s a workout plan, a nutritional regimen, or starting a business, mentally strong people are ?in it for the long haul?. They know better than to expect immediate results. They apply their energy and time in measured doses and they celebrate each milestone and increment of success on the way. They have ?staying power.? And they understand that genuine changes take time. Do you have mental strength? Are there elements on this list you need more of? With thanks to Amy Morin, I would like to reinforce my own abilities further in each of these areas today. How about you?

[Byrdlady]

Tool box

This was an article I found on LinkedIn....it is totally UNRELATED to AL, but it is as if it were written for us...worth the read:

Mentally Strong People: The 13 Things They Avoid


We can define mental strength by identifying the things mentally strong individuals don?t do. Over the weekend, I was impressed by this list compiled by Amy Morin, a psychotherapist and licensed clinical social worker, that she shared in LifeHack. It impressed me enough I?d also like to share her list here along with my thoughts on how each of these items is particularly applicable to entrepreneurs.

1. Waste Time Feeling Sorry for Themselves. You don?t see mentally strong people feeling sorry for their circumstances or dwelling on the way they?ve been mistreated. They have learned to take responsibility for their actions and outcomes, and they have an inherent understanding of the fact that frequently life is not fair. They are able to emerge from trying circumstances with self-awareness and gratitude for the lessons learned. When a situation turns out badly, they respond with phrases such as ?Oh, well.? Or perhaps simply, ?Next!?

2. Give Away Their Power. Mentally strong people avoid giving others the power to make them feel inferior or bad. They understand they are in control of their actions and emotions. They know their strength is in their ability to manage the way they respond.

3. Shy Away from Change. Mentally strong people embrace change and they welcome challenge. Their biggest ?fear,? if they have one, is not of the unknown, but of becoming complacent and stagnant. An environment of change and even uncertainty can energize a mentally strong person and bring out their best.

4. Waste Energy on Things They Can?t Control. Mentally strong people don?t complain (much) about bad traffic, lost luggage, or especially about other people, as they recognize that all of these factors are generally beyond their control. In a bad situation, they recognize that the one thing they can always control is their own response and attitude, and they use these attributes well.

5. Worry About Pleasing Others. Know any people pleasers? Or, conversely, people who go out of their way to dis-please others as a way of reinforcing an image of strength? Neither position is a good one. A mentally strong person strives to be kind and fair and to please others where appropriate, but is unafraid to speak up. They are able to withstand the possibility that someone will get upset and will navigate the situation, wherever possible, with grace.

It takes much practice to hone mental strength
It takes much practice to hone mental strength

6. Fear Taking Calculated Risks. A mentally strong person is willing to take calculated risks. This is a different thing entirely than jumping headlong into foolish risks. But with mental strength, an individual can weigh the risks and benefits thoroughly, and will fully assess the potential downsides and even the worst-case scenarios before they take action.

7. Dwell on the Past. There is strength in acknowledging the past and especially in acknowledging the things learned from past experiences?but a mentally strong person is able to avoid miring their mental energy in past disappointments or in fantasies of the ?glory days? gone by. They invest the majority of their energy in creating an optimal present and future.

8. Make the Same Mistakes Over and Over. We all know the definition of insanity, right? It?s when we take the same actions again and again while hoping for a different and better outcome than we?ve gotten before. A mentally strong person accepts full responsibility for past behavior and is willing to learn from mistakes. Research shows that the ability to be self-reflective in an accurate and productive way is one of the greatest strengths of spectacularly successful executives and entrepreneurs.

9. Resent Other People?s Success. It takes strength of character to feel genuine joy and excitement for other people?s success. Mentally strong people have this ability. They don?t become jealous or resentful when others succeed (although they may take close notes on what the individual did well). They are willing to work hard for their own chances at success, without relying on shortcuts.

10. Give Up After Failure. Every failure is a chance to improve. Even the greatest entrepreneurs are willing to admit that their early efforts invariably brought many failures. Mentally strong people are willing to fail again and again, if necessary, as long as the learning experience from every ?failure? can bring them closer to their ultimate goals.

11. Fear Alone Time. Mentally strong people enjoy and even treasure the time they spend alone. They use their downtime to reflect, to plan, and to be productive. Most importantly, they don?t depend on others to shore up their happiness and moods. They can be happy with others, and they can also be happy alone.

12. Feel the World Owes Them Anything. Particularly in the current economy, executives and employees at every level are gaining the realization that the world does not owe them a salary, a benefits package and a comfortable life, regardless of their preparation and schooling. Mentally strong people enter the world prepared to work and succeed on their merits, at every stage of the game.

13. Expect Immediate Results. Whether it?s a workout plan, a nutritional regimen, or starting a business, mentally strong people are ?in it for the long haul?. They know better than to expect immediate results. They apply their energy and time in measured doses and they celebrate each milestone and increment of success on the way. They have ?staying power.? And they understand that genuine changes take time. Do you have mental strength? Are there elements on this list you need more of? With thanks to Amy Morin, I would like to reinforce my own abilities further in each of these areas today. How about you?

[gambler]

Tool box

By request here are a few posts for the tool box..

"Yup .. when I look back over the past few months its almost like looking at someone else. When I started my AF life I made a pact with myself to not worry about what I was feeling and thinking as I knew it was not really who I was. However it was going to be it was going to be. Yea I was dealing with alot of other stuff..but still I could not grasp what IT was going to be like. Just go with the flow is what I suggest...ups and downs Will happen and it is what it is. My AF life started kinda like untangling a wad of Christmas lights. At the beginning its all just a tangled mess..then as I progressed in my de-tangle I found that it was well worth the effort instead of saying screw it and jumble it all back thus leaving me with the same crappy ball of lights ( Well in my case it would have been Much MUCH worse..I might not have had any lights ). Nope..cant just throw it away and go get another set at the store..I was eventually going to have to work things out. While Im eventually get it untangled I have the opportunity to do what I will with them. I can even start using what I have before I finish. The Reality of it is the "Finish" isnt really important..its the relentless effort to keep going at it..Never stop.. and apply what I have 'untangled' to my Tree of Life."

"To every other perched newbie nester fluttering tiredly I want to exemplify just how much the members here can help you change your life. Without going into a great diatribe about my past AL life I would like to suggest that without this forum and the support I received here there would most likely be a Very lost soul out there in the world. Drunk Bitter and angry..sad lonely and desolate. My life and what I chose to become is directly tied to my acceptance of the Help offered here. It is such an extreme difference of the opposite that its almost too hard to put to words. The choices that I have now..the positive outlook and directions available..the awareness and control that has been gained is not only "worth it" its akin to being Outside of life looking in. A totally different perspective on life that you get by being AF..looking at others including myself when I was drinking is a curious feeling. I see the allure and seduction of booze.. being able to do all sorts of nifty things.. like forgetting about the past ( although you forget about now and the future as well )..or subduing unwelcome feelings ( bummer that those good feelings are hollow and empty ). But in the end we become empty and apathetic to everything around us..including ourselves. I digress. Bottom line .. please accept the True Spirit of the MWO forums to help you get yourself back. If you posted here..then you have found not only a must have Tool..but you have found true friends ..and most of all Loads of Loving companionship. I owe a great deal to the people here..that of which I can never really repay."

"GwAwKy MAE 90 Day Morning my fellow Nesters

Yes indeed ladies and gents today is my 90th AF Birthday. So for your reading enjoyment I had decided a few days ago that I was going share with you some random thoughts and feelings I have had over the last three months. Yes Its probably going to be an extra long read and I promise to make it fun so try not to get lost.. its also going to be somewhat all over the place as Im creating this throughout the day ( probably loads of misspellled words.. sorry about that but wordpad does not have a spell checker ).

Oh man..where do I start. I guess its a question we all have to ask ourselves..why am I here ? How did I come to a point where I had to tell myself 'Dude..you Have to quit drinking man ! This shit out of control !'? I was already to this stage years before my wife left and took the boys. Yes..for me I no longer had the luxury of Choice or procrastination. It was happening with or without me. So the question remains..how did AL get this bad in my life. Its simple really. Suppression. You see.. I have a Very active mind. Thats the hardest part of my Sobriety..learning how to live without being silenced inside. I cant just do nothing without going nuts. Come to think about it most drinkers that I know are the same. Mentally active. Not like those people that just seem to be on auto-pilot without two thoughts to rub together. So I found a compfort zone with AL. Unfortunatly I became to too relient on alcohol. Oh great! Now I had unknowingly found myself Addicted ( chemically unballanced ). My body physically needed the alchohol as much as food or water after so many years of encorporating it. Hey..not my friggin fault. Its just the nature of it. So yea it was a real bitch in the beginnig. To add insult to injury, Whilst my chemistry was doing its not so fun physical balancing act it in turn started screwing with me emotionally and cognitively. I littorally had days where there was little continuity in anything. ( which was already Fubared with the divorce crap ). One way to deal with this pinball was to mentally become an outsider in the whole thing. I did everything I could to remove myself from every thought and emotion that came up. I just let things run its course without trying to interfere too much. Expression was a key tool when all this was going down. It was ok to have whatever feelings or thought that came my way..but letting it out like a running faucet helped more than anything else. Thats where posting here came into play. I can look back at my posts and say "Man..I wrote that ?". Yup. I had to let myself Untangle itself in its own way. Whatever it was it was. I knew this going in so I didnt have to feel guity or ashamed of anything I wrote. "Your doing This for Yourself ! DO WHATEVER IT TAKES !" I was told. Looking back on it there is nothing more true than this statement. So I did just that.. I even lied to myself ( never to anyone else though ). Things like "you start drinking and your liver is going to explode" or "you will Never see your kids again" or "MWO will think Im a failure" kinda lies. But honestly just reading and posting here was the largest tool I had.

So a few 90 day sober suggestions for you new guys starting out..

Dont take Anything you feel,say,think or do personally! Just go a long for the Ride. Think of it like getting on a roller coaster. There you are standing in line..letting people cut in front of you because your afraid. Sometimes even getting in the car and then when it starts to move you quickly jump out and get back in line. You have to make that commitment to Lock youself in. Your just a passenger in an up down side to side twisty twirly ride of your life. ( Hey you think getting drunk was fun..wait till you try this out lol ! ) You dont have much control on where it goes or what it does so just try to sit back and relax as much as possible. Relax..there will be ups along with those "oh fu.. fu.. fu..uuuk this sucks!" times. The best for me was those Normal days strung along the up and down ones. I did a post on how, in a way..looking back on it..it was a kind of a sucky hell sorta fun for me. Yea sure the coaster ride made you puke all over yourself..and you were not having a good time here and there.. but when you get off and get your footing back you can look at that monstrosity and tell yourself "boy that was a F'd up Ride..but wow..what a rush!". So Lock yourself in Tight and remember that the next time your head starts telling you stupid stuff like "get off!..this is too much!" that You Committed! It really does end so hang in there.

One of the mistakes I made was not having a "plan". I kinda didnt even know what the hell these guys/gals were even talking about..Plan..what plan? Think about what you are going to do after your initiation period. Yea..my plan for the first stages was to barracade myself in my house and let whatever happen happen for the first week. So no planning was involved there ( personally I dont think any amount of planning would have worked for me anyways with the other things happening in my life ). But I failed to think about what I was going to do after that. I did get my home spotless and had enough energy to help build a skyscraper but I dont think I utilized my time and potential as much as I could have. If I didnt have the divorce/kids thing going on I could very much see the risk of getting back in the can. So think about how you could replace your extra "drinking" time with. Im being somewhat hipocritical in this such as I still havent done a good job with making a plan myself. But for me things are changing almost daily..so I keep telling myself.

For the triggers..well I never had many of those and..well..there all gone..so not a fort knox of info on that.

Get ready for the change. Almost Everything has Change in it now. Of course the Change that jingles is a nice bonus for us. Depending on how much you spent on drinking your going to have an influx of extra cash. I was spending anywere to 250 to 300 bucks a month on beer ( cheap crap ). Hey..thats a friggin car payment. Relish in the idea that your going to have some cool cash laying around. Another change is in your relationships. Your not going to be the same in many ways. I dont put up with crap anymore. I dont let people run over me or treat me like a door mat. I also have more understanding and compassion too. So its not like I became a complete jerk or anything. For the most part the general outlook on the world has improved. Get ready for the Change in friends as well. Im not too sure how to approach this aspect because each relationship is different. I know that the whole "true friend" thing gets brought up but Im not the type that gets involved between two people..so Im going to just let it at that. All I can say is that your going to change some of the ways you deal with people..and how others deal with you ( good or bad is sometimes out of your control ). The perceptuall change is just over the top for me. The things I hear..the smells and how much more aware I am to my surroundings is like having super powers . Milage may vary..but Im getting my bang for the buck. Memory change is a biggie too. I am recalling past things that were only a blur before now. Some of them for sure locked up for a reason..but mostly the good things and joyful recolections brought back to life. Much of the time spent with the wife and boys for example can be compared to remembering it in black and white before vs. being in color now. Being able to enjoy those parts in my life on this level is something of a gift..but dont let that fool you. Some of the feelings that accompany these "good" memories can be hard to deal with. Sure I did/said some hurtful things that I must remorse..but..its the future that I feel Guilty about. Thats the hardest part for me. Not being able to remorse for something that Im inevitably guilty of. So this Memory rose has its thorns as well as its sweet aroma..

For those of you that are wondering about the best part of my AF life so far..I would have to say it was the first month. Yea it had the worst parts in it..but it was the most memorable I guess. So its not the "best" so far..but that first 30 days were filled with such action and variety that its just hard to forget lol. I like having things leveled out dont get me wrong..but I will never forget the first 30. After 90 days I feel great about myself. I look 10 years younger and feel like it too. Just the other day someone that had known me for the last 10 years told me I never looked so good. I found myself looking in the mirror after he left and I had to agree with him. So thats something to look forward too as well. If your younger get ready to fend off the opposite sex ( or husband/wife ) with your new looks . ( oh..speaking of sex..I had found my.. um.. "drive" go down the tubes hard. After 90 days the key is on..but its only at Idle. I hope I find the gas peddle sometime soon! )

So..I guess after 90 days I can say that for the most part everthing has leveled off. I still have those days that just dont feel right but everything else has a managable context to it. Being able to deal with day to day events are becoming routinely uneventful. If I had to describe in a word how I feel right now..I would have to say "Manageable". Basically things are working on there own. Most everything is manageable without having to expend too much effort. Its a good feeling going from putting no effort into much of anything and having nothing..to putting little effort and getting so much in return. Cant beat that for such a short amount of time invested..

I look forward to the sun rising now..not the sun setting.."

Dave

[gambler]

Tool box

By request here are a few posts for the tool box..

"Yup .. when I look back over the past few months its almost like looking at someone else. When I started my AF life I made a pact with myself to not worry about what I was feeling and thinking as I knew it was not really who I was. However it was going to be it was going to be. Yea I was dealing with alot of other stuff..but still I could not grasp what IT was going to be like. Just go with the flow is what I suggest...ups and downs Will happen and it is what it is. My AF life started kinda like untangling a wad of Christmas lights. At the beginning its all just a tangled mess..then as I progressed in my de-tangle I found that it was well worth the effort instead of saying screw it and jumble it all back thus leaving me with the same crappy ball of lights ( Well in my case it would have been Much MUCH worse..I might not have had any lights ). Nope..cant just throw it away and go get another set at the store..I was eventually going to have to work things out. While Im eventually get it untangled I have the opportunity to do what I will with them. I can even start using what I have before I finish. The Reality of it is the "Finish" isnt really important..its the relentless effort to keep going at it..Never stop.. and apply what I have 'untangled' to my Tree of Life."

"To every other perched newbie nester fluttering tiredly I want to exemplify just how much the members here can help you change your life. Without going into a great diatribe about my past AL life I would like to suggest that without this forum and the support I received here there would most likely be a Very lost soul out there in the world. Drunk Bitter and angry..sad lonely and desolate. My life and what I chose to become is directly tied to my acceptance of the Help offered here. It is such an extreme difference of the opposite that its almost too hard to put to words. The choices that I have now..the positive outlook and directions available..the awareness and control that has been gained is not only "worth it" its akin to being Outside of life looking in. A totally different perspective on life that you get by being AF..looking at others including myself when I was drinking is a curious feeling. I see the allure and seduction of booze.. being able to do all sorts of nifty things.. like forgetting about the past ( although you forget about now and the future as well )..or subduing unwelcome feelings ( bummer that those good feelings are hollow and empty ). But in the end we become empty and apathetic to everything around us..including ourselves. I digress. Bottom line .. please accept the True Spirit of the MWO forums to help you get yourself back. If you posted here..then you have found not only a must have Tool..but you have found true friends ..and most of all Loads of Loving companionship. I owe a great deal to the people here..that of which I can never really repay."

"GwAwKy MAE 90 Day Morning my fellow Nesters

Yes indeed ladies and gents today is my 90th AF Birthday. So for your reading enjoyment I had decided a few days ago that I was going share with you some random thoughts and feelings I have had over the last three months. Yes Its probably going to be an extra long read and I promise to make it fun so try not to get lost.. its also going to be somewhat all over the place as Im creating this throughout the day ( probably loads of misspellled words.. sorry about that but wordpad does not have a spell checker ).

Oh man..where do I start. I guess its a question we all have to ask ourselves..why am I here ? How did I come to a point where I had to tell myself 'Dude..you Have to quit drinking man ! This shit out of control !'? I was already to this stage years before my wife left and took the boys. Yes..for me I no longer had the luxury of Choice or procrastination. It was happening with or without me. So the question remains..how did AL get this bad in my life. Its simple really. Suppression. You see.. I have a Very active mind. Thats the hardest part of my Sobriety..learning how to live without being silenced inside. I cant just do nothing without going nuts. Come to think about it most drinkers that I know are the same. Mentally active. Not like those people that just seem to be on auto-pilot without two thoughts to rub together. So I found a compfort zone with AL. Unfortunatly I became to too relient on alcohol. Oh great! Now I had unknowingly found myself Addicted ( chemically unballanced ). My body physically needed the alchohol as much as food or water after so many years of encorporating it. Hey..not my friggin fault. Its just the nature of it. So yea it was a real bitch in the beginnig. To add insult to injury, Whilst my chemistry was doing its not so fun physical balancing act it in turn started screwing with me emotionally and cognitively. I littorally had days where there was little continuity in anything. ( which was already Fubared with the divorce crap ). One way to deal with this pinball was to mentally become an outsider in the whole thing. I did everything I could to remove myself from every thought and emotion that came up. I just let things run its course without trying to interfere too much. Expression was a key tool when all this was going down. It was ok to have whatever feelings or thought that came my way..but letting it out like a running faucet helped more than anything else. Thats where posting here came into play. I can look back at my posts and say "Man..I wrote that ?". Yup. I had to let myself Untangle itself in its own way. Whatever it was it was. I knew this going in so I didnt have to feel guity or ashamed of anything I wrote. "Your doing This for Yourself ! DO WHATEVER IT TAKES !" I was told. Looking back on it there is nothing more true than this statement. So I did just that.. I even lied to myself ( never to anyone else though ). Things like "you start drinking and your liver is going to explode" or "you will Never see your kids again" or "MWO will think Im a failure" kinda lies. But honestly just reading and posting here was the largest tool I had.

So a few 90 day sober suggestions for you new guys starting out..

Dont take Anything you feel,say,think or do personally! Just go a long for the Ride. Think of it like getting on a roller coaster. There you are standing in line..letting people cut in front of you because your afraid. Sometimes even getting in the car and then when it starts to move you quickly jump out and get back in line. You have to make that commitment to Lock youself in. Your just a passenger in an up down side to side twisty twirly ride of your life. ( Hey you think getting drunk was fun..wait till you try this out lol ! ) You dont have much control on where it goes or what it does so just try to sit back and relax as much as possible. Relax..there will be ups along with those "oh fu.. fu.. fu..uuuk this sucks!" times. The best for me was those Normal days strung along the up and down ones. I did a post on how, in a way..looking back on it..it was a kind of a sucky hell sorta fun for me. Yea sure the coaster ride made you puke all over yourself..and you were not having a good time here and there.. but when you get off and get your footing back you can look at that monstrosity and tell yourself "boy that was a F'd up Ride..but wow..what a rush!". So Lock yourself in Tight and remember that the next time your head starts telling you stupid stuff like "get off!..this is too much!" that You Committed! It really does end so hang in there.

One of the mistakes I made was not having a "plan". I kinda didnt even know what the hell these guys/gals were even talking about..Plan..what plan? Think about what you are going to do after your initiation period. Yea..my plan for the first stages was to barracade myself in my house and let whatever happen happen for the first week. So no planning was involved there ( personally I dont think any amount of planning would have worked for me anyways with the other things happening in my life ). But I failed to think about what I was going to do after that. I did get my home spotless and had enough energy to help build a skyscraper but I dont think I utilized my time and potential as much as I could have. If I didnt have the divorce/kids thing going on I could very much see the risk of getting back in the can. So think about how you could replace your extra "drinking" time with. Im being somewhat hipocritical in this such as I still havent done a good job with making a plan myself. But for me things are changing almost daily..so I keep telling myself.

For the triggers..well I never had many of those and..well..there all gone..so not a fort knox of info on that.

Get ready for the change. Almost Everything has Change in it now. Of course the Change that jingles is a nice bonus for us. Depending on how much you spent on drinking your going to have an influx of extra cash. I was spending anywere to 250 to 300 bucks a month on beer ( cheap crap ). Hey..thats a friggin car payment. Relish in the idea that your going to have some cool cash laying around. Another change is in your relationships. Your not going to be the same in many ways. I dont put up with crap anymore. I dont let people run over me or treat me like a door mat. I also have more understanding and compassion too. So its not like I became a complete jerk or anything. For the most part the general outlook on the world has improved. Get ready for the Change in friends as well. Im not too sure how to approach this aspect because each relationship is different. I know that the whole "true friend" thing gets brought up but Im not the type that gets involved between two people..so Im going to just let it at that. All I can say is that your going to change some of the ways you deal with people..and how others deal with you ( good or bad is sometimes out of your control ). The perceptuall change is just over the top for me. The things I hear..the smells and how much more aware I am to my surroundings is like having super powers . Milage may vary..but Im getting my bang for the buck. Memory change is a biggie too. I am recalling past things that were only a blur before now. Some of them for sure locked up for a reason..but mostly the good things and joyful recolections brought back to life. Much of the time spent with the wife and boys for example can be compared to remembering it in black and white before vs. being in color now. Being able to enjoy those parts in my life on this level is something of a gift..but dont let that fool you. Some of the feelings that accompany these "good" memories can be hard to deal with. Sure I did/said some hurtful things that I must remorse..but..its the future that I feel Guilty about. Thats the hardest part for me. Not being able to remorse for something that Im inevitably guilty of. So this Memory rose has its thorns as well as its sweet aroma..

For those of you that are wondering about the best part of my AF life so far..I would have to say it was the first month. Yea it had the worst parts in it..but it was the most memorable I guess. So its not the "best" so far..but that first 30 days were filled with such action and variety that its just hard to forget lol. I like having things leveled out dont get me wrong..but I will never forget the first 30. After 90 days I feel great about myself. I look 10 years younger and feel like it too. Just the other day someone that had known me for the last 10 years told me I never looked so good. I found myself looking in the mirror after he left and I had to agree with him. So thats something to look forward too as well. If your younger get ready to fend off the opposite sex ( or husband/wife ) with your new looks . ( oh..speaking of sex..I had found my.. um.. "drive" go down the tubes hard. After 90 days the key is on..but its only at Idle. I hope I find the gas peddle sometime soon! )

So..I guess after 90 days I can say that for the most part everthing has leveled off. I still have those days that just dont feel right but everything else has a managable context to it. Being able to deal with day to day events are becoming routinely uneventful. If I had to describe in a word how I feel right now..I would have to say "Manageable". Basically things are working on there own. Most everything is manageable without having to expend too much effort. Its a good feeling going from putting no effort into much of anything and having nothing..to putting little effort and getting so much in return. Cant beat that for such a short amount of time invested..

I look forward to the sun rising now..not the sun setting.."

Dave

[Byrdlady]

Tool box

Posted with permission from The SunFlower:


12-28-2013, 09:00 PM

TheSunFlower wrote:

Mick...I think being honest is so very important....and everyone will always get support here in their journey. I think it is important to tell people the truth. Sugarcoating helps no one. All of my failures can be traced back to not really taking al of the table.

I know that some have hit major milestones to report that "not much has changed", except that they don't drink anymore. For my dysfunctional relationship with al....I would have zeroed in on that and said "why the hell bother if nothing is going to really change".

When I got to that final "screw it" moment....everything changed. And it keeps changing for the positive. This thing I value so much was an inside job. How I feel physically and emotionally has changed tenfold. How I view the world is so much more positive. How I handle life has changed. How people view me has changed (even if they had no idea I had a drinking problem). How I deal with my kids has changed. My relationship with my husband is deeper than it has ever been. I am no longer consumed with al thoughts....that my brain has time to absorb new things. I can't clearly explain how much I love this new life and new me. And it is something that everyone can have.

I write this....as I was let down when I read on another thread....that a lurker said, "the moderators are doing shit and the abs don't seem to be fairing well either". Is that what we want people to see? Because it is pretty darn de-motivating to someone.

Det...I know you better than thinking 95% of the time is ok. We both know that 95% turns to 85%, 75% and downhill from there. I did it. And it simply is not ok with me that I let my kids down even .0000000001% of the time due to al. And I know you feel the same with DX.

We usually attend a New Year's Eve party at a friends house. Its a place where we get to see everyone in one shot and the kids love to go. The drinking is fairly minimal and they do smoke pot....but, have always gone down to the basement unnoticed. This year my friend asks me (who knows I don't drink and hubby no longer smokes pot)....if I can get a sitter, because they want it to be an "adult" party. We had been planning to swing by for an hour this year.....but, I got to thinking. If they are having an "adult" party due to drinking and drugging.....to the point that a 12 year old should not be present....its not a place I need to be either. That is the shift in thinking. I don't feel left out....I feel liberated that I don't need that shit to have fun. I want to be like a 12 year old again....where fun doesn't come in a freaking bottle.

So as the new year comes....and so many lurkers are making resolutions....can we each post a pretty significant positive from becoming af. If there were not any positives...none of us would be here....feeling thrilled that we are sober.....grateful that we are sober. Willing to jump off a bridge/step in front of a train.....before we would risk going back to al hell.

[Byrdlady]

Tool box

Posted with permission from The SunFlower:


12-28-2013, 09:00 PM

TheSunFlower wrote:

Mick...I think being honest is so very important....and everyone will always get support here in their journey. I think it is important to tell people the truth. Sugarcoating helps no one. All of my failures can be traced back to not really taking al of the table.

I know that some have hit major milestones to report that "not much has changed", except that they don't drink anymore. For my dysfunctional relationship with al....I would have zeroed in on that and said "why the hell bother if nothing is going to really change".

When I got to that final "screw it" moment....everything changed. And it keeps changing for the positive. This thing I value so much was an inside job. How I feel physically and emotionally has changed tenfold. How I view the world is so much more positive. How I handle life has changed. How people view me has changed (even if they had no idea I had a drinking problem). How I deal with my kids has changed. My relationship with my husband is deeper than it has ever been. I am no longer consumed with al thoughts....that my brain has time to absorb new things. I can't clearly explain how much I love this new life and new me. And it is something that everyone can have.

I write this....as I was let down when I read on another thread....that a lurker said, "the moderators are doing shit and the abs don't seem to be fairing well either". Is that what we want people to see? Because it is pretty darn de-motivating to someone.

Det...I know you better than thinking 95% of the time is ok. We both know that 95% turns to 85%, 75% and downhill from there. I did it. And it simply is not ok with me that I let my kids down even .0000000001% of the time due to al. And I know you feel the same with DX.

We usually attend a New Year's Eve party at a friends house. Its a place where we get to see everyone in one shot and the kids love to go. The drinking is fairly minimal and they do smoke pot....but, have always gone down to the basement unnoticed. This year my friend asks me (who knows I don't drink and hubby no longer smokes pot)....if I can get a sitter, because they want it to be an "adult" party. We had been planning to swing by for an hour this year.....but, I got to thinking. If they are having an "adult" party due to drinking and drugging.....to the point that a 12 year old should not be present....its not a place I need to be either. That is the shift in thinking. I don't feel left out....I feel liberated that I don't need that shit to have fun. I want to be like a 12 year old again....where fun doesn't come in a freaking bottle.

So as the new year comes....and so many lurkers are making resolutions....can we each post a pretty significant positive from becoming af. If there were not any positives...none of us would be here....feeling thrilled that we are sober.....grateful that we are sober. Willing to jump off a bridge/step in front of a train.....before we would risk going back to al hell.

[Pavati]

Tool box

How I did my 30 days and am armed to stay alcohol free – by Pavati (not an Italian pasta dish, but a Hopi word for “still water.”) Beware – long Pavati post coming.

1. Stop my denial. Face what I have become. I did this by telling my whole sordid story out loud to a therapist, which means I said it out loud to myself. I am an alcoholic – no two ways about it. I didn’t lose my job or end up in a gutter, but that doesn’t matter. This was EXTREMELY difficult – I do not like to admit “failure,” or admit that I don’t have control. The first step in this was finally posting here after lurking here and there for a long time.

2. Accept that I cannot drink. This was difficult, too. I spent a lot of time over the last two years in particular making deals with myself – if you go X days without you’ve proven you’re not in trouble. Just drink beer and wine. No more than two measured drinks on weeknights. Tonight is a Monday, but I’ll drink because (fill in name of reason). I drank Monday night, so I may as well drink the rest of the week. I’ll have AF weeks starting NEXT Monday. You know the drill. This time, I have accepted that I cannot drink, and that has brought a complete peacefulness to this 30 days that I have never had before. I didn’t have to white knuckle or count the hours (other than the first three days when I was in a haze). I have certainly had my ups and downs, but they were more related to “really, forever, how did I let this happen to me,” than “I NEED a drink NOW.” I have what I have heard called “mind peace.” I have stopped the bargaining and chatter in my head and that has made this so much easier. I didn’t understand the “acceptance” part of sobriety until I felt it myself. Many of us mothers have mentioned that we didn’t have a problem quitting for 9 months when we were pregnant. I have come to realize that the reason was there was NO CHOICE involved. We know what alcohol does to unborn children and we weren’t willing to do that to our babies. Well – we know what alcohol does to our own bodies – why would we be willing to do that to ourselves?

3. Read, read, read and post, post, post. Reading all I can on here serves a number of purposes. First, it lets me see that I am not alone. There are other intelligent, professional mothers here who have gotten in the same predicament I am in. It is so helpful to read the stories of others and to find fellowship in their company. I am shy about AA or face-to-face meetings in my small town, but I can truly let it all hang out here. Also, in reading I find great advice – from cultivating an attitude of gratitude to learning to forgive, I have found great techniques and tools here. Those who have paved the way and stay here to support us are of course helpful, and so are those who are at the same stage as me – they know what I am going through in the moment. In addition, many people on MWO post resources and ideas for further reading, all of which has helped me focus on the prize – sobriety. Not one, not ever. Posting serves to help me sort out my own feelings – it acts as a journal. I find that whether I am musing on my own or typing words to support someone else, I am thinking about sobriety in new ways every time.

4. Find a thread and attach myself to it, but look elsewhere, too. I found Ladies on a Mission through a recommendation. It is important for me to check in there with everyone who posts – I want to support the people who post there, but I also know that they have my back if I’m feeling down. I actually believe that I would be supported in any thread I attached myself to around here – there is so much acceptance and welcome everywhere I turn. I have ventured out a bit and am finding new connections all the time. Did I mention that posting a lot was one of my tools??

5. Adopt an attitude of gratitude. Wow – this seems so simple. I have changed my focus from “I can’t have alcohol” to “I get to live my life with a clear head and no regret.” This helps most when I have the inkling of deprivation – I turn it around immediately to focus on what I am gaining by getting alcohol out of my life – not what I am supposedly “losing.” I can’t believe how well this works. I didn’t believe it, in fact, until I got to #2 above.

6. Work to become and stay sober. This is fact. You can’t hope or pray or wish to be sober, you have to actively work to be sober. That doesn’t mean it has to be your focus all day and night, but it means creating a plan and sticking to it. For me, this also means telling people out loud or in writing what my plan is. I have proven fairly good at lying to myself over the years, but not very good at lying to others. This has meant, for me, MWO as well as individual counseling. And a daily plan, written here or in my journal, to stay sober.

7. Understand one day at a time and the serenity prayer. I am not a religious person, but these words speak to me: “…grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to tell the difference.” Until now I have focused on the first part of that saying, but I have come to realize the importance of the second part, too. As a perfectionist I needed to learn to accept what I can’t change, but waking up from denial has made me realize that I also need to work on changing the things I CAN change. One day at a time was a revelation. Although I have heard it MANY times, I finally realize the power in that statement. I don’t have to worry about the camping trip next summer without AL – I just have to make it through today sober.

(added edit #8)
8. Exercise is key. Exercise is a natural way to release those endorphins that enhance my mood and GREATLY reduce my anxiety. When I am feeling down and shaky my husband tells me to go out and exercise because he knows how much it helps. I'm not a tri-athlete or gym rat or anything - I just go walk some hills quickly or ride my bike with my kids and feel more calm instantly.

OK – I am sure there are a million more reasons that I am not just sober but happily sober right now, but I will stop here (and PS – I’m not reading back for typos or spelling errors). It has truly been a pleasure to get to know you all over the last 30 days – I am eternally grateful for the wonderful support and strength I have found here. You are all funny, honest, vulnerable and strong. Getting alcohol out of my life has been a gift that will influence the rest of my life in a positive way. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

[Pavati]

Tool box

How I did my 30 days and am armed to stay alcohol free – by Pavati (not an Italian pasta dish, but a Hopi word for “still water.”) Beware – long Pavati post coming.

1. Stop my denial. Face what I have become. I did this by telling my whole sordid story out loud to a therapist, which means I said it out loud to myself. I am an alcoholic – no two ways about it. I didn’t lose my job or end up in a gutter, but that doesn’t matter. This was EXTREMELY difficult – I do not like to admit “failure,” or admit that I don’t have control. The first step in this was finally posting here after lurking here and there for a long time.

2. Accept that I cannot drink. This was difficult, too. I spent a lot of time over the last two years in particular making deals with myself – if you go X days without you’ve proven you’re not in trouble. Just drink beer and wine. No more than two measured drinks on weeknights. Tonight is a Monday, but I’ll drink because (fill in name of reason). I drank Monday night, so I may as well drink the rest of the week. I’ll have AF weeks starting NEXT Monday. You know the drill. This time, I have accepted that I cannot drink, and that has brought a complete peacefulness to this 30 days that I have never had before. I didn’t have to white knuckle or count the hours (other than the first three days when I was in a haze). I have certainly had my ups and downs, but they were more related to “really, forever, how did I let this happen to me,” than “I NEED a drink NOW.” I have what I have heard called “mind peace.” I have stopped the bargaining and chatter in my head and that has made this so much easier. I didn’t understand the “acceptance” part of sobriety until I felt it myself. Many of us mothers have mentioned that we didn’t have a problem quitting for 9 months when we were pregnant. I have come to realize that the reason was there was NO CHOICE involved. We know what alcohol does to unborn children and we weren’t willing to do that to our babies. Well – we know what alcohol does to our own bodies – why would we be willing to do that to ourselves?

3. Read, read, read and post, post, post. Reading all I can on here serves a number of purposes. First, it lets me see that I am not alone. There are other intelligent, professional mothers here who have gotten in the same predicament I am in. It is so helpful to read the stories of others and to find fellowship in their company. I am shy about AA or face-to-face meetings in my small town, but I can truly let it all hang out here. Also, in reading I find great advice – from cultivating an attitude of gratitude to learning to forgive, I have found great techniques and tools here. Those who have paved the way and stay here to support us are of course helpful, and so are those who are at the same stage as me – they know what I am going through in the moment. In addition, many people on MWO post resources and ideas for further reading, all of which has helped me focus on the prize – sobriety. Not one, not ever. Posting serves to help me sort out my own feelings – it acts as a journal. I find that whether I am musing on my own or typing words to support someone else, I am thinking about sobriety in new ways every time.

4. Find a thread and attach myself to it, but look elsewhere, too. I found Ladies on a Mission through a recommendation. It is important for me to check in there with everyone who posts – I want to support the people who post there, but I also know that they have my back if I’m feeling down. I actually believe that I would be supported in any thread I attached myself to around here – there is so much acceptance and welcome everywhere I turn. I have ventured out a bit and am finding new connections all the time. Did I mention that posting a lot was one of my tools??

5. Adopt an attitude of gratitude. Wow – this seems so simple. I have changed my focus from “I can’t have alcohol” to “I get to live my life with a clear head and no regret.” This helps most when I have the inkling of deprivation – I turn it around immediately to focus on what I am gaining by getting alcohol out of my life – not what I am supposedly “losing.” I can’t believe how well this works. I didn’t believe it, in fact, until I got to #2 above.

6. Work to become and stay sober. This is fact. You can’t hope or pray or wish to be sober, you have to actively work to be sober. That doesn’t mean it has to be your focus all day and night, but it means creating a plan and sticking to it. For me, this also means telling people out loud or in writing what my plan is. I have proven fairly good at lying to myself over the years, but not very good at lying to others. This has meant, for me, MWO as well as individual counseling. And a daily plan, written here or in my journal, to stay sober.

7. Understand one day at a time and the serenity prayer. I am not a religious person, but these words speak to me: “…grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to tell the difference.” Until now I have focused on the first part of that saying, but I have come to realize the importance of the second part, too. As a perfectionist I needed to learn to accept what I can’t change, but waking up from denial has made me realize that I also need to work on changing the things I CAN change. One day at a time was a revelation. Although I have heard it MANY times, I finally realize the power in that statement. I don’t have to worry about the camping trip next summer without AL – I just have to make it through today sober.

(added edit #8)
8. Exercise is key. Exercise is a natural way to release those endorphins that enhance my mood and GREATLY reduce my anxiety. When I am feeling down and shaky my husband tells me to go out and exercise because he knows how much it helps. I'm not a tri-athlete or gym rat or anything - I just go walk some hills quickly or ride my bike with my kids and feel more calm instantly.

OK – I am sure there are a million more reasons that I am not just sober but happily sober right now, but I will stop here (and PS – I’m not reading back for typos or spelling errors). It has truly been a pleasure to get to know you all over the last 30 days – I am eternally grateful for the wonderful support and strength I have found here. You are all funny, honest, vulnerable and strong. Getting alcohol out of my life has been a gift that will influence the rest of my life in a positive way. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

[Icanwithoutacan]

Tool box

Thanks guys and Byrdie I've been waiting a long time for that hat... It is securely in place. Thank you!!!!

I don't have a lot of wisdom to impart, but since I have tried so many times and fallen before I will try:

1. The biggest thing is that I now don't drink. I mean in my brain it's not an option. I don't know if it matters how this comes about but in my case my husband called me out on my drinking. Until now that was one if our favorite things to do together (have a beer), but he can have 1 beer; I was sneaking 7 a night sometimes 10 and way more if he was drinking more too or at parties -anyway, the last drink on Dec 15 was me alone drinking 7 after he went to bed and he noticed big time the next day when he looked in the fridge(damn forgot to rearrange that time so he wouldn't notice-lol). Anyway I was so ashamed and stubbornly set out to prove I could quit. So,it was initially out of shame but I was deep inside glad to be forced to quit again bc I was sinking fast. #1- I don't drink
2. That being said, my dad was diagnosed w dementia, my husband and I weren't getting along great, it was the holidays .... Yadayadayada...I had so many emotions and I had to feel them for the first time in a long time.and it sucked -bad- but I don't drink . Slowly, I started to realize emotions change frequently and learned to sit with them and let them pass... Still working on this. I think my brain is actually healing and I'm getting more even keeled. #2 accept your feelings and realize your brain is having a major overhaul and GIVE IT TIME
3. I use non alcoholic beer in a (coozie) idk what you all call 'em but it fools most people and those who ask I just say I'm not drinking. No big deal. I used to use
The fact that my husband liked TJ drink as an excuse like he wouldn't like me if I didn't but he likes me just fine - funny how your brain lies to get you drunk. I used to think my friends would abandon me but they're still around too#3- your worse fears of isolation and rejection probably aren't true
4. Watch a lot of Al documentaries - this really helps me a lot.
5. Check in daily and post. I'm not great at posting because it takes a long time on my iPhone but even reading around the site and watching other people encourage you and struggle w you is great.
6. You MUST IMO start to dream of your life sober not of your life without alcohol. It's a subtle but important distinction I think. I want to be happy in my sober life- thrilled even - not just getting by without alcohol. There are things every day that I celebrate only being able to do bc I'm sober- drive kids at night, projects w kids, chores I'm not letting slide, starting to dream Again .... Celebrate these
Oh - this morning I said to my husband , if I were in AA I'd get a 30 day chip today. He high fives me and says see you're not an alcoholic- you just have drinking problem : argh thank god for you all!
Now let's do this thing