Tool box

[abcowboy]

I posted this in the Nest and was asked to make sure it got to the Toolbox, just one drunk helping another drunk stay sober..

Hello everyone! There’s been some talk on other threads as to why MWO seems to slow down from time to time. People are busy, have become complacent, have found another source of support, need face to face, or have become comfortable and firm in their sobriety. There could be many reasons other than relapse, although I fear relapse is a big contributor. For me, like the other old timers, when I feel comfortable and firm in my quit, then it’s time to give back, to help others enjoy the freedom that I feel.

I am not an addiction counselor, nor am I trained in any way to advise people how to beat their addiction. I am a fellow alcohol addict who woke on another Day One and decided I needed more than AA, so I began to look on the internet for more information about my situation. That search led me to MWO, where I have been an active participant for most of the past 3/4 year. I have been sober for most of that time, but not all of it. I have noticed a recurring pattern in my sober spells. I begin with very high resolve to beat this addiction, but over time that resolve declines, finding more reasons and excuses, leading inevitably to more drinking. I have noticed a similar pattern expressed by some other members who want to stay stopped, but who do not find it easy.

There are many members of the forum who have long term sobriety. I put them in two categories. The first is the group whose drinking led them to great personal tragedy; jail time, children taken away, loss of family, injured someone while drunk, injured themselves while drunk, lost job and living on streets, etc. Those people experienced a life altering event that filled them with unshakable resolve to remain sober. The second is the group who stopped their drinking before their personal lives came to tragedy. They realized their drinking was a problem, the negative consequences were piling up, so they stopped and stayed stopped. I want to be in that second group. I am terrified of ending up in that first group.

We both wake up on Day One overcome by the negative consequences of our drinking and highly resolved to quit this behavior and remain sober. We continue on this path for a while, let’s call it Path A, but at some point a change in direction comes. It might be a few days or a few weeks, but as sure as the sun rises, that change will come. The resolve to remain sober declines, ultimately leading to relapse. Judging from some of the posts I see, I was not alone in this pattern.
Yet for some, they experience a change in direction that actually elevates their resolve to remain sober. They do not drink again. Their path, let’s call it Path B, leads to happily ever after - or at least soberly ever after. Either way, it is the path I am now on.

So, ask yourself, "What makes the difference between traveling on Path A or Path B?" Here is my opinion. It is the CHOICES and ACTIONS before one hits that fork in the road that will have the greatest influence on which path is travelled. The path you choose is your decision and yours alone, no one can make it for you.

I am seeing a counsellor, and I believe it is going well. She is providing me with tools and strategies to maintain my resolve. I have a renewed faith in God and pray daily. So far it is working for me. There are other strategies working for members of that pre-tragedy group of recovering alcoholics. AA, AVRT, SMART, MWO, etc. I haven't tried all of them, only MWO and AA, and still borrow from AA as needed. Whatever works to keep me to Path B this time is what I’m sticking with! But one thing is for sure, I can’t do it alone. That is why I pray daily, I read and post on MWO daily, and I see my counsellor once a month. As Robert said about black boxes, if it isn’t broke, why fix it!

[abcowboy]

"You don't have to jump off the cliff to know what's going to happen when you hit the bottom."

Take a look at the bottom. It's way down there. There is no way you can survive the fall. You might even bounce off the side of the mountain as you drop. You are going to be a crumpled up, bloody mess laying there either dead or paralyzed or painfully mangled. And it all begins with that first leap, then you are helplessly falling.

And it all begins with that first drink. So take a good long look at the bottom. Just because you haven't wrecked your car, or lost your liver, or ruined your marriage, or lost your child, or become bankrupt, or lost your job, or killed someone, or gone to jail, or killed yourself, doesn't mean it won't happen. It will happen if you take that leap.

If you feel like picking up the first one, look at the bottom. Remember some of the awful things you did and think about some of the awful things you have heard others do. And the awful things people said about you when you were drunk. You don't want to go there. Take a deep breath and let someone know why you are feeling like drinking. Don't be ashamed of having a craving. Don't let your disease stop you from reaching out for help. Good for you all for always coming back, it really means you want to find your way out!"

[abcowboy]

"You don't have to jump off the cliff to know what's going to happen when you hit the bottom."

Take a look at the bottom. It's way down there. There is no way you can survive the fall. You might even bounce off the side of the mountain as you drop. You are going to be a crumpled up, bloody mess laying there either dead or paralyzed or painfully mangled. And it all begins with that first leap, then you are helplessly falling.

And it all begins with that first drink. So take a good long look at the bottom. Just because you haven't wrecked your car, or lost your liver, or ruined your marriage, or lost your child, or become bankrupt, or lost your job, or killed someone, or gone to jail, or killed yourself, doesn't mean it won't happen. It will happen if you take that leap.

If you feel like picking up the first one, look at the bottom. Remember some of the awful things you did and think about some of the awful things you have heard others do. And the awful things people said about you when you were drunk. You don't want to go there. Take a deep breath and let someone know why you are feeling like drinking. Don't be ashamed of having a craving. Don't let your disease stop you from reaching out for help. Good for you all for always coming back, it really means you want to find your way out!"

[Matt M.]

Hell Froze over. Matt made a year!

In keeping with tradition here is my one year sober story.*

Where I was at a year ago, what I did during the past year, and where I'm at now?.

A year ago I was a beatin, battered Man. I was repulsed with everything about me. For the husband and father I'd become, for the sad legacy I was preparing for my loved ones. My Morals once high, had stooped to an all new low. At 43 years old I had been drinking for 20+ years, heavily drinking the last 10 years. It was about 10 years ago I began to think I had a problem. My Father was Alcoholic,with 30 years sobriety when he died. My mother &sister have many years of sobriety. I grew up in the rooms of AA. So naturally I went to AA, because that's what you did, Hell it saved my parents life! In my family it was AA or keep drinking, that was it, end of story..(AA has saved many lives, I believe there is more than one way to skin a cat)*
So over the last 10 years I fell in and out racking up 30 days a few times 60 a time or two 6 months twice 8 months and even 10months.. All of those times I would convince myself and the ones around me "this time would be different"*

(From the Big book of AA) - Alcohol- cunning, baffling and powerful, no truer words ever spoken*

I was at an all time low, my wife had withstood years of my druken tirades, lies, conniving, broken promises. She had been preparing herself for a life without me, no threats, verbal ultimatums this time. She was saving herself and our children from my destruction. My children are my life I cherished my family, yet I came so close to loosing it all, even knowing I was about to lose it all. After all of this the thought of never drinking again was still to hard to bare...Unfuckingbelievable how anything can have that much power..



I started reading every self help book I could find. They helped, one inpaticular really put Alcohol in a different light, The book hammered home what a poison Alcohol really is, with absolutely zero value of any kind, and no matter what I could not drink it, No matter what...The theory here is one had to change there complete mindset about Alcohol. This really got my wheels turning and by the absolute Grace of God a google search led me to MWO.*

After reading through the site for a few days, I jumped in head first. I began to follow people in here that I could relate to. I logged I in and read and read and posted 10+ × a day, I reached out to several via private message. I built trust and soon began emailing with several. I now had people that could hold me accountable, and they no shit did hold me accountable. I am forever grateful. After a few months I began to get comfortable in my old/new sobriety, I started letting a day or two go by without logging in. Guess what people noticed, and called me out on a few occasions, I was so graciously thrown a life line.*
Yes a lifeline, because for me, I believe for me to drink again would ultimately be my fate. I don't have another day one on me.*
My mantra There is a 100% chance I can't do this by myself! And I didn't. ..By the grace of God and the men and women in these rooms, I have been born again Hard! I have made life long friends from as far away as Australlia <3.



Where am I after one year?*

I am happier than I remember beng since an adolescent.*
My relationships with my Wife and 3 boys has blossomed in ways I could never have imagined. The grass is greener, the trees are more beautiful, And optimism has replaced the once pessimist....For so many years I could not imagine a life without Alcohol, now I cringe at the thought of a life with Al in it. .

Do I have thoughts of drink? Yes occasionally. Then I play it out in my mind for the next week, and the results are the same. Insanity*
Do I still have days of remorse and guilt? Absolutely*

I can't dwell on them, but I know my darkest days have become my greatest asset! A very wise woman I met in here ( not mentioning any names but her nickname resembles something with wings and feathers with a Y) recently gave me advice as she so often has. I had shared with her some struggles I was having. She said "Regret of the past and fear of the future are the twin thieves of today!" So true.*

If you're struggling, lock in here, follow the successful ones in front of you and don't give Alcohol another second of your life, we don't get that time back. I'm damn sure going to make the best of what time I have left and be able to remember it!*
For everyone that has been apart of this Thank you. .

STAY HARD My friends!

[Matt M.]

Hell Froze over. Matt made a year!

In keeping with tradition here is my one year sober story.*

Where I was at a year ago, what I did during the past year, and where I'm at now?.

A year ago I was a beatin, battered Man. I was repulsed with everything about me. For the husband and father I'd become, for the sad legacy I was preparing for my loved ones. My Morals once high, had stooped to an all new low. At 43 years old I had been drinking for 20+ years, heavily drinking the last 10 years. It was about 10 years ago I began to think I had a problem. My Father was Alcoholic,with 30 years sobriety when he died. My mother &sister have many years of sobriety. I grew up in the rooms of AA. So naturally I went to AA, because that's what you did, Hell it saved my parents life! In my family it was AA or keep drinking, that was it, end of story..(AA has saved many lives, I believe there is more than one way to skin a cat)*
So over the last 10 years I fell in and out racking up 30 days a few times 60 a time or two 6 months twice 8 months and even 10months.. All of those times I would convince myself and the ones around me "this time would be different"*

(From the Big book of AA) - Alcohol- cunning, baffling and powerful, no truer words ever spoken*

I was at an all time low, my wife had withstood years of my druken tirades, lies, conniving, broken promises. She had been preparing herself for a life without me, no threats, verbal ultimatums this time. She was saving herself and our children from my destruction. My children are my life I cherished my family, yet I came so close to loosing it all, even knowing I was about to lose it all. After all of this the thought of never drinking again was still to hard to bare...Unfuckingbelievable how anything can have that much power..



I started reading every self help book I could find. They helped, one inpaticular really put Alcohol in a different light, The book hammered home what a poison Alcohol really is, with absolutely zero value of any kind, and no matter what I could not drink it, No matter what...The theory here is one had to change there complete mindset about Alcohol. This really got my wheels turning and by the absolute Grace of God a google search led me to MWO.*

After reading through the site for a few days, I jumped in head first. I began to follow people in here that I could relate to. I logged I in and read and read and posted 10+ × a day, I reached out to several via private message. I built trust and soon began emailing with several. I now had people that could hold me accountable, and they no shit did hold me accountable. I am forever grateful. After a few months I began to get comfortable in my old/new sobriety, I started letting a day or two go by without logging in. Guess what people noticed, and called me out on a few occasions, I was so graciously thrown a life line.*
Yes a lifeline, because for me, I believe for me to drink again would ultimately be my fate. I don't have another day one on me.*
My mantra There is a 100% chance I can't do this by myself! And I didn't. ..By the grace of God and the men and women in these rooms, I have been born again Hard! I have made life long friends from as far away as Australlia <3.



Where am I after one year?*

I am happier than I remember beng since an adolescent.*
My relationships with my Wife and 3 boys has blossomed in ways I could never have imagined. The grass is greener, the trees are more beautiful, And optimism has replaced the once pessimist....For so many years I could not imagine a life without Alcohol, now I cringe at the thought of a life with Al in it. .

Do I have thoughts of drink? Yes occasionally. Then I play it out in my mind for the next week, and the results are the same. Insanity*
Do I still have days of remorse and guilt? Absolutely*

I can't dwell on them, but I know my darkest days have become my greatest asset! A very wise woman I met in here ( not mentioning any names but her nickname resembles something with wings and feathers with a Y) recently gave me advice as she so often has. I had shared with her some struggles I was having. She said "Regret of the past and fear of the future are the twin thieves of today!" So true.*

If you're struggling, lock in here, follow the successful ones in front of you and don't give Alcohol another second of your life, we don't get that time back. I'm damn sure going to make the best of what time I have left and be able to remember it!*
For everyone that has been apart of this Thank you. .

STAY HARD My friends!

[jane27]

Bravo Matt! Awesome, awesome, awesome post!

[jane27]

Bravo Matt! Awesome, awesome, awesome post!

[IamMary]

Reposted, as requested, one month down.. life time to go:

I don’t think I’m qualified yet to give take this stage! Stumbling across MWO has been critical, for support and accountably. This coupled with desperation, determination and my saviour, stubbornness.

I have let AL control me for the 25 years. For much of this, I could manage it, which made me slow to label myself as having a problem. ‘Managing’ meant only having a half bottle of wine on week nights, but who was I kidding, I always knew. I read somewhere, it’s not how much AL you drink, it’s the relationship you have with it that separates you from a normal drinker. Ours was not good, I was getting weaker, AL was getting stronger. I had started to top up my buzz with vodka. The lengths I went to concealing this were ridiculous!

I have tried this alone previously and reached 30 days on 2 occasions, but I had crumbled way before I actually poured that first glass. My trigger is 6 O’Clock. Hard to avoid this one! Making an effort with my new tipple helps: sparkling water, with ice, cordial and lime or lemon. I’m reading as much as I can, posting every day, listening to advise, running, appreciating my self confidence again. I was surprised to realise that i am actually good at my job (well in the last month anyway).
I mostly hangout in the fabulous Army, but support has been all over here from the first day I signed up. I will do some counselling too at a later point.

I refuse to let AL beat me, I spit on its every trick, thought and image it sends me - I focus on tomorrow morning when it gets tough. I WILL NOT let it win this time.

Thank you all again!

[BenTen321]

Repeating this for the "Tool Box" Thread


What is a plan, and how do I get one???


I can't count how many times I have made the suggestion to new folks here to "get a plan" for their recovery from alcohol abuse. The old phrase: "failing to plan is planning to fail" is very true in so many situations... and especially so in the case of those of us who are beginning (and continuing) the path of freedom from the devastation of alcohol abuse.

SO: What is a plan, and how do I get one?

The MWO book, and what we call the MWO program, discuss and recommend a number of elements that have proven very helpful to many, many people who have used them. They include (and I have added a few, based on my own experience and that of many MWO members):

• Exercise (doesn't have to be a whole lot; some brisk walking, 3 or 4 days a week, is helpful)
• Hypnotherapy (you can buy the recordings on the MWO site in the "store")
• Meditation (many of us practice meditation)
• Dietary supplements (see the MWO book, the "store" here onsite, and the threads here on "Holistic Healing")
• A healthy diet, and regular mealsMedication (preferably with help, advice, and a prescription from your physician)Spending a significant amount of time here at MWO, reading the posts of others, getting to know people, asking questions, and talking about your progress and your strugglesGoing to AA meetingsChanging our environment: Getting alcohol out of the house; not going to bars; not hanging around with "drinking buddies"

Most people do not use ALL elements in this list; but those who are successful tend to use a LOT of them. And we tend to adjust and tweak the elements, as we see what works for us (and for others).

Equally important is something we call the "mental game." This is short-hand for the process of changing our thinking and attitudes toward: alcohol, drinking, our emotions, and our behavior. We must learn a whole new approach to problems in life (we don't try to drink them away, any more), and we don't see alcohol as a "reward" for having accomplished something. We learn to tolerate distress, including the urges and impulses and cravings for drink, and we allow them to naturally pass away, without giving in to them. We learn not to engage in battles within our minds about drinking; we step away from that whole process, and choose to think about, and do, something else.

Perhaps most important: we recognize that the work of recovery truly is "work," and it takes time, effort, and sometimes it costs money. Sometimes it is costly in other ways, as well; friendships and other close relationships will be changed, when we change. And that can be painful. Making this kind of change will have an impact on all areas of our lives; that is a very, very good thing; it can also be accompanied by some pain. Again... we must learn to tolerate the discomforts involved in life changes. There will be some emotional upheaval along the way. We might want to seek counseling or psychotherapy; we certainly will benefit from coming here and talking about it.

Making a plan, and following it, is an act of mature recognition of the fact that, for nearly all of us, just wishing and hoping that we will stop drinking (or begin drinking "normally") "on our own" is not going to work. Remember: nobody ever "wished and hoped" their way through any important project. But with persistence, and support from others, following a plan can take us to the places in our lives where we really want to go.

wip

Its really a nice post and helpful for me. Thanks for sharing.

[BenTen321]

Repeating this for the "Tool Box" Thread


What is a plan, and how do I get one???


I can't count how many times I have made the suggestion to new folks here to "get a plan" for their recovery from alcohol abuse. The old phrase: "failing to plan is planning to fail" is very true in so many situations... and especially so in the case of those of us who are beginning (and continuing) the path of freedom from the devastation of alcohol abuse.

SO: What is a plan, and how do I get one?

The MWO book, and what we call the MWO program, discuss and recommend a number of elements that have proven very helpful to many, many people who have used them. They include (and I have added a few, based on my own experience and that of many MWO members):

• Exercise (doesn't have to be a whole lot; some brisk walking, 3 or 4 days a week, is helpful)
• Hypnotherapy (you can buy the recordings on the MWO site in the "store")
• Meditation (many of us practice meditation)
• Dietary supplements (see the MWO book, the "store" here onsite, and the threads here on "Holistic Healing")
• A healthy diet, and regular mealsMedication (preferably with help, advice, and a prescription from your physician)Spending a significant amount of time here at MWO, reading the posts of others, getting to know people, asking questions, and talking about your progress and your strugglesGoing to AA meetingsChanging our environment: Getting alcohol out of the house; not going to bars; not hanging around with "drinking buddies"

Most people do not use ALL elements in this list; but those who are successful tend to use a LOT of them. And we tend to adjust and tweak the elements, as we see what works for us (and for others).

Equally important is something we call the "mental game." This is short-hand for the process of changing our thinking and attitudes toward: alcohol, drinking, our emotions, and our behavior. We must learn a whole new approach to problems in life (we don't try to drink them away, any more), and we don't see alcohol as a "reward" for having accomplished something. We learn to tolerate distress, including the urges and impulses and cravings for drink, and we allow them to naturally pass away, without giving in to them. We learn not to engage in battles within our minds about drinking; we step away from that whole process, and choose to think about, and do, something else.

Perhaps most important: we recognize that the work of recovery truly is "work," and it takes time, effort, and sometimes it costs money. Sometimes it is costly in other ways, as well; friendships and other close relationships will be changed, when we change. And that can be painful. Making this kind of change will have an impact on all areas of our lives; that is a very, very good thing; it can also be accompanied by some pain. Again... we must learn to tolerate the discomforts involved in life changes. There will be some emotional upheaval along the way. We might want to seek counseling or psychotherapy; we certainly will benefit from coming here and talking about it.

Making a plan, and following it, is an act of mature recognition of the fact that, for nearly all of us, just wishing and hoping that we will stop drinking (or begin drinking "normally") "on our own" is not going to work. Remember: nobody ever "wished and hoped" their way through any important project. But with persistence, and support from others, following a plan can take us to the places in our lives where we really want to go.

wip

Its really a nice post and helpful for me. Thanks for sharing.

[Elvis]

.

It's hard to believe that one year ago today I was parked on the side of the road in my car polishing off a 1.75L bottle of rum. I had bought my millionth last bottle the night before. I had planned to drink it during the upcoming weekend then be done with alcohol forever. Yes, I thought buying a bottle on Monday night for the upcoming weekend was a solid fool proof plan. Seems silly now, but alcohol clouds your judgment.

The bottle sat unopened until Tuesday morning. Because, alcohol. My wife just left for work and one sip couldn't hurt, right? I'd take a sip, shower, get dressed and have a productive day at work. No. By 9:00 a.m. I was in no shape to drive, so I either called in sick from work, or told them I would work from home. I can't remember, but it doesn't matter because no work was getting done that day.

I don't even know if I got dressed or what I did that day, but the bottle was with me. I sobered up enough to catch a glimpse of the clock and it was already 4:00 p.m. I knew my wife would be home soon, and if I was not at work and still home tripping over my own two feet when she got home, then I was busted, so I took a quick shower, got dressed in my work clothes and drove a few blocks away and parked.

By this point, so much of the bottle was gone, it wasn't coming home with me, let alone lasting to the weekend for my so-called last hurrah, so I spent the next hour or so finishing off the bottle in my car and stumbling my way around in the field near where I parked until I passed out.

I was awoken by my phone going off at 7:00 p.m. with a text from my wife asking if I would be home soon. I cleaned myself up and went home. I sat numb in front of the TV the rest of the evening. What had I done to myself? This was not the me I was or wanted to be. I didn't want to die an alcoholic. The next morning I came crawling back to MWO. This quit would be my last. It had to be.

Today marks Day 365 for me, one year since that horrible day and my last drink. So much has changed for the better without alcohol. I am the me I was supposed to be and want to be. I wake up refreshed and with a smile on my face. I look forward to every day, and when I call in sick to work, I'm really sick and when I work from home, I really work from home. I now remember every conversation, every TV show I watch the night before, every text I send, and every message I post to Facebook. I don't worry I'm gonna run out before I pass out, or if someone will find my empties. I go to parties and don't have to rely on my friends to drive me home. I go out for dinner and social events and enjoy the food and conversation instead of wishing it would be over already, so I can get home and back to drinking. I started exercising regularly and I reconnected with a hobby I had abandoned to allow more time for drinking. The thought of drinking disgusts me. I am never going back to that place I was one year ago.

Alcohol lies to you. It controls you. It will do whatever it takes to get you high, or get you to the store to buy that bottle. It has no mercy or compassion. It forces you to lie to yourself and the people you love. It convinces you to take just one sip, then it owns you. The good news is that you can learn to take control back.

Lean on your family, your friends, your support group, and the people here at MWO who have gone through what you are going through. It's hard to quit, I get that. We get that. You can't imagine living without alcohol, and what will you do with yourself? The withdrawal symptoms are scary. The bottle calls you and hey, what's one more day, you can always quit tomorrow. But you won't and deep down you know it. Every excuse you have, we get it, but it is alcohol making those excuses not you. You don't have to wait for so-called rock bottom to quit. If you are drinking today, then today is your rock bottom. It won't get better. It's a progressive disease. The more you drink, the more you kill yourself.

Take that first step and stop drinking today. Pour the rest down the drain. The withdrawal symptoms are no fun, but if you understand that it is your body healing itself, you can make it through. One day at a time. One hour at a time. One minute at a time. The headache will go away, give it time, food, and water. The shaking and sweats will stop. The cravings are a bitch, but fight through them by any means necessary and they always go away. You need to use your tools and support. Physical withdrawal symptoms only last a few days, and you will physically feel better, and probably quicker than you think. I know that's not much comfort as you are going through them at the time, but they will get better. One minute at a time, that's all you need to do. Give me that minute, then do it again. The first few days are all about you, make quit your only priority.

Alcohol doesn't want to give up control of you easily. You will always need to fight alcohol on a mental level. Remember riding a bike for the first time? It was scary, and along the way you probably fell a few times, but over time and with practice, you got over your mental roadblocks and it became easier and more natural. Fighting alcohol mentally is scary at first, but over time and with practice, it too will get easier and become more natural. You may stumble. You may relapse, and statistics show that you probably will. But the important thing is to get back on that bike and keep fighting and pushing forward if you do.

It takes a brave person to admit that you are an alcoholic, and it takes a strong person to do something about it. But you are strong, and you can take back control. Only you can raise that bottle to your lips. Alcohol can't force you to drink it alone. Stop letting alcohol control the relationship. Fight back. Yell. Get out of there. Remember why you want to quit. Reflect on the miserable times. Do it for the people you love. Do it for the people who love you. Do it for yourself. Whatever it takes not to have that next drink. Ask yourself where do you want to be in a year? Do you want to be drunk and miserable or do you want to be sober and happy? Because next year is coming either way. Alcohol doesn't care about your happiness. Make the right choice.

[Elvis]

.

It's hard to believe that one year ago today I was parked on the side of the road in my car polishing off a 1.75L bottle of rum. I had bought my millionth last bottle the night before. I had planned to drink it during the upcoming weekend then be done with alcohol forever. Yes, I thought buying a bottle on Monday night for the upcoming weekend was a solid fool proof plan. Seems silly now, but alcohol clouds your judgment.

The bottle sat unopened until Tuesday morning. Because, alcohol. My wife just left for work and one sip couldn't hurt, right? I'd take a sip, shower, get dressed and have a productive day at work. No. By 9:00 a.m. I was in no shape to drive, so I either called in sick from work, or told them I would work from home. I can't remember, but it doesn't matter because no work was getting done that day.

I don't even know if I got dressed or what I did that day, but the bottle was with me. I sobered up enough to catch a glimpse of the clock and it was already 4:00 p.m. I knew my wife would be home soon, and if I was not at work and still home tripping over my own two feet when she got home, then I was busted, so I took a quick shower, got dressed in my work clothes and drove a few blocks away and parked.

By this point, so much of the bottle was gone, it wasn't coming home with me, let alone lasting to the weekend for my so-called last hurrah, so I spent the next hour or so finishing off the bottle in my car and stumbling my way around in the field near where I parked until I passed out.

I was awoken by my phone going off at 7:00 p.m. with a text from my wife asking if I would be home soon. I cleaned myself up and went home. I sat numb in front of the TV the rest of the evening. What had I done to myself? This was not the me I was or wanted to be. I didn't want to die an alcoholic. The next morning I came crawling back to MWO. This quit would be my last. It had to be.

Today marks Day 365 for me, one year since that horrible day and my last drink. So much has changed for the better without alcohol. I am the me I was supposed to be and want to be. I wake up refreshed and with a smile on my face. I look forward to every day, and when I call in sick to work, I'm really sick and when I work from home, I really work from home. I now remember every conversation, every TV show I watch the night before, every text I send, and every message I post to Facebook. I don't worry I'm gonna run out before I pass out, or if someone will find my empties. I go to parties and don't have to rely on my friends to drive me home. I go out for dinner and social events and enjoy the food and conversation instead of wishing it would be over already, so I can get home and back to drinking. I started exercising regularly and I reconnected with a hobby I had abandoned to allow more time for drinking. The thought of drinking disgusts me. I am never going back to that place I was one year ago.

Alcohol lies to you. It controls you. It will do whatever it takes to get you high, or get you to the store to buy that bottle. It has no mercy or compassion. It forces you to lie to yourself and the people you love. It convinces you to take just one sip, then it owns you. The good news is that you can learn to take control back.

Lean on your family, your friends, your support group, and the people here at MWO who have gone through what you are going through. It's hard to quit, I get that. We get that. You can't imagine living without alcohol, and what will you do with yourself? The withdrawal symptoms are scary. The bottle calls you and hey, what's one more day, you can always quit tomorrow. But you won't and deep down you know it. Every excuse you have, we get it, but it is alcohol making those excuses not you. You don't have to wait for so-called rock bottom to quit. If you are drinking today, then today is your rock bottom. It won't get better. It's a progressive disease. The more you drink, the more you kill yourself.

Take that first step and stop drinking today. Pour the rest down the drain. The withdrawal symptoms are no fun, but if you understand that it is your body healing itself, you can make it through. One day at a time. One hour at a time. One minute at a time. The headache will go away, give it time, food, and water. The shaking and sweats will stop. The cravings are a bitch, but fight through them by any means necessary and they always go away. You need to use your tools and support. Physical withdrawal symptoms only last a few days, and you will physically feel better, and probably quicker than you think. I know that's not much comfort as you are going through them at the time, but they will get better. One minute at a time, that's all you need to do. Give me that minute, then do it again. The first few days are all about you, make quit your only priority.

Alcohol doesn't want to give up control of you easily. You will always need to fight alcohol on a mental level. Remember riding a bike for the first time? It was scary, and along the way you probably fell a few times, but over time and with practice, you got over your mental roadblocks and it became easier and more natural. Fighting alcohol mentally is scary at first, but over time and with practice, it too will get easier and become more natural. You may stumble. You may relapse, and statistics show that you probably will. But the important thing is to get back on that bike and keep fighting and pushing forward if you do.

It takes a brave person to admit that you are an alcoholic, and it takes a strong person to do something about it. But you are strong, and you can take back control. Only you can raise that bottle to your lips. Alcohol can't force you to drink it alone. Stop letting alcohol control the relationship. Fight back. Yell. Get out of there. Remember why you want to quit. Reflect on the miserable times. Do it for the people you love. Do it for the people who love you. Do it for yourself. Whatever it takes not to have that next drink. Ask yourself where do you want to be in a year? Do you want to be drunk and miserable or do you want to be sober and happy? Because next year is coming either way. Alcohol doesn't care about your happiness. Make the right choice.

[JeffRob887]

Here's my tools to motivate me in being sober:

A mindset that is telling you that you must adopt a complete abstinence

Have a goal: One Day at a time

A Solid Support System: Such as NA/AA, Family, and Friends.

Listen to yourself, not on your addiction.

Self-care such as having a well-balanced diet, having an excercise, hobbies, etc. (Keep yourself busy)

[Marylou123]

Who da thunk?

Hi Nesters,

Like Byrdie recently wrote on her momentous five years, today is both joyful and melancholy. I am so happy and grateful to be two-years AF but it does take me back to a dark time too. But I am free. And, like Brydie and with minor exception, I have spent everyday of the past two years in the Nest. Sometimes I think I should venture into other threads, but I am safe and comfortable here. So here's where I'll stay!

Thank you to everyone for your contributions to this thread - I have benefitted greatly. A few special shout outs:

NS (No Sugar) -- it took me a long time to hit "Post" two years ago. You replied nine minutes later. I wasn't even in the Nest. It was my first post anywhere, ever. And here, somewhere in cyberspace, was a person named No Sugar who in a mere nine minutes made me feel like I was where I needed to be. You told me about the Nest and Toolbox. I think of you as a friend, mentor and teacher. I have learned a great deal about how alcohol actually does its dastardly deeds in our bodies from your posts and reading recommendations. Thank you.

Byrdlady - you are so freaking awesome. Of course you welcomed me to the Nest with encouragement and a story so much like my own that I was almost spooked a little. LOL. [For the newbies, two years ago my husband of 21 years got up (in a separate room as had become too normal), said he was leaving, and did. He'd had enough of my shit and my love affair with Chardonnay. Believe me, we had other issues, but pretty much NOTHING could be addressed, worked on, improved or changed because I was drinking daily (at least a bottle of wine, if not more.)] The first line of the first post Brydie ever addressed to me was, "Well hello Mary Lou, goodbye heart..." I made it my ringtone that day! Yep, that's my real name. :-) Brydie - you are an inspiration, cheerleader and drill sergeant. Thank you for always, always reminding us where where that s**t head AL belongs, for the straight talk, compassion and prizes!

Lav, Pav, Ava, Jane, J-Vo -- you were all there then and are here now too and the advice, honesty, and support you all bring has helped me through cravings, boredom, pity, guilt, and I could go on. Thank you. Lav, I loved your cake for Brydie. How ever did you get Stella to sit so long for the self portrait? Pav, I was so sorry to hear about your dog. I love our furry friends and I know how heartbreaking it is to say goodbye.

Kensho, I hope you are feeling better - thank you for being so open and sharing yourself with us. J-Vo, I heard some airlines are already allowing pax to rebook due to the impending storm. But if I were you, I would stay in the warmth and blame it on the weather. Matt and Gman - thank you for your posts - your posts have helped me see that our battles are gender agnostic. LC, and all nesters in cold climes, bundle up and stay warm. To all the nesters here - I thank you too for your posts and contributions to this thread. And Lil, the cat video is too funny.

I was was looking over my List of Reasons I want to be AF, this week. I wrote it on day 2 - it was so painful. Of course I wanted all the physical benefits - to be unhung, have healthy numbers, clear thinking, white eyes, more money, etc. - but most of my list had to do with feelings and emotions. I cried and cried as I realized I had drowned everything that was emotionally healthy, like relationships, happiness, joy, compassion, empathy, self-improvement and self-control in effing wine!! Nearly every bad choice I had made for almost thirty years had started with a single bad decision: to have a drink. No big light bulb moment when it comes to associating the stupid sh*t I did when I was drunk and drinking. I knew that. The aha moment was the connection to the first drink. I couldn't stop at one -- all the years and years of attempting to "cut down" and moderate were foiled by that one, now obvious, choice. It was a choice I was making every day that ended in Y and for any reason. It is a choice that is now OFF THE TABLE!! And, most of the time, I don't miss at all.

Year one was all about firsts - heck everyday was a first day AF. Year two was much easier because I had already made it through every day, every holiday, birthday, and other life event without drinking. The fear of AF social situations still lurks occasionally but I can easily say "I'll have a Coke" in reply to what used to be THE dreaded question: what would you like to drink. I am a non-drinker. And on the rare occassion my husband will say something along the lines of "we can't go dancing because it's at a bar and you can't drink", I remind him that I actually 'can' drink. But 'I DON'T DRINK.' That's a decision, the single most important decision I have made every day for two years and, God-willing and with the support of the Nest Peeps, will continue to make every day. (Newbies - my husband and I reconciled eight days before our final court date. We celebrated 23 years in November. Still a work in progress - aren't we all -- but unimaginably better.)

Year two has been more about emotional healing. I believe it's true what others have said here; that we become emotionally stunted as our dependency on alcohol consumes us. I'm also happy to report massive growth and improvement there too. A clear head has let me deal with real, and imagined, emotions. I can experience and share other people's joys and disappointments, achievements and hardships with so much more happiness, empathy and compassion where I used to be so self-centered. (I DO NOT miss the frequency of self-pity parties. And they were a regular occurrence when I was drinking!) I can deal with the occasional funk because that is life, not a reason to drink.

To anyone lurking, struggling with the desire to stop and take control of the beast, please come in. I can pretty much guarantee you will feel better, and be touched, in ten minutes or less. Reply now and you'll not only get the entire order of advice and encouragement, but we'll also throw in humor, opinions, and our full support at no extra charge. But hurry, this is unlimited.

Hugs,
Mary Lou

[Byrdlady]

A few thoughts from the Newbie's Nest:
[QUOTE=Byrdlady

Let's see, where is my Soapbox? Ah...here it is (climbing up....not as young as I used to be, plus I have that mad chicken in my hand). Here we go.
Ok, so what will be different in your life after X amount of alcohol free time? "Well, I've had some time to rewire my thinking" "New habits only take 21 days, so I should be able to handle AL by now" "Now that I have some time in the bank, I realize what I was doing wrong and now I can correct it" "AL just doesn't have the importance it had when I first got here, so now I should be able to have one or two whenever I want". Do THESE sentences sound familiar? They do to me...I have heard them 1000 times....I have SAID THEM 1000 times!
Let's take a deeper dive....

Call me crazy, but I keep a list of LONG TERMERS (6 months or more) who reintroduce AL back into their lives and end up WORSE OFF than when they got here! This list is sobering. These are people, like me! These are folks who think that TIME will change the wiring in the brain so that AL will no longer hold its appeal. I can sit here till the chickens come to roost and tell you that those pathways in the brain are as ingrained as the Grand Canyon is in Utah (or wherever they put it). It is JUST the way our brains are wired and NO amount of time will change that. We've had people here with 14-20 years of abstinence, and the minute they started back, it was as if no time had passed. Holding on to the HOPE that ONE DAY we will be able to drink normally is really something I had to LET GO. Wishing and hoping doesn't get THIS job done. If I am diabetic, I sure dam better get my sugar intake under control or it's going to kill me, same with this. It IS what it IS and there is no changing that.

I know that we see folks who appear to be moderating successfully. The key word there is APPEAR. 3 months, 6 months....maybe a year? That is not LONG term, let's see how they do for 25-30-40 years? Can you imagine fighting AL for that long? TRYING to tell yourself WHEN and HOW much for that long? Counting drinks and calculating and manipulating numbers to make yourself feel you are 'still ok'? "I had too many, but I'm not going to beat myself up" (you don't have to, AL will do that FOR you) Oh, do you count vacations? Do you count MLK day since there was a parade? Does .6 of a drink count as one? (who drinks .6 of a drink????) Addiction doesn't care, as long as you feed it occasionally, it will be just fine. Abstaining is easier and I'm ALL FOR simplicity. Life is BETTER now that I don't have AL in it. I'd have NEVER believed that if I hadn't lived it.

If we look at the facts, most of us drank to escape, not to enjoy a sunset or have a toast and sip....we drank to GET AWAY and if you think you can just do that on a controlled basis, I have a bridge I'd like to sell you.

I tried every single way I knew to outsmart this addiction and after years of trying I must conclude that AL cannot be outsmarted....your brain knows where you've been. Let go of the notion of any kind of controlled drinking in your future and you will be miles ahead. Hope is not a strategy. You will find, like I finally did, that life is BETTER without AL calling the shots. I am Byrdlady and I'm an alcoholic.[/QUOTE]