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[Miley]

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My little piece of advise, for what its worth, is that for those of you that think it might be okay to drink and that you can easily get back on track......don't fool yourself! I haven't read one post from anyone on here that didn't have a harder time starting over, once they made the decision to drink.

Miley
__________________
Miley

"The moment you are ready to quit is usually the moment right before a miracle happens..don't give up"

[Neddy Merrill]

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Love this thread! Thanks to everyone who has contributed to it. It fills me with hope as well as useful strategies.

[Neddy Merrill]

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Love this thread! Thanks to everyone who has contributed to it. It fills me with hope as well as useful strategies.

[3June2013]

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Spiritual River

Spiritual Healing

I just came across this on another thread, thought I'd share. An interesting read about how to stay AF.

[3June2013]

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Spiritual River

Spiritual Healing

I just came across this on another thread, thought I'd share. An interesting read about how to stay AF.

[Tess-2]

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Without willing it I had gone from being ignorant of being ignorant to being aware of being aware. And the worst part of my awareness was that I didn't know what I was aware of, but I was certain that the things I had yet to be aware of wouldn't be taught to me at George Washington High School. -- Maya Angelou

Dear Nesters,

This morning I read Angelou's quote and then sat thinking about it. I like to think about things; always have. Hubs jokes that I should look for a job as a contemplative. Well, I haven't found any positions like that in my job search, and if I did I'm certain the pay would be rather poor as our society values doing over being.

It seems to me that the process of recovery from alcoholism is going from "being ignorant of being ignorant to being aware of being aware." For me, when I first started drinking a beer or two to help ease my anxiety, I was completely ignorant of the fact that I had just purchased a one-way ticket to hell. After 18 months of chugging beer my weight had nearly doubled. DOUBLED. But by then I was shackled into the darkness and could not get out. When I stumbled across the MWO website after five years of being a drunk, I became aware that I was becoming aware of the truth about alcoholism. But I didn't yet know what the truth was.

This is my understanding of the truth: We CAN unshackle ourselves and walk straight out of hell. But here's the deal: We must WANT to get out of hell. Really want it!! There is no train out of hell, no easy ride where we can sit back and relax. If we are waiting for the train (the easy way out) we will wait forever. There is NO train. We must make a decision and then begin to hike out on our own two wobbly legs. And it's a steep incline, especially in the beginning. Without continued effort we will roll right back down into the darkness of compulsive drinking.

If someone tells you that there is an EASY way to stop drinking and stay sober, you've just been lied to. If someone tells you that there is NO way to stop drinking and stay sober, you've just been lied to.

The hike out of hell is made easier if a few like-minded people group together. That's where The Nest comes in. We support each other. We share information and wisdom and hope. We offer our friendship, which includes an occasional swift kick in the pants. We have shoulders to cry on and people to laugh with. Still, each of us must make a daily decision to keep walking in a forward direction. It is our choice; our decision. No one can choose for us and no one can walk for us.

And... it is the journey of a lifetime. Each day it gets a bit easier and we get a tad stronger. Yes, we have setbacks. Life is still life out in the great big world: the good, the bad, and the ugly. But we now have the freedom to do things other than drink. That freedom, that precious freedom, is worth hiking and fighting for!!

Thanks to All of you for accompanying me on this journey to freedom. ~

[Tess-2]

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Without willing it I had gone from being ignorant of being ignorant to being aware of being aware. And the worst part of my awareness was that I didn't know what I was aware of, but I was certain that the things I had yet to be aware of wouldn't be taught to me at George Washington High School. -- Maya Angelou

Dear Nesters,

This morning I read Angelou's quote and then sat thinking about it. I like to think about things; always have. Hubs jokes that I should look for a job as a contemplative. Well, I haven't found any positions like that in my job search, and if I did I'm certain the pay would be rather poor as our society values doing over being.

It seems to me that the process of recovery from alcoholism is going from "being ignorant of being ignorant to being aware of being aware." For me, when I first started drinking a beer or two to help ease my anxiety, I was completely ignorant of the fact that I had just purchased a one-way ticket to hell. After 18 months of chugging beer my weight had nearly doubled. DOUBLED. But by then I was shackled into the darkness and could not get out. When I stumbled across the MWO website after five years of being a drunk, I became aware that I was becoming aware of the truth about alcoholism. But I didn't yet know what the truth was.

This is my understanding of the truth: We CAN unshackle ourselves and walk straight out of hell. But here's the deal: We must WANT to get out of hell. Really want it!! There is no train out of hell, no easy ride where we can sit back and relax. If we are waiting for the train (the easy way out) we will wait forever. There is NO train. We must make a decision and then begin to hike out on our own two wobbly legs. And it's a steep incline, especially in the beginning. Without continued effort we will roll right back down into the darkness of compulsive drinking.

If someone tells you that there is an EASY way to stop drinking and stay sober, you've just been lied to. If someone tells you that there is NO way to stop drinking and stay sober, you've just been lied to.

The hike out of hell is made easier if a few like-minded people group together. That's where The Nest comes in. We support each other. We share information and wisdom and hope. We offer our friendship, which includes an occasional swift kick in the pants. We have shoulders to cry on and people to laugh with. Still, each of us must make a daily decision to keep walking in a forward direction. It is our choice; our decision. No one can choose for us and no one can walk for us.

And... it is the journey of a lifetime. Each day it gets a bit easier and we get a tad stronger. Yes, we have setbacks. Life is still life out in the great big world: the good, the bad, and the ugly. But we now have the freedom to do things other than drink. That freedom, that precious freedom, is worth hiking and fighting for!!

Thanks to All of you for accompanying me on this journey to freedom. ~

[Byrdlady]

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Acceptance

This is one of the best explanations I've heard as to why some people make it to sobriety and others struggle along for a lifetime...take a read, by TheSunFlower:

Tess....I've been thinking about your question on why some people end up quitting and others will go on until the bitter end. I think it comes down to acceptance.

Tonight I watched a documentary on teens coming to terms with being gay. They went through hell trying to be "normal". Trying to be like everyone else. Until they came to terms with being gay, stopped trying to be normal, put away the shame they felt and accepted themselves for who they were.....then they could go on to live a life of peace and joy. And yes this was their normal.

I don't think being gay or an alkie is the same. But I could see the similarities of what these kids went through in myself.

I think I was destined to be an alcoholic. It was in my genes and I was prone to becoming one....with the very first drink I took. It did not happen overnight....but I was destined to like the buzz too much. However I fought to be a normal drinker....like the other 90 percent of the population. It was not until I truly accepted that I was an alcoholic and always will be one.....that it will never change....that I could accept that I can not ever have a drink again. It is part of who I am. It is human nature to want to be like everyone especially when we view something in us is flawed.

I can give a list of all the reasons I drank. But the truth is simple. I am an alcoholic. I used it to cope....because when I was supposed to be learning to cope...I was drunk. Because I was drunk....I could not learn to cope.

It is sad that society puts a negative label on us. In some regards being "different" is viewed as a positive. But not when it comes to alcohol. Regardless of where we find help....it's usually done in secret...anonymously. Even in recovery we are encouraged to keep the secret.

Me wishing I could be a normal drinker is a complete waste of time. I might as well wish I was taller. It just ain't gonna happen. Acceptance that I am an alcoholic and coming to terms with it.

I wasn't in denial all those years....I knew.....it took me way too long to accept it as my normal.

[Byrdlady]

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Acceptance

This is one of the best explanations I've heard as to why some people make it to sobriety and others struggle along for a lifetime...take a read, by TheSunFlower:

Tess....I've been thinking about your question on why some people end up quitting and others will go on until the bitter end. I think it comes down to acceptance.

Tonight I watched a documentary on teens coming to terms with being gay. They went through hell trying to be "normal". Trying to be like everyone else. Until they came to terms with being gay, stopped trying to be normal, put away the shame they felt and accepted themselves for who they were.....then they could go on to live a life of peace and joy. And yes this was their normal.

I don't think being gay or an alkie is the same. But I could see the similarities of what these kids went through in myself.

I think I was destined to be an alcoholic. It was in my genes and I was prone to becoming one....with the very first drink I took. It did not happen overnight....but I was destined to like the buzz too much. However I fought to be a normal drinker....like the other 90 percent of the population. It was not until I truly accepted that I was an alcoholic and always will be one.....that it will never change....that I could accept that I can not ever have a drink again. It is part of who I am. It is human nature to want to be like everyone especially when we view something in us is flawed.

I can give a list of all the reasons I drank. But the truth is simple. I am an alcoholic. I used it to cope....because when I was supposed to be learning to cope...I was drunk. Because I was drunk....I could not learn to cope.

It is sad that society puts a negative label on us. In some regards being "different" is viewed as a positive. But not when it comes to alcohol. Regardless of where we find help....it's usually done in secret...anonymously. Even in recovery we are encouraged to keep the secret.

Me wishing I could be a normal drinker is a complete waste of time. I might as well wish I was taller. It just ain't gonna happen. Acceptance that I am an alcoholic and coming to terms with it.

I wasn't in denial all those years....I knew.....it took me way too long to accept it as my normal.

[3June2013]

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Wow sunflower that's really made sense to me thank you and thank you Byrdie for re-posting! Wow...

[3June2013]

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Wow sunflower that's really made sense to me thank you and thank you Byrdie for re-posting! Wow...

[woofer]

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Byrdlady;1537938 wrote:
It is sad that society puts a negative label on us. In some regards being "different" is viewed as a positive. But not when it comes to alcohol. Regardless of where we find help....it's usually done in secret...anonymously. Even in recovery we are encouraged to keep the secret.

This is all too true, and the reason why I don't label myself as an "alcoholic" or "addict". Ask 10 different people to define either of those terms and you'll get 10 different answers. And really, is being an "alcoholic" or "addict" what I am? No. I am woofer, a guy who just so happens to as part of his story had a problem with alcohol and drugs that doesn't drink anymore My simple answer to anyone who asks me why I don't drink is "because I don't like to drink". If they ask why, I say "because I don't like how it makes me feel", end of story. It's not a lie, and no one can really argue with you about that.

[woofer]

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Byrdlady;1537938 wrote:
It is sad that society puts a negative label on us. In some regards being "different" is viewed as a positive. But not when it comes to alcohol. Regardless of where we find help....it's usually done in secret...anonymously. Even in recovery we are encouraged to keep the secret.

This is all too true, and the reason why I don't label myself as an "alcoholic" or "addict". Ask 10 different people to define either of those terms and you'll get 10 different answers. And really, is being an "alcoholic" or "addict" what I am? No. I am woofer, a guy who just so happens to as part of his story had a problem with alcohol and drugs that doesn't drink anymore My simple answer to anyone who asks me why I don't drink is "because I don't like to drink". If they ask why, I say "because I don't like how it makes me feel", end of story. It's not a lie, and no one can really argue with you about that.

[free at last]

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My friend, No Sugar, suggested I add this to the tool box. While I don't have significant AF time racked up, I am on a journey to leading a joyfully sober life free from AlcoHELL and not getting sucked into any more AlcoHOLEs. On navigating the white waters of the AL river of life....

Been thinking about how life is like a white water river trip, and how alcohol is the pretty much the main current of western society. This really hit home during my recent hiking holiday where wine was ever present -- in the huts, along the trails, in the campsites. So, here's my take on negotiating the white water of the AL river of life.

First rule of thumb for most boaters. Always face the obstacle you are planning to avoid. Most of us are stronger if we are pulling away from danger, rather than turning our backs and pushing away from from the danger (biceps stronger than triceps) So, look at the danger head on and keep pulling away from it, always mindful of when it is safe to fully enter back into the main current. (Once, when staring at a huge ledge in front of me, I pulled away too quickly, entered the main current and nearly was pinned against the bottom part of the ledge because the current was headed for the last part of the danger zone, not the first part).

Second rule of thumb. Recognize the difference between a wave you can run (and have fun with) and a hole you need to avoid at all costs. In a 5 class rating system, one can usually "run" though class 1-3 rapids and come out exhilirated. Higher class rapids usually require scouting, experienced skillful boating, focus, calmness, and strength. For me, this means knowing what various classes of rapids look like: Class 1 AL situation: dinner out with my husband or certain friends. Class 2 -- meetings with work colleagues in social situation. Class 3 -- free wine in airport clubs or on the planes. Class 3+ complimentary wine in my hotel room. Class 4 -- social situations with certain friends or family members, or completion of a major project and the desire to celebrate. Class 5 -- sudden death of a dear friend or family memeber. (to name a few examples).

Ideally, when learning to row, we start with class 1 rapids and then work up to the scale to harder situations. We learn to row class 4s by watching others do it and by developing skill and confidence with a lot of smaller rapids. But many of us (myself) are trying to negotiate an AF life and are in the midst of class 3 and 4 Alcohol situations. I think this is why some quits take for some and for others they don't. It may not be a lack of willpower but a lack of skill. We need to negotiate a class 4 AL situation but haven't haven't honed our skills with class 1-3 situations. Or, we have so many consecutive class 2-3 rapids with no eddy before the class 4 water. Please know I am not making excuses for myself (or anyone), just thinking though this process.

Sometimes you need to stay in the current to get around the obstacles, but other times, if you look closely, you will see another stream of water that will take you safely near, but not through, the rapids. For me, this is the MWO website. If I can ferry my way across the AL current to this steady MWO support stream, I can usually safely avoid the dangerous water.

But what if I can't get to the MWO support stream (no internet access) and there is a class 4 or 5 rapids on the horizon, then I need to look for ways of avoiding the danger. That could be asking for a better boater to row the boat (if possible) -- i.e. asking my DH to join me in a social situation and for him to be the person going to the bar to ask for a selter water and lime for both of us. Or, if the rapids looks too dangerous, opting to portgage the rapids, which can take a lot of time, is a pain in the neck, but sometimes the prudent decision -- i.e. choosing not to be involved in the AL situation at all costs. Or, it could be asking for two passengers to help by using single paddles in addition to me guiding with the oaring frame. For me, this was how I would describe my recent use of Antabuse. I was going to be in a situation with 14 days of wine being available every afternoon and night. I knew I had strength for the beginning of this rapids but was not certain I was strong enough for two solid weeks of negotiating this AL white water. The antabuse, in my view, gave me some extra muscle power.

And, what about the class 2 or 3 rapids that is not in the guide, that appears out of nowhere that you can't hear in advance? Perhaps in a recent storm a big boulder landed in the river resulting in a new, unchartered rapids just around the corner. How to handle this unplanned obstacle when you have no warning, no chance to prepare or scout it? In this case, you have to summon all of your past experience--both good and bad-- to respond quickly, intelligently, and in a focused manner to get through the rapids. I have seen excellent boatmen and women flip, or lose their passengers, in a class three rapids (that they knew was approaching and in other cases when the rapids was unknown) because they did not quickly analze the situation and set their boat on an appropriate course through the rapids.

Finally, not everyone will choose to go down a class 5 river. Some people, may know that class 3 is as much excitement/danger as they ever want to experience. For others, canoeing flat water may be the most they know they can handle. But, the reality is at any point, the AL river we are all working to journey down can take an unchartered course and we may be faced with a rapids of any size at any time.

Best wishes to everyone on this journey with me.

[free at last]

Tool box

My friend, No Sugar, suggested I add this to the tool box. While I don't have significant AF time racked up, I am on a journey to leading a joyfully sober life free from AlcoHELL and not getting sucked into any more AlcoHOLEs. On navigating the white waters of the AL river of life....

Been thinking about how life is like a white water river trip, and how alcohol is the pretty much the main current of western society. This really hit home during my recent hiking holiday where wine was ever present -- in the huts, along the trails, in the campsites. So, here's my take on negotiating the white water of the AL river of life.

First rule of thumb for most boaters. Always face the obstacle you are planning to avoid. Most of us are stronger if we are pulling away from danger, rather than turning our backs and pushing away from from the danger (biceps stronger than triceps) So, look at the danger head on and keep pulling away from it, always mindful of when it is safe to fully enter back into the main current. (Once, when staring at a huge ledge in front of me, I pulled away too quickly, entered the main current and nearly was pinned against the bottom part of the ledge because the current was headed for the last part of the danger zone, not the first part).

Second rule of thumb. Recognize the difference between a wave you can run (and have fun with) and a hole you need to avoid at all costs. In a 5 class rating system, one can usually "run" though class 1-3 rapids and come out exhilirated. Higher class rapids usually require scouting, experienced skillful boating, focus, calmness, and strength. For me, this means knowing what various classes of rapids look like: Class 1 AL situation: dinner out with my husband or certain friends. Class 2 -- meetings with work colleagues in social situation. Class 3 -- free wine in airport clubs or on the planes. Class 3+ complimentary wine in my hotel room. Class 4 -- social situations with certain friends or family members, or completion of a major project and the desire to celebrate. Class 5 -- sudden death of a dear friend or family memeber. (to name a few examples).

Ideally, when learning to row, we start with class 1 rapids and then work up to the scale to harder situations. We learn to row class 4s by watching others do it and by developing skill and confidence with a lot of smaller rapids. But many of us (myself) are trying to negotiate an AF life and are in the midst of class 3 and 4 Alcohol situations. I think this is why some quits take for some and for others they don't. It may not be a lack of willpower but a lack of skill. We need to negotiate a class 4 AL situation but haven't haven't honed our skills with class 1-3 situations. Or, we have so many consecutive class 2-3 rapids with no eddy before the class 4 water. Please know I am not making excuses for myself (or anyone), just thinking though this process.

Sometimes you need to stay in the current to get around the obstacles, but other times, if you look closely, you will see another stream of water that will take you safely near, but not through, the rapids. For me, this is the MWO website. If I can ferry my way across the AL current to this steady MWO support stream, I can usually safely avoid the dangerous water.

But what if I can't get to the MWO support stream (no internet access) and there is a class 4 or 5 rapids on the horizon, then I need to look for ways of avoiding the danger. That could be asking for a better boater to row the boat (if possible) -- i.e. asking my DH to join me in a social situation and for him to be the person going to the bar to ask for a selter water and lime for both of us. Or, if the rapids looks too dangerous, opting to portgage the rapids, which can take a lot of time, is a pain in the neck, but sometimes the prudent decision -- i.e. choosing not to be involved in the AL situation at all costs. Or, it could be asking for two passengers to help by using single paddles in addition to me guiding with the oaring frame. For me, this was how I would describe my recent use of Antabuse. I was going to be in a situation with 14 days of wine being available every afternoon and night. I knew I had strength for the beginning of this rapids but was not certain I was strong enough for two solid weeks of negotiating this AL white water. The antabuse, in my view, gave me some extra muscle power.

And, what about the class 2 or 3 rapids that is not in the guide, that appears out of nowhere that you can't hear in advance? Perhaps in a recent storm a big boulder landed in the river resulting in a new, unchartered rapids just around the corner. How to handle this unplanned obstacle when you have no warning, no chance to prepare or scout it? In this case, you have to summon all of your past experience--both good and bad-- to respond quickly, intelligently, and in a focused manner to get through the rapids. I have seen excellent boatmen and women flip, or lose their passengers, in a class three rapids (that they knew was approaching and in other cases when the rapids was unknown) because they did not quickly analze the situation and set their boat on an appropriate course through the rapids.

Finally, not everyone will choose to go down a class 5 river. Some people, may know that class 3 is as much excitement/danger as they ever want to experience. For others, canoeing flat water may be the most they know they can handle. But, the reality is at any point, the AL river we are all working to journey down can take an unchartered course and we may be faced with a rapids of any size at any time.

Best wishes to everyone on this journey with me.