Tool box

[Icanwithoutacan]

Tool box

Thanks guys and Byrdie I've been waiting a long time for that hat... It is securely in place. Thank you!!!!

I don't have a lot of wisdom to impart, but since I have tried so many times and fallen before I will try:

1. The biggest thing is that I now don't drink. I mean in my brain it's not an option. I don't know if it matters how this comes about but in my case my husband called me out on my drinking. Until now that was one if our favorite things to do together (have a beer), but he can have 1 beer; I was sneaking 7 a night sometimes 10 and way more if he was drinking more too or at parties -anyway, the last drink on Dec 15 was me alone drinking 7 after he went to bed and he noticed big time the next day when he looked in the fridge(damn forgot to rearrange that time so he wouldn't notice-lol). Anyway I was so ashamed and stubbornly set out to prove I could quit. So,it was initially out of shame but I was deep inside glad to be forced to quit again bc I was sinking fast. #1- I don't drink
2. That being said, my dad was diagnosed w dementia, my husband and I weren't getting along great, it was the holidays .... Yadayadayada...I had so many emotions and I had to feel them for the first time in a long time.and it sucked -bad- but I don't drink . Slowly, I started to realize emotions change frequently and learned to sit with them and let them pass... Still working on this. I think my brain is actually healing and I'm getting more even keeled. #2 accept your feelings and realize your brain is having a major overhaul and GIVE IT TIME
3. I use non alcoholic beer in a (coozie) idk what you all call 'em but it fools most people and those who ask I just say I'm not drinking. No big deal. I used to use
The fact that my husband liked TJ drink as an excuse like he wouldn't like me if I didn't but he likes me just fine - funny how your brain lies to get you drunk. I used to think my friends would abandon me but they're still around too#3- your worse fears of isolation and rejection probably aren't true
4. Watch a lot of Al documentaries - this really helps me a lot.
5. Check in daily and post. I'm not great at posting because it takes a long time on my iPhone but even reading around the site and watching other people encourage you and struggle w you is great.
6. You MUST IMO start to dream of your life sober not of your life without alcohol. It's a subtle but important distinction I think. I want to be happy in my sober life- thrilled even - not just getting by without alcohol. There are things every day that I celebrate only being able to do bc I'm sober- drive kids at night, projects w kids, chores I'm not letting slide, starting to dream Again .... Celebrate these
Oh - this morning I said to my husband , if I were in AA I'd get a 30 day chip today. He high fives me and says see you're not an alcoholic- you just have drinking problem : argh thank god for you all!
Now let's do this thing

[Mein Sonnenschein]

Tool box

Hi All, question for you... is there a list of AL documentaries in the Tool Box? Thank you!

[Mein Sonnenschein]

Tool box

Hi All, question for you... is there a list of AL documentaries in the Tool Box? Thank you!

[Byrdlady]

Tool box

Reposted with permission by NoSugar, this is her One Year Anniversary Speech.

NoSugar;1617822 wrote: Thank you for the fine looking underwear and for starting that Congratulations thread for me, Byrdie :l! And thanks to all of you in the nest who were looking forward to this day with me and offered such kind support: I'mStrong, LB, Lav, DB, Bastet, friends on the LOAM thread, and all the people on Roll Call who are working together to get this done one day at a time. Those days really do add up more quickly than you'd expect.

Last night while I was escaping the frigid temperatures we are having here by going to the dry sauna at the gym, I thought about the last time I tried to escape the stresses of life by drinking - one year before. I remember that night, but not very well, and in a way it doesn't feel like that was me. Or that that was me in the years leading up to that night. I had become someone I could barely recognize - sneaky, asocial, full of lies, guilt, and shame, apathetic, disengaged, sad, and lonely.

The changes over the last year have been greater than I would have thought possible. I think that is because before I got it back, I didn't fully understand how much I had lost - how much my personality had been altered and I had become that unrecognizable person. I didn't realize then that my life had in many ways become no more than an existence. While we're in the clutch of an addiction, it seems impossible for us to objectively evaluate the situation we're in. The drive to feed the addiction trumps everything.

I very rarely consumed alcohol until my mid-thirties and became a non-drinker in my mid-fifties. What happened during those intervening 20 years was so gradual as to be imperceptible for a very long time. For many years it did not seem that I or my life had changed very much. We just don't notice progressive incremental changes. When I finally became aware that I had a problem, it was too late to simply stop drinking, or so it seemed.

I say "or so it seemed" because really, that is all a person has to do: Simply Stop Drinking.

January 23, 2013 was pretty much like all the days before had been for what seems like years. I was doing my job, meeting my responsibilities --- functioning. We sometimes use that term like it is a good thing: 'a high-functioning alcoholic'. Machines function. People are supposed to live.

And now I'm living again - doing, planning, feeling, dreaming, remembering. Life isn't perfect and sometimes it is downright painful but I'm once again fully participating in it. I could not have done this alone and I know this is true because I tried. Hard. I was a secret drinker and I've been a quiet recover-er, except here where I've revealed more of myself and learned more about the inner lives of others than I ever have before. It has been uncomfortable sometimes but more than worth the shame, embarrassment, and awkwardness I've experienced -- all of which I've spent my life avoiding. Those burdens were lessened by the sharing, the unconditional love, support, and acceptance offered, and finally not feeling so alone.

I am grateful to whoever truly invented the internet :H and to the people who established and maintain MWO. I fear that I would have had to experience a "rock bottom" before I would have sought help in person. MWO spared me that. I especially want to thank FallenAngel, Byrdie, and Kuya for assuming I could do this when I was full of doubt and helping me figure out how. Thank you, also, to the people who began this with or after me and have trusted me to share their struggles. You help me stay strong. The words that I write in posts and private messages solidify the commitment I have made. I once again trust myself to mean what I say and to live up to those words. That is worth everything.

I went to the grocery store yesterday and as I checked out, noticed that the woman behind me was buying a tomato, deodorant, paper towels, and two bottles of wine. My head snapped up to look at her and I recognized the empty eyes and expressionless face - her studied lack of interest in her purchases. I doubt that she really needed to come out into the zero degree day for deodorant, paper towels, and one tomato. I wish there had been some way for me to tell her that she didn't need the wine, either. Even if I had, she probably would not have believed me. I wouldn't have if someone had been so brash as to confront me.

I hope someone reading this, someone who has joined or is reading a stop-drinking website can believe it and makes the simple choice not to drink. There is always another option. It isn't easy, but if you make the commitment and use everything that is available here, it is possible.

All the best to all of you. Thank you, :h NS

[Byrdlady]

Tool box

Reposted with permission by NoSugar, this is her One Year Anniversary Speech.

NoSugar;1617822 wrote: Thank you for the fine looking underwear and for starting that Congratulations thread for me, Byrdie :l! And thanks to all of you in the nest who were looking forward to this day with me and offered such kind support: I'mStrong, LB, Lav, DB, Bastet, friends on the LOAM thread, and all the people on Roll Call who are working together to get this done one day at a time. Those days really do add up more quickly than you'd expect.

Last night while I was escaping the frigid temperatures we are having here by going to the dry sauna at the gym, I thought about the last time I tried to escape the stresses of life by drinking - one year before. I remember that night, but not very well, and in a way it doesn't feel like that was me. Or that that was me in the years leading up to that night. I had become someone I could barely recognize - sneaky, asocial, full of lies, guilt, and shame, apathetic, disengaged, sad, and lonely.

The changes over the last year have been greater than I would have thought possible. I think that is because before I got it back, I didn't fully understand how much I had lost - how much my personality had been altered and I had become that unrecognizable person. I didn't realize then that my life had in many ways become no more than an existence. While we're in the clutch of an addiction, it seems impossible for us to objectively evaluate the situation we're in. The drive to feed the addiction trumps everything.

I very rarely consumed alcohol until my mid-thirties and became a non-drinker in my mid-fifties. What happened during those intervening 20 years was so gradual as to be imperceptible for a very long time. For many years it did not seem that I or my life had changed very much. We just don't notice progressive incremental changes. When I finally became aware that I had a problem, it was too late to simply stop drinking, or so it seemed.

I say "or so it seemed" because really, that is all a person has to do: Simply Stop Drinking.

January 23, 2013 was pretty much like all the days before had been for what seems like years. I was doing my job, meeting my responsibilities --- functioning. We sometimes use that term like it is a good thing: 'a high-functioning alcoholic'. Machines function. People are supposed to live.

And now I'm living again - doing, planning, feeling, dreaming, remembering. Life isn't perfect and sometimes it is downright painful but I'm once again fully participating in it. I could not have done this alone and I know this is true because I tried. Hard. I was a secret drinker and I've been a quiet recover-er, except here where I've revealed more of myself and learned more about the inner lives of others than I ever have before. It has been uncomfortable sometimes but more than worth the shame, embarrassment, and awkwardness I've experienced -- all of which I've spent my life avoiding. Those burdens were lessened by the sharing, the unconditional love, support, and acceptance offered, and finally not feeling so alone.

I am grateful to whoever truly invented the internet :H and to the people who established and maintain MWO. I fear that I would have had to experience a "rock bottom" before I would have sought help in person. MWO spared me that. I especially want to thank FallenAngel, Byrdie, and Kuya for assuming I could do this when I was full of doubt and helping me figure out how. Thank you, also, to the people who began this with or after me and have trusted me to share their struggles. You help me stay strong. The words that I write in posts and private messages solidify the commitment I have made. I once again trust myself to mean what I say and to live up to those words. That is worth everything.

I went to the grocery store yesterday and as I checked out, noticed that the woman behind me was buying a tomato, deodorant, paper towels, and two bottles of wine. My head snapped up to look at her and I recognized the empty eyes and expressionless face - her studied lack of interest in her purchases. I doubt that she really needed to come out into the zero degree day for deodorant, paper towels, and one tomato. I wish there had been some way for me to tell her that she didn't need the wine, either. Even if I had, she probably would not have believed me. I wouldn't have if someone had been so brash as to confront me.

I hope someone reading this, someone who has joined or is reading a stop-drinking website can believe it and makes the simple choice not to drink. There is always another option. It isn't easy, but if you make the commitment and use everything that is available here, it is possible.

All the best to all of you. Thank you, :h NS

[Pavati]

Tool box

Hi, all:

I thought I'd share this link related to relapse prevention.

First step - avoiding mental relapse, the symptoms of which are also the symptoms of post acute withdrawal (PAWS). Lots of good information. Happy reading.

[Pavati]

Tool box

Hi, all:

I thought I'd share this link related to relapse prevention.

First step - avoiding mental relapse, the symptoms of which are also the symptoms of post acute withdrawal (PAWS). Lots of good information. Happy reading.

[narilly]

Tool box

Pav,
thanks for the link. It is very informative.

[narilly]

Tool box

Pav,
thanks for the link. It is very informative.

[Byrdlady]

Tool box

Reposted with permission by Jane27:

jane27;1623592 wrote: At 30 days I feel stupid in a good way. I am trying to develop an awareness regarding the way a situation makes me feel. Do I want to do that? Do I want to have dinner with this person?

Waiting for a pull in order to identify things that I actually want to do. Sitting with feelings. Recognizing that wistful memories of a good buzz may crop up & put a lump in my throat. That the most minute attempt to ride that wave might be a one way ticket. That I?m not doing myself any favors by judging myself- in fact that habit has been a spring board to drinking. The most important thing is to not drink & be a good person. That it?s important to show up if I?ve signed up, so stop signing up for shit I don?t want to do & figure out why I do that so much. Everything is going to feel new and it is new. With time I will accrue an inventory of memories made while sober. Looking forward to the day when I have enough of those that I can move the old ones to a different box, tie it up with some string, and maybe one day make peace with it. Every day, I need to be relentless in my commitment to not drinking. This may include things that feel like I?m being selfish. It?s not being selfish. It?s going to keep me alive. I'm OK with feeling blank actually, because it?s not really blank. It feels more like being newly born. I wish that didn?t sound corny or religious, but I don?t know how else to say it.

Thank you all. I can?t do this without you guys. I?m only learning who I am because I finally don?t feel so alone.

[Byrdlady]

Tool box

Reposted with permission by Jane27:

jane27;1623592 wrote: At 30 days I feel stupid in a good way. I am trying to develop an awareness regarding the way a situation makes me feel. Do I want to do that? Do I want to have dinner with this person?

Waiting for a pull in order to identify things that I actually want to do. Sitting with feelings. Recognizing that wistful memories of a good buzz may crop up & put a lump in my throat. That the most minute attempt to ride that wave might be a one way ticket. That I?m not doing myself any favors by judging myself- in fact that habit has been a spring board to drinking. The most important thing is to not drink & be a good person. That it?s important to show up if I?ve signed up, so stop signing up for shit I don?t want to do & figure out why I do that so much. Everything is going to feel new and it is new. With time I will accrue an inventory of memories made while sober. Looking forward to the day when I have enough of those that I can move the old ones to a different box, tie it up with some string, and maybe one day make peace with it. Every day, I need to be relentless in my commitment to not drinking. This may include things that feel like I?m being selfish. It?s not being selfish. It?s going to keep me alive. I'm OK with feeling blank actually, because it?s not really blank. It feels more like being newly born. I wish that didn?t sound corny or religious, but I don?t know how else to say it.

Thank you all. I can?t do this without you guys. I?m only learning who I am because I finally don?t feel so alone.

[lead366]

Tool box

lead366
Member

Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 208
Gallery: 0
My Mood:
What its like to be 30 days booze free
Being nudged by such a wonderful message from Byrdie this morning ( Thank you dear ), I decided to write what my experience has been like going 30 days AF. This is approximately my fifth 30 day milestone in the last nine months, and I am happy to say that in these last nine months…...six of them have been AF. I’m 52...and have been a drinker for 30 years…...the last 10 a daily drinker. It was only four years ago that I thought I may have a problem…..but as usual put it off and survived in that ohhhhhh soooooo comfortable state of denial….not even picking up a book or wanting to address the obvious...that I had a problem controlling booze.

It dawned on me sometime mid 2012 that I basically woke up hungover…...crawled through the day in withdrawal state….only looking forward to 5pm….then 430pm...then 4pm….and then?...a few times 330pm.... enjoyed a very generous happy hour (s) then wine with dinner and then pass out. OH-OH…..not a good pattern. In late 2012-early 2013 I had a few misfortunes….and got taken for money and was in an unhealthy relationship. I handled them ok but kept asking myself “how the hell did I get myself in this mess”? I had to be honest with myself...I got me in the mess...and booze led me there. The booze screwed my judgment...and generated a huge self confidence decline, and also robbed me of a very fit body in only a few years. The tailspin can be very fast and furious my friends...be wary of this.

Took me five months to garner the strength to enter first rehab...busted out half way through because of my ego. Re-entered rehab three months later and stuck it out. The four relapses since that time have been less and less...the latest only four days Late January 2014.

What I have learned……

#1. Park the ego at the door….this is serious business and the ramifications of daily drink are deadly. My relapses were a result of not listening to advice. Listening to abstainers has helped me.

#2. One must get educated on how this substance works ...and the dangers that will eventually wreck you and make you miserable at best. Yes...daily drinking’s best case scenario is that you will end up miserable…...very soon. The worst?.....early miserable death! In between consequences?......all kinds of physical and mental problems. Ive read about 15-20 books thus far and have a good handle on the subject...this has helped me.

#3. I’ve learned to respect and analyze all substances entering my body. Coffee is gone now and I truly feel better. Meals are properly prepared with high organic veggie content. I do cheat with sweets and ciggies….and they must go as well...and will soon. I have been on a high intake supplement program...I truly feel that these have helped immensely.

#4. Stick with a support group...and write like hell---anything and everything. We are all in this together and contributing to this group helps me to ditch my ego...lets my true feelings flow and practise gratitude….which?...is very important..Why?..because I am grateful now that Im AF….and dont feel that I have lost anything from AL. Once I got my head around the concept of being thankful for being AF….things got easier….denial went away….my mood improved...and I stopped romanticizing about a nice glowing glass of red. Yes...get rid of that romance crap….AL is a killer!...dressed in red! lol

Heres what Ive gained in 30 days…..

#1….Great restful sleep---every night and now having pleasant dreams. This only occurred around day 20...so newbies?.....be patient.

#2….My jitters, shakes, paranoia, slothiness, bloatedness, foggy brain---GONE!

#3….My mood is nice and smooth now with others. Wayyyyyyy less irritable.

#4….Fitness levels are up by about 300% Resting heartrate around 54-60....and I smoke! Before my heartrate was like--in the high 80’s. Blood pressure back to normal.

#5….Optimism has increased alot…….and will increase further Im sure.

#6….I look better….a female youngster commented to me yesterday))))


How I will get to 60 days……

#1..Respect…..I will listen to advice from All here on MWO and I will respect that this alcohol is a very dangerous and vicious substance. Im not out of the woods by any stretch.

#2..One day at a time. I will do two or three small things each day to enhance my recovery.

#3..Mindfulness….I will think about all items going into my body..even though I cheat.

#4..I will exercise every day...even if its a few minutes.

#5.. I will check in with MWO each day and be available for all my precious friends here

#6.. I will read something about alcohol abuse every day.

#7.. I will not consider this a chore or a drag….Hell….Im free of alcohol today. Thank god!

#8..If I have a thought or romance idea about booze...I will immediately kill it. NOW!


Advice for newbies…..

Its a process...always keep trying..it works if you work it.

Day one to day five is a bitch…..take very good care of your soul these days
Read and write like crazy...you will learn some gems! We are all here to learn and help.

Consider supplements and go decaf if you can...calms the nerves and lessons cravings big time!

Try and strive for a sense of gratitude….MINDSHIFT….you’re not losing..your gaining each day!

Dont set big goals...keep it small and simple.

Try and compile a list why sobriety is sooo much better. My list is longggggggggg.

As long as you are trying...you are gaining…...even with relapses…..you will soon be AF.


I am not giddy by any means...Im just feeling alot better….and Im comfortable with my MWO friends...and I’m getting used to being AF. Its one day at a time towards day 60.

[lead366]

Tool box

lead366
Member

Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 208
Gallery: 0
My Mood:
What its like to be 30 days booze free
Being nudged by such a wonderful message from Byrdie this morning ( Thank you dear ), I decided to write what my experience has been like going 30 days AF. This is approximately my fifth 30 day milestone in the last nine months, and I am happy to say that in these last nine months…...six of them have been AF. I’m 52...and have been a drinker for 30 years…...the last 10 a daily drinker. It was only four years ago that I thought I may have a problem…..but as usual put it off and survived in that ohhhhhh soooooo comfortable state of denial….not even picking up a book or wanting to address the obvious...that I had a problem controlling booze.

It dawned on me sometime mid 2012 that I basically woke up hungover…...crawled through the day in withdrawal state….only looking forward to 5pm….then 430pm...then 4pm….and then?...a few times 330pm.... enjoyed a very generous happy hour (s) then wine with dinner and then pass out. OH-OH…..not a good pattern. In late 2012-early 2013 I had a few misfortunes….and got taken for money and was in an unhealthy relationship. I handled them ok but kept asking myself “how the hell did I get myself in this mess”? I had to be honest with myself...I got me in the mess...and booze led me there. The booze screwed my judgment...and generated a huge self confidence decline, and also robbed me of a very fit body in only a few years. The tailspin can be very fast and furious my friends...be wary of this.

Took me five months to garner the strength to enter first rehab...busted out half way through because of my ego. Re-entered rehab three months later and stuck it out. The four relapses since that time have been less and less...the latest only four days Late January 2014.

What I have learned……

#1. Park the ego at the door….this is serious business and the ramifications of daily drink are deadly. My relapses were a result of not listening to advice. Listening to abstainers has helped me.

#2. One must get educated on how this substance works ...and the dangers that will eventually wreck you and make you miserable at best. Yes...daily drinking’s best case scenario is that you will end up miserable…...very soon. The worst?.....early miserable death! In between consequences?......all kinds of physical and mental problems. Ive read about 15-20 books thus far and have a good handle on the subject...this has helped me.

#3. I’ve learned to respect and analyze all substances entering my body. Coffee is gone now and I truly feel better. Meals are properly prepared with high organic veggie content. I do cheat with sweets and ciggies….and they must go as well...and will soon. I have been on a high intake supplement program...I truly feel that these have helped immensely.

#4. Stick with a support group...and write like hell---anything and everything. We are all in this together and contributing to this group helps me to ditch my ego...lets my true feelings flow and practise gratitude….which?...is very important..Why?..because I am grateful now that Im AF….and dont feel that I have lost anything from AL. Once I got my head around the concept of being thankful for being AF….things got easier….denial went away….my mood improved...and I stopped romanticizing about a nice glowing glass of red. Yes...get rid of that romance crap….AL is a killer!...dressed in red! lol

Heres what Ive gained in 30 days…..

#1….Great restful sleep---every night and now having pleasant dreams. This only occurred around day 20...so newbies?.....be patient.

#2….My jitters, shakes, paranoia, slothiness, bloatedness, foggy brain---GONE!

#3….My mood is nice and smooth now with others. Wayyyyyyy less irritable.

#4….Fitness levels are up by about 300% Resting heartrate around 54-60....and I smoke! Before my heartrate was like--in the high 80’s. Blood pressure back to normal.

#5….Optimism has increased alot…….and will increase further Im sure.

#6….I look better….a female youngster commented to me yesterday))))


How I will get to 60 days……

#1..Respect…..I will listen to advice from All here on MWO and I will respect that this alcohol is a very dangerous and vicious substance. Im not out of the woods by any stretch.

#2..One day at a time. I will do two or three small things each day to enhance my recovery.

#3..Mindfulness….I will think about all items going into my body..even though I cheat.

#4..I will exercise every day...even if its a few minutes.

#5.. I will check in with MWO each day and be available for all my precious friends here

#6.. I will read something about alcohol abuse every day.

#7.. I will not consider this a chore or a drag….Hell….Im free of alcohol today. Thank god!

#8..If I have a thought or romance idea about booze...I will immediately kill it. NOW!


Advice for newbies…..

Its a process...always keep trying..it works if you work it.

Day one to day five is a bitch…..take very good care of your soul these days
Read and write like crazy...you will learn some gems! We are all here to learn and help.

Consider supplements and go decaf if you can...calms the nerves and lessons cravings big time!

Try and strive for a sense of gratitude….MINDSHIFT….you’re not losing..your gaining each day!

Dont set big goals...keep it small and simple.

Try and compile a list why sobriety is sooo much better. My list is longggggggggg.

As long as you are trying...you are gaining…...even with relapses…..you will soon be AF.


I am not giddy by any means...Im just feeling alot better….and Im comfortable with my MWO friends...and I’m getting used to being AF. Its one day at a time towards day 60.

[DreamThinkDo]

Tool box

Byrdie has asked me to post this in the toolbox - it's a pleasure and an honour to do so.

DreamThinkDo;1637724 wrote: I couldn't decide if I should open a new thread for this or not, but since my very first post was in the Nest, I think this one belongs here too.

Yesterday, five months ago I would have been, if not drunk, then certainly on my way there. (And I started this at 11 am :blush:.)

My dad quit when I was in primary school, and my mum is a very light drinker, so there never was alcohol at home, unless there were guests who brought their own. So those first ?stolen drinks? as a dare/pushing the boundaries/exploring never happened for me. Although I had the odd drink too many at university, overdid things on weekends in my twenties and thirties drinking became a problem only relatively late in life. I really can?t remember when it became a problem ? because I never saw my drinking as a problem. I should have seen red warning lights and heard alarm bells when I started opening a bottle of wine earlier and earlier each day ? in those last black months any time from eight in the morning onwards. Somehow I still managed to stick to deadlines ? very often by getting up and working when the dreaded three o?clock in the morning wake-up call from the Brothers GSR came.

I discovered MWO when somebody on a news site mentioned it ? and I owe that person a huge debt of gratitude. I registered here, and started reading, reading, reading ? all the time with a glass in hand, of course. Except that it wasn?t a glass ? it was an enamel espresso cup, so that anybody seeing me drink would think that I was drinking coffee. Not sure who I was fooling, because I was the wine shop?s best and most regular customer. The well-behaved town drunk.

So, there I was, constantly filling my cup with nectar from the Cape?s vineyards, reading, planning how I would mod, with Byrdie and the other Nest Mothers insisting that moderating was impossible. Byrdie, Lav, all of you ? my apologies ? I thought that you were sour spoil sports ? telling others that modding was impossible because you were not capable of modding. I, however, I thought, would be the poster child for modding. (And modding in my book then meant having nothing during the week, a bottle on Friday evenings and my usual two bottles a day on Saturday and Sunday. That way, I reasoned, I would cut my consumption by more than half ? so what was there to worry about? Writing this, I don?t know whether to laugh or to cry.) Somehow, it got through my thick skull and the fog of alcohol that I had a completely skewed idea of modding. And then the small issue of the 30 day challenge came up in the Nest. That seemed like an absolute impossibility. I thought that I might make 7 days, but not more than that. Stubborn Dreamy decided to accept the challenge ? and to reward herself with a huge bottle of champagne after 30 days. The thirty days was long enough for me to know that I did not want to drink at the end of it ? but, for a while, I kept that option open ? and then discarded it altogether. And, obviously, the temptation of modding has been flung out the window. I'm a drunk, plain and simple, not a moderate drinker who sometimes have one too many.

The first few days AF were the usual hell, although I didn?t have any withdrawal symptoms, and the cravings were bearable. In fact, I?ve been incredibly lucky in that department ? I?ve had one or two cases of cravings that were so bad that I was paralysed, but on the whole, I sailed through things, compared to what other people here experienced. (And I'm neither complaining nor bragging!)

And here I am, five months later. I couldn?t be happier. I was scared that I would turn into a miserable person, incapable of having fun without booze to kickstart things. The people posting here, and especially the Army, have shown me that we can still have fun ? more fun ? while sober.

Yes, life still has it ups and downs, frustrations, boredom, happiness, sadness ? life still is life, but I deal with things in a completely new and different way. I still, from time to time, think about how nice it would be to sit outside and have a glass of wine ? but it?s nostalgia for what was. And let?s be honest ? wine played the starring role in my life. I?m happy with the fact that I miss it ? but it?s in the past, and that?s where it will stay.

So, I?m sober. And I?m happy. I?m happy that I?m sober.

And to each and everybody on this site: thank you. Your stories and experiences ? good and bad ? keep reinforcing the fact that I won?t ever drink again. I would not have been able to do this without you - and can't tell you how much I appreciate you.

And to the Newbies: it's incredibly scary to think of never-ever drinking again. It's a lot easier to just not drink today, and to then do the same thing again the next day, and the next and the day after that too. That is how I reached today - ODAT.

[DreamThinkDo]

Tool box

Byrdie has asked me to post this in the toolbox - it's a pleasure and an honour to do so.

DreamThinkDo;1637724 wrote: I couldn't decide if I should open a new thread for this or not, but since my very first post was in the Nest, I think this one belongs here too.

Yesterday, five months ago I would have been, if not drunk, then certainly on my way there. (And I started this at 11 am :blush:.)

My dad quit when I was in primary school, and my mum is a very light drinker, so there never was alcohol at home, unless there were guests who brought their own. So those first ?stolen drinks? as a dare/pushing the boundaries/exploring never happened for me. Although I had the odd drink too many at university, overdid things on weekends in my twenties and thirties drinking became a problem only relatively late in life. I really can?t remember when it became a problem ? because I never saw my drinking as a problem. I should have seen red warning lights and heard alarm bells when I started opening a bottle of wine earlier and earlier each day ? in those last black months any time from eight in the morning onwards. Somehow I still managed to stick to deadlines ? very often by getting up and working when the dreaded three o?clock in the morning wake-up call from the Brothers GSR came.

I discovered MWO when somebody on a news site mentioned it ? and I owe that person a huge debt of gratitude. I registered here, and started reading, reading, reading ? all the time with a glass in hand, of course. Except that it wasn?t a glass ? it was an enamel espresso cup, so that anybody seeing me drink would think that I was drinking coffee. Not sure who I was fooling, because I was the wine shop?s best and most regular customer. The well-behaved town drunk.

So, there I was, constantly filling my cup with nectar from the Cape?s vineyards, reading, planning how I would mod, with Byrdie and the other Nest Mothers insisting that moderating was impossible. Byrdie, Lav, all of you ? my apologies ? I thought that you were sour spoil sports ? telling others that modding was impossible because you were not capable of modding. I, however, I thought, would be the poster child for modding. (And modding in my book then meant having nothing during the week, a bottle on Friday evenings and my usual two bottles a day on Saturday and Sunday. That way, I reasoned, I would cut my consumption by more than half ? so what was there to worry about? Writing this, I don?t know whether to laugh or to cry.) Somehow, it got through my thick skull and the fog of alcohol that I had a completely skewed idea of modding. And then the small issue of the 30 day challenge came up in the Nest. That seemed like an absolute impossibility. I thought that I might make 7 days, but not more than that. Stubborn Dreamy decided to accept the challenge ? and to reward herself with a huge bottle of champagne after 30 days. The thirty days was long enough for me to know that I did not want to drink at the end of it ? but, for a while, I kept that option open ? and then discarded it altogether. And, obviously, the temptation of modding has been flung out the window. I'm a drunk, plain and simple, not a moderate drinker who sometimes have one too many.

The first few days AF were the usual hell, although I didn?t have any withdrawal symptoms, and the cravings were bearable. In fact, I?ve been incredibly lucky in that department ? I?ve had one or two cases of cravings that were so bad that I was paralysed, but on the whole, I sailed through things, compared to what other people here experienced. (And I'm neither complaining nor bragging!)

And here I am, five months later. I couldn?t be happier. I was scared that I would turn into a miserable person, incapable of having fun without booze to kickstart things. The people posting here, and especially the Army, have shown me that we can still have fun ? more fun ? while sober.

Yes, life still has it ups and downs, frustrations, boredom, happiness, sadness ? life still is life, but I deal with things in a completely new and different way. I still, from time to time, think about how nice it would be to sit outside and have a glass of wine ? but it?s nostalgia for what was. And let?s be honest ? wine played the starring role in my life. I?m happy with the fact that I miss it ? but it?s in the past, and that?s where it will stay.

So, I?m sober. And I?m happy. I?m happy that I?m sober.

And to each and everybody on this site: thank you. Your stories and experiences ? good and bad ? keep reinforcing the fact that I won?t ever drink again. I would not have been able to do this without you - and can't tell you how much I appreciate you.

And to the Newbies: it's incredibly scary to think of never-ever drinking again. It's a lot easier to just not drink today, and to then do the same thing again the next day, and the next and the day after that too. That is how I reached today - ODAT.