Tool box

[Byrdlady]

Some thoughts on this November day from the Newbie's Nest:

ALCOHOL is the problem.

Over the years, as I have perused these boards, I am flabbergasted by the situations that we, as Alkies, get ourselves into. Speaking for myself, I was willing to look the other way when family and friends started making snide comments about my drinking. I ignored the red flags that went down at the dr's office when my blood readings started coming back abnormal. Not once, but on 4 occasions I had to have blood removed because my ferritin was too high (because my liver wasn't functioning properly) , do you think THAT stopped me from drinking when I got home? I was on anti depressants, 3 blood pressure meds, I was getting to the point where I was resigned to the fact I was going to die young (if 50 is young to you). Not until I looked my hubs of (then) 24 years into the eye and he told me he would NOT be married to a drunk, did it finally sink in. I finally GOT IT. I was going to have to do the impossible....give up AL. That was a really scary day for a lot of reasons. Coming face to face with this problem wasn't easy. I was a master at denial and rationalizing what I was doing. I see this all over our site here and it makes me so sad. I see people doing things and saying things that they would NEVER do if AL weren't involved. Excusing inexcusable behaviors. Rationalizing a medical problem instead of blaming the very thing that is causing the problem. Since I quit AL, everything in my life has IMPROVED! I am off the AD's, off all the BP meds, my depression is GONE. My marriage is STRONG. My weight is down (something I blamed on metabolism for years). My skin is clear, my hair is fuller and thicker, no acid reflux, my outlook on life is brighter in every way. Not drinking is now normal for me. I would have never thought this 4 years ago. At this time 4 years ago, I was at the height of my addiction.

If you are here, YOU have a problem with AL. If AL is involved in your life right now let me say this to you....ALCOHOL IS THE PROBLEM. It's not your EX, it's not Daylight Saving Time, it's not menopause....or Manopause, it's not stress at work, it's not your family, it's not that medical issue you might be using to rationalize a drink (or 12).....the problem in YOUR life is ALCOHOL. Alcohol.

You don't have to believe me, it's fine if you don't. But give us 30 days AF and you tell us if your life doesn't turn around. All you have to do is check out our Tool Box and you'll see for yourself how many lives have turned around in such a short amount of time. From the time of your last haircut to the next one....see what a difference going without this mind-altering poison can make in your life. You won't find one of us WORSE off after 30 days. Before you go blaming life for your troubles, give us this time. You can always go back if it hasn't changed for you....there is always that option. See for yourself and do this experiment. Remove the ONE variable you've never removed before. You will be amazed.

ALCOHOL IS THE PROBLEM.

Hope everyone has an easy day! XO, Byrdie

[Byrdlady]

Some thoughts on this November day from the Newbie's Nest:

ALCOHOL is the problem.

Over the years, as I have perused these boards, I am flabbergasted by the situations that we, as Alkies, get ourselves into. Speaking for myself, I was willing to look the other way when family and friends started making snide comments about my drinking. I ignored the red flags that went down at the dr's office when my blood readings started coming back abnormal. Not once, but on 4 occasions I had to have blood removed because my ferritin was too high (because my liver wasn't functioning properly) , do you think THAT stopped me from drinking when I got home? I was on anti depressants, 3 blood pressure meds, I was getting to the point where I was resigned to the fact I was going to die young (if 50 is young to you). Not until I looked my hubs of (then) 24 years into the eye and he told me he would NOT be married to a drunk, did it finally sink in. I finally GOT IT. I was going to have to do the impossible....give up AL. That was a really scary day for a lot of reasons. Coming face to face with this problem wasn't easy. I was a master at denial and rationalizing what I was doing. I see this all over our site here and it makes me so sad. I see people doing things and saying things that they would NEVER do if AL weren't involved. Excusing inexcusable behaviors. Rationalizing a medical problem instead of blaming the very thing that is causing the problem. Since I quit AL, everything in my life has IMPROVED! I am off the AD's, off all the BP meds, my depression is GONE. My marriage is STRONG. My weight is down (something I blamed on metabolism for years). My skin is clear, my hair is fuller and thicker, no acid reflux, my outlook on life is brighter in every way. Not drinking is now normal for me. I would have never thought this 4 years ago. At this time 4 years ago, I was at the height of my addiction.

If you are here, YOU have a problem with AL. If AL is involved in your life right now let me say this to you....ALCOHOL IS THE PROBLEM. It's not your EX, it's not Daylight Saving Time, it's not menopause....or Manopause, it's not stress at work, it's not your family, it's not that medical issue you might be using to rationalize a drink (or 12).....the problem in YOUR life is ALCOHOL. Alcohol.

You don't have to believe me, it's fine if you don't. But give us 30 days AF and you tell us if your life doesn't turn around. All you have to do is check out our Tool Box and you'll see for yourself how many lives have turned around in such a short amount of time. From the time of your last haircut to the next one....see what a difference going without this mind-altering poison can make in your life. You won't find one of us WORSE off after 30 days. Before you go blaming life for your troubles, give us this time. You can always go back if it hasn't changed for you....there is always that option. See for yourself and do this experiment. Remove the ONE variable you've never removed before. You will be amazed.

ALCOHOL IS THE PROBLEM.

Hope everyone has an easy day! XO, Byrdie

[abcowboy]

I posted this on the Newbie's Nest and reposting it here in the hopes that it might help others....

MAE friends! There's been a great many very good posts over the past few days! It seems all of us have been down the slip/relapse road at least once or twice during our journey, and it got me to thinking about my 2 small slips. It seems after we get a few months under our belts, the thoughts of whether we can moderate come up. And they are interesting thoughts, as we all know people who drank too much, but were able to stop, then moderate. We also know people who stopped, decided they could moderate, then fell back into old drinking ways. It's really interesting contemplating this as there are many things we enjoyed about drinking other than getting drunk. Possibly we enjoyed the social occasion. Possibly we enjoyed the wine/beer/liqueur that we drank. Possibly we enjoyed the pairing of foods and drinks. Regardless, alcohol was in many cases more than a crutch or escape. It may have started as enjoyment, then became something else where we weren't paying attention. So over the last few days, reading posts over the threads, I came up with a few thoughts about myself and my drinking...

Thought 1: Did I actually enjoy the drink itself, or did I enjoy using the drink to get drunk? To me this is the key thought. Sure, I loved beer, wine, and the occasional white rum . But I can also remember that 98% of the time when I drank, I was almost shaking with anticipation knowing that I could go pick up my poison of choice and get liquored up on it. When one goes from having a beer or two to killing an 8-pack in an evening, we've gone well past enjoyment, and are heading into just having a weapon of choice to use against sobriety.

Thought 2: If I had a drink again, could I stop at one or two? If I had to stop at one or two, how enjoyable would having the drink be? This is also a key thought. I find the idea of having a drink very mentally stimulating, and it releases endorphins in my brain. But then thinking that no, I can't keep going back to the fridge, and one or two is all I can have shuts those endorphins right back down again. So apparently stopping at one or two might work for a while, but having a drink is not what I obviously want. Having drinks, as many of them as I can handle is apparently what I want.

Thought 3: What are the best case and worst case scenarios? Best case, I can enjoy the odd drink here and there as a social drinker, and can go back to enjoying food/drink pairings that I used to enjoy. Worst case? Divorced? Dead? DUI? Out of control drunk who finally decides that alcohol is more important to them than anything else in the world, who drinks until they are broke, then eats a gun?

So let me see, based on my thoughts above, let me contemplate moderation:
- I don't enjoy the drinks as much as I thought I did
- The thought of moderation sucks the fun out of the thought of drinking
- Best case scenario means nothing, but opens the door to a worst case scenario that is bleak

After thinking about this, I wonder why I would even play with the fire of self-moderation? I drank to get drunk. I liked the drinks I did because they were a way I liked to get drunk. Drinking only a few, I might as well drink pop or water, as I cannot get drunk anymore. Period. And by not drinking, I keep that door shut, the door that starts with a glass of wine with dinner, and ends up with me dead and alone.

And I'm thankful to have my MWO friends here, that I can learn from their experiments in self-moderation, and avoid the same mistakes they made. And really, at the end of the day, I don't want to have a beer, or wine, or white rum, I want to get drunk. So nothing good can come from any drink, no matter how I want to rationalize it to myself.

These are the thoughts that are going into my toolbox, thoughts that I can turn to when I think I can have just one or maybe even two.....

[See the Light]

The Caffeine-Alcohol Effect

If anyone has followed that Four Loko lawsuit story (if not you can Google it)..anyway, saw this study come up last week that shows the combined impacts of caffeine and AL (I know I've done a few vodka Red Bulls in my dumber days)

The Caffeine-Alcohol Effect

(Why quaffing energy-drink cocktails may be riskier than sticking to booze alone )

http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/11/the-caffeine-alcohol-effect/382023/

[See the Light]

The Caffeine-Alcohol Effect

If anyone has followed that Four Loko lawsuit story (if not you can Google it)..anyway, saw this study come up last week that shows the combined impacts of caffeine and AL (I know I've done a few vodka Red Bulls in my dumber days)

The Caffeine-Alcohol Effect

(Why quaffing energy-drink cocktails may be riskier than sticking to booze alone )

The Caffeine-Alcohol Effect - The Atlantic

[Guitarista]

City 2 sea run 2014

Back home from the run. Had brunch with a friend, just had a hot shower, and feeling very chilled and happy. 15k's non stop done and dusted. Next stop, the half marathon at 21k's distance.

Your eyes may start to glaze over from here reader, so feel free to move on.

Furthest i've ever run/raced is about 10-12k's, apart from my days as a footballer where you'd probably run that and more in a game. Felt strong as i cruised through the 10k mark, and chose the softer grass surface available on the side of the road for less impact on the joints for most of the run. When i got to about 13k's, i felt the beginnings of a little quadricep burn, and my hips and legs were starting to feel a bit heavy. The last 2 k's were much harder than the previous 13, but i kept going with plenty of inspirational runners around me. There was Shelley from South Sunshine #12,567, Kev from Colac in bib # 10,045, Big Mark from Murrumbidgee wearing number 8,395, and the twins from Bankstown, Marcia and Persephone. Some walking, some valiantly struggling in a half walk/half run style, and guns like me with a bit of extra fuel in the tank, but happy to cruise to the finish line taking in the colourful ambience of the brass band, wobbling arses of all shapes and sizes, and the annoying, overly enthusiastic woops and shrill of the sheila from some commercial FM radio station. And we got a medal! Bring on the half marathon next year. I'm ready.

(My apologies to those of you following me on Twitter for the repeat commentary here).

On a more serious note. Events like this that are a physical and mental challenge are very positive tools to throw into our sobriety plan mix now and then. For me, it's a positive goal to aim for, and something that challenges me, but also something that i can handle. It's something you can do for you. Today i have sent a strong, positive message to myself. Doesn't have to be a run or a 10k etc. Plenty of 5k walks out there too.

It's good to get out of the house. You never know who you'll meet! G

[See the Light]

I was asked to repost some thoughts about second hand drinking here...

I'm particularly impressed on how selfless those lists are. AL sometimes makes people selfish and withdrawn..it's our problem and no one else's... except...that is 500% not true..there are studies out there about the impacts of Second Hand Drinking (kinda like second hand smoking) that show for every person who is an alcoholic, 5 more people are negatively impacted ...a worsening effect of 500%...meaning family members feel symptoms related to dealing with a person with an AL issue, then they negatively impact someone else, and the chain continues....when you have great SELFLESS qualities, you can stop focusing on the impact of just yourself, but then see the world around you that you impact..so think about it..when you quit drinking, you make the world around you 500% better...those are stats I think we can all live with...let's break that chain together, and allow those around you enjoy your success as much as you do

https://www.mywayout.org/community/showthread.php?26685-Newbies-Nest&p=1577926&viewfull=1#post1577926

[See the Light]

I was asked to repost some thoughts about second hand drinking here...

I'm particularly impressed on how selfless those lists are. AL sometimes makes people selfish and withdrawn..it's our problem and no one else's... except...that is 500% not true..there are studies out there about the impacts of Second Hand Drinking (kinda like second hand smoking) that show for every person who is an alcoholic, 5 more people are negatively impacted ...a worsening effect of 500%...meaning family members feel symptoms related to dealing with a person with an AL issue, then they negatively impact someone else, and the chain continues....when you have great SELFLESS qualities, you can stop focusing on the impact of just yourself, but then see the world around you that you impact..so think about it..when you quit drinking, you make the world around you 500% better...those are stats I think we can all live with...let's break that chain together, and allow those around you enjoy your success as much as you do

Newbies Nest - Page 5525

[Guitarista]

No sugar suggested i repost this here from 'Ladies on a mission' thread a few days ago:

Yo Gloamers!

SL, I think it's a positive thing that you express openly to yourself your past and current relationship/feelings around AL. It's a classic for many of us to believe we are missing out on a treat when we stop boozing. For me, well......i love drinking and the feeling it gives me in the first hour or so. No doubt, it feels great. However, then comes the "bill"....the "cheque/check" that must be paid. The ferryman is always there, waiting for payment, and my payment is a session that began nicely enough, that soon enough went downhill into a depressing spiral of sadness and regret, that i carried with me for the whole of the next day, and often for days later. Soon enough i have gone from a well intentioned 'social' glass or 3, to searching desperately later that evening for an after hours grog shop to get booze to take home and finish the job. The only quick fix tomorrow for the depression being another drink, and so re-starting the vicious damaging cycle of self abuse.

I can continue to stick to this cycle, and drink more not less as the years pass, or i can choose to live happy and healthy, and learn my newest life saving lesson. The lesson being......'G man, if you decide to keep booze in your life and try to regulate it, you know it doesn't work. Why? Because for some reason, a part of you loves to get numb and turn your back on all responsibility and society. In fact Gman, part of you loves this idea so much, you are willing to make it a 24/7 lifestyle. So Gman, what do you want to do? Which path do you want to take?"

For me, this is my choice. I know my boozing ways, and i now have undeniable evidence of my negative, self destructive relationship with AL. And that's ok. It's a relief to at least understand a little of what's going on with me and AL. I know enough to understand that when i drink my quality of life plummets, and my dreams are on hold and begin to die.

So what do i want for my life? I just have to learn how to remember every day to be grateful, gracious, and proud of my decision to re-invent myself and live to my full potential. Boozing is a big fat lie and myth for us folk. We are different to normal drinkers. We know it, and science knows it and backs this up. We don't need booze to have fun, or to enhance any experience. Sure, It will enhance some experiences for a short time, maybe 1 hour max, but then we are back on the road to destroying that moment, experience, relationship, as we without a shadow of a doubt, keep on drinking to excess, causing massive damage that we may not return from.

A small sacrifice for all the magic and treasure this world has waiting for us. Just wipe away a bit of the surface dust and dirt and you'll see your name clearly on your precious buried treasure.

No poison or myths for this fella today.

Have a bewdy y'all. Take it easy. G

[Pavati]

Here is my One Year post:

Hi, Everyone:

I know I promised a waffle, but honestly I have started one about five different times, and they all just seem too much. You don't need my whole story here today. Suffice to say a LONG and storied career as a drinker finally came to an end. I spent the last two years in particular in a cycle of despair, anger, depression, frustration, anxiety and fear. When I was particularly hung over, I would write in my journal, just a list of how I was feeling in the hope that I would remember it and avoid it again, and the most often occurring word is fear. I was so afraid of having to quit drinking, and I was also afraid of the shame I would feel if I had to admit I was an alcoholic.

STILL in denial, (and to paraphrase Robin Williams), I broke rules faster than I could lower the bar. I finally decided that I had to give serious effort to moderating, as I couldn't sustain things the way they were - and fark if that didn't make me drink harder and with MORE desperation between periods of not drinking. I remember being in the shower and writing "I am an alcoholic" on the tiles as it was the only way I could let out what I knew to be true but was too afraid to think or say. A very good friend had told me about MWO, and I lurked, watching NoSugar get sober, and reading each of her logical, reasoned posts with interest. I lurked with the belief that I would be one of the ones you all didn't know about - the successful moderators who DIDN'T post here about their success because they didn't need to. I thought I could reap the benefits of MWO without participating and posting myself - again, I was afraid!

Finally I joined. I was only going to use MWO for 90 days while I didn't drink, and then be one of the successful moderators who DIDN'T post here about their success because they didn't need to. I posted for a short time (20 days?), and then just decided that I "needed" to drink because I was so depressed and stressed. Then I had a concert, and then Thanksgiving. I thought, I'll wait until after the holidays...

Well, what came next has become known as The Thanksgiving Massacre. I drank for a week, some days moderately, some days heavily, and got what I can only call (thanks to the Bubble Hour ladies), full body anxiety. I have never felt that awful in my life. I was sure I was going to die or have to check myself into a mental hospital because of a breakdown. I cried and cried, limped from my bed to the bathtub to a walk around the block. I drank beer in the morning to hope to feel better, to no avail. I crossed that line.

And FINALLY, I gave up. There was NO denying it any more. I would HAVE to quit. No more messing around. I have two kids, a husband, and a job I love. I had a hell of a lot to lose if I continued the way I was going. And due to my lurking around here, I had enough information to know that I was WELL past the point of being a moderate drinker.

The first post I made was such a load off my shoulders. I felt afraid, but hopeful, optimistic and determined that I could do this.

I just posted and posted, read and read, watched links, read blogs, and posted some more. I found some threads that I could relate to and posted there regularly, but as many can attest, I posted on nearly every thread at some point.

All of the rest I feel like I have said here a million times. My advice? Read and post. Ask for help. Get a quick buddy with a keen sense of humor and absolute honesty who you don't want to disappoint. Exercise. Be mindful. Take care of yourselves. Take care of others. Pay attention to being sober every day. Accept what is, and take the choice off the table, but take it one day at a time.

From the bottom of my heart I thank all of you for the support I have gotten here. To quote a fellow nester, I am 100% sure that I couldn’t have done this alone. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Right now one son is missing his basketball shoes; one son is “trying’ to do his homework but watching YouTube; my boss called with a personnel crisis at work (yes, at 6:45pm); my leg is injured from a weekend football game. AND I won’t drink. I don’t drink. Phew.

I guess that was a waffle after all.

Xo
Pav

[Pavati]

Here is my One Year post:

Hi, Everyone:

I know I promised a waffle, but honestly I have started one about five different times, and they all just seem too much. You don't need my whole story here today. Suffice to say a LONG and storied career as a drinker finally came to an end. I spent the last two years in particular in a cycle of despair, anger, depression, frustration, anxiety and fear. When I was particularly hung over, I would write in my journal, just a list of how I was feeling in the hope that I would remember it and avoid it again, and the most often occurring word is fear. I was so afraid of having to quit drinking, and I was also afraid of the shame I would feel if I had to admit I was an alcoholic.

STILL in denial, (and to paraphrase Robin Williams), I broke rules faster than I could lower the bar. I finally decided that I had to give serious effort to moderating, as I couldn't sustain things the way they were - and fark if that didn't make me drink harder and with MORE desperation between periods of not drinking. I remember being in the shower and writing "I am an alcoholic" on the tiles as it was the only way I could let out what I knew to be true but was too afraid to think or say. A very good friend had told me about MWO, and I lurked, watching NoSugar get sober, and reading each of her logical, reasoned posts with interest. I lurked with the belief that I would be one of the ones you all didn't know about - the successful moderators who DIDN'T post here about their success because they didn't need to. I thought I could reap the benefits of MWO without participating and posting myself - again, I was afraid!

Finally I joined. I was only going to use MWO for 90 days while I didn't drink, and then be one of the successful moderators who DIDN'T post here about their success because they didn't need to. I posted for a short time (20 days?), and then just decided that I "needed" to drink because I was so depressed and stressed. Then I had a concert, and then Thanksgiving. I thought, I'll wait until after the holidays...

Well, what came next has become known as The Thanksgiving Massacre. I drank for a week, some days moderately, some days heavily, and got what I can only call (thanks to the Bubble Hour ladies), full body anxiety. I have never felt that awful in my life. I was sure I was going to die or have to check myself into a mental hospital because of a breakdown. I cried and cried, limped from my bed to the bathtub to a walk around the block. I drank beer in the morning to hope to feel better, to no avail. I crossed that line.

And FINALLY, I gave up. There was NO denying it any more. I would HAVE to quit. No more messing around. I have two kids, a husband, and a job I love. I had a hell of a lot to lose if I continued the way I was going. And due to my lurking around here, I had enough information to know that I was WELL past the point of being a moderate drinker.

The first post I made was such a load off my shoulders. I felt afraid, but hopeful, optimistic and determined that I could do this.

I just posted and posted, read and read, watched links, read blogs, and posted some more. I found some threads that I could relate to and posted there regularly, but as many can attest, I posted on nearly every thread at some point.

All of the rest I feel like I have said here a million times. My advice? Read and post. Ask for help. Get a quick buddy with a keen sense of humor and absolute honesty who you don't want to disappoint. Exercise. Be mindful. Take care of yourselves. Take care of others. Pay attention to being sober every day. Accept what is, and take the choice off the table, but take it one day at a time.

From the bottom of my heart I thank all of you for the support I have gotten here. To quote a fellow nester, I am 100% sure that I couldn’t have done this alone. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Right now one son is missing his basketball shoes; one son is “trying’ to do his homework but watching YouTube; my boss called with a personnel crisis at work (yes, at 6:45pm); my leg is injured from a weekend football game. AND I won’t drink. I don’t drink. Phew.

I guess that was a waffle after all.

Xo
Pav

[Byrdlady]

This is a very interesting article about the Loop Holes that Sabotage our thinking, when I read it, I was struck by how much it applies to us here. Sometimes we get in our own way, and this underscores it. I wish I could just list it, bhttp://www.slideshare.net/gretchenru...show_loggedoutut it's a slide show.

[Byrdlady]

This is a very interesting article about the Loop Holes that Sabotage our thinking, when I read it, I was struck by how much it applies to us here. Sometimes we get in our own way, and this underscores it. I wish I could just list it, bhttp://www.slideshare.net/gretchenru...show_loggedoutut it's a slide show.

[abcowboy]

I originally posted this in the Just Starting Out thread, and was asked to post it here as well...


Given the time of year I feel there are probably a great many newcomers and “guests” who have made resolutions to quit and are starting to feel the strain. Although there are many posters here who can help more than I can, I thought it may be worth sharing my experiences of dropping the booze and hopefully these words can help in some way to somebody.

I have been an alcoholic for the past decade at least and have been drinking heavily since the age of 16. My drinking has been completely out of control for the past 5 years. I first realised that I had a problem with drinking early on, maybe when I was in my early 20's, over thirty years ago. But I seemed to be able to hold my social life together, my career was progressing and life was great fun so I just pushed through it and kept drinking. Of course things got worse and steadily worse over time. I never really suffered with DTs, blackouts, or anxiety, nothing really beyond hangovers.

I did not see the writing on the wall in front of me. Unbelievably, I still thought my life was under control and that the drinking was not to blame. Then, after my last bender, I experienced my first blackout and it really scared me! I know it sounds totally crazy, but I didn't think that alcohol was to blame for my increasing anxiety, panic attacks and light headedness. I thought liver damage etc were the symptoms of over drinking. I knew at that moment that I was traveling down the road towards an early grave and that if I did not quit I would die. So I quit. That was 14 months ago, since then I have drank alcohol on 3 occasions, not to excess, but enough to know that I could never touch a drop again because of the control it had over me after the first sip. Here is what I have learned:

1) Alcohol is an incredibly powerful drug and it is progressive. It blinded me to the reality of what was happening. I am a reasonably smart guy and yet I could not see my life falling apart right in front of my eyes, alcohol is THAT strong. So, if it blinds you so much, how do you know if you are an alcoholic or whether you need to quit? The best way I think is something I read on this site. Ask yourself: "Does my drinking/alcohol cause problems in my life?" If the answer is yes, then you probably need to quit. If you are here on this site you are also probably an alcoholic (just a hunch).

2) I spent well over a decade trying to drink in moderation. I couldn't. My problem got worse. There is nothing I didn't try: drinking on alternative days, limiting to 3 drinks a day, drinking only x days per week, only drinking with food etc. etc. etc. Nothing worked. For 99%+ of problem drinkers, or alcoholics, or whatever you choose to call it, drinking in moderation is not possible. You need to quit completely. I wish I had realised this 10 years ago and saved myself all the hassle. Don't believe me on this? Then read the site and listen to others. We all say the same thing.

3) I personally don't get too caught up in the notion that you need to hit a bottom before you quit and that the bottom needs to involve you losing everything. The picture I outlined to you above was real and it was my bottom. I still have my family, my business, and friends, but I almost killed myself drinking. That was my bottom. For me, a bottom is when you reach the point that you realise that if you don't quit drinking that it will eventually kill you. You do not need to prove to yourself by continuing to drink. In other words, quit immediately when you reach your moment of clarity.

4) Here is a big one: after the torture of drinking and trying to moderate and the ongoing and building feelings of despair, anxiety and guilt....quitting was actually quite a relief and even in some respects easy. Don't get me wrong, some of the cravings have been really difficult...but they pass and now 80% of the time I don't even think about drinking (ok....maybe not 80%, but a lot of the time). Compared to the mental torture, the hangovers, the endurance tests I put my body under, this is easy.

5) The tough bit was making the decision to quit. Not the half-hearted "I think I should quit or at least really cut down" type of decision but the "I will never, ever, ever drink again and I will restructure my entire life around my sobriety to protect it" type of decision. These are totally different decisions. Quitting the booze FOREVER will probably be the most difficult thing you have ever done and will ever need to do (I don't mean emotionally difficult like the death of a family member). You cannot succeed unless you are 100% prepared to go the distance.

6) Research different tools to help you quit. Personally AA really resonated with me but the use of chemical aids didn't. AA is an amazing program that has really helped many but I don't think it is for everyone. Find the tools and supports that will work for you. But choose based on your understanding that you will be 100% committed and will never drink again.

7) Do you drink when you are hungry? Drink with good food? Drink when tired? Drink when feeling great? Drink to celebrate? To drown sorrows? To have a good time with friends? When alone and lonely? When on holidays? At Xmas? With work colleagues or clients? Do you drink when traveling for business? Or when there is a good movie on the tv? Drinking is everywhere, it has burrowed its nasty little head deep into your life.....so listen up.....irrespective of what your circumstances are day to day, you cannot drink again, EVER. There are no circumstances that justify it and there are no exceptions to this rule. That’s how ruthless you will need to be to beat this.

8) I have found my sobriety to be a real journey of discovery. Weeks one and two were quite easy and full of drive and focus. Weeks three to five were really tough with cravings for sweet food, my sleep was disrupted and I was walking around looking more and not less tired. Weeks 6 and 7 were amazing, really clear headed, engaging people more deeply and emotionally, most cravings are gone now and I am sleeping great. Don't expect everything to change overnight, just keep pushing on and most importantly don't drink!

9) I am a quite confidant person. I like to feel that I can beat anything by myself but I have needed to confide in others and look for support to beat this. I have chosen AA, this site, and my wife to be my primary support and I have read and posted here almost daily since I found it. So I really recommend to you to research well..."tool up"...and trust a small number of people close to you who you feel you can confide in. I attend my AA meetings not so much to do the steps but to meet some more recovering alcoholics as I feel I would like some friends who are recovering alcoholics. Not just to talk about quitting drinking with but in my life generally, to add more support along my journey.

Anyway, these are just a few thoughts off the top of my head. Please read through the site. All the horror stories are here and there is an immense amount of wisdom mixed in also. Good luck in your decision to quit and keep coming back, it really works if you want it as bad as I did!

Now, here is the hard reality: you may never drink again. Ever. Your AV is never right. There are no worthy excuses. Plan ahead and stick to your plan. Look for help when and where you need it. Create a life around being sober, all it takes is one day at a time.

[abcowboy]

I originally posted this in the Just Starting Out thread, and was asked to post it here as well...


Given the time of year I feel there are probably a great many newcomers and “guests” who have made resolutions to quit and are starting to feel the strain. Although there are many posters here who can help more than I can, I thought it may be worth sharing my experiences of dropping the booze and hopefully these words can help in some way to somebody.

I have been an alcoholic for the past decade at least and have been drinking heavily since the age of 16. My drinking has been completely out of control for the past 5 years. I first realised that I had a problem with drinking early on, maybe when I was in my early 20's, over thirty years ago. But I seemed to be able to hold my social life together, my career was progressing and life was great fun so I just pushed through it and kept drinking. Of course things got worse and steadily worse over time. I never really suffered with DTs, blackouts, or anxiety, nothing really beyond hangovers.

I did not see the writing on the wall in front of me. Unbelievably, I still thought my life was under control and that the drinking was not to blame. Then, after my last bender, I experienced my first blackout and it really scared me! I know it sounds totally crazy, but I didn't think that alcohol was to blame for my increasing anxiety, panic attacks and light headedness. I thought liver damage etc were the symptoms of over drinking. I knew at that moment that I was traveling down the road towards an early grave and that if I did not quit I would die. So I quit. That was 14 months ago, since then I have drank alcohol on 3 occasions, not to excess, but enough to know that I could never touch a drop again because of the control it had over me after the first sip. Here is what I have learned:

1) Alcohol is an incredibly powerful drug and it is progressive. It blinded me to the reality of what was happening. I am a reasonably smart guy and yet I could not see my life falling apart right in front of my eyes, alcohol is THAT strong. So, if it blinds you so much, how do you know if you are an alcoholic or whether you need to quit? The best way I think is something I read on this site. Ask yourself: "Does my drinking/alcohol cause problems in my life?" If the answer is yes, then you probably need to quit. If you are here on this site you are also probably an alcoholic (just a hunch).

2) I spent well over a decade trying to drink in moderation. I couldn't. My problem got worse. There is nothing I didn't try: drinking on alternative days, limiting to 3 drinks a day, drinking only x days per week, only drinking with food etc. etc. etc. Nothing worked. For 99%+ of problem drinkers, or alcoholics, or whatever you choose to call it, drinking in moderation is not possible. You need to quit completely. I wish I had realised this 10 years ago and saved myself all the hassle. Don't believe me on this? Then read the site and listen to others. We all say the same thing.

3) I personally don't get too caught up in the notion that you need to hit a bottom before you quit and that the bottom needs to involve you losing everything. The picture I outlined to you above was real and it was my bottom. I still have my family, my business, and friends, but I almost killed myself drinking. That was my bottom. For me, a bottom is when you reach the point that you realise that if you don't quit drinking that it will eventually kill you. You do not need to prove to yourself by continuing to drink. In other words, quit immediately when you reach your moment of clarity.

4) Here is a big one: after the torture of drinking and trying to moderate and the ongoing and building feelings of despair, anxiety and guilt....quitting was actually quite a relief and even in some respects easy. Don't get me wrong, some of the cravings have been really difficult...but they pass and now 80% of the time I don't even think about drinking (ok....maybe not 80%, but a lot of the time). Compared to the mental torture, the hangovers, the endurance tests I put my body under, this is easy.

5) The tough bit was making the decision to quit. Not the half-hearted "I think I should quit or at least really cut down" type of decision but the "I will never, ever, ever drink again and I will restructure my entire life around my sobriety to protect it" type of decision. These are totally different decisions. Quitting the booze FOREVER will probably be the most difficult thing you have ever done and will ever need to do (I don't mean emotionally difficult like the death of a family member). You cannot succeed unless you are 100% prepared to go the distance.

6) Research different tools to help you quit. Personally AA really resonated with me but the use of chemical aids didn't. AA is an amazing program that has really helped many but I don't think it is for everyone. Find the tools and supports that will work for you. But choose based on your understanding that you will be 100% committed and will never drink again.

7) Do you drink when you are hungry? Drink with good food? Drink when tired? Drink when feeling great? Drink to celebrate? To drown sorrows? To have a good time with friends? When alone and lonely? When on holidays? At Xmas? With work colleagues or clients? Do you drink when traveling for business? Or when there is a good movie on the tv? Drinking is everywhere, it has burrowed its nasty little head deep into your life.....so listen up.....irrespective of what your circumstances are day to day, you cannot drink again, EVER. There are no circumstances that justify it and there are no exceptions to this rule. That’s how ruthless you will need to be to beat this.

8) I have found my sobriety to be a real journey of discovery. Weeks one and two were quite easy and full of drive and focus. Weeks three to five were really tough with cravings for sweet food, my sleep was disrupted and I was walking around looking more and not less tired. Weeks 6 and 7 were amazing, really clear headed, engaging people more deeply and emotionally, most cravings are gone now and I am sleeping great. Don't expect everything to change overnight, just keep pushing on and most importantly don't drink!

9) I am a quite confidant person. I like to feel that I can beat anything by myself but I have needed to confide in others and look for support to beat this. I have chosen AA, this site, and my wife to be my primary support and I have read and posted here almost daily since I found it. So I really recommend to you to research well..."tool up"...and trust a small number of people close to you who you feel you can confide in. I attend my AA meetings not so much to do the steps but to meet some more recovering alcoholics as I feel I would like some friends who are recovering alcoholics. Not just to talk about quitting drinking with but in my life generally, to add more support along my journey.

Anyway, these are just a few thoughts off the top of my head. Please read through the site. All the horror stories are here and there is an immense amount of wisdom mixed in also. Good luck in your decision to quit and keep coming back, it really works if you want it as bad as I did!

Now, here is the hard reality: you may never drink again. Ever. Your AV is never right. There are no worthy excuses. Plan ahead and stick to your plan. Look for help when and where you need it. Create a life around being sober, all it takes is one day at a time.