Tool box
Copying from the Nest to the Toolbox
Hi, Halo.
Since I seem to be hogging the nest at the moment anyway and since I worked on this today instead of tidying up some job loose ends (this was much more rewarding and in making it, I reminded myself of several things I need to be thinking about and doing), I'll post my list. It is not the concise document I had hoped for (UNDERSTATEMENT OF THE YEAR) but as Byrdie pointed out, I have tried EVERYTHING that I considered at all a reasonable suggestion and different things are done at various times --- some for a couple days, a couple weeks, a couple months, and a few, forever!!
Please don?t think I am trying to tell anyone else what to do! These ?commands? are directed at me but some might work for you, too. They assume that you want to be permanently AF. Although that was not my original goal, it evolved into that within a few weeks. Furthermore, most of these ideas can be found somewhere in the Nest or Toolbox -- copyright violations abound here as well as does theft of intellectual property ? most of my ideas were generated by all of you!!
- Stop lurking; get the guts to sign up and get some help.
- Get all alcohol out of your environment, including anywhere you have hidden it.
- Spend your former drinking time reading and posting ? at least daily and if possible, throughout the day. If MWO isn?t busy, read old posts. The actors change but the script is pretty much the same.
- From your reading, figure out who has a voice you can relate to and then ask questions. Pay attention to the answers, even when they aren?t what you wanted to hear.
- Answer questions when you have an idea that just might be what someone needs to hear. Keep an eye out for people who might need a friend.
- Try to be encouraging without enabling or excusing bad choices. Have the courage to speak up when you think someone is sabotaging a stated goal.
- Post even when you are uncomfortable doing it. Let people know the real you. You can remain anonymous and you have nothing to lose. It is liberating to have nothing to hide!
- If you need to, use PMs and e-mails but try to do most of the hard work on the boards where everyone can benefit from the process and you will be exposed to more than one source.
- Promise yourself to always be honest here and to tell the whole story (including the parts you?ve been trying to hide from even yourself).
- Promise to pause and come here to read and post before you take a drink. Give someone time to help you. By the time you?ve paused and posted, you may have saved yourself!
- Post until just the horrible thought of posting that you drank is enough to make you change your mind.
- Use language that reflects your intentions and the truth; I will not drink, not I hope I don't; I chose to drink, not I slipped; I'm going to order soda water and lime, not I'll probably order some non-AL beverage; etc. Visualize yourself doing (or not) these things.
- Aside from taking care of your dependents and doing your job, put attaining sobriety first and foremost all of the time. Do not feel guilty about this ? it doesn?t last forever.
- Make plans for particular situations you know you will face and contingent plans for the inevitable surprises.
- Plan your responses to uncomfortable comments and questions.
- Avoid books, stores, movies, friends, activities, etc. that you strongly associate with drinking or that trigger an unwanted response.
- Don?t worry that you think about this all the time ? worry if you don?t. Someday you won?t need to.
- Don?t judge people who take a different path to sobriety but help them when you can and avoid people whose choices make you question your commitment to an alcohol-free life ? this applies to online and offline life.
- If you aren?t finding what you need in the Nest or Toolbox ? look elsewhere! You never know what perfect post you?ll read or wonderful friend you?ll meet.
- Participate in a thread on a topic that interests you ? there is more to life than problems with alcohol, even on MWO!
- Don?t let angst, drama, or toxic people derail you ? both in real life and online.
- Don?t judge yourself or worry about reeling emotions. You aren?t going crazy and this settles down soon enough.
- Eat in a way that makes you feel healthy and strong.
- Exercise when that makes you feel better but rest when you need to.
- Do whatever you want to do as long as you don?t drink.
The most important thing, I think, is to use the power of the community that a forum such as this provides, allowing you to achieve something you could not do on your own:
- Reach out to people ahead of you. They?ve been there. It is unlikely that anything you say will shock them. They want to help or they would no longer be participating. You won?t want to disappoint them? it would make you feel awful to have wasted their time and effort.
- Reach out to people behind you. You have just experienced the pain, confusion, fear, sorrow, guilt? that they are now suffering. You can still feel it but you also know that it doesn?t last forever. Tell them! You won?t want to let them down ? they want to believe you and are counting on you.
- Reach out to people at about the same stage. It is always nice to have peers and compare notes. Harness the power of a mini-group ? you?ll be greater than the sum of your parts. You won?t want to not be there for your friends and you sure don?t want to be left behind!
I hope one or more things in that list can be the tipping point for someone --- I've got a glimpse of it now and life is better on the other side.
Much love to all of you, NS :h
Copying from the Nest to the Toolbox
Hi, Halo.
Since I seem to be hogging the nest at the moment anyway and since I worked on this today instead of tidying up some job loose ends (this was much more rewarding and in making it, I reminded myself of several things I need to be thinking about and doing), I'll post my list. It is not the concise document I had hoped for (UNDERSTATEMENT OF THE YEAR) but as Byrdie pointed out, I have tried EVERYTHING that I considered at all a reasonable suggestion and different things are done at various times --- some for a couple days, a couple weeks, a couple months, and a few, forever!!
Please don?t think I am trying to tell anyone else what to do! These ?commands? are directed at me but some might work for you, too. They assume that you want to be permanently AF. Although that was not my original goal, it evolved into that within a few weeks. Furthermore, most of these ideas can be found somewhere in the Nest or Toolbox -- copyright violations abound here as well as does theft of intellectual property ? most of my ideas were generated by all of you!!
- Stop lurking; get the guts to sign up and get some help.
- Get all alcohol out of your environment, including anywhere you have hidden it.
- Spend your former drinking time reading and posting ? at least daily and if possible, throughout the day. If MWO isn?t busy, read old posts. The actors change but the script is pretty much the same.
- From your reading, figure out who has a voice you can relate to and then ask questions. Pay attention to the answers, even when they aren?t what you wanted to hear.
- Answer questions when you have an idea that just might be what someone needs to hear. Keep an eye out for people who might need a friend.
- Try to be encouraging without enabling or excusing bad choices. Have the courage to speak up when you think someone is sabotaging a stated goal.
- Post even when you are uncomfortable doing it. Let people know the real you. You can remain anonymous and you have nothing to lose. It is liberating to have nothing to hide!
- If you need to, use PMs and e-mails but try to do most of the hard work on the boards where everyone can benefit from the process and you will be exposed to more than one source.
- Promise yourself to always be honest here and to tell the whole story (including the parts you?ve been trying to hide from even yourself).
- Promise to pause and come here to read and post before you take a drink. Give someone time to help you. By the time you?ve paused and posted, you may have saved yourself!
- Post until just the horrible thought of posting that you drank is enough to make you change your mind.
- Use language that reflects your intentions and the truth; I will not drink, not I hope I don't; I chose to drink, not I slipped; I'm going to order soda water and lime, not I'll probably order some non-AL beverage; etc. Visualize yourself doing (or not) these things.
- Aside from taking care of your dependents and doing your job, put attaining sobriety first and foremost all of the time. Do not feel guilty about this ? it doesn?t last forever.
- Make plans for particular situations you know you will face and contingent plans for the inevitable surprises.
- Plan your responses to uncomfortable comments and questions.
- Avoid books, stores, movies, friends, activities, etc. that you strongly associate with drinking or that trigger an unwanted response.
- Don?t worry that you think about this all the time ? worry if you don?t. Someday you won?t need to.
- Don?t judge people who take a different path to sobriety but help them when you can and avoid people whose choices make you question your commitment to an alcohol-free life ? this applies to online and offline life.
- If you aren?t finding what you need in the Nest or Toolbox ? look elsewhere! You never know what perfect post you?ll read or wonderful friend you?ll meet.
- Participate in a thread on a topic that interests you ? there is more to life than problems with alcohol, even on MWO!
- Don?t let angst, drama, or toxic people derail you ? both in real life and online.
- Don?t judge yourself or worry about reeling emotions. You aren?t going crazy and this settles down soon enough.
- Eat in a way that makes you feel healthy and strong.
- Exercise when that makes you feel better but rest when you need to.
- Do whatever you want to do as long as you don?t drink.
The most important thing, I think, is to use the power of the community that a forum such as this provides, allowing you to achieve something you could not do on your own:
- Reach out to people ahead of you. They?ve been there. It is unlikely that anything you say will shock them. They want to help or they would no longer be participating. You won?t want to disappoint them? it would make you feel awful to have wasted their time and effort.
- Reach out to people behind you. You have just experienced the pain, confusion, fear, sorrow, guilt? that they are now suffering. You can still feel it but you also know that it doesn?t last forever. Tell them! You won?t want to let them down ? they want to believe you and are counting on you.
- Reach out to people at about the same stage. It is always nice to have peers and compare notes. Harness the power of a mini-group ? you?ll be greater than the sum of your parts. You won?t want to not be there for your friends and you sure don?t want to be left behind!
I hope one or more things in that list can be the tipping point for someone --- I've got a glimpse of it now and life is better on the other side.
Much love to all of you, NS :h
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