Greetings!
I am new here and would like to share and ask some questions.
I have abused alcohol for +- 35 years. Some years ago I managed to go AF for 3 months but a weak moment and an overzealous friend at another friend's wdeeing put paid to that.
About three years ago I went through a tough time at work and became very depressed. I come from a family (Dad also abuused Al) who believe that all help comes from within and that an inability to deal with problems is a sign of weakness - my wife seems to believe this as well. For a long time I have been wanting to get control of this "silver tongued devil" but the resolve has eluded me. A lot of you seem to use wine but I was using everything which was always available - mostly hard drink which I would drink neat - we keep a very extensive "bar" at home because of the entertaining we do. Most nights I would consume at least half a bottle of hard liquor with possiblly a few glasses of wine thrown in. I started to believe that I was possessed by a spiritual demon whose goal was to destroy me.
My resolve would hold, virtually daily, until just before going home in the evening when the need / desire for a drink would kick in and would rush home and have a couple of jolts just to get sarted - same old story- couldn't stop until I passed out / fell asleep - cycle repeats itself. I am exteemely lucky not to have been involved in motor accidents or been caught by the Police as I have often driven drunk! A week ago we had a social for our Bible Study group at home and I did my usual thing and fell asleep and don't remember much after about an hour into the evening. The next day in my usual daily resolve to change things I stumbled on this site and believe I had an "epiphany" in that it had never occurred to me that I was not addicted to alcohol per se but to the effect it had on me. This caused a major mindset change and I have managed to go AF for exactly 7 days now. This is despite 1. running the bar at a fund raiser for a local old age home and 2. having guests for lunch on Sunday where, between 3 1/2 people 5 1/2 bottles of a really nice Shiraz were drunk (I was not one of the drinkers). I know that 7 days is no big deal but for me it is a start. This may have been helped by the fact that I have at last resumed doing some excercise (cycling) and that my wife (a retired nurse) gave me a vitamin B jab. The first few nights I slept badly ( no drug to make me pass out). I could get to sleep but staying asleep was impossible. For the last 3 nights I have slept better but seem to be always tired - I slept for an hour at lunch time yesterday. Is this tiredness a normal symptom and if so will it go away? Surprisingly I have not craved alcohol but find the hours between work and bed to be very brittle without the usual crutch / relaxant to waste the time.
In an ideal world I would like to become a "social" drinker and drink a reasonable amount without drinking to excess but am not sure if this is possible. So for now I will try my best to just keep off the juice. I am scared that just one drink will reverse the process.
Sorry for the long post but it has been quite cathartic for me just putting it down on "paper".
Good luck to you all in changing your lives for the better!
JohnK-SA
I am new here and would like to share and ask some questions.
I have abused alcohol for +- 35 years. Some years ago I managed to go AF for 3 months but a weak moment and an overzealous friend at another friend's wdeeing put paid to that.
About three years ago I went through a tough time at work and became very depressed. I come from a family (Dad also abuused Al) who believe that all help comes from within and that an inability to deal with problems is a sign of weakness - my wife seems to believe this as well. For a long time I have been wanting to get control of this "silver tongued devil" but the resolve has eluded me. A lot of you seem to use wine but I was using everything which was always available - mostly hard drink which I would drink neat - we keep a very extensive "bar" at home because of the entertaining we do. Most nights I would consume at least half a bottle of hard liquor with possiblly a few glasses of wine thrown in. I started to believe that I was possessed by a spiritual demon whose goal was to destroy me.
My resolve would hold, virtually daily, until just before going home in the evening when the need / desire for a drink would kick in and would rush home and have a couple of jolts just to get sarted - same old story- couldn't stop until I passed out / fell asleep - cycle repeats itself. I am exteemely lucky not to have been involved in motor accidents or been caught by the Police as I have often driven drunk! A week ago we had a social for our Bible Study group at home and I did my usual thing and fell asleep and don't remember much after about an hour into the evening. The next day in my usual daily resolve to change things I stumbled on this site and believe I had an "epiphany" in that it had never occurred to me that I was not addicted to alcohol per se but to the effect it had on me. This caused a major mindset change and I have managed to go AF for exactly 7 days now. This is despite 1. running the bar at a fund raiser for a local old age home and 2. having guests for lunch on Sunday where, between 3 1/2 people 5 1/2 bottles of a really nice Shiraz were drunk (I was not one of the drinkers). I know that 7 days is no big deal but for me it is a start. This may have been helped by the fact that I have at last resumed doing some excercise (cycling) and that my wife (a retired nurse) gave me a vitamin B jab. The first few nights I slept badly ( no drug to make me pass out). I could get to sleep but staying asleep was impossible. For the last 3 nights I have slept better but seem to be always tired - I slept for an hour at lunch time yesterday. Is this tiredness a normal symptom and if so will it go away? Surprisingly I have not craved alcohol but find the hours between work and bed to be very brittle without the usual crutch / relaxant to waste the time.
In an ideal world I would like to become a "social" drinker and drink a reasonable amount without drinking to excess but am not sure if this is possible. So for now I will try my best to just keep off the juice. I am scared that just one drink will reverse the process.
Sorry for the long post but it has been quite cathartic for me just putting it down on "paper".
Good luck to you all in changing your lives for the better!
JohnK-SA
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