Hi ya'll!!! I skipped writing about day 6, because I didn't want to get on your nerves too much!!!! But I'm happy today starting day 7.
It's going good, but found myself alone last night, (daughter was a practice). I wasn't quite sure what to do. My normal routine would've been pour the wine, scan the internet, watch tv, and pass out after she got home. BUT, I got bored with this real fast, because I didn't have the main ingredient, my wine. So, I did some laundry, cleaned the house a bit, and when my daughter got home about 930pm, I ate dinner with her, cleaned the dishes, and went to bed right after her. Now, most in the non-alcholic world would think BIG DEAL....for me, IT WAS HUGE! I was coherent, not angry, and not bothered by doing all of this. Usually, this kind of stuff was ignored because "I was too busy". Doing what? Drinking wine and being selfish. I found myself thinking while in bed, "God, I was so boring...am I a drag when I don't drink?" I wasn't really "bopping" around, but not angry or sad. Just being me. I wondered if my daughter thought I was boring...then I realized, NO...I WASN'T BORING! I wasn't the wino drama starting queen I usually am. I saw that I'm not so fun when I'm drinking, just the drama I cause isn't there.
I honestly think that it's not "fun" that I'm missing, it's the drama I "make up" when I'm drinking. While sober, there's not so much drama. I exaggerated (sp) all my problems while drinking to the point of craziness, when in reality, I don't think they are as bad sober, as drunk.
Maybe it was a feeling of importance to have all these problems seem like MAJOR issues? Maybe my drinking made me feel much more sorry for myself then I really am? Don't get me wrong, I have problems to deal with in life....but while drinking, I could justify why these problems were UNFIXABLE, and I needed more wine. Always needing a drink, because my life was soooooo hard.
Well, its becoming a bit more managable just in the past few days. And yesterday, even got the news from work, that thousands of people will be laid off in the next few weeks!!! (I work for a huge company)....I am worried, but I didn't go out and buy a bottle of wine. Just dealt with it.
GOD I HOPE THIS LASTS!!!!!!!
Sorry for rambling....just my thoughts flowing out....Thanks for listening.
Hope ya'll are well.
It's going good, but found myself alone last night, (daughter was a practice). I wasn't quite sure what to do. My normal routine would've been pour the wine, scan the internet, watch tv, and pass out after she got home. BUT, I got bored with this real fast, because I didn't have the main ingredient, my wine. So, I did some laundry, cleaned the house a bit, and when my daughter got home about 930pm, I ate dinner with her, cleaned the dishes, and went to bed right after her. Now, most in the non-alcholic world would think BIG DEAL....for me, IT WAS HUGE! I was coherent, not angry, and not bothered by doing all of this. Usually, this kind of stuff was ignored because "I was too busy". Doing what? Drinking wine and being selfish. I found myself thinking while in bed, "God, I was so boring...am I a drag when I don't drink?" I wasn't really "bopping" around, but not angry or sad. Just being me. I wondered if my daughter thought I was boring...then I realized, NO...I WASN'T BORING! I wasn't the wino drama starting queen I usually am. I saw that I'm not so fun when I'm drinking, just the drama I cause isn't there.
I honestly think that it's not "fun" that I'm missing, it's the drama I "make up" when I'm drinking. While sober, there's not so much drama. I exaggerated (sp) all my problems while drinking to the point of craziness, when in reality, I don't think they are as bad sober, as drunk.
Maybe it was a feeling of importance to have all these problems seem like MAJOR issues? Maybe my drinking made me feel much more sorry for myself then I really am? Don't get me wrong, I have problems to deal with in life....but while drinking, I could justify why these problems were UNFIXABLE, and I needed more wine. Always needing a drink, because my life was soooooo hard.
Well, its becoming a bit more managable just in the past few days. And yesterday, even got the news from work, that thousands of people will be laid off in the next few weeks!!! (I work for a huge company)....I am worried, but I didn't go out and buy a bottle of wine. Just dealt with it.
GOD I HOPE THIS LASTS!!!!!!!
Sorry for rambling....just my thoughts flowing out....Thanks for listening.
Hope ya'll are well.
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