New, scared and finally admitting I have a problem

[startingover]

New, scared and finally admitting I have a problem

Hi Jas,

Glad you have posted....
You have made an excellent start. Reading and learning will help you more. I can relate to the shame and loneliness. I thought it was just me who had my problems and my issues! How wrong I was. Well I read the book, ordered some supplements (oh yes, I take prozac for depression too) and have not had a drink in over 3 months. It gets easier as the clarity returns. You will start to feel better and move forward. Keep posting and let us know of your progress. Weekends were hard to begin but as everything, it gets better!

[DeeBee]

New, scared and finally admitting I have a problem

Welcome Jas,
Keep the faith, it is possible to beat this.

[puggles]

New, scared and finally admitting I have a problem

Hi there!

NOT TO WORRY, I FEEL THE SAME!!!!!:new:

[BecomingMeAtLast]

New, scared and finally admitting I have a problem

Jas,

You couldn't have found a better place to turn to. :l

Please continue to post and let us know how you are and welcome! :welcome:

Becoming

[A Work in Progress]

New, scared and finally admitting I have a problem

Jas, and Puggles, both of you arrived here at about the same time; how are you doing? What are your plans for working on your alcohol problems? Having a solid plan is a huge part of a successful program!

[Jas56]

New, scared and finally admitting I have a problem

Firstly - I am proud of my self - I did not have a drink all weekend and it is today the start of 6th day.

Thank Thank you for all your advice and comments - I cried for 2 reasons:

1. To be so openly welcomed and at being accepted
2. That there are so so so many sad stories like mine

A special Thank you to Rubywillow to send me a PM over the weekend!

A very informative read for me from the article which one of you sent me a link to which so aptly described how I feel on certain days.

My story - well, it would take me a month to put it together and sad to say that some things are so horrible that I just don't go there.

I tried to think just when and how it got so bad and I guess it was gradual - you know things like child abuse, neglect, inferior complex, trying to fit in, rape, horrible marriage, horrible divorce, PAS (parental alienation - this played a major role), DUI and its aftermath on pocketbook, job, etc. etc, etc.

I read some of your stories and what I said above applies to a lot. But then I think to myself that there are a lot of people out there who had these kind of tragedies but how come they turned out ok - I guess I have no answer.

Drinking has always been the drug of my choice, crutch and slowly slowly it got away from me. Can we say closet drinker? Always in denial when caught and so ashamed at the same time. Recently retired and somehow it got easier to drink all day - hell, no one was around and it sure made me feel good - then that too got out of control and hiding began.

There have been far too many incidents in the last while in which I have had fights with family members, co-workers, my love of my life which is my second husband.....etc. etc.

I guess I have known for a long long long time that this was the problem but outwardly I denied it and you know - I still do to everyone else. Only my DH knows as he too likes his drink. There are 2 big differences in our drinking - he stays happy, I get angry - he drinks with me and I sometimes pretend that I haven't had a drop only to find him come home and see me lit up like a christmas tree.....................:upset:

Dr. Jkeyl and Mr. Hyde - that is me.........I never get the shakes - is my body that tolerant now?

And here is another sad thing - I don't want to quit forever as this is one thing we like to do in common and we used to have such a good time - that was when we quit after 3 or 4 drinks each - which doesn't happen anymore!

Am I still living in la la land to think that I can just have a couple? Moderation is the key but will this be for me? I want to be that Social Drinker who has a few and is a nice fun person. I have self esteem issues and I am told I shouldn't as I am still good looking but I need to have a drink or two just to get me started and going to whatever function I am going to...................

This has been heartbreaking for me to write - I have never ever shared these feelings of total defeat with anyone. Yesterday was so hard but I did it........and I am happy for it.....this week I actually have to be out on the road quite a few times and I am so worried that I will drive into the first liquor board store...........

I have not got any meds as yet but probably look on the online store to get some - but then again it is the cost and money is tight.....

Thanks for listening and as I stay at home almost all days, you will find me here often - getting your guidance. Some despair has lifted since I found you......:l

[keepwalking]

New, scared and finally admitting I have a problem

gosh well done Jas, so so brave! I am only on day one but also hoping to moderate after 30 days. i love wine until it grows horns!!! Feel very scared its like leaving my crutches at the hospital and learning to walk through life on my own!!!! This site is amazing< i only found it last friday and it is so encouraging to hear the success stories but also to understand what a hard journey this is for every one. Stay sharp and focused and I/we will try and do the same, one day at a time!!!

KW x

[Jas56]

New, scared and finally admitting I have a problem

Thanks KW - it certainly is a challenge - today is good but I am always worried about tomorrow!