I'm sure my story is not a whole lot different than many others, but I get this feeling that if I get it off my chest and out there in the open it may enable me to slowly gain back some of my pride and dignity. I am on a soul search for the strong, independent woman I used to be and I am bound and determined to find her again. I am tired of empty promises and hurting those I hold so near and dear to my heart. It's amazing how much that liquid can transform me from a good-hearted person into a monster. I am in love with my soul mate and I can't even tell you how many times within the past three months I have torn him to pieces with my words because I got carried away and drank half a bottle of alcohol. I don't understand why he is still by my side, but nevertheless he is and he says that he is not giving up on me. He is going to help me regain my control, just as he did. He used to be just like me...get messed up beyond all recognition every night. The faith he has in me certainly gives me hope and I will get the ball back in my court and be the one who calls the shots...I will not let alcohol destroy my life. It's been two years strong that I have been drinking like it's going out of style...the longest I remained sober in the past two years was for 2 weeks, and then I don't know what happened...I lost it again. I was feeling awesome...so much happier...you would think that right there is enough motivation to stay off the stuff, or to at least not take it to the extremes like I did.
I know good and well that if I don't change my ways I will drive my love away even though he says nothing could tear us apart. That man has a heart of gold. And between blogging on here as part of my daily routine and having him in my life I think my chances are good I will get this thing under wraps. I am very hopeful. I am going to shut up for now so I can continue reading through more posts...thank God I found this site. I have a feeling I am going to become close with a lot of people on here.
Have a blessed day everyone.
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