Here we go again - back to day 1 (fed up)

[SAUSAGE]

Joined MWO Sept 2nd 08 and immediately got lots of great support.
Managed 54 AF days - and then recently - last week whilst away on holiday in Spain, started drinking again - not heavily just the odd glass of wine some nights , occasionally two - back to square one again!!

I only really realised I had a problem with drinking wine end of last year after years of drinking every evening, went from a glass a night to a bottle progressively over a couple of years after my second child was born ( had no difficulty abstaining in pregnancy as I felt really nauseus throughout)

Earlier this year (before I discovered MWO I managed 108 AF days - and then tried to moderate - WRONG!! - within days was back to old levels of best part of a bottle of wine a night.

I'm back at square one, very fed up, scared I'll go back to old habits again, have a -"well i've drunk recently now, what the heck" feeling.

Why can't i just have the odd glass now and then for special occasions - maybe i can, but my pattern over the last year suggests I can't doesn't it?

Trouble is its the age old problem - once i've done a few days / weeks AF I forget how bad alcohol makes you feel and i'm convinced I can moderate.

Once i've had that drink, I then think - what the heck , i've broken my run of AF days, and then i'm back to the beginning again - sound familiar anyone!

Very tired, confused and fed up - would welcome any support :upset:

[A Work in Progress]

Here we go again - back to day 1 (fed up)

Sausage, you're doing fine. I think that you are saying you are "fed up" with the whole alcohol thing, the worrying about it, the should-I shouldn't-I, can-I, can't-I arguments that go on in your head? If so... put them to rest, and just declare yourself a non-drinker. Get it over with. Only you can stop that whole drama, and when you decide to do that, it will be a great relief.

wip

[SAUSAGE]

Here we go again - back to day 1 (fed up)

Thanks everyone
I'm not going to beat myself up over the relapses of the last 10 days, It's taught me a lot (as If I didn't learn from my first time earlier this year?!) that I just can't moderate and even after days / weeks / months AF, I'm back to alcoholic levels of drinking within days of having just that "one drink"
I'm continuing my AF journey, thanks for all your support and I'm glad to be back.

[startingover]

Here we go again - back to day 1 (fed up)

Good to hear Sausage!! We are glad you are back too!

[DeeBee]

Here we go again - back to day 1 (fed up)

Welcome Back Sausage!

I can't really add anything more to what Oney said - shew she did have a lot to say lol!

Seriously tho, I feel you have really come a long way... you didn't binge by the sound of it on holiday, just the odd glass here and there, so you have gained some control over your drinking.

Back to day 1? Good for you! I admire your new signature:-)

[lil.michelle]

Here we go again - back to day 1 (fed up)

Hey!
I'm really sorry you feel this way but you know how great a life is AF so i think it'll be easy. Don't think of it as square one just look at it as getting back to normal after a holiday (if you get what i mean)

Good luck, I'm sure you'll be fine.
:l
Oh and WELCOME BACK!

[A Work in Progress]

Here we go again - back to day 1 (fed up)

Sometimes, feeling "fed up" is a very healthy way to feel...

[Mad Mummy]

Here we go again - back to day 1 (fed up)

Hey Sausage

I'm just the same as you with the wine problem and yeah like you it will grow by the day until I'm back where I started - you know you can do this (54 days is brilliant) and you can do it again. I think we do learn from our mistakes and like WIP says sometimes being fed up is good. Keep with it and be assured I always thought spirits were the true tipple of someone with a drink problem but when you start to talk to people wine is the more likely candidate.

You can do this!!!

[kriger]

Here we go again - back to day 1 (fed up)

Sausage,
It sounds like this last year has been a learning experience for you..take it as that and jump back on the horse! We'll be right here with you. I look forward to getting to know you better. Kriger

[dlw]

Here we go again - back to day 1 (fed up)

Dont let a few bumps in the road stop you from traveling the whole distance- Youre doing great- keep it up. I am af for 24 days, and I hope to make it as long as you.

[SAUSAGE]

Here we go again - back to day 1 (fed up)

Thanks everyone - the evening of day 1 is approaching and I'm starting to struggle - ridiculous considering just 10 days ago I was on day 54 and really into the routine of not drinking. Oh well - better stick it out !! Have tons of ironing to get through from my holiday so this should distract me. It's my son's birthday (3) at the weekend and we are having a party - my husband thinks I should celebrate this with an alcoholic drink !?$%!"" - despite being a medical Dr he just doesn't get it does he!!! but I'm determined not to ..... never mind one day at a time, it's one hour at a time at the moment !

[savon19]

Here we go again - back to day 1 (fed up)

My version of the famous quote from "Field of Dreams", "if you build it, he will come" is:

IF I HAVE IT, I WILL DRINK!

Yep, pretty much... :rolleyesmonkey: Even tho' I'm AF for the last 5-6 days, if I had some, I'm SURE I could come up with Some reason to drink. And not "just one", either.

The good news is that I'm far enough into this sobriety thing that I'm now beginning to feel good things, like (some) self-respect, sense of accomplishment, and HOPE.

It's so easy to think that the "good" feeling you feel when drinking is real... SHiT - half the time, we don't remember half of that good feeling the next day!!

This is not only for you all, but I find I really need to remind myself often why I'm doing this in the first place!

:yougo:

[sunshine_gg]

Here we go again - back to day 1 (fed up)

I can't help but focus on the 54 days... and so admire you. You didn't lose it... you just took a little detour.

[SAUSAGE]

Here we go again - back to day 1 (fed up)

Got through day 1 again tonight - I didn't drink, had my dinner, desert, and am now enjoying a cup of tea. Am really pleased with myself - day 1 is the hardest - after that I can start stringing them together !

[cuckoosnest83]

Here we go again - back to day 1 (fed up)

Sausage, you've done great since you've joined the site. Keep focused on that.