Here we go again - back to day 1 (fed up)

[gyco]

Here we go again - back to day 1 (fed up)

hi sausage join the group,ive been where you are many times,it is disheartning for the people around you,but all forget its more disheartning for the addicted person,when we drink,or drug we walk on water,were super heroes,were samantha the witch,who in my day was a hotty,and when it comes to morning were sick,in a different a way,we cant xplain,but like the vampire,werewolf,it comes back to haunt us again,again and again,took me a lot of years to get to where im comfortable in my ,my skin, somtimes we have to get more help,thts what happen to me this year,been thro a few hospitals in my time but nothing like i seen this year,normally it was ok will give you som pills your fine good bye,nt this year,it was different,the choice was gone,long story,no choice no more help or die,i gotthe help,again sober for 4 months,bacically on my own,was to AA,but it works for som not all,god has been there for 35 years but never ever came down and took it away,al religious people im not nocking god,family didnt understand,think they were more scared then i was,when i came to this site i was 7 months sober,and as of aug early i tried to mod and sucessfully done it in my eyes,but not without the help of here,hope i didnt take nothing away fom your story but i hope some of the pain has gone away,it can get worse,we can only TRY,when we fall we pik are selves up and try again,i hope you never go where i went,it has been at times more painful then drinking, your freind gyco

[SAUSAGE]

Here we go again - back to day 1 (fed up)

Am off to bed now - end of Day 1. I feel great, I'm back on track. So glad I've got back into AF evening(s) again. Hopefully i'll sleep better tonight - (the nights recently when I did drink I noticed my sleep was very fitfull / not restfull and I often woke after about 5 hrs feeling dehydrated and unable to get back to sleep which I know is typical of someone who has been drinking.)

I'm just taking it one day at a time. In total this year I've notched up loads (over 200) AF days which is so much better than the last few years when I drunk a minimum of 4units wine a day every day, so I don't feel too bad about things all in all.

Thanks again everyone for all your support.

[vera-b]

Here we go again - back to day 1 (fed up)

Wow, Sausage,

Just read this thread, and the tone of your start is completely different that at the end - as if you've come full circle. One2 gave you some wonderful words to contemplate. And there was some pretty wonderful support from others. You could just feel the mojo coming back. I have no doubt whatsoever you're well on you way, perhaps a tad wiser this time around. If you look at this whole march to long term sobriety/control over our urges, it is often the slips that give us the footing we need to reach the next level. Good for you.

Vera-b

[SAUSAGE]

Here we go again - back to day 1 (fed up)

Just completed day 2 AF. Feeling quite positive, I do feel at the moment that the slips I've had earlier this year have made me stronger and wiser - however i'm not going to get complacent....one day at a time...

[LookingToGrow]

Here we go again - back to day 1 (fed up)

Good for you, Sausage! I like your signature, BTW.

[seila1]

Here we go again - back to day 1 (fed up)

Sausage - 54 days is amazing and it really doesn't sound like you completely blew it. It sounds like you moderated during vacation but know enough to know where the next days could get you back to. But you've caught yourself now. I think just knowing yourself and recognizing a pattern is a triumph. Focus on the positive and no beating yourself up. You can do this!

[time2change]

Here we go again - back to day 1 (fed up)

You have recognized where this can lead and are doing what you need to to keep yourself in control. I think you are doing great and are sounding very positive. Thanks for shairing this with us.

[SAUSAGE]

Here we go again - back to day 1 (fed up)

Am now on to day 4. I changed my signature to include mentioning all the Af days i've had this year (I record them in my diary) because day 4 in intself doesn't sound terribly impressive but compared to this time last year when I probably hadn't had a day without a drink for over 2 years (and this was only due to pregnancy when I felt rough and had no desire to) this is an excellent achievement and i've got to look at it this way. I have made progress. Yes you are right I have recognised a pattern. Drinking on holiday / vacation is one thing but it is so easy to continue this pattern and go back to daily drinking when I got home and I recognised this and have put myself right back to where I was 2 weeks ago. Sad i've spoiled my "run of days" but well never mind there'll soon build up again and it's the overall picture that counts doesn't it.
Thanks everyone xx

[Chief]

Here we go again - back to day 1 (fed up)

Nice job, Sausage.....

Don't look back.....just let the AF days add up.....

For people like us, there is no reason to drink.....holidays, vacation, etc.....we allow The Beast to put those romantic thoughts into our head, but the result is always the same. There is no such thing as 1 or 2 drinks. Sure, maybe we can muscle or "will" ourselves to modding the first day or 2, but for the vast majority of us, this quickly leads back to our old drinking patterns........then the guilt, depression, and the "WTF?, I'm already drinking, may as well continue" attitude....

I'm so glad you have stepped out of the ring and are on day 4!

Stay strong and learn to recognize those "romantic thoughts" when they enter your mind....

Again, nice job....

Don

[A Work in Progress]

Here we go again - back to day 1 (fed up)

Good going, Sausage! And, you are right: every single one of those AF days is something to appreciate and be proud of!

[SAUSAGE]

Here we go again - back to day 1 (fed up)

Yes I am proud of my AF days and compared to a year ago I'm doing really well. The problem is particularly after a long period of abstinence I start to "fantasise" about what it would be like to have just one glass of wine - just one! - other people drink occasionally so why shouldn't I, and that has what has led me to fail on a couple of occasions, then it leads to a run of drinking etc.
I've recognised this now as my pattern of behaviour and I've definitely learned from it. Hopefully it will get easier with time - I don't know? There will always be challenges. I'ts my son's birthday (3) at the weekend and my husband who really has no idea about my problem (despite being a medical doctor - not sure what he says to his achoholic patients !?!?) and just doen'st get it says "why not have a drink to celebrate his birthday - you can surely justify it on that special day, you've done really well lately"
The way I look at it now is - the best thing I can do to celebrate my son's birthday is ensure he has a healthy and sober mother - that would be the best celebration of all.

[Waiting for his way out]

Here we go again - back to day 1 (fed up)

we can find justification in everything we do.. just one more cookie or one more fry or one more drink. it is the truth we tell ourselves that makes the difference. I agree with you, a healthy and sober mother is the best celebration.

[SAUSAGE]

Here we go again - back to day 1 (fed up)

Hi everyone - am really struggling tonight - its' my son's 3rd birthday (it was his party yesterday -hard work,lots of kids but I didn't drink) and I'm really tempted to have (one) glass of wine. My mum is staying with us and even she is having a drink and she drinks about 14 units max A YEAR ! Another part of me really doesn't want to though as I know it will lead to a chain of daily drinking.

This is what's so annoying about my "problem" I'm doing really well (even went on a 3 mile run today ) and I don't see why I don't deserve a drink tonight - but I know I shouldn't!!!!

[A Work in Progress]

Here we go again - back to day 1 (fed up)

"DESERVE" some poison, do you?

Take that "deserve" thinking, and put it where it belongs, Sausage... you know better!