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[Chelle12]

Ok...

I cant seem to be allowed to post anywhere else on this forum because of the AF's and the trying-to-be-AF's...and the people who seem to be offended by my very presence on this Earth but Im posting anyway..cos Im an arrogant cow.... but feel free to delete or argue your retort if you so desire.

My life is still shit.
Im typing this in a fucking travalodge, because my other half has lied/kept things from me again... (and people wonder why I fucking well drink...)

Made sure I fed the Flufters first though before I buggered off out...priorities and all...
Nothing else to stay home for, since my son is currently living at his grandparents.

I could write a novel on what ive been through..
Hard upbringing, indecent assault by three men at 13, raped at 14, 3 suicide attempts, 3 failed relationships, abortions, miscarriages, single parent, prostitution to survive financially, beaten up, mugged, arrested, nights in police cells... the list go on.

There is only ONE reason whyI drink, and its to numb the pain and the memory of my experiences.
I hear all these stories of how wonderful life is when people stop drinking.... so what happens to the memories of shit I've been through? Ive been through counselling, psychiatrists, psychologists, doctors, CPN's, drugs, ECT, therapy...

Im at my wits end.
NO options left.

[christyacc]

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Oh Chelle....I don't know what to say......I'm here for you....I'm sorry things are shit for you.....there are so many of us who love you here and want you to be well.....

Cxoxoxoxo

[A Work in Progress]

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You are "allowed" to post anywhere you want here, Chelle. You set up your own thread. People flocked to it. You got a TON of support. Nobody bothered you or criticized you in any way... yet it didn't seem to help you much.

Your signature line is troubling: "I just hang on and Suffer Well." Perhaps you are a bit too strongly attached to your own suffering?

Counseling, psychiatrists, psychologists.... all that... none of those things and people you named are things that are one-shot, short-term deals. They take persistence and work and determination to get better. When you decide to get better, they can help you. Before you are willing to engage in the hard and painful work of getting better, nothing will help you.

I am sad, and also frustrated... with you, for you, and about your situation.

wip

[happydog]

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Hi Chelle12.... I would just like to give you a BIG :l from me, YOU post anywhere you want..

Love
Teardrop.x

[Chelle12]

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I am sad and frustrated with me also.

I have sat and moped.

I have got off my arse and done something about it time and time again...

I keep ending up back at square one

[Chelle12]

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A Work in Progress;464728 wrote: You are "allowed" to post anywhere you want here, Chelle. You set up your own thread. People flocked to it. You got a TON of support. Nobody bothered you or criticized you in any way... yet it didn't seem to help you much.

Your signature line is troubling: "I just hang on and Suffer Well." Perhaps you are a bit too strongly attached to your own suffering?

Counseling, psychiatrists, psychologists.... all that... none of those things and people you named are things that are one-shot, short-term deals. They take persistence and work and determination to get better. When you decide to get better, they can help you. Before you are willing to engage in the hard and painful work of getting better, nothing will help you.

I am sad, and also frustrated... with you, for you, and about your situation.

wip

They did criticise me. The said that my thead was offending.

My signature is apt. I literally am suffering and hanging on by a very thin thread.

I HAVE decided to get better. I decided to getbetter at 15 years old, but I keep getting shit thrown at me... and no, before you say, I am not gng through a "woe is me" scenario... been there, done that and am very much accountable for my own actions.

And yes, I have engaged in years and years of hard work to getbetter..only to be knocked back by family, friends and whomever I let myself get attached too.... but NO MORE.

[BecomingMeAtLast]

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Chelle,

I was raped at a young age, too, at 7. Then again when I was a young teen. I grew up feeling like a victim. I began drinking because I liked the feeling of escape, of forgetting the pain from my family. Now, at age 47, the drinking just doesn't work for me anymore. The only person who can change my life is me. It's taken me decades to begin to like myself but that's just what I'm doing.

Buddy, I hope you can begin to like yourself, as it sounds like you don't. You're funny, a great cook, a loving person, and, apparently, a very strong person. I wish only the best for you. I hope you can help yourself out of this cycle. :l

Becoming

[Chelle12]

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BecomingMeAtLast;464742 wrote: Chelle,

I was raped at a young age, too, at 7. Then again when I was a young teen. I grew up feeling like a victim. I began drinking because I liked the feeling of escape, of forgetting the pain from my family. Now, at age 47, the drinking just doesn't work for me anymore. The only person who can change my life is me. It's taken me decades to begin to like myself but that's just what I'm doing.

Buddy, I hope you can begin to like yourself, as it sounds like you don't. You're funny, a great cook, a loving person, and, apparently, a very strong person. I wish only the best for you. I hope you can help yourself out of this cycle. :l

Becoming

Hi Becoming...
Thanks for sharing that.
I just feel like I need to get away form stuff at the minute.
Everything is piling up and the paranoia is OTT.
I cant stay home and put my O/H through this shit...so need some space. I KNOW drinking aint the answer.. to be honest...now at im tucked up in a travelodge, i dont really FEEL like drinking... I just want some space and a cup of tea and some fresh air and a nice walk in a graveyard.. (O2M... You understand me there?, lol)

[hippie37]

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Jo remember those words hon? You are truly loved. Things may seem so despondent right now but you have to muster all your strength to get through this. I had a moment last night where I was totally missing a girlfriend (dolphin). I have been going through hell to try and get back some access concerning my daughter. I've been coping well with it all, until last night I got really wound up and my emotions got the better of me. I was an absolute prick last night. I nearly made enemies on here because of it. I thought I'd lost a perfectly good friendship because of it. I've been given 'down the banks' as it where and I've faced up to that. Be strong my friend and face up to your fears. Does being alone scare you so much if things ain't working out with your future husband?.. Jo if this is the major concern in your life then you need to do something about it to make yourself happy. Don't let situations get on top of you and please PLEASE, talk to us hon? Don't let this fester OK? Get back here and frickin talk to someone yeah? Sent you a message on Myspace the other day so keep in touch yeah? I'm really worried about you hon. Get in touch yeah?

Love hips
xx

[river0123]

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Chelle, there's nothing I can say or do to make you feel better, just want you to know I'm in your corner and will be here for you.:l

[spirit pixie]

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chelle - i am new to this site and also not getting into the site well - but only my own focus, but know it is just a great place with great people - i have had some challenges but i love to try keep a vision of potential. i can't imagine realistically all you have been through but would love to imagine where you would like to be...
can you put into words the ideal place and life you would like ?
love to you
pixie
x

[spirit pixie]

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Reading my last post it sounds so pretentious, it is not meant to be at all – gosh I find this hard. Without sitting face to face with people you miss so much face expression and tone of voice…
x

[A Work in Progress]

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SP I don't think you sound pretentious; you sound just fine. I'm glad to see you posting.

Chelle, here is my question for you. Which is more important, and which do you spend more time thinking about? The support you have gotten here, or the (very few, I believe) critical or judgmental posts you have gotten here? Sometimes it is WAY too easy to dwell on the negative stuff, and ignore the positive stuff; and if we do that, we create a situation in which it is impossible for us to benefit from the positive stuff. The choice always ours, as to what we pay attention to, which thoughts in our mind do we listen to, which feedback from the world is most important and most helpful to us?

wip

[Chelle12]

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A Work in Progress;464778 wrote: SP I don't think you sound pretentious; you sound just fine. I'm glad to see you posting.

Chelle, here is my question for you. Which is more important, and which do you spend more time thinking about? The support you have gotten here, or the (very few, I believe) critical or judgmental posts you have gotten here? Sometimes it is WAY too easy to dwell on the negative stuff, and ignore the positive stuff; and if we do that, we create a situation in which it is impossible for us to benefit from the positive stuff. The choice always ours, as to what we pay attention to, which thoughts in our mind do we listen to, which feedback from the world is most important and most helpful to us?

wip

Good point, as usual WIP.

I didnt mean to lay into you as it sounded on mylast reply to you... I guess Im just sounding off in general... apart from my Virtual Friends, I have no Real-Life friends (what a surprise, eh?!) but I DO take your point... Im spending a LOT of time at the mo in focusing on the negative... partly because Im so tired and exhausted of trying boost myself up and make effort to do the positive.
All my attempts at trying to better myself have been recently kncked down by my family.... Its soul destroying... because my family are all I have.
Im TRYING to lift myself out of this mess and Im trying to muster up the strength and courage and im seeking help left right and centre and have passed around from pillar to post from various peeps in counselling/docs etc...

Time, is a great healer... Ive always said...but Time is so flaming LONG at this moment.... then again, a 'watched pot' an all that..

[Bella]

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Hello Chelle......Just want to be a support to you.....You must never lie down and give up. You have to keep going and keep going and one day....you will find that something good has happened...Get it all out here on the boards.....Please try to look at this in a positive light......I get the impression you are a strong person.......XXXXXXXXXXXXX Bella xx