Hi, I'm new

[Sarasmiles]

Hi Everyone,
I'm new to the site. I've been really struggling with my drinking for a long time. I'm the mother of three boys, and I am desperate to be the best mom I can. To me, that means not drinking, at least not to excess. I've been getting a lot of support at another on-line group, SMART Recovery. The problem for me is that SMART is an abstinence program only, and although I've searched my heart and soul on this issue, I don't think I can comit to abstinence right now. I want to give moderation one last shot. To do that I know I need support. Have I come to the right place?

I haven't had a drink in two weeks. I really like all the wonderful benefits of sobriety, and I know that many, many people would tell me to just stick with it. It's hard to explain why I want to try moderation again. I guess it's partly because there have been long stretches of time when I was successful at it. I think my drinking is a response to stress, and not a physical addiction. I have used my 2-3 glasses of wine to relax when the kids are wild and I'm tense. I don't want to do that anymore. I want to be a fully present mom, and to have coping skills for getting through the tough times without drinking.

At times my drinking has been much worse than 2-3 drinks...At times I've felt I lost control. I've had a lot of hangovers in my lifetime. I don't want that anymore. But I want to make one last attempt to drink with control before I quit for good. I have the self-hypnosis CDs and I have just started taking Kudzu. I want to try without the prescription drug.

Anyway, I just wanted to introduce myself and find out if this might be where I belong. Thanks

[cmhguy3]

Hi, I'm new

Welcome!

[river0123]

Hi, I'm new

Hello and Welcome! You may want to try the monthly moderators board and the drink tracker. I signed up here to mod, but personally find it so much easier to just stay AF. That modding business is hard work! :H
Best wishes to you, I hope you stick around ~ this is a wonderful place to be!:welcome:

[BecomingMeAtLast]

Hi, I'm new

Welcome, gettingbetter!

You've found a wonderful, nonjudgmental and supportive community! I'm a mother of two, love the wine myself, and completely understand. I strongly recommend you read the My Way Out book, it's downloadable, and read some posts and get a feel for the site.

I'm so glad you found us. :l

Becoming

[Seacailin]

Hi, I'm new

Hello and Welcome
I agree with Becoming. The book is a Great place to start.

[periwinkle]

Hi, I'm new

Hi getting better, welcome!

Congratulations on 2 weeks AF! That is no small task what ever you long term goals are! I don't think you said how old your kids are but I am sure that your kiddos like you better this way too.

I too came here and hope to moderate. Sounds like we are in about the same place.

You mentioned that you have the hypno cd's but you didn't say if you are listening to them. Ah... there is a difference. I find that the more I listen to them the more benefit I seem to gain from them.

This is an amazing forum with many people willing to reach out and offer support. Many are AF and many moderate. Spend some time here and read a lot of posts. I am using my AF time to really evaluate myself and my reactions to situations without AL. I have learned a lot about me in this short time.

BTW I believe there is a special place in heaven for mother's of 3 boys. :h

periwinkle :l (a hug for you)

[Sarasmiles]

Hi, I'm new

Thank You, Periwinkle...Yes, I believe I saw that on a plaque once, "there is a special place in heaven for the mother of three boys". My husband didn't want me to buy it for fear of hurting the kids' feelings, which was probably a good insight. My boys are 5, 6 (almost 7) and 9.

I ordered and received the CDs about 5 months ago, I think. I listened faithfully for a couple of weeks, and felt very hopeful for a little while. Then I started to have more episodes of over-doing it, and I started to get discouraged, thinking that in spite of Kudzu, supplements and hypnotherapy, I was still drinking too much. Maybe I hadn't stuck with it for long enough...At some point I decided to try for abstinence instead of moderation, but I always had a voice in the back of my head saying "try again...you can drink moderately". At this point, I honestly don't know if I can. Sometimes, to be honest, I don't want to be moderate...I just want to be buzzed and relaxed and get away from all the stress and tension I feel.

Anyway, one thing I never tried was coming here, so I'm going to give the MWO approach another try. If nothing else, it seems to be a place where there are a lot of people like me...Moms who want to be all they can to their children but who find motherhood challenging and even overwhelming sometimes. I decided to drink tonight after two weeks AF, and I have had 3 glasses of wine over about three hours. I feel okay. I have to be very careful now, though, not to head down that slippery slope. Thanks again, everyone, for the nice responses.

[tlrgs]

Hi, I'm new

:hello2::colorwelcome::wave::groupluv:

[AstraiaJ.]

Hi, I'm new

Welcome!!! I too am a mom, I too have loved the multiple wine glass stress relief method! When I first started in June I really wasn't sure what I wanted, AF or MOD, but I knew I needed change. The people and resources on here are wonderful. It took some time, and the journey is still going on, but it's getting easier.

Methods for stress relief is another issue. I'm also a stress drinker, which is why I got into the habit of drinking in the evenings, after work. You'll find a lot of support for that on here too. I've been slowly making some real progress there -- beginning to learn how to substitute some other things for the AL, and actually liking them just as much. It took time, but the people on here really helped me to stay committed to progress, even when I had set-backs.

Wherever your own journey takes you, you'll find a lot of non-judgmental support here. Keep going, and keep coming back! :goodjob:

[C&C Mom]

Hi, I'm new

Hello Getting Better.
This is a great site and I just joined a few days ago. Incredible support without judgement and you can be open without any of your neighbors knowing your weakness or business.
I am astounded how many moms are on here - there's a thread for moms under general discussion which will bring you comfort to know you are not alone. This motherhood thing is incredibly difficult for many of us - so much needed of us 24/7 with no time to be you - if you even remember who you are. I know I don't.
I am working on severe moderation. So far the supplements have helped - Kudzu & L-Glutamine. It does require a lot of mental effort to do moderation and for those that say AF is easier - I am sure it is. I will take each day at a time like everyone else.
You are not alone and that is more comforting than anything else. We moms must stick together - God knows our families will suck the living life out of us if we let them. Need to take time for ourselves - somehow. I've yet to figure this out.

[periwinkle]

Hi, I'm new

Oh, you should have bought the plaque and hid it in your sock drawer where only you could see it! Goodness 5, 7 (almost), and 9 year old boys! No wonder you are stressed! You need some Tension Tamer tea and lots of bubble baths with a Do Not Disturb sign on the door. Maybe hubby can take the boys fishing while you listen to your cd's.

Seriously though, moderate drinking is not to be taken lightly. Once we have crossed that line, it changes. I have been giving it very serious thought myself. The thing is, I have spent the past several weeks AF for the first time in many years and even if I decide to try moderating, I have come to realize that those stressful days are exactly the days that I cannot afford to have even one AL drink. It is those kinds of negative emotions that are some of my triggers that lead me to my excessive AL drinking levels.

The MWO program was set up and originally designed to help people moderate their drinking. Some are able to attain that and some aren't. I encourage you to continue on your journey. Tell us more about your plan.

periwinkle

[TWCOURAGE]

Hi, I'm new

Welcome, This a Great spot to learn and share. The boys deserve the BEST mother you can be.Good luck

[Sarasmiles]

Hi, I'm new

Hi Everyone,
Thanks for the welcomes and responses! I've tried to post a couple of times, and my posts have vanished...Just learned I have to hit "remember me" when I log in. I hope it works this time!

Periwinkle, I agree that moderation is not to be taken lightly. I've learned so much from my stretches of AF time, and I have learned to cherish sobriety and all the good things it brings to my life and my family. I have learned a lot about how to get through rough spots without drinking. So why try moderation now? Why not just remain abstinent? For one thing, I think that when I tell myself "you can never drink again", it increases my urge to do it. If I think in terms of choosing to be a sober person, I feel as though I'm being good to myself, intead of reigning myself in. I also don't want to be in a cycle of feeling that if I have one (or more likely two) glasses of wine, I have "slipped" and "failed".

So what is my plan? I've never liked the idea of drinking only on "special ocassions", like holidays. Those are the times I most want to remember, and to enjoy with a clear and sober mind. They are also times I want my children to remember with joy. I think I want to leave the door open to having a couple of glasses of wine when I'm out to dinner with my husband...or when the kids have gone to bed and we're talking by the fire. But what I most want is to:

Never get drunk again
Never be hung-over again
Never wake up with the taste of stale wine in my mouth again
Never stumble
Never slur my speech
Never fall asleep singing lullabies to my precious kids (unless it's from pure fatigue!)
Never have to look back and wonder, could I have been a better mother without alcohol in my life?

I am comitted to sobriety. That may mean total abstinence. But I am hoping it can mean just living a healthy, happy life as a great mom, and ocassionally having a glass of wine with my husband. If opening the door to drinking leads me to spend time and mental energy wondering when I can drink again, I'll have to close that door.

Yes, I read the book...Liked it very much. Kudzu seems to help. My question is, does one take it for life? Do we know if it's safe to take long term? Is its purpose to help "break the habit", or does it need to be used forever? Any responses would be appreciated. Thanks!

[zed]

Hi, I'm new

Hey GettingBetter! Do come join us folks down in the Long-term Moderation thread. We are a bunch of strange, struggling, funny folks (right now it's just a bunch of giggly girls, including Periwinkle... and poor me). We have a good laugh and we share and support each other on our journeys! It's fun.

Cheers and take care!

zed

[zed]

Hi, I'm new

Getting better...oh yeah.... always remember to CRTL C (copy) before you hit submit or reply. Just in case you get logged off. This is a common issue. Then in case you get logged out, you can sign in, do CRTL V (paste) and hit submit again and your post will go up.