When will i decide its time to quit....

[formenow]

I have been at a "bottom" but apparently wasn't bottom enough. Do we all have to get to the horrible bottom before we decide this is enough??? i cried and cried last night in bed praying that I would make a change but guess what I am drinking tonight again. I know my kids and husband take note but no one says a word. Its weird!!! I started seeing a counselor and she said I should not stop all together. i drink about a bottle of wine a night. Seems like people have stopped without doctor intervention. I am a nurse and do not want to involve a Dr if i don't have to. How do i make a decision to just do it!!!!

[Boss.man]

When will i decide its time to quit....

We all want a "magic pill" that makes it all better.

To my knowledge there is none, and the whole process is one of up and down moments. You've been here enough to read about that.

I'm sorry to hear that your husband and children are silent enablers. That gives you two problems; one is that if you engage them, you'll probably feel worse. Second, that if you engage them, they will add angst to your necessary process to disengage with alcohol. Personally I'd let the sleeping dragon stay asleep. I successfully disengaged from AL with just a few comments to my spouse about why I drink "Fre" instead of wine for dinner. I have no children, however, and they are often far more observant and outspoken than our spouses are.

To me, the decision to get free from AL is as big as the decision to get married for a lifetime, or have children for a lifetime. Sure there are people who get married in Las Vegas and divorced three months later, and parents who abandon their children in Nebraska. But for most of us, it takes that kind of commitment.

So your "upswing" will happen at the exact moment you sit down with yourself, and say, I'm making this lifetime change starting NOW.

I've done it. It doesn't hurt too much. It's still a rocky road. But a rocky road up is a lot better than a rocky road down.

[Catwoman]

When will i decide its time to quit....

Formenow....I'm also a nurse drinking a bottle plus of wine most nights...I don't really have any advice, just sharing with you that I came across this forum earlier today and decided to try and drink no AL for 30 days if I can and then re-evaluate if I can then drink sensibly or have to try and stay off it forever. I love drinking wine...it's my favorite pastime but I don't like the guilt and shame the next morning, the red eyes, dry mouth and knowing what it must be doing to my liver. At the moment I feel quite elated but it probably won't last..by the end of the week at the very latest I'll be craving wine. So good luck....maybe don't try and analyze it too much..take it a day at a time and post on the forum every day as I think this is a godsend with tons of supportive people

[Boss.man]

When will i decide its time to quit....

Catwoman welcome here. I'm so glad you found this forum. There are a lot of UK folks here, and they are way asleep on West Coast time, but I'm sure they'll chime in just a few hours.

Without knowing more of you, I can't much say what you'll feel going AF. I wrote a little piece called "gaining traction" based on some stuff I looked up. Maybe it can help.

http://www.box.net/shared/static/t81snedyvi.pdf

I think the key is that this is not a switch that goes on or off. This is lifetime change that takes a hero's will to accomplish. I'm hoping you can join me, and we both can become heroes to ourselves.

[Catwoman]

When will i decide its time to quit....

Thanks Bossman...interesting stuff...it raises some salient points about the different processes ..physical and psychological. I honestly don't think I'll get physical withdrawal symptoms just psychological ones. I've always loved wine but since moving from the cold rainy UK to my present hot sunny home I think I'm on a constant vacation. And when I'm on vacation I drink a lot ! At the moment it's scaring me that I won't enjoy myself in a bar or restaurant unless I get nicely drunk. Today has been the first day I've admitted I'm addicted to alcohol...before I've always said I just like a drink. Oh well, you're right that this is going to take a lot of commitment so I guess I'll be using this forum a lot.

[Miss Behaving]

When will i decide its time to quit....

Hi Formenow and Cat woman and welcome!!

This site is great and you will get lots of support. It isn't easy to stop - whether that is for a day or a lifetime - but it is possible.

Formenow - I have been through lots of counselling in the course of my life, and I've seen some great people, but I'm not sure that counselling training really gives them a good insight into addiction issues. I've had some really silly suggestions made to me by counsellors - most with good intentions, but with no real understanding of the non-rational stuff that goes with continuing to use something that has all sorts of negative physical and emotional consequences.

Also, I think that people around us dont comment for a variety of reasons. My partner never commented on my drinking and it used to puzzle me (and at times make me totally paranoid!!). When I eventually talked to him about how much of a problem it was for me and how I had really come to the conclusion that I needed to stop totally and permanently (and I still struggle with the idea of this, so I try to not think about that most of the time!) he told me that he knew that I had a problem, and that he knew that I knew it and that he also felt confident that at some point I would find the courage to deal with it.

I think one of the things that I really like about MWO is that it is very empowering - it helps us all to find strategies that work for us as individuals. MWO is a very broad church and there are lots of different threads with different "cultures". Hang around, see where you feel comfortable and get to know people there. Find a place that feels safe and you will get all the support in the world. Best of luck to you both and hope to see you on the boards!!

[JAMMS]

When will i decide its time to quit....

Formenow- I too will drink while my husband and children sit by. However, my husband has no hestitation to let me know how much he hates it. He will make remarks the entire night while I drink. There is nothing silent about him.

I know I have said and prayed not to drink and have done so sometimes the very same day.

You have already decided to stop. :goodjob:

It's not going to be easy!

[AAthlete]

When will i decide its time to quit....

Formenow, sometimes the hardest thing we have to do is accept where we are at. When we pray to God asking him to stop us from drinking, we are asking him to do something for us (just like asking to win the lottery, meet the love of our lives, etc.). What worked for me was simply asking for God's will to be done. Most likely, he wants me to be a better person, to be more compassionate, caring and to think of others before I think of myself.

I fine distinction yes, but a distinction nonetheless. When we start focusing on others around us amazing things can happen, and bring about real changes in us. Best of luck in your effort; there is a lot of information to be found here and a lot of support as well. Just take it one day at a time...

[lil.michelle]

When will i decide its time to quit....

Hi hun.

WELL i tell you something, i hit bottom sooo many times, i almost destroyed my marriage, my relationship with my parents and almost lost my baby girl and each time something happened, i would come here and say that's it, never again and within a couple of days i'd be drinking again.

Do one thing, when you drink, after your first glass write down how you feel and how you think your family are reacting with you drinking, again after the second and third and then after the bottle... write down what it really did for, how you felt, how you slept ect ect
Look into your childrens eyes, really look deep into them and think... How do i interact with them drunk? Do they watch you sip each sip? Are you giving them your time?
Your husband... look at him? is there hurt? what are his eyes telling you? I know it sounds silly but this saved me. Just look.
Then go to a mirror and look at yourself, take a good look and write down just ONE thing that makes it ok or worth drinking that bottle... ONE thing.

The next day, do the same thing sober..... You'll be overwhelmed with the love that you honestly feel for them and everytime you reach for a bottle ask yourself, what is the point.

I believe that the time i stopped drinking was the time i looked at what i was doing to my baby girl, my hubby and my life.

I'm not perfect, i slip up, i admit that but i tell you something, it's not worth it and i know that so i hardly slip now. We're human, we use drink for lots of things but it's not worth the love and the moments that you miss with your children and the cuddles with you hubby. I also got my hubby and breathalizer and he test me before dinner and before bed time so the is NO escaping!!

Keep trying. Give wht i say ago... maybe it'll help.
Good luck hun, we're here for you, keep posting!

[Catwoman]

When will i decide its time to quit....

Good ideas lil.michelle...I also write stuff down...I wrote down the reasons I want to stop drinking and also how I feel the next day when I've inevitabley drunk too much. Im just worried that when I go out with friends at the weekend that I'll have one glass and then not stop. I really want to have soft drinks only but panicking already...any tips ( apart from not going out because I have to this time !!) :thanks:

[lil.michelle]

When will i decide its time to quit....

Do your friends know you're stopping?
I found it hard not do drink when i was out with friends but after the drink started to kick in and i saw how my friends were and how i was feeling so good, i could hold perfect conversations also, how many men would look at me with so much respect and roll there eyes at my friends... All makes it worth it. It will be hard but this is a hard battle. You wait tll you get home sober and go to bed with your hubby and can show him you're sober, kiss your children sober... How proud will you feel! You WILL get the biggest kick out of it.
If your friends don't know you're stopping drinking, say you really don't feel well enough to drink or take the car. I found it easy to just be open and say, NO. I'm not drinking. I've given it up. I also said that my body isn't taking to drink anymore nd after one drink i'm sick and there would be no pressure.

You'll get the BIGGEST kick ever when you come home sober and wake up feeling great. Trust me. You can do this!

[healthypaw]

When will i decide its time to quit....

Michelle I copy and pasted that into my email so I can look at it when times are hard. Thank you.

[healthypaw]

When will i decide its time to quit....

Michelle thank you for 1:41 Message. I copy and pasted that so I can look at it when I think about drinking.

[Catwoman]

When will i decide its time to quit....

You're right the best feeling in the world to me is walking up and feeling well, most of the time I don't. I feel so much happier I wonder why I always go back to the wine. I think I'll tell my friends that I'm stopping for 30 days....the first step of my ultimate goal ....because I want to get my body i.e liver back in some kind of shape. We're nurses so I guess that will be understood. I just don't want to make a big deal of it.

[formenow]

When will i decide its time to quit....

thank you for you kind words. you know i think I do want something easy to come my way but this is not going to be easy and i need to embrace it and just do it. I will start writing things down how I feel after the first drink and last,etc and really start looking at how this effecting my husband and kids. i have not been available to them as much as I should and have not liked often how I respond to them. i am so glad I found all of you...people who understand truly what I am going through.
Catwoman another nurse who can relate. lets stick together.