I am just wondering.......

[angeleyes]

I am just wondering.......

Evielou, I hope that someday my mantra can be I DON"T DRINK too. I really, really want that. I think it will be a while before I get there.

Spotty, I'll check out those books by Laurie Notaro. Laughter really is the best medicine, it certainly can't hurt, I heard it can even cure cancer!!

Sorry to hear that you never got to have kids, who knows why things happen the way they do, but your life has meaning in so many different ways. I don't know what it all means - I have put so much into my children for so many years and now that they are all gone for the most part it seems like I have no purpose and am pretty much useless and have no reason to even get up in the morning. But that is only because that has been my life for so many years I know no other way, and now I have to find my own self and I am 44 years old and I feel like a baby and I need to learn to walk again. I don't even know who I am because I have spent my entire life serving other people, not to make myself out to be a martyr or anything, because that's not the case...oh, now it's me who's babbling!!

But what I'm trying to say is that you maybe have a better idea of who you are and what you want and where you are going and your purpose in life?? You say you feel like your life hasn't really started yet - well, what is it that you want that you don't have?

By the way, I have a job interview in the morning for a really stupid job that I don't want. Wish me luck!

[spottydingo]

I am just wondering.......

angeleyes;472948 wrote: You say you feel like your life hasn't really started yet - well, what is it that you want that you don't have?

Hmmmnn. Good question ... too much to answer here. Lets just say I didn't think I'd end up a fat drunk house wife. I'd like to leave a little mark in the world somewhere ... be it through my art, my writing or maybe teaching or volunteer work. To date I don't feel authentic and I don't feel like I contribute much or have the fortitude to stand up for my convictions. I have always felt I had a special purpose and I am not fulfilling it by any means. Kind of vague, I know. Still working through it.

Good luck with your job interview! Nice talking to you.

Cheers.

[DiscoBunnie]

I am just wondering.......

I too find this thread an interesting one, I posted here for the first time nearly one year ago. I bought the book, ordered the starter kid and read many posts. I had 52 days AF before I blew it and gave in to the demon in January of this year. I lost my mom in May, so since then, that has been my excuse to continue easing the emotional pain. So, I didn't really find the program in and of itself the "way out" I was so desperately seeking. And that disappointment of course added to my emotional despair of continued failure. I haven't been sober for more than three days at a time since January. But I am re-committed and do find a great support system with this site. It helps tremendously to read that I am not alone in this, none of are and there are others out there who truly share the same pain. I am reconnecting with my spirituality and started an exercise program. Thank you for reminding me that it takes self committment and effort on a daily basis. Thank you for your wisdom Angel Eyes, we do have to learn to tolerate discomfort. Like you, and so many of us here, I am search of that nice sober person within me.

hooray, day 2 AF for me

[spirit pixie]

I am just wondering.......

i have enjoyed reading this thread as it does put forward many thoughts. i am still not completely AF but do believe my thinking is altering all the time and reading a lot on the site has been part of that as has reading the book i downloaded from MWO.

I believe we are all here due as a result of a lifetime of influences and choices and our own unique makeup. To escape this aweful addiction we all share, I believe is going to take as many influences, choices and knowledge.

I am greatful to have found this site and believe it is going to be part of my healing. I would never hold RJ or the material supplies responsible for my healing or failure. It is entirely up to me to put the pieces together correctly.

I am greatful I have choices.

I am greatful I am learning though MWO and the people on it. I think the word MY in MWO is important - because it is MY way and nobody elses.

I am greatful that I can see HOPE from what I have read and other people's experiences.

I know it is not EASY - but greatful that it was advertised as such because it lead me here. It was EASY for me to start thinking differently and begin making a plan to change my life. The journey itself is going to be hard but I am going to be EASY on myself as I do it.

I have started to see the potential in myself and know the healthy lifestyle I want to achieve. I have come to realise this because of this site. Honestly I dont care if RJ exists or not. I exist and with the information from MWO and the people here on this site (as well as many factors I am combining) I am going to change.

Thank YOU all, MWO and RJ for being 'PART' of it
love pixie
x

[A Work in Progress]

I am just wondering.......

DB and SP: you've both got great attitudes! That will make a HUGE difference in your recovery!

wip

[dingbat]

I am just wondering.......

spottydingo;472960 wrote: Hmmmnn. Good question ... too much to answer here. Lets just say I didn't think I'd end up a fat drunk house wife.
Cheers.

OMG!!!:H I soooo identify with that! The last few months I've been wondering WTH happened to me!

[mikediesel]

I am just wondering.......

I was sitting here going thru some post and read yours and i agree totaly the thing that helps is topa whether its in our heads or for real gives us a little bit more stregnth to fight the good fight. and the first couple of time i got sober over the last 2 yrs i noticed exactly that "ok i fixed the drinking but not why i drank." and in one of my deperate attempts to clean my self up i found a book that made sense to me i might not work for you but dealt with those voice that put you down in your head. take a look at "The Tao Of Sobriety" it change the way i look at things sort of like therapy but your not paing $90 a week for the next 3 years and taking more drugs to wack you out. it took me 2 years and up to 300mg of topa to get me here it wasn't quick it was hard and i still work at it. but i'm better for it.

[A Work in Progress]

I am just wondering.......

Hi, Mike... yeah, "Tao of Sobriety" is very good, but a bit too 12-step oriented, for my mind; one that is similar, and I think better for those of us who are not into the whole 12-step model, is called "Mindful Recovery" by Bien and Bien.

wip

[BecomingMeAtLast]

I am just wondering.......

MIke & WIP, thanks for the book suggestions. I'm making a "winter's list" and have added yours. :l

angel, good luck with the job interview! Even if it's not what you want maybe being out with people will help? I don't know.

This thread, thanks to angel, has prompted a new thread. I think a very important one:

https://www.mywayout.org/community/f9...s-2-28264.html

Thanks angel for starting this.
Be

[akgirl]

I am just wondering.......

BecomingMeAtLast;472854 wrote: I will PM her also. Maybe if more than one of us do that...

I haven't PMd her, was wondering if anyone has or if we should still ask for an update?
Just curious

[BecomingMeAtLast]

I am just wondering.......

Hi akgirl,

I haven't yet because of the new thread which seemed to be initiated because of this one. Have you checked it out?
https://www.mywayout.org/community/f9...s-2-28264.html
I posted there and thought they addressed it there.

I'm getting a bit paranoid now because it seems we may have stirred up a bit of "subscribed" members vs "nonsubscribed" members. I hope not. I hope I'm just paranoid. It's enough with the AF vs Mod members. What do you think?

BTW, did you get your antabuse yet?
Be

[akgirl]

I am just wondering.......

Yeah, I didn't PM her either cause I was getting mixed feelings. A lot of really good points were brought up on both threads. And heck, it shouldn't matter where she is on her journey (I'm sure she is fine) I'm still thankfull for all she has done.

I have the antabuse...still too chicken to start. Doing pretty good mod/AF for right now.

:l
Ak

[BecomingMeAtLast]

I am just wondering.......

I agree about the good points being brought up. You're right, it's none of our business where she is on her journey and I feel ashamed for even mentioning that. I'm thankful, too.

I'd be chicken with the antabuse. I think you're brave just to order it!

Take care, :h
Be

[angeleyes]

I am just wondering.......

Oh dear. I just signed in and see what is going on, and it seems like I have stirred up a hornet's nest here. It was not my intention to offend anyone, I just was curious as to where RJ's life is now, as she is supposed to be our kind of "Guru" or whatever.

If we support someone with our time, money, loyalty, and whatever, do we not have a right to know how they live their lives? I appreciate all she has done to create this website so all of us can support each other. My thread was not posted to make RJ look bad in any way. I simply had some questions.

[akgirl]

I am just wondering.......

I don't think anyone was offended, just giving their opinions and putting things in perspective. It's a good thing, and it's a good thread. Made people think.

I don't know that we do have a right to know to how she lives her life, for any reason. Unless she wants to share it. She deserves her privacy. It would be interesting to know, but not our right.

Just my opinion
:l
AK