I am realizing that it is finally time to stop drinking. Been drinking heavily for 16 years or so. I have wanted to stop before, but never succeeded. I am sure denial is the answer to all of the following. My wife is threatening to leave me. She has done this several times before. She isn't supportive in any way. Abusive with her words. Calling me names that I don't respond to well. When she is threatening me, it drives me to want to drink. I feel like she won't allow me to stop. We have 3 children. Sometimes I feel like I am to the point of starting over. I printed a few pages off of the internet about goals and things I plan to do to stop. I am going to try to sit down with her tonight and see how she responds. This I guess is a test for me obviously, but also for her to she if she can be supportive. She rarely drinks.
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Time to STOP.
GG, here's what you tell your wife.
Tell her, that you truly understand her complaints, and that starting right now you are going to be a completely different person.
Tell her, that alcohol is an insidious chemical, like smoking that causes addiction. And like smoking with a huge amount of support, you can overcome it.
Tell her that the first task is yours. To get through 3-4 days without alcohol.
But the second task is share. She must never allow alcohol in your house, and must join with you in non-habit behaviors which may mean no more sports TV with beer or evening TV or dinner with wine.
It's not just you that has to change, but she also needs to change.
Luckily, non-drinking spouses are very easy to get on this road. I'm very lucky that my spouse feels nothing of the connection I have to AL.
The next step is for you to join our new path... -
Time to STOP.
Good luck GG.
You'll find plenty of good advice and support here.
Some peolpe can't understand the difficulties involved in being a problem drinker.
"Stop drinking!" is easier said than done.
I'm glad you found us.Comment
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Time to STOP.
I have gone 3-4 days at a time with no problem. It is usually the Fri or Sat that gets me. We don't drink in the house. I want to keep it away from our children. I am really hoping for her support and not the attitude I usually get.Comment
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Time to STOP.
i also found the weekends tough . ended up in bed at 8-30 to take my mind of the drink / the boredom and the anger within me .Comment
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Time to STOP.
My 2 1/2 cents here as I'm experiencing a similar problem from a totally different perspective. Mother/mother-in-law. My daughter-in-law endured my son's drinking for only 5 years. What a strong woman to last 16. Think back to the early years, did she call you names or was not respecting you then? My son uses his wife's bitchiness as his excuse for drinking. I think there's a big reason to suspect that her present disagreeableness is due to long term effects of her spouse's drinking. I think it's up to the drinker to redeem the relationship and change the patterns that have developed because of the drinking. Nobody is perfect. But being an alkie is not the same level of responsibility as not living peaceable with one. It would be a good idea for you to engage a third person (therapist, counselor etc. ) to get you both started on reconciliation. Do it for the children!! Best wishes, g.Comment
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Time to STOP.
Best Wishes GG
Let us know how it goes. Weekends are tough for me too, especailly Football Sundays."Decide-Which Voice in Your Head you Can Keep Alive" (Shinedown)Comment
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Time to STOP.
foxy1971...boredom and anger are the exact words I would use when I know in my mind the party is going on, tonight I will be bored and angry but it will be a step in the right direction.
gelgit...when we first started dating I drank more than I do now. We have been to a counselor, didn't help, even my wife agreed.
So how did it go last night. First I new she was busy with the home life so I chipped in. Not much but helped out. I asked her if I could get a few minutes of her time. Later then night when she settled down and sat next to me I had to ask again after several minutes. I presented the pages and we started going through them. Attempting to set goals and have an "adult" conversation. She just took over. Grabbed the pages and started writing down all of the negative things I have done rather than focus on the positive things that I should do. In my eyes she wanted to argue and I wouldn't. In my mind I knew she would react this way. I hope I can stick to my plan and maybe she will become supportive over time.Comment
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Time to STOP.
GG
I am in exactly the same position you are in. I get angry with my wife when she starts to "nag" me about my drinking. Telling me at one point that she would call my mom-- talk about a slap in the face. I am on day 6 AF. My mind is a little clearer now. In just this short time I realize that perhaps I deserve my wife's treatment of me. It not that she doesn't want to support me it's just that it must be hard to watch someone you love destroy themselves with alcohol. Trust me I understand your point and believe me there are two or three times a day when my wife pisses me off when I just want to drink to piss her off. A horrible cycle. Now I just want to prove to myself that I can do this. Once I do that them I can sit down and talk to her.
You can do this. But you have to do it for yourself, not your wife or your kids.PAW:nutso:Comment
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Time to STOP.
Gia...that sounds correct. For the first few days or couple of weeks I will be on my own.Comment
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Time to STOP.
Healthypaw...thanks for the encouragement. What is "AF"? I assume 6 days without.Comment
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Time to STOP.
I guess that old saying "the proof is in the pudding" really has its merits.
It almost would be good if you quit for a few days, and Then told her you were going to change... That way, she'd at least see that you're not "all talk"...
Just a thought!
If she really has a problem with your drinking, you would think that anything she can do to help, she would do?
Good luck!Sometimes you have to take the leap and build your wings on the way down... Anais NinComment
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Time to STOP.
Yep AF- is Alcohol Free-- A Great Thing.PAW:nutso:Comment
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Time to STOP.
Today is day 3. I am trying to set myself up for success. Scheduling a busy day for Saturday will hopefuly help me with Friday night.Comment
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Time to STOP.
Good idea!!!!!! I'm winterizing my whole house. Never felt like doing it before, but looking forward to it.PAW:nutso:Comment
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