The thread I read earlier about it being Friday night has motivated me to write rather then just read others thoughts.
As my name may indicate, there are many things in my life that I -want to be(wannabe)but for the present the one most compelying for me is:
I wannabe able to have a beer and be able to leave it at that. My huband, Don and I generally only start our drinking at the end of the day. It is a dowm time for us and a time we spend together sharing the days coming and goings.
If I am having a day of self disicpline, I mix my beer half and half with a nonalcoholic beer. If I am having a weak day which happens more often then not I convince my self that I want that uptopia feeling that I get from a real beer. I can have one real beer... I will rationalise, however once the alcohol is in my blood I never can leave it at that. I want more ...so sometimes I will even "sneak" in a extra beer or two in the laundry room while other's in our home are doing their things. And I keep up with my husbands beers as well. Bad thing for me to do.
I am a very functional drinker,able to carry on all the activities that are that are going on. Can make a dinner for 9 or more and no one notices much of a difference in Mom (mother of five now grown kids). I get a bit more talkative and freer in what i say but I never get sad or ugly like some people. I am talking maybe 5 or 6 beer at this point(sometime wine with supper if it is a special occassion) and then its time to go to bed anyways,
The dissappointing thing for me however is I remember little of the happening after the fourth or fifth beer. I misss out of so many happy family times because I just can't remember things the next day.I must black out if that is what you call it.(not pass out.)
I wonder if you are destroying brain cells when this happens.
It is embarrassing for me when the I kids will say the next day -remember Mom we talked about that last night or I have to ask Don-" what did someone said on the phone when they phoned the night before."
Anyways I will become a Gramma for the first time in four weeks. I remember hating my own Mom for getting enebreated while she took care of my children(which was not very often as we lived in different towns.) How could she do this?????Well now I know, in a way it was not her, it was the alcohol that had taken over her reason.
So in short, although I like the feeling I get from drinking I hate it because the controls are not always there. I hate the quilt and self disappointment it brings me.
I am feeling adimate that I will not even take a drink if I am the one resonsible for my new grandchild.
I suppose I am at the crossroads of making the decision to be AF free completly.
Wondering if maybe with some support ,I could learn the control for drinking in moderation if I do take a drink.
Having beers with my beloved husband is so much a part of our routine and part of our time together time that it would be so different not to have it in our lives if I decided to
go AF complelely.
Don is always out of town for a month at this time of year. I am going to practice both ways of dealing with my delemma while he is away. AF and/or mix the beer and leave it at that.(1/2 can of beer 1/2 can non alcoholic beer x2=2 glasses )
When the kids were young and Don went away I never drank alone but in the past couple of years I have had drinks on the weekend - all by myself.
Don's been away 4 days and although I have felt like having a beer everyday---no drinks. But it's Friday night - I would really like a beer. I am writing this story instead. At this point the night is young.
That's about it for tonight folr tonight. I must go make dinner for my Dad who is visiting.
Thanks for taking time to read my predicament.
As my name may indicate, there are many things in my life that I -want to be(wannabe)but for the present the one most compelying for me is:
I wannabe able to have a beer and be able to leave it at that. My huband, Don and I generally only start our drinking at the end of the day. It is a dowm time for us and a time we spend together sharing the days coming and goings.
If I am having a day of self disicpline, I mix my beer half and half with a nonalcoholic beer. If I am having a weak day which happens more often then not I convince my self that I want that uptopia feeling that I get from a real beer. I can have one real beer... I will rationalise, however once the alcohol is in my blood I never can leave it at that. I want more ...so sometimes I will even "sneak" in a extra beer or two in the laundry room while other's in our home are doing their things. And I keep up with my husbands beers as well. Bad thing for me to do.
I am a very functional drinker,able to carry on all the activities that are that are going on. Can make a dinner for 9 or more and no one notices much of a difference in Mom (mother of five now grown kids). I get a bit more talkative and freer in what i say but I never get sad or ugly like some people. I am talking maybe 5 or 6 beer at this point(sometime wine with supper if it is a special occassion) and then its time to go to bed anyways,
The dissappointing thing for me however is I remember little of the happening after the fourth or fifth beer. I misss out of so many happy family times because I just can't remember things the next day.I must black out if that is what you call it.(not pass out.)
I wonder if you are destroying brain cells when this happens.
It is embarrassing for me when the I kids will say the next day -remember Mom we talked about that last night or I have to ask Don-" what did someone said on the phone when they phoned the night before."
Anyways I will become a Gramma for the first time in four weeks. I remember hating my own Mom for getting enebreated while she took care of my children(which was not very often as we lived in different towns.) How could she do this?????Well now I know, in a way it was not her, it was the alcohol that had taken over her reason.
So in short, although I like the feeling I get from drinking I hate it because the controls are not always there. I hate the quilt and self disappointment it brings me.
I am feeling adimate that I will not even take a drink if I am the one resonsible for my new grandchild.
I suppose I am at the crossroads of making the decision to be AF free completly.
Wondering if maybe with some support ,I could learn the control for drinking in moderation if I do take a drink.
Having beers with my beloved husband is so much a part of our routine and part of our time together time that it would be so different not to have it in our lives if I decided to
go AF complelely.
Don is always out of town for a month at this time of year. I am going to practice both ways of dealing with my delemma while he is away. AF and/or mix the beer and leave it at that.(1/2 can of beer 1/2 can non alcoholic beer x2=2 glasses )
When the kids were young and Don went away I never drank alone but in the past couple of years I have had drinks on the weekend - all by myself.
Don's been away 4 days and although I have felt like having a beer everyday---no drinks. But it's Friday night - I would really like a beer. I am writing this story instead. At this point the night is young.
That's about it for tonight folr tonight. I must go make dinner for my Dad who is visiting.
Thanks for taking time to read my predicament.
you might be interested in trying some of them out)
Also it is my hubby's birthday today, so we're taking it easy as we can.
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