I'm miserable.

[summer_holiday]

Hi all, I feel a bit silly posting now that i've got the hump - mostly i've been fine and very positive and just postting occasionally. Some of you will remember my story (lol, you should, cos it's the same as everybody elses!!) and know that i went straight to my doctor who referred me to a counselling service. Well. Here's the update. Went for a meeting with the counsellor, who turned out not to be one but an administrator who just asked loads of questions (i was upset because i'd been looking forward to it and expected a kind of 'well let it all out kind of thing') and then he said that i'd get a letter in the post for my next session. I waited two weeks and then had another appointment and guess what!!!! more questions, what did i want to achieve etc etc. She explained that i would need to acknowledge the 'good' parts of drinking as well as the 'bad'. Also, that i would need to undergo 'relapse prevention therapy', because apparently that happens loads. (she made it sound like it was inevitible...) So, now i am booked in for 8 1 hour sessions starting next week. Hurrah. Yeah right. All i can think of now is that well, if relapse is inevitible, i may as well do it....i haven't but really feel like it. I just can't understand it. I need help, and i'm forced to wait and wait, and then they're saying i'm going to fail anyway!!! I am typing this and purposely not going to re read it. I HAVE GOT THE HUMP!!!!!!!!!!!! ps I haven't drunk since October 18. But i sure do feel like it NOW.

[kaponium]

I'm miserable.

Hey SH, relapse is cetainly not INEVITIBLE - it is YOUR CHOICE not to pick up the FIRST drink! It's not going to just HAPPEN!! Perhaps you could cast your mind back to the time when you were in that REALLY miserable place which led you to stop drinking in the first place...I bet you don't want to go back there! My last time led me to having to hitchhike home, depressed, anxious, fearful - not to mention SICK as a dog! Hang in there, the clock ticks away the HUMPS, it really does...bad times are apassin' and serentiy will return. Keep posting! Bless

[Evie.Lou]

I'm miserable.

I agree that you don't HAVE TO RELAPSE but I have never met an addict of any kind that hasn't.I have never and will never see it in any other way than part of a bumpy road TO RECOVERY..

[lil.michelle]

I'm miserable.

Hi hun.
I understand why you've got the 'hump'. Relaspe doesn't happen with everyone. It IS you choice whether you pick up that first drink or not. You don't need someone to tell you you're going to fail. It's crazy! You need to believe in yourself. You've done sooo well, carry on. Arm yourself with as many AF days and at your next meeting you can say, well i've not drunk for such and such amount of time.
Keeo strong and believe in yourself. You're the only one who can stop you drinking.

[una mas]

I'm miserable.

well that's the National Health Service for you eh?!! bloody ridiculous!! and it is the English way.. just waiting for a person to fail then rush in all helpful like, with plasters, a paracetemol and a stong cup of sweet tea to make themselves feel all good about themselves!! don't you worry it's all about them.. keeps the workers working and not revolting or whatever...!!! Chin up and all that summer.. i tell you what i think the american 'we CAN do it and we WILL do it!!" attitude a much healthier option personally and i'm as english as you like!!! take what they're giving you counselling wise.. when they get it sorted..! as any help is good help wherever you're getting it but most of all the most important person is the real YOU inside your head, the good YOU who knows how determined us Brits can be when it comes down to it .. oh and with a great big dollop of dry british humour to wash it all down with!!! Whistle a happy tune and grab a big cup of tea instead!!!

[kaponium]

I'm miserable.

Yeah, I have to say my relapses have been my very big lessons, we lot seem to have a dam high threshold for this type of pain...but for me - it NEVER got better, always worse. We do have to do the experimenting for ourselves though, as EL says. Thank God for self knowledge though...

[AAthlete]

I'm miserable.

No, it is not inevitable, but neither is sobriety guaranteed.

I'm guessing that relapse prevention therapy helps give you the necessary tools to deal with the urge to drink. Let's face it, life can be a bitch and there are going to be events in it that make a drink sound pretty good (that little voice will tell you that you only need one...).

How you react to and deal with those situations will determine whether you meet your goals or not, so I would encourage you to get everything out of those classes that you can. A good, optimistic attitude going in will do wonders as well, as opposed to why bother if I'm going to relapse anyway...

[kaponium]

I'm miserable.

Totally, AAth...I used to have this kind of crazy fear that a bottle was going to just jump up and pour itself down my throat....I can obsess on it. AA works for me today, some of the slogans... "keep it simple" "First things First" "How Important is it" - I know AA is not for everyone but it sure works for me when I work at it. Misery is optional. Acceptance of people, places and things been a huge and hard lesson for this recovering control-freak!

[summer_holiday]

I'm miserable.

thanks for all your replies. I think you have it right when you say 'obsess on it'!! half of me knows that it is just my evil side getting the better of me. it's just so hard. Who'd have thought those words would cause so much angst lol!!!! Well. No matter. Ignore it. Apparantly, counselling will be good for me, although they say i have to talk about relationships etc. We'll see. She did give me one tip though which i will share with you all: Getting off drink is like learning to ride a bike. First, you have your stabilisers on and so you feel fine. Then, you take them off. You wobble, fall over, hurt yourself etc. Then you get back on and try again. And again. At some point you start to realise that you can ride......then fall off again because you couldn't stop in time enough to avoid a danger. Then, as you get better, you start to be able to ride AND look out for potholes, roads, etc etc. At the time i thought she was talking a load of old rubbish but now reading it back it makes a whole lot of sense lol!!! it is still hard though!

[New Day]

I'm miserable.

SH --- thanks for sharing the bike analogy. That really does make sense and describes many of our journeys to getting AL under control. I hope I learn to ride my "AF bike" real soon!

[kaponium]

I'm miserable.

Yeah - great analogy! Thing is - no matter how many times we wobble, riding that bike is the goal - and when you can do in confidently with no hands, well, it has been worth the wobbles and falls. All best, keep positive, tell negative drinking thoughts (out loud if necessary) to *#&! OFF!!!

[una mas]

I'm miserable.

yeah that's a really good way of putting it!! i've still got my stabilisers on AND someone holding me... and that's everyone on here!!
being online has really helped me banish The Urge... next step is to start putting my thoughts into actions and see how we go... anyone got any crash mats... just in case...!!!!

[BecomingMeAtLast]

I'm miserable.

Hey summer,

My brother was heavily into crack and AL. He tried to kill himself. When he went into recovery he was told a relaspse was inevitable.

He'll be 4 years drug and AL free on Dec. 3rd.

Don't give up.
Be