Im everhopeful, Im 20 years old, married to a wonderful Indian man and we have a beautiful daughter together, who i might add is my life. I first came to india at 16, got engaged, turned 17 in india,married at 18 and had daughter at 18. WOW i've been busy LOL.
I have been batteling drinking for quite some time since a young(er) age. I used to drink with my mother whom at the time was abusive and drinking with her was the only real time we were ok together,with the exception of some times when she binged and she turned into someone i didnt know.
I was 16 when i started to drink and that was a nightly occasion, I liked it as the stress of home life became easier to tolerate. I did fine though with it, i could take it or leave it. It wasnt until about a year ago that things got really tough. I had to leave my husband in india so i could give birth in america as i was very sick. Things got very very ugly with my mom, But i have always been a suck up to her and ended up staying with her. Again the drinking started but this time i wasnt so silly or nice when i got buzzed or drunk. I started saying everything i had been feeling for years and started drinking so much i always has horrible shakes. So i drank more to stop the shakes and it just got out of control.
Im way way past that now and i have gotten better with my husbands support BUT I cant stand the shame i feel for the things i did,said, and how i must have looked. So im hopeing that talking to good people like all of you will help me heal further. God bless and stay strong!
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