DAY ONE OF THE EVEREST EXPEDITION

[maddiva]

To inform those who care I have gone one day AF. Am still in base camp and getting my strategies in place to stick to my goals. Was tested today in the form of 'toxic' people, now generally, they tend to make me want to go and get 'blind' drunk. But I did not. I just came home, felt like crying and am reclusing. I am still feeling very ill from this weekends, totally unpredicted, binge!!!! Have not stepped foot on the great mountain. Am just sitting in my tent at base camp. Went to my psychologist today as it was decided that I may have post traumatic stress disorder, just from being bloody born!!! Had have a few 'weird' life experiences which have left me kind of shell shocked. I do at times feel like I have been in a war!! she is really a good psychologist and we discussed my everest climb. She liked the philosophy and is in the tent with me now and for the next 12 weeks when we can review. She is teaching me coping strategies. Low Self Esteem seems to be raising it's ugly head. Any of you have low self esteem?? Lack of confidence?? Awkwardness, that you thought was removed if you drank, but it never was it just made the situation 150% worse!! If ever any of you get the chance do find a good psychologist, I would recommend it. You seem to look at how you arrived at this place in your life. So hope you are all doing well. She thinks that I did not have the basic fundamentals of a structured parental role and that is some of my problem. I have survived in a haphazard way, hence my erratic and sometimes disgusting behaviour when drunk (never sober!!!). So my wishes and regards are sent to you all in this ongoing battle of the booze. We shall conquer the foe.:h

[kriger]

DAY ONE OF THE EVEREST EXPEDITION

Mad,
Glad to see you are "up to the task" today and ready to climb that mountain. It does seem like a mountain sometimes to get through life without booze. Best to you on your quest! Krigs

[vlad]

DAY ONE OF THE EVEREST EXPEDITION

Hey there Mads, good to see you!

[Guest]

DAY ONE OF THE EVEREST EXPEDITION

Good luck to you Maddiva, seems like your taking all the right steps towords your goal.

[IAD]

DAY ONE OF THE EVEREST EXPEDITION

The hell with the mountains, give me the Bush....Ha! Sorry Ladies. IAD.

[maddiva]

DAY ONE OF THE EVEREST EXPEDITION

SPECIAL THANK YOU TO LIMERS

Thank you, I appreciate that you are a 'lady'. Bit scared but I shall get there eventually. All these mistakes are towards the process of getting it right. EVENTUALLY. No more posts when drunk!!! That should be a start!!!!!!!!!!! Much love sent to you:h

[A Work in Progress]

DAY ONE OF THE EVEREST EXPEDITION

Good going, Maddie! Lots of us here have similar histories, raised in alcoholic families, perhaps, with less than ideal (to say the least!) parental modeling and care... It's great that you are seeing a good psychologist! Keep climbing!

[kaponium]

DAY ONE OF THE EVEREST EXPEDITION

Hiya Mads, nicde to hear from you .... how are you going today? I am doing ok, but it is only 8.12am here lol. Sometimes people tell me to take it one day at a time, well - damnation - one second at a time was my night last night, what with wayward teenagers, coppers, mad friends (whom I love dearly!) etc....but did I pick up a drink!!!???? No, I FU**ING well DID NOT. So ha!ha!ha! alcoholism - ya didn't get me. How you doing? Spongebob sends hugs!

Hi all other mountaineers
__________________
*Serenity is the calm WITHIN the storm*

[maddiva]

DAY ONE OF THE EVEREST EXPEDITION

IAD

Now that is not EVEREST is it?? Mind you it looks lovely and I wish I was sat on top of the mountain instead of at base camp. Keep smiling

[maddiva]

DAY ONE OF THE EVEREST EXPEDITION

DEAR KAPONIUM

Well done you for not succumbing to the evil drink devil!!!! Have done one day. WOW!! I once did 7 years without so much as a cigarette then went on this major binge that is just about coming to its end. I know I can do it - it is to do with the correct frame of mind. And of course the correct climbing gear. Well, it is 7.20pm here in dark, cold London. Teenagers!!!!! I have two of the things. It is like living with schizophrenics. One minute they are happy, one minute they are punching my door panels out because they have got sauce on their pretty white t-shirts!!!! Then demanding Christmas Presents!!!!!!!!!!!! and of course I am their emotional punchbag and sometimes, particularly when you are a person and you are trying your best it gets darned hard. I have teenage boys and I am not sure which are more trying, boys or girls. I love them really, when they are not punching my doors out they have the ability to make me laugh. What is it like in New Zealand. Wow - what a place to live. I bet it is mega-hot. My legs are still freezing from walking the dogs in the muddy field next to my house. Roll on Summer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[IAD]

DAY ONE OF THE EVEREST EXPEDITION

I smile for you Maddiva ! Ha! IAD.

[maddiva]

DAY ONE OF THE EVEREST EXPEDITION

TO WIP

Thanks, it was at your advise that I do this. Thank you!!!!!! Yes, families. All my real family are chronic alcoholics, dying to the thing. Dad died of it, mother locked up because of it and sister murdered due to hanging out with such bad people due to her being so off her face. That spurs me on. Cos they are so dysfunctional it beggars belief. Yet they drink and my brother drinks brandy like it is wine. I have never seen anything like it. Even I felt sick and when I kept horses he slept in my car still drunk from the nightbefore, at the stables. It was like a 'freak show' coming to town, my fellow stable goers kept on going to my car just to look at him comatosed. I then joined him afterwards in the pub as he needed that drink to get back to normal. Needless to say I have banned him, and the rest of them. Cos they do not want to change. They love it. Getting drunk, fighting is what keeps them going. They only ever converse with me when they are so drunk. I think finding your own identity is the hardest thing. But I have my boots on and am still at base, but planning and that it appears may be the key.

[maddiva]

DAY ONE OF THE EVEREST EXPEDITION

OH IAD I LOVE THE DONKEY. I WANT ONE. MY BEAUTIFUL HORSE FLASH. A CREMELLO USED TO LAUGH WHEN HE WAS GETTING HIS FOOD. SADLY BOTH MY HORSES HAD TO BE EUTHANIZED THIS YEAR. I DRANK A BOTTLE OF WHISKY AFTERWARDS AND WAS TOTALLY BEREFT WITH GRIEF. THEY WERE MY BEST MATES. HOW SAD AM I??????????

[maddiva]

DAY ONE OF THE EVEREST EXPEDITION

ONE2MANY

They hung her, cut her throat, stabbed her forty times, inserted a toy gun in her vagina carved numbers on her body, removed body parts from her then used her blood to write on the walls of her apartment and guess what?? The police do not give a stuff! She was a drunk and they figure it was her lifestyle that led to that demise. Not acceptable and as I have been drunk ever since, communicating with the Police has been somewhat difficult. They have never even interviewed me and she told me she was going to be murdered ten months before she was. I lost so much faith. I find it very hard to fathom out how people can get away with it. I would never so much hurt a fly. so I cannot get my head around it. People like that roam our streets. Me being this little irate person, got drunk one day and went over to someones home who I believe strongly to be involved smashed his windows up and got a criminal record that means I can no longer nurse. How about that for justice??? Still. I do believe 100% in KARMA so I am not worried really. She is free now and at peace, I hope. They will be judged accordingly as justice, I do believe is divine. Sorry if it is too graphic for you. I am just explaining what a shite arse system is in place. Shocking!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE DON'T LET THIS DEPRESS YOU!!! THAT IS NOT MY POINT!!!! I assure you I am fighting for justice. She was a really bad drunk. She married a millionaire (never advisable) and was really beautiful, once but she drank and by the end of her life she was even drinking cough mixture out of my medicine cabinet. I was shocked by it and tried to get her help but she being she did not want it. She could not see any error to her ways. Any wonder I got drunk!!!!!!!!!!!! Well no more cos me being drunk has let those scoundrels get away with it long enough. Me being sober is the biggest mark of respect I can make for my sister. And the biggest 'fuck you' to her killers. Honestly people are nasty. When Hannibal the Cannibal enters your life and not via the television screen I assure you the nightmare has just begun. I am strong and I will win. I belong to a group called SAMMS support after murder and manslaughter and honestly what you hear would make you cringe. We go for tea and biscuits at Scotland Yard with murder detectives and boy do we give them shit. LOL

[IAD]

DAY ONE OF THE EVEREST EXPEDITION

One... can't you get some drawers on Santa ! Ha! Maddiva.......My daughter is getting ready to go to college to be a Vet. ( Horses ) Maybe I'll move out with here to Colorado (Ranch) and live their ! Ha!. IAD.