I get so annoyed when I get home, hope to spend a few minutes to myself on this forum, learning and reading... He always seems to want to know what I'm doing and tries to read what I'm typing - I find it so distracting to have to toggle back and forth between other sites just to have a little privacy. This is MY attempt at recovery and I don't trust him yet. He is supportive, but in a different kind of way. This is so personal to me. My analogy is that my husband is driving a speed boat, I'm in tow on a tiny very unstable tube, hanging on for dear life with all the whips and turns he throws at me - I end up falling off a lot, only to have him chastise me for my failure to keep it together. I feel like this site is a lifeline - a bigger inner tube! and my only honest one right now. So it annoys me that I can't seem to have anything private. I am enjoying this solace.
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Can't stand HB looking over my shoulder all the time...
Hi Motoxgal
Oh God that must be really annoying!
I don't really know what to suggest...I agree in that I prefer my time here is my time spent and nothing to do with my OH, but he does not look over my shoulder either, because my PC is located in a place that if he did try he would look pretty silly, and it is my PC, noy 'our' PC.
Couldn't you change the room round to make it hard for him- or if you are on a laptop just pointedly close the lid when he begins? Its difficult to approach because if you ask him outright not to look at what you are looking at he is likely to think you are having an affair or something!
Hope you find a solution! -
Can't stand HB looking over my shoulder all the time...
I do the same thing toggling between web sites, more so because of my children are always tying to peak in. I haven't told anyone about this site yet, just not ready.
TwosoxComment
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Can't stand HB looking over my shoulder all the time...
I don't really think it is anyone else's business- for me some things are best kept private.Comment
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Can't stand HB looking over my shoulder all the time...
This is where laptops come in handy
Although my o/h probably wonders why I need the laptop as well as shower gel, shampoo in the bathroom....?I am playing all the right notes... But not necessarily in the right order.....?
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Can't stand HB looking over my shoulder all the time...
with Marbella comes wisdom. I aint married, but I do know what you mean about your solace. Sometimes you need a secret army...............:hComment
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Can't stand HB looking over my shoulder all the time...
Mo-
I understand, my laptop is right in my living rrom at the end of the couch. Whenever one of us is on it there is usually someone sitting next to you. When I am on I simply tell the kids that I'm doing something private. My hubby is uysually on the PC working but as soon as he lays down to watch tv for the evening he doesnt move to much. I was never on the computer at home so much as when I first came here, when I was he wanted to know what I was doing. I just told him I was "keeping myself busy so I don't wanna drink tonight". That worked. Now I am usually on only when I have time at work and when he is not at home.:teeter:JAMMS
"I'm safe.. up high...no one can touch me...why do I feel this party's over?...."
"no pain..inside...you're my protection...how do I feel this good SOBER?!"Comment
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Can't stand HB looking over my shoulder all the time...
I'm in agreement with everyone here ---- I'm doing this privately as well, and not willing to share my struggle with my husband. I don't want to admit to him that I have a problem with alcohol. .... so I'd like to overcome this on my own ... or rather with the help of the wonderful people here..... I haven't been able to do it on my own.
As to how to get some private time, I'm afraid I don't have any solutions. That makes it very difficult to be sure.Comment
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Can't stand HB looking over my shoulder all the time...
We have a small office attached to our master bedroom and the desk portion is built in against the far wall with drawer's on the sides, so - the computer screen is viewable right as soon as you walk in (that position does help when my son uses it, at least at a passing glance I can see if there are clothed or otherwise bodies on the screen!) I have thought about getting a lap top for Christmas, lots of reasonable ones out there, but budget is tight, same as everyone else's. I'll just have to keep being sneaky, until I get sick of it and say something about his curiosities and my lack of privacy. I think it's VERY obvious to my husband about my alcoholism, there's no denying that, and we've briefly talked about my stopping, but not my solutions at this point. According to my counselor, I actually drink because I can't cope with him and our various other marital issues, I run from my problems, I numb myself until I can't feel the pain any longer, then I come home and cope...drinking. At times, it seems easier than facing them head on, gosh what a can of worms that would be! Weighing both on the scale - drinking is easier. I'm sure most here can relate to that. My counselor is a behavioral specialist and he is very good. It's nice to actually have help pointing out exactly what drives my behaviors and why - things that I can't seem to see anymore after 23 years of marriage.Comment
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Can't stand HB looking over my shoulder all the time...
I always think that a recovery program is best accomplished with maximum possible openness... partners and spouses always know when we are abusing alcohol, and so it seems only fair, and a potential benefit, to say that we are working on an online recovery program, and that it requires some time spent on the computer, and privacy, and time to think, uninterrupted.
You could announce in advance that you are going to be on the computer for 30 minutes doing recovery-related stuff, and ask for his cooperation in not barging in OR looking over your shoulder? If he won't agree to that... well, that's not a good thing...
And even if you feel you can't tell him (or her) that, how about just making it a no-negotiation rule that nobody (the adults, I mean) is ever allowed to look over anybody else's shoulder, because it is intrusive and annoying?
Maybe your counselor has ideas for other solutions, too...
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