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[maddiva]

Yesterday was day one and when i began to post i had not drunk. I have to be honest, cos if I am not, I will never recover. As the evening progressed I descended into bad ways. got my wine and drank. Don't know why - I just did. But I must go for a short while as I really do try to get better and so that I can say to you all Maddiva has had one AF week. That is all I want. Right now to be able to say this to you all and really have done it not kidded myself and I am sure you wise bunnies will have guessed. It is a bit like this when I am sober I seldom use the telephone. When I drink, I am never off it. I guess it must be the same for a forum and this is the first forum I have ever entered into in my life. I don't usually chat to those I do not know, but as you cannot see me and I the same it seems easier. But if I lie to you - I have failed. It has taken me a lot to be honest. But I wanted to be so you could see where I am. I have not given up my climb of everest am still in base camp. The mountain looks pretty daunting to me. Well here goes and love and light to you all. One day I hope you can all find it in your hearts to forgive my rancid postings and erratic behaviour. Is that not the curse of the afflicted? Now I am off to paint and walk very slowly through this wilderness. Wait for the week when I say it cos it is coming. THERE MY TRUTH............................:h

[Guitarista]

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Lot's of love and light to you too Maddiva. And thanks for your post. G.

[vlad]

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Thanks for posting Mads, keep trying!

[savon19]

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Madds - I think you should post on the ODAT thread... Don't think in terms of one Week, think of one Day.

Just do one day... ONE. You can do it - and you'll feel proud of yourself!

It's very hard to break a habit, any habit... it takes time & effort. The effort part can be... what keeps us from trying, but when we do - it's a good thing!

[DeeBee]

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Good on you for being honest -- that takes guts!! It was and still is a huge part of my journey to be honest.

[brittzak]

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Honey keep climbing.............I got a mountain myself. Maybe we should compare and climb someday...

[notevergivingup]

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Maddiva, you will make it, but remember to take it one day at a time, that is what I do! That is great your being honest, not always easy to do!

Twosox

[bloggy]

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Hi Madds

sometimes in the beginning I think even one day at a time can be too much and we have to split it into segments- I know I will not drink for the next 2 hours as I am off to get my hair cut now- etc etc, and before we know it it is bedtime.

If cravings come on bad later I will tell myself I can maybe have one after eating a big meal (I never feel like drinking after eating) and so on.

Before you know it, the day is over, and you are tired, really tired, not just drunk tired, and it's time for bed.

Wishing you all the best for today.

[maddiva]

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Thank you to all. You all so understand. I think Marbella you made an important point. Eating. If I eat, I never feel like drinking. Instead of cooking a wholesome dish, I reach for the wine. Easy and fatal. How can you get so fat if you don't eat and just drink? I don't scoff burgers, chips or the like. I am wholesome and moderate. Yet drink has made me fat? Why????? I can be sociable in a restaurant type setting when food is served and drink an aside. Also, I never get drunk in those type of situations. It is me being on my own, lots to do. one glass of wine. Happy days then by the end of it sad days. Before long I am paraletic, abusing anyone and everyone. A total waste of space. Cos, I am - kindness aside. I am the nastiest, vilest human I know when very drunk. It is so horrid. OK may not have had the easiest of times, but that is no excuse. So- have just spoken to my eldest son for an hour and he is a good egg and finding life difficult too. So for him, if not for me, I must do this. He is at his dads till I get a grip on this. He comes back on Friday. So I look forward to that. one day at a time. This everest lark is so darned hard. It's raining today and I am about to watch THE CHANGELING with Angelina Jolie. So goodbye horrid weather. LOVE AND LIGHT TO ALL:thanks:

[Heavenly]

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well done, I know you can do it ...

[maddiva]

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hEAVENLY - i CANNOT WAIT UNTIL i SAY TO YOU ALL i HAVE DONE 20 MONTHS!!!!!!!! YOU INSPIRE ME. TRULY, YOU DO. HOW THE BLOODY HELL HAVE YOU DONE THAT? IT IS NEARLY TWO YEARS. LET ME KNOW YOUR SECRET.:h

[cymru]

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You can do this maddiva. I cannot seem to put together more than a week or 2 at the mo, though i did 37 days in august and have gone nearly 5 years before. It c.an be done. Im back on day 2, but im determined to do this, or by next Christmas ill be dead. We must look for peace of mind, and start liking ourselves again for a change. Do you have financial worries? I only ask cause i do, and find it a massive trigger. Gotta start dealing with these financial worries one by one, and i know my mind will be in a better place, which will be huge to me getting better.
All the best.

[Cinders]

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Maddiva,

Heavenly's secret is for all to see. One day at a time. (Like Marby said, sometimes it is one hour at a time, we can all do an hour, we can.)

The first day is the hardest, the next a little less, and from there.

You can do this. Get your boy back with you so you can have some company that loves you. Get sober.

Love,
Cindi

[A Work in Progress]

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Maddie, you say you were not eating, and that is a key... and it raises the question: do you have a plan as to how to proceed with this? A good plan is essential, and it should always include eating regularly and making good choices about food.

The way I look at it, recovery at MWO should be see as just like putting yourself into rehab. If you go into rehab, your life is structured around recovery, learning and talking (or writing, and posting, in this case) about recovery and about ourselves; and making healthy choices (eating right, sleeping right, getting some recreation). As nearly as possible, we need to structure ourselves just as if we were our own rehab directors, and use MWO as a resource. Re-read the "tool box" thread and look at the post about how to create your own plan for recovery. That will help you a lot, and save you a lot of grief.

And thank you for being honest.... that is a HUGE step in a very good direction!

wip

[KateH1]

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Maddie, I think that you are making more progress than you think! You are, after all, THINKING and making connections as to why and when you tend to drink. That is a huge step! You are also getting very Honest with Yourself, we are just a vehicle to help you get there! I really encourage you to join an ODAT thread here. It helps to be part of a group that is at the same place that you are. Honest, beging part of a group really helps! When I was climbing my mountain, I found a group here and I grabbed hands and we walked through it all together. I attribute, part of my near year of sobriety to this website, the book, using the tools and being part of a group that understood every step I was taking as we were all taking those same steps at the same time.

Keep working at this, you can do it!
Kate