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[AAthlete]

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Maddiva, the saying goes "the truth will set you free." I fully believe that, as honestly not only with others but with ourselves is a huge first step (as a matter of fact it is the very first step in AA).

If we can be honest, then we can start understanding why we do some of the things that we do. I used to lie to myself to justify my drinking, and only when I accepted what I truly was did I start making progress.

[caysea]

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Hi Diva
There are many options in regards to tools to help you deal with al.In one of my other attempts to deal with this I discussed the problem with my Dr.He recommended antabuse to help me in the start.Much info on this site about pro and con of antabuse.It had helped me break the hold al had on me .Unfortunately at that time I thought I could mod.I stooped the antabuse but only wound up back at square one.This time I just did cold turkey but was armed with more info and experience.MWO is a great help but also arm yourself with what you may feel is right for you from other programs.
I used the same approach in regards to climbing Mt. Everest as my motivation, one slip and you are dead . It also demands you rely on other people to succeed .When I saw you were logging of for a week the outcome did not surprise me.One step at a time one min at a time.As I was told when I first came here this is the most important thing in your life .That is the way to look at this problem because it really is life or death.Just like the climb.

Stay Healthy and Keep Fighting
AF 5-16-08

[Boss.man]

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Madd, two thoughts:

Diets produce cravings. Don't try to diet and eliminate AL at the same time. It's better to gain a few pounds to lose the addiction. In particular, complex carbs are good for both. You know, the brown rice, whole wheat, oatmeal, group.

Second, the mountain is NOT daunting. Lots of people walk up the mountain every day. All you need to do is take it one step at a time.

A key point in mountain climbing, which I know a lot about. If at high altitude, or on a steep slope, or both, you have to physically regulate your breathing and motion. Your body won't do it for you. Your natural systems don't handle high altitude air or long-term physical exertion.

So you start counting, one step, and two breaths. One step and two breaths. If you are on flatland you would find this idiotic. But this is how you climb mountains. Very, very slowly. One step, two breaths.

One step at a time. If you have to clench your chair for two days, that's still a significant peak accomplished. And all it takes is a few days to break the hold.

[Jas56]

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Boss.man;483504 wrote: Madd, two thoughts:

Diets produce cravings. Don't try to diet and eliminate AL at the same time. It's better to gain a few pounds to lose the addiction. In particular, complex carbs are good for both. You know, the brown rice, whole wheat, oatmeal, group.

Second, the mountain is NOT daunting. Lots of people walk up the mountain every day. All you need to do is take it one step at a time.

A key point in mountain climbing, which I know a lot about. If at high altitude, or on a steep slope, or both, you have to physically regulate your breathing and motion. Your body won't do it for you. Your natural systems don't handle high altitude air or long-term physical exertion.

So you start counting, one step, and two breaths. One step and two breaths. If you are on flatland you would find this idiotic. But this is how you climb mountains. Very, very slowly. One step, two breaths.

One step at a time. If you have to clench your chair for two days, that's still a significant peak accomplished. And all it takes is a few days to break the hold.

Thanks Boss.man - I find your words so sincere and helpful. Do you ever slide down the mountain? I was v. proud of myself for a while when I was on I believe Day 6 or 7 and then I crashed and did not post - read though but couldn't begin to admit that I was starting AGAIN - feelings of failure!

Maddie - Proud of you....I couldn't quite manage a post here saying that I had fallen off again...:upset: - good for you on getting up and starting up again!

[I'm ova it!]

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Hi there,

I'm ugly when I drink too. Seen pictures of myself and been told that I am a wasted space. I lose hours of memories. It's my kids too, I love them and want to be AL free for them. Be nice to love myself too and be proud to go places.....

[maddiva]

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ALL POINTS HAVE BEEN TAKEN SERIOUSLY

Well it is Wednesday now (I think!!) and my mood has become very serious. Are we heavy drinkers rather precarious with our moods? I know I am. I did wonder if I had a personality disorder. My doctor assures me I do not. So I guess I am just human, with a drink problem. Cymru, like everyone at this moment in time I have to be frugal with my spending, and am just bobbing along. The wolves are never far from my door but I am keeping them away and honouring my bills. I have the capablities of making more money, but I have to get a grip on the drinking would make all aspects of my life easier and manageable. WIP thanks for the advice on DIY REHAB I was doing that and was doing quite well, but I feel very fragile and when my son kicked off and went to his dads, I was strong at first and then self doubt crept in so did that bottle or rather five of chardonnay. Really it is about me not getting too affected by others. In Rehab are you not removed from people and left to deal with yourself? Being a mum is not the easiest of feats and I do think sober I am a fair mum, I certainly try my best and needs are met. Plus, their father is not really my best friend, although he does pretend he is. I guess it is about being strong and saying 'look do you mind leaving me alone?' and meaning it but most of all seeing it through. BOSS MAN AND CAYSEA i fully understand your points and will endeavour to look at the mountain as a challenge and not a daunting task!!! Anyway I am not drinking today. Do not want it and will not do it. I know this for sure. I felt so ill yesterday, like I had been dragged through a hedge backwards and then smashed over the head with a mallet. ROUGH. So I reclused and watched PRIDE AND PREJUDICE - nothing like a period costume drama with a happy ending to fill my heart with joy. I never really know where to post these things and I shall post it here. I am counting this as DAY3 with day one and two encountering serious setbacks!!!! EACH ONE OF YOU WHO HAS TAKEN THE TIME AND EFFORT TO POST TO ME HAS HELPED ME. EACH ONE HAS MADE SUCH A VALID POINT TO ME.

WHERE ARE THE TOOL BOX THREADS??? ALSO THE ONE DAY AT A TIME, IS IT ME, AM I ENTIRELY THICK BUT I DO SEEM TO HAVE PROBLEMS LOCATING THESE THINGS. SHALL GIVE IT A GO TODAY. LOVE AND LIGHT TO YOU ALL:thanks::h:l

[vlad]

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I think Toolbox is a sticky under Just Starting Out.

[vlad]

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Oh maybe not.

[vlad]

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Ah sorry - Monthly Abstainance!

[maddiva]

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THANKYOU VLAD. WILL GO AND FIND THAT NOW.....................:h

[cymru]

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And one day at a time is under ODAT Wednsday etc, under the just starting out section. Have a good day Maddy and enjoy your soberness.

[neurogenic]

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Hi Maddiva and everyone else,

this thread has beed great. Maddiva Im here because it has finally dawned on me that I am the most evil vile bitch when I drink, and that I am nice person when I dont. So I have to try and kick it. I have lost a good friend on my last binge and the person who matters most in my life is not speaking to me. Not sure if they can forgive me once more. This makes me most sad and lonely and at the same time gives me a certain sense of motivation. I have to do this, I dont have a choice. I think the point that somebody raised earlier about not just one day at a time is valid, one hour, one afternoon, one sleep at time. Anything that can keep us going.

Keep going, your honesty touched me,

Neuro

[maddiva]

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oh neurogenic, so you are like me. Honestly, I am shocked at what I become. My son taped me in 'action' on his mobile phone. It shocked me. I thought 'that is it - never again' then lo and behold, same nutter appeared a week later!!!! I have just been researching topamax which I did not even realize I could get. Now I am considering getting some of that. That is why I absolutely loathe alcohol. It distorts who and what I am. Well, I am going to sort this out. Have just read the Roberta Jowell story. My god it has only taken me ages to do all this. I guess it is a long, slow road to recovery.

CYMRU - THANK YOU FOR YOUR WISHES. I AM DRINKING TEA LIKE IT IS GOING OUT OF FASHION!!!!!!!!!!!! AND I HOPE YOU HAVE A GOOD SOBER DAY ALSO.:h

[maddiva]

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I FOUND THE TOOL BOX THREAD AND GUESS WHAT? I HAD BEEN ON IT BEFORE, BUT MUST HAVE BEEN DRUNK, COS I HAD POSTED ON THERE AND DID NOT EVEN REMEMBER!!! NOW I AM EVEN MORE SHOCKED BY ME.:H HOW STUPID AM I????

[vlad]

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maddiva;484394 wrote: I FOUND THE TOOL BOX THREAD AND GUESS WHAT? I HAD BEEN ON IT BEFORE, BUT MUST HAVE BEEN DRUNK, COS I HAD POSTED ON THERE AND DID NOT EVEN REMEMBER!!! NOW I AM EVEN MORE SHOCKED BY ME.:H HOW STUPID AM I????

I found a post I'd typed that I couldn't remember posting and I was sober when I did it. Thought for ages someone had hacked into my account and was pretending to be me, I even changed my password...