I LIED

[maddiva]

I LIED

VLAD - YOU HAVE MADE ME LAUGH :H:goodjob: it appeals to my warped sense of humour. I shall chuckle about that!!!!!

[vlad]

I LIED

Yeah, I felt pretty stupid when I finally did realise. I have of course done things drunk and not remembered though...

...like driving to work.
After working for a couple of hours I sobered up at 11.00am and thought, 'How did I get here?' and had to go out on break to check whether I'd driven or not and where I'd parked the car.

[maddiva]

I LIED

OMG YOU ARE SO FUNNY. YEARS AGO WHEN I SMOKED CANNABIS. I SMOKED IT LIKE IT WAS GOING OUT OF FASHION. THEN SOME FRIENDS CAME TO STAY AT MY HOME AND I REALIZED ALL MY CANNABIS HAD GONE. INSTEAD OF ME THINKING I HAD SMOKED IT. I BECAME CONVINCED THAT MY GUESTS HAD NICKED IT. SO WHEN WE ALL WENT TO BED (NOT TOGETHER I MAY ADD!!!) I WAITED AND WHEN I HEARD LAUGHTER COMING FROM THEIR ROOM I PROCEEDED TO CRAWL ON THE LANDING AND PUT MY EAR TO THE DOOR AND I WAS EVEN MORE CONVINCED AT THIS POINT THEY WERE BUILDING JOINTS OUT OF MY CANNABIS. IMAGINE MY HORROR WHEN THE DOOR OPENED AND I WAS THERE IN MY KNICKERS LYING ON THE FLOOR. IT WAS VERY EMBARRASSING AND FORTUNATELY THEY KNEW ME OF OLD AND SAID 'LOOK WE HAVEN'T GOT IT!!!' AND YOU KNOW WHAT THEY HADN'T IT WAS ME AND MY PARANOIA? fORTUNATELY I NO LONGER SMOKE THE STUFF. BUT THAT SORT OF THING HAPPENS TO ME ALL THE TIME AND I AM CRYING WITH LAUGHTER NOW AS I RECALL THE SCENE. I THINK THEY THOUGHT I WAS A PERVERT!!!! THEY NEVER CAME BACK TO STAY AGAIN AND THAT FRIENDSHIP JUST FIZZLED OUT.:H

[vlad]

I LIED

I used to smoke cannabis a little but never really got into it, was more interested in just being drunk. Any high that killed my drunkeness made me angry. Someone gave me speed once, they regretted it.

[maddiva]

I LIED

Well I was an ardent drug user and I am ashamed to say that to some degree. Moving down south I stopped. Thank god, cos it did get quite bad and was very costly!!!! but when i began to drink alcohol i used it the same as the drugs frequently. it never dawned on me that you know i had a 'substance abuse' problem. It was my way of life. Now i just need to figure out why i have to be off my face and then i am free. have a good day vlad. you are funny....................

[gyco]

I LIED

hi mad,just by you getting on here talking is a big change for you,even if you cant see us,tht is one of the 1st steps towards sobriety,i dont normally quote AA philosify,just for reading purposes,as ive told a few here you can find the book free of charge on line,all 4 copies,dont even hav to have the book in yur house,i tend to take the 1st step, which actually is 2 steps,you come to an understanding were powerless over alchohol,tht is the hardest step of all,we tend to deceive ourselves this why we keep trying, to beat AL,most do not succeed and fall on there faces again,as fars as rehab,until youve been there youll never no,i can say tht,ive been there,and i will deal with it for the rest of my life,actually i feel very honoured talking about this with you cause i wish you well and hope you never have to find out what rehab is like,just somthing i want to share with you and the many other freinds i hope ive made here,yesterday the medical person from work said i didnt have to send letters telling them of my sobriety,i was sober or without AL for 10 months,this is somthing that most companies desire of you after going to a health facility,i find tht ive succeeded in understanding AL being in there,and also being here,the second part of the 1st step is admitting yur alchoholic,tht i find is the tuffy,not alll of us are,tht also is explained in the book,i usually go back to what i was tot as a child by drinking parents in the 50 s,we are our own liquoir control board,and you tht you could ramble,hahaha,gyco

[maddiva]

I LIED

thank you Gyco. I think I have finally admitted it. I also have found my sense of humour, which is really important to me. I like to laugh and drinking was making me really miserable. I doubt I will get to rehab, it is rather difficult to do that here without masses of money and I think that even if I did, I would still have to deal with life afterwards. So it is my first step. many thanks:h

[cymru]

I LIED

I was the same with the weed. I stopped about 6 months ago after smoking it pure for years. Also did alot of coke at one point, which is when my drinking got out of control. How i can still think straight still amazes me!

[maddiva]

I LIED

DEAR CYMRU: I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN. I SAT IN MY BATH THIS MORNING, CHUCKLING TO MYSELF.......... AND I AM SURPRISED I AM NOT DEAD. GOD YOU NEVER REALIZE HOW MUCH YOU DESTROY YOURSELF UNTIL YOU CONSCIOUSLY DECIDE TO STOP. AND YEP STILL AF.............................YEARS AGO SOLD MY CAR AS I HAD NO MONEY AND SPENT EVERY SINGLE PENNY ON DRUGS!!!!!!!!!!////////////////doh!!!!!!

[Three F's]

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Hi Maddiva, Wow............what a lovely and honest person you are! Just been reading thru your past threads! It takes sheer GUTS for us to admit we have a problem with alchol! and admitting to others is even worse. But here, we're all strangers in the same boat! I admire you for coming clean in your 'I lied' post............that was very courageous of you. I've had this bloody 'bottle problem' for years now and can't for the life of me get rid of it! So please don't feel guilty in any way. You sound a lot more positive since your 1st posting and long may it continue. But don't worry if you 'slip up' again. Just keep on coming back here for support. I've not been able to say 'no' to the cravings myself tonight and am on my 2nd glass!!!!!!!! Every morning I promise myself that my AF will day start, but it NEVER DOES!!! So you're not alone believe me! Hope you're doing much better than I am tonight. All the very best to you X

[maddiva]

I LIED

Dear Three F's. Thank you for that support. It is easier to be honest on a forum where people do not know me. Cyber-honesty!!!! Plus, I will only be lying to myself. I think I have had a problem for many years on various substances and should have realized long before now. One day the party had to end!!!! I would rather be alive and enjoying life. I have not drunk today and did not really crave. As I get older it takes such a long time to recover from each binge. However, I am now beginning to navigate myself around this website and am thinking of buying some topamax, certainly not Antabuse!!! too scared of that one, but seemingly that topamax has helped many people. I hope I don't slip again as it really was beginning to get me down. And tomorrow is a new day. I want my sons to respect me and getting sober is really the only way. Also, I want to respect myself. :thanks::l Good luck to you also

[gyco]

I LIED

way to go mad you will find a way,it takes time but were here o r i am for you gyco

[maddiva]

I LIED

Gyco - many thanks.......... that was a short ramble..............ha ha:H Are you English ?because a ramble is when you go out walking on these long walks 'ramblers'. Guess who is going rambling with my son on Sunday??? Me................ Any way I think it is good to ramble whether walking or chatting, it does one good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[neurogenic]

I LIED

Maddiva and Vlad,

you both made me laugh, first time this week, and really needed it, probably let out a huge whale size bit of anxiety that was pent up inside me. Seriously, Im waiting til my colleagues at work ask me ofr the funny website! Not that any of those stories were funny, but I think what has got us here and our warped sense of humour go hand and hand, maybe we can use this positively.

Madd, lets hope yours and my nutter friends have buggered off , not on a vacation together, but fallen into a massive crater, full of steaming hot ashes and totally dry!

To everyone else on this thread, I am getting so much out of it, thanks,

Neuro

[maddiva]

I LIED

Neurogenic, glad we made you laugh. Laughter is a good medicine and one we all need. I stopped laughing for sometime and now I have decided to become sober am seeing the funny side to things. Not that I want to ever go there again.

Yes, let us hope that our nutty friends have gone to space in a rocket.

So keep smiling, be happy and if you can laugh......................:H