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**savon19** · December 7, 2008, 07:11 AM

IS THERE ANYONE OUT THERE WHO CAN UNDERSTAND?

While I don't know about post natal depression, I DO know about depression, and I would imagine there's not much difference other than the cause...

Are you also getting any therapy? Talking with someone may help you work out some issues or whatever that meds alone can't do...

Although I don't take the supplements such as Topomax that some here do, many swear by them, saying it really helps with the urges. Maybe someone who takes it will respond & let you know more about that. (Not sure about interaction w/anti-depressant, tho...)

It sounds like you WANT to quit this cycle, so that's the first step. I think it's all about "baby steps". Try quitting just for ONE night. Then try Two... Join the ODAT thread (one day at a time)...

If you let yourself go long enough to see that you'll start feeling better (plus, your anti-depressants will probably work better!)... it can give you the inspiration to try for longer periods of time.

As many have said, the longer you go, the less you "obsess" about alcohol. And IF you drink, you don't tend to go right back to drinking every day (at least w/me!). I'm in this 4-5 day pattern... but it's still better than drinking every day.

I also like the REWARD system! I don't know your financial situation, but I would imagine that with 2 kids, you probably don't buy nice things often for yourself. When I go AF for a few days or longer, I "reward" myself with a little something - could just be a new lipstick. Justify it thinking of money I've saved by Not buying alcohol!!

Hang in there, Seto, and keep posting & reading.

**gyco** · December 7, 2008, 07:11 AM

IS THERE ANYONE OUT THERE WHO CAN UNDERSTAND?

HI SETO,i to suffered fromm depression,i call it lifes rath,up to 45 i was great,happy go lucky,but when it hit it hit,i took panic attacks,i found out last year it was was passed down,i inherited it,someone in my family had it and passed it on to me,same as alchoholism,i to also took depressents,if you drink with them thats not good,i think the label says no AL,i went thro that also,its actually a worse trip then LSD,either you drink ,get off the depressents or stop drinking and take the depressents as perscribed,i wish you well,as many willl say talk to yur doctor and hopefully they will help, gyco

**dingbat** · December 7, 2008, 07:17 AM

IS THERE ANYONE OUT THERE WHO CAN UNDERSTAND?

Hi seto. I do understand. I have a 6 yo and pretty much drank my way through 5 years of his life. I came here about a year and a half ago (under a different id) and started working on changing that. I never went 30 days, but did a really good job moderating for a long stretch. Then I fell back into my old habits and came back committed to doing at least the 30 days completely AF.

Have you tried taking the supps??? L-glute and Kudzu really do help. Also, why not join us on the ODAT thread??? There's no pressure to make a lifetime commitment, and we all have different goals. You can start by saying "I will not drink today". Everyday that you meet your goal, whatever it may be, will give you confidence that you can get control of your life again!

Here's a hug:l. And just know that you're not alone!

**gyco** · December 7, 2008, 07:23 AM

IS THERE ANYONE OUT THERE WHO CAN UNDERSTAND?

seto i forgot to add i was put into a hospital a few times in the past it didnt help until the company insisted i go to a special facility,it took 30 days of being away and realising how greatful i was for what i had,there were a lot worse off people then i,the husband and the children wont stop you,trust me i hav a lovely wife and 4 wonderful kids,they finally didnt no what to do,i met a lot of good people but sick also,when i went away,one small story,i met a young gentleman,drinker drugger we never talked about what he used it came down to him walking off a six story building,and he lived to tell the story,get help b4 it gets out of hand gyco

**Seto** · December 7, 2008, 07:35 AM

IS THERE ANYONE OUT THERE WHO CAN UNDERSTAND?

Hi again
Thanks for your replies it means so much to me honestly. Gyco I totally understand your advice. I have been to my doctor who firstly tried to get me to cut down, when that didn't work he give me sleeping tablets to help me sleep but nothing else. I have phoned private clinics but they are way too expensive. I was thinking about going privately as an out patient but can't find any facilities where I live in the north east of england. I am petrified that if I do persist with my doctor they will involve social services. I am respected by my family, friends and work colleagues with a good professional job and could not put them through all of this as they really don't have a clue - I am a very good hider. Lost cause I recon. Just for someone to hear me and listen means the world. I'm gonna stay close to the board today. XXXSeto

**southernbelle47** · December 7, 2008, 08:04 AM

IS THERE ANYONE OUT THERE WHO CAN UNDERSTAND?

Seto
It sure sounds lkike you are a busy person.
Could it be that you are doing too much and are worn out from having to.
Raising kids is a full time job by itself! Do you have any down time that is just for yourself besides your wine time?
If you don't already, start taking some of the supps from here and eat more fruit and veggies...5 a day is what they recommend, I think.
Drink water......lots of it.......

We have to learn to take care of ourselves before we can take care of our families. I know what it feels like to have little ones completely rely on ME to take care of them....It can be so all consuming...makes me want to have a panic attack just thinking about those days!

Work on getting a support system in place.
Just one thing at a time....no matter how small....make a list and go to work on it.
I have a list and it has all kinds of things on it...large and small....like
help putting up the Christmas tree.......clearing dishes after a meal.....leaf blowing....take a walk...

I care....
:lNancy

**Doggygirl** · December 7, 2008, 08:18 AM

IS THERE ANYONE OUT THERE WHO CAN UNDERSTAND?

Hi Seto. I'm sorry that you are going through such a difficult time. Please do stay close today.

While I don't have children, I can relate to the daily drinking and the feeling of desperation to stop the madness. Something in your original post leaped out at me - your description of post natal depression, then feeling good again when you were pregnant, then post natal depression again. I am no expert - just another woman whose hormones were way out of whack and causing problems. It sounds like hormone imbalances might be causing you some problems too. I found that it was very difficult to find a doctor to properly treat me but I finally did.

Having my hormones in balance is not something that magically fixes all the problems in life. However, my metabolism runs normally now, I can concentrate, no night sweats, my moods are normalized - no huge and inexplicable mood swings like I used to have, etc. This plus (I believe) proper supplementation to address deficiences has sure helped me fight my other battles with weight and alcohol.

If this is something you want to explore further, here is some suggested reading:

Suzanne Somers: either The Sexy Years or Breakthrough

Julia Ross: The Diet Cure (this book touches on the hormone issues but goes more in depth in the area of nutrition and supplements - especially the importance of the amino acids - several of which are recommended as part of the MWO program)

No amount of anti-depressants or alcohol or talk therapy will fix a hormone imbalance if that is contributing to the problems. At least that was true for me.

Best wishes to you..

DG

**periwinkle** · December 7, 2008, 11:25 AM

IS THERE ANYONE OUT THERE WHO CAN UNDERSTAND?

Hi Seto,

My heart goes out to you. I really relate to and understand most of your situation. My kids are grown now but I had generally the same pattern as far as drinking and starting again as they were born 2 years apart. I did not have the post natal depression as you did and my AL problem was not as serious then as it became later for me.

I do take an antidepressant now however. After trying numerous ADs over many years, (basically seemed like trial and error from the Drs) we found the one at the dosage that works. I generally gave up many times saying that they (ADs) don't work for me. I'm still depressed, why bother, and stopped trying. Then this latest Dr really gave me her time and concern and worked with me. She said she was committed to finding the right AD at the right dosage, and she did. Perhaps you can discuss your ADs with your Dr and find out if you can increase the dosage change the meds, or add another med to make yours more effective. I think that might be a very good first step in your case.

In my case, finding the right med for my depression didn't cause me to stop or moderate my drinking but it sure made me feel less depressed. I too was drinking every night (yea, I knew the dangers too and it didn't stop me either! You're not alone!). A bottle of wine, 3 or 4 strong margaritas, sneaking extra tequilla into the margarita when hubby wasn't looking, etc. Some days I would get drunk between 10 am and 2 pm so that I could sober up before hubby got home at 5 pm.

I found this site and immediately started the kudzu and L-glut. My cravings for AL went away almost immediately and I believe it to have been from the kudzu. I also had an acupuncture appointment already scheduled for my migraines so I asked for some help from the acupuncturist for my AL cravings (they can treat that!). My AL consumption was cut in half with just these steps.

Next, I ordered the book, the hypnotherapy cd's, purchased all the other recommended supps, even got the topamax from my Dr and went to work on the program exactly as prescribed. I asked my Dr for the topamax as a migraine preventative because it is also prescribed for this reason and I have a very long history of migraines. I totally understand the desire to keep AL out of your medical record. So that is up to you, but it has made a huge difference for me and I am glad I chose to take it.

The program is working wonders for me. If you like I can share my results with you later. But what I think you need right now is to know that there is hope for you. I know that there is! You clearly love those little girls of yours. You would do anything for them. I can imagine that you must run it through your head, "then why can't I stop this thing with the AL"? It's because of the addiction it has over us, and it's not your fault. But you can fight it. You are worth it and your marriage and your daughters are worth it. You can do this. People here will help you.

I don't think you said what parts of the program you are working. My suggestion is to go back to the beginning. Reread the MWO book. Incorporate all the elements (for best results), and get started. Like others have said, stay close to the forum, read, and post.

Do something good for yourself today. Try to get an hour by yourself to do something special for you.

Best of luck to you,
periwinkle :l

**Starlight Impress Forever** · December 7, 2008, 11:30 AM

IS THERE ANYONE OUT THERE WHO CAN UNDERSTAND?

Seto, you must begin to believe in yourself.........ANYTHING is possible.........you can do this........anyone can.

Alcohol is feeding your depression........you must fight back. Taking alcohol out of your equation will begin to blow those clouds away.

My best to you,

Star x

**Seto** · December 7, 2008, 11:51 AM

IS THERE ANYONE OUT THERE WHO CAN UNDERSTAND?

Thank you so so much for all your advice. I bought some Kudzu and L Glut from a heath shop along with milk thistle but probably I need to buy the ones from this site so I am getting the right dosage. I will do that today. This is the first positive step. Periwinkle you post reduced me to tears and I'll tell you that doesn't happen very often! Yes you are right I love my girls more than life and would die for them so I ask myself every time I look at them "why can't I stop this, if not for me then for them". It destroys me inside that their mummy is doing this. I don't get a minute to myself let alone an hour as my husband seems to think I should be the one with the kids all the time and when he does look after them its usually so that I can clean up or go shopping - I know I know, he's a pain, but I'll sort this out once I sort myself out. I think I will make that appointment with the doctors to assess my ADs again. Doggygirl thanks for your advice on the hormone part, I too have night sweats but I put that down to the alcohol. Strangely I kept on at my doctors about the hormonal aspect of my depression but they wouldn't have it so I think it may be helpful for me to get one of the books you suggested. Southern belle thank you for your advice. As you can see I don't slow down, don't get a chance nowadays to excerise, I might as well be a single mum - won't go into that at the moment as that is a whole new story. I just want to feel relaxed and happy for a minute without having to be drunk. I want to be able to function without being medicated. Maybe one day, I have hope, I think. XXXSeto

**nancy** · December 7, 2008, 12:24 PM

IS THERE ANYONE OUT THERE WHO CAN UNDERSTAND?

Hi Seto

I am sorry you feel so desperate.
I think Doggy Girl might be onto something.

Also, do you have a healthy diet? I have read that omega 3 deficiency can happen during pregnancy, resulting in post-partum depression.

And do you get enough exercise or are you too hungover? I also think you need to take baby steps and also to have a health provider that can give you some real advice.

You might want to consider seeing a holistic doctor in a complementary medical center, somoene with an MD but also who knows about nutrition, supplements, hormonal issues and mental health. I think they can be very helpful.

Nancy

**periwinkle** · December 7, 2008, 12:32 PM

IS THERE ANYONE OUT THERE WHO CAN UNDERSTAND?

Seto, I raised my 2 boys by myself from the time they were 2 and 4. Their father was out of their lives completely. I know what it's like to not have a moment to myself. And I know how much our kids mean to us. Maybe just a few minutes alone for a bubble bath then. Light some candles, have a cup of tea and relax.

There is a really good thread going for parents under the "Monthly Moderation" section. It's titled "Are we having fun yet? The joys and stresses of parenting". Read some of the posts there I think you will find some common ground there. I would like to introduce you and the member who started that thread, gettingbetter. If you want, I can PM gettingbetter and ask her to contact you. Or you can check out the thread and meet her hthat way. I think the two of you can be of tremendous support for each other. If I can be of any help let me know.

You are on the right path. You can do this. I have faith in you.
periwinkle :h

**witchywoman** · December 7, 2008, 01:12 PM

IS THERE ANYONE OUT THERE WHO CAN UNDERSTAND?

dear Seto,
my heart goes out to you, I do not have children but I can understand how much you must want to be AF for them, I wish you luck & I hope you know that we all support you. I have found this site to be so helpful, especially the live chat room when feeling realy tempted, jut being able to admit that to people who wont judge & who know its not as easy as other people think to just "dont drink", gave me the stenght to get through the nihgt with out buying a bottle of wine.
Good Luck Seto, let us know how you are doing!!!
Blessed Be
XX

**Seto** · December 7, 2008, 01:55 PM

IS THERE ANYONE OUT THERE WHO CAN UNDERSTAND?

Thanks again everyone for the much needed advice. I feel really guilty in admitting I am having a glass of wine, abstinence at the moment I just can't do, I know I haven't enough willpower. I am going to just sip my first glass, I also poured a glass down the sink so I know I can only have 2 large glasses, sure beats 2 bottles. I have no more wine in the house and can't go anywhere so its looking ok. I feel really anxious as I know I don't have the sufficient supply hiding anywhere! I am going to make an appointment tomorrow with my doctors to talk about my medication and am going on amazon to find the books suggested. Strange but I understand a lot more now as to why I feel the way I feel just from listening to your advice. Maybe I am only human and not the superwoman I am expected to be. I need to be in control again, feel happy again, like my old self. I feel I have totally lost that person, can anyone understand that? Oh forgot to say I have taken the L Glut also. XXseto

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