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    #1

    New Start

    I first came to this site about a year ago trying to figure out whether to go to rehab or not as I'd finally recognised I had a drink problem.

    Well I went in for five weeks and came out and stopped drinking and started AA and began counselling.

    Soon enough when I'd begun to overcome some of my anxieties good things started to happen. I got a great new job, started getting healthy and getting back into touch with friends and family.

    From May onwards I had the greatest time as I wasn't in the grip of alcohol.

    I switched jobs and got a new flat and all was still great, I'd been sober for about 10 months and slowed down the AA and counselling as I thought i'd cracked it.

    So i had a drink socially and was fine for a few weeks. Then had a house warming and the weekend turned into a bender and I couldn't go into work the next day. The following 2 weeks my drinking got even worse than before i was in rehab and i couldn't work so to save face i told them I had personal problems and resigned.

    I guess part of my message is i had 10 amazing months not drinking and then it took only 4 weeks for it to fall apart. Doesn't happen as fast for everyone and some can moderate and good luck to them.

    What i saw happen to me was that when i stopped drinking i started to fix everything around me and not me - I got complacent. I know realise that we need to look after ourselves first otherwise we just slip back and for me it went back really quickly.

    To me support is key so hopefully you can support me and I can do the same for you.

    It's a long road and hard at the start I've done it before but we just have to be strong.

    I pray and hope I'll make it this time and know I'm someone who just can't drink.

    Take care all and be strong.
    Tags: None
    #2
    New Start

    Welcome back ABP
    I can completely relate to what you have said. I am also one who cannot drink. I picked up a drink after ten years without one, and have struggled since. It gets harder and harder, and I noticed that I crash and burn alot faster. You have done Ten months. That is amazing. You can do it again, and I will be here to support you.
    "Decide-Which Voice in Your Head you Can Keep Alive" (Shinedown)

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      #3
      New Start

      APB, you are so right in that its easy to get complacent about our success. This is why checking in here is so important to me. I know that if I dont, my thinking will change.
      I am pleased you are here again and thank you for your wise post. It really does help to keep this real.
      Stay close and I am sure you will make it again. You sound like a strong person.
      Thank you for sharing
      Living now and not just existing since 9th July 2008
      Nicotine Free since 6th February 2009

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        #4
        New Start

        HiYa APB,
        your storey is a good reminder as to why we support eachother, when one is feeling weak, other's are there to lend a hand/shoulder to cry on, remind us that we are strong & can do it, I find this trick helpful, hope it helps you. , at night when i am lying in bed as i go to sleep I envision my tomorow as AF, & i repeat to myself the mantra " I am Alcohol free" as i slowly breath in & out. I find it helps. it sets me up for the next day,
        Luck
        *Witchy*
        Progress, not perfection!!!
        A craving wont kill me, but drinking could!!!

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          #5
          New Start

          APB - I am hearing COMPLACENCY. I am active in AA and MWO, and in my past relapses, ALWAYS complacency had set in prior to picking up again... I slowed up on meetings, thought I was "safe" and the idea of a drink started looking ok again. and ALWAYS, I was back and WORSE than ever in a very short time. For me, and many others, the FIRST drink does the damage....one too many and a thousand never enough. I am not a moderator, nor do I wish to be today. VIGILANCE is my watchword, and I pray I may never revisit the hell, despair and depression of active alcoholism, One Day At A Time. Keep posting, keep reading!
          *Serenity is the calm WITHIN the storm*

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            #6
            New Start

            Thank You

            Thanks for support - I know it's important to just take each day as it comes.

            I pray and hope and believe it will get better with each day I just need to be strong

            Hopefully tomorow will be day 3AF.

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              #7
              New Start

              ABP - I just wanted to say welcome back. Stay positive and keep posting! 10 months is an amazing accomplishment and guess what, you have learned something about yourself in the process. You have learned that you have the ability to do it and you have learned that you cannot moderate. So I'd say you've been successful - you didn't give up when the going got tough, you looked at what went wrong and you're back at it. I say Good for you!

              Looking forward to getting to know you.

              Uni
              Every day is a day to start over and remember that I am powerless over my addiction. I will no longer give the BEAST any power over me - he can go straight to hell.
              :h

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                #8
                New Start

                Mind Madness

                Don't know why but my mind is absolutely racing and am just irrationally angry at the moment at the smallest things. Then I'm calm again. This is really different to the last time i got sober.

                Helps to write it out here and take deep breaths at the same time.

                I know this will all calm down but right now I just can't control my emotions.

                But at least by sitting writing this I'm not drinking to deal with them.

                Lets all just keep going the early days are the hardest.

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                  #9
                  New Start

                  You are right about the early days - first 5 days always HUGE for me, sleepless, anxious, agitation....but TICK TICK TICK goes the clock and time is passing - it is vital to get time away from that last drink, ABP! You have done it before, that does not make it EASY - but you CAN do it! Hang in there. Have you thought about going back to AA?
                  *Serenity is the calm WITHIN the storm*

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                    #10
                    New Start

                    AA

                    Am back in AA and doing meetings and trying to do it the right way not my way.

                    It's helping I guess but this time round I'm dealing with the madness in the real world instead of rehab.

                    Trying desperately to live in now but scared about how to get a new job, how will i pay for things etc.

                    I know it will all come good but it's like having 2 voices in your head. One saying slow down and focus on just getting back on track gradually whilst the other is saying you messed up now go fix it now.

                    The only salvation I have and I should be grateful for is that I have a little awareness of what's going on.

                    But when it kicks in the urge to drink is huge and also not working all that spare time is killing me - when I drank time just dissapeared - clearly not the solution and a massive part of the problem but all of us with this problem are always tempted by the quick fix.

                    Just got to get through right now hour by hour - can't wait to get to the 10th day but gotta remind myself always one day at a time.

                    At least at the moment feel less angry so should count that as a blessing.

                    LOL for the posts and support - I truly believe it is helping each other that helps us through.

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                      #11
                      New Start

                      Day 4

                      Feel like curling up and dissapearing but will try and find something to pick up my spirit. Just got to get through the day but at the moment the days seem so long and the nights even longer with the lack of sleep.

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                        #12
                        New Start

                        what job did you have before you resigned, what job would you like now?
                        Keeps x:happyheart:

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                          #13
                          New Start

                          Job

                          I was a commercial manager before I resigned I don't really know what I want to do now.

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                            #14
                            New Start

                            have a think, not about what you want to be but what you would like to do???? Have you thought about a career counsellor who can help you look at your past experience both in and out of work and see how best they could be transferred into a new job role?? too much time to think not good for us drinkers, you need to get busy x
                            Keeps x:happyheart:

                            Comment

                              #15
                              New Start

                              I am also one who CAN NOT DRINK...It took me many times to come to know that for sure.
                              Alcoholism is a progressive disease.Once I stopped for 17yrs. and it only took days to get me right back where I had been and even WORSE..
                              I am resolved to the FACT that alcohol will never be part of my life, or there will be only DEATH to look forward to, for me.
                              sigpicEyes on the PRIZE, a SOBER Future !!!

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