lonely

[roaming]

Hi Everyone

I'm new here, didn't take a drink til I was 30 im now 45. I just feel the need for a drink way too often now. I drink a lot in secret. Usually never have a drink until evening but my husband and 3 grown up kids don't want to know me when I have a drink. I can get so drunk I totally loose all memory of what went on. I end up feeling totally ashamed and suicidal next day. I need help now! I do want to give it up.:new:

[lil.michelle]

lonely

Hi.
Knowing and understanding you HAVE a problem is a huge and amazing step. For a lot, they never get to the first step. This site is GREAT. Everyone is amazing. They never judge and we're always here to listen. Believe ot or not, we're ALL in the same boat. Most of us have hidden drink, got rid of bottles when no one is around, drink tooooo much, loose ALL memory and as for being ashamed WELL i don't think there is ONE person on this site that can honestly say they haven't been.

You need help NOW.... ok, as harsh as it seems and it'll take A LOT, you need to throw out ALL the drink on the house. Be honest with yourself and your family (they know more then they let on....) Take everyday one day at a time. Stay away from places that sell drink. You'll get a voice in your head (REMEMBER THIS) that'll say, we'll you've done 1 day, you can have a drink, there is nothing wrong OR this has happened so I NEED a drink, it's only right.... DO NOT LISTEN TO IT. You need to BITE your teeth and i'll tell you something, NOTHING in this world is better then looking at your family, spending time with them sober, looking in the mirror at a sober you and waking up feeling GOOD.

[roaming]

lonely

Hi Michelle
Thanks for your advice. I have all my family coming home on 23rd to 5th Jan know it will be difficult be I really need to stay sober while they are here to gain their respect. I totally hate myself just now. Was at friends with hubby last nite and have no recollection of it and he is totally ignoring me today - obviously I must have embarrassed him, I just feel suicidal and am terrified of what I may have said etc:thanks:

[LVT25]

lonely

Hi roaming,
You have come to the right place if you want to quit drinking and live a better life. The first step should be to read "My Way Out". It can be downloaded or ordered through the health store here. It is a program with emphasis on supplements, exercise, hypnotherapy and the support forum here. I am a 48 year old mother of 2 young sons. I went from drinking 8-10 beers almost nightly to 0. And I feel great-physically and emotionally!

:welcome:

[Seacailin]

lonely

Hello and Welcome Roaming
I have had more blackouts than I care to count. I always hated to hear what I had done. I would be ashamed, filled with guilt and anxiety. I have too have been suicidal, more than once. If I can do this, you certainly can. There is a sober, happy life waiting for you. We will be here to support you.

[BridgetJones1998]

lonely

Hi Roaming and Welcome,

I am so glad you had the courage to come here and post your story! That takes great courage and strength. Probably strength you didn't even know you had. I'm sure you have more strength in you. This place will be here for you and will not judge you. We will support you. I have suffered the shame and self loathing associated with this beast for the past 10 years (been drinking 20) and have been alcohol free for 6 days now. It is difficult but not impossible. I am taking the supplements recommended in the book. I don't do the hypnotherapy but lots of people do. Anyway, too much info probably, but there is alot of help available. The book is invaluable.

We are here for you. You are not alone.

Hugs

[swans]

lonely

Hi Roaming, welcome to this site, we are all in a similar predicament, alcohol addiction does not discriminate and can affect anyone. Just keep reading and posting, I am still a work in progress, but without these people on this site I could not do this work alone, I am learning more each day, keep us posted:welcome:

[Michaela]

lonely

HI and WELCOME Roam!

I too, never drank until my early 30's and it just escalated the past decade. I have a 10 year old son and a husband who was at his wits end. I have embarrassed him BEYOND BELIEF and he still hang in there. Until after one day at a co-workers wedding. I got so bombed he had to carry me off the boat. Needless to say, it was the TEARS in his eyes telling me he will ALWAYS love me, but he couldn't live with me like this anymore. Sure he had threatend it before and I would be good for a week or two, but I KNEW this time, he meant it. I hated myself for so long I forgot who I was and just didn't care anymore. After I got a clear head and reflected on all the BAD things alcohol was doing for me, I wondered WHY I ever drank to begin with. I cannot say ONE good thing that drinking has ever done for me. It's even gave me a GUT! Please continue to read and post. It will get better, and the key thing is YOU HAVE TO WANT IT. And it sounds like you do.

Remember your not alone and we all have the same guilt and shame. It's been about 2 mos since my last slip (the wedding), but every time I think of a drink, I think of that day and the tear in my husbands eyes. I was at a party last night and was probably the only sober one there. It felt SO GOOD not to wake up with a hangover or the OH GOD, WHAT DID I DO OR SAY? Sadly, at times I still wake up and wonder if I am drunk or not and thank GOD I'm not!

Best of luck to you.

Mich

[witchywoman]

lonely

hi Roaming, you have taken the 1st step forward to a new life, well done, its not always going to be easy but it really is worth it, like Michaela I to was at a party on Sat night where I was the only one sober & I was able to get up early on sunday morning, have a nice cooked breakfast (my sunday treat) & do all my xmas shopping before 9.30am & enjoy it. just take it one day at a time.
there is a very good thread under Long Term Mod or Abstainer forum called Toolbox, its very helpful.
good luck , let us know how you are doing, we are all here for eachother
Witchy

[roaming]

lonely

HI Everyone

Been a while since I was on here as my daughter is around most of time and misses nothing! i was able to cut down over xmas just a couple of binges. Then all was ok for a good while there while my daughter was around but now she's gone away for few days I am back drinking every day. I so hate myself for this I do no there is no benefit to it. I feel I turn to drink because my husband is always horrible to me also putting me down and making me feel worthless even when I try really hard.

All your replys and support has been really helpful and much appreciated, Thank you all

[Lavande]

lonely

Hello Roaming,

Welcome to our journey! You will find lots of love, support and understanding here. I know I certainly have. You will find lots of good advice and suggestions to help you along.

Most importantly, you have to stop beating yourself up. It's a bad habit, a useless habit. We've all done it and it does no good. I had to break that habit before I was able to do anything else! I used (and am still using) a behavior modification program called 21 days to Habit Busting. It takes that long to break a bad habit and replace it with a good one. I succeeded in breaking my habit of automatic negative thinking and am now a positive thinker, rebuilding my confidence and self esteem. That was a vital step for me.

Just wanted you to know that there are lots of ways to help yourself.
Don't ever give up - keep trying

Lavande

[roaming]

lonely

Hi to all!

Had a very bad day yesterday. Started drinking at 11am yesterday morning. Drank three quarters of a bottle of vodkas. I took the car to town to get take away and when I got up this morning I can't believe how I parked it or how I got home at all. I feel like s*** and totally hate myself. I also know I made some stupid phone calls. I can tell my hubby is so angry with me. I crashed out late afternoon and when he got in from work I was in bed and left all the doors open in house. OMG what am I going to do this is so bad. Two of my kids were on phone to me and I am sure they guessed I was so drunk. They will hate me now but not half as much as I hate myself I can tell you. Please Please help me - I NEVER WANT TO DRINK AGAIN

[startingover]

lonely

Hi Roaming.
I have just read all your thread and I can see how much you are struggling. Have you read the book yet? Or do you have any plan in place for yourself to stop this?

[roaming]

lonely

Hi Startingover

Thank you for your reply I did read a book but it was no help. I hate myself so much when I drink and my intentions are always good but the least little setback and I feel the need to drink. At minute there is no drink in house and I don't plan on buying any. My family are home this weekend so I really plan to be on my best behaviour. I tried all morning here to get someone to chat to be there doesn't appear to be any chatters on

[lilmea]

lonely

Hi Roaming,

I also was drinking close to a bottle of vodka a day just before i went AF. You have to get your mind set that you are going to do this. You can download the book from this site, decide what supps you might want to take. There is a Toolbox thread in the Monthly Abstenience section that has great information for dealing with the cravings. Come here to this site, read and post.