oh my god

[upnorthgirl]

oh my god

Madds---do as they say

Everyone has given you great advice, so be strong and take it! DO NOT put yourself into a dangerous, horrid situation..take care of YOU. REMOVE yourself and stay safe, find something to do to please YOU and do not worry about the kids.

On that note, they are not "children" they are young adults who should know better. I know they will always be your babies, but try to think of them as capable of making at least some decisions on their own. But for now, stay away--it is about YOU now, not anyone else.

Maybe you could spend some time today writing them letters? It would be good therapy and will help explain your feelings.

HUGS to you.

[Charliegirl]

oh my god

Maddiva

I lived in a violent relationship with my first marriage,where you put yourself second behind everyone else, only to get kicked in the teeth. My ex told me that I would never get anyone else, and I have just celebrated 20 years with my soul mate whom I adore even more than the day we met. So who had the last laugh. I also have a daughter who has put me through hell, but eventually we have become friends and she is developing a bit of empathy for me as she matures and sees what the real world is all about.
i.e its not a bed of roses.

You have to stop looking after everyone else and start looking after yourself. There is a future out there for you.

"The only life you can live is your own"

[maddiva]

oh my god

I JUST WANTED TO SAY THANK YOU TO YOU ALL FOR YOUR WONDERFUL WORDS OF WISDOM. :thanks::h:thanks: In the end my sons called up on Christmas Eve and both of them had the most terrible time at their father's after the Police had dropped them off. I did not feel guilty for that. He just showed who he really is to them. So after a lot of tensions we sat and watched a movie together and they wanted to stay home with me and have Christmas Day Morning with me. A lot of tears were shed by my eldest son and a hug was needed. Both my sons have endured me drinking and quite revolting I am when I drink. It has, at times, been very frightening for them and whilst I in no way tolerate violence and have made it clear that I am no one's punchbag to my son, I recognize he is in terrible pain and unable to express his feelings. This is going to be my goal for the new year to get to the route of this. I am only partially to blame, my drinking is to blame, but also his father is a total waste of space who I fell for when i was very vulnerable and suffering such low self esteem that even the devil would have been viewed as too good for me!! But now I am realizing just how amazing I really am (sober of course!!) . I think my eldest son has serious mental health issues as he said he hears me screaming and sits up at night worrying. A job as a parent is for life. So - here goes, another reason to stay sober and sane. We have decided that next year we are not going to have Christmas at home, we are going to go away on holiday and spend the money on a jaunt. So all problems will be solved. All in all Christmas was a beautiful day. And the beauty is still continuing. YOU KNOW THE VERY BOTTOM LINE OF ALL OF THIS IS ALCOHOL HAS A MAJOR ROUTE TO ALL MY PROBLEMS, I AM NOT MAKING EXCUSES, I AM LOOKING HONESTLY AT THE FACTS. BUT RIGHTLY SO, VIOLENCE IS NEVER ACCEPTABLE. HOPE YOU ALL HAD A BEAUTIFUL AND PEACEFUL DAY AND THAT THE CELEBRATIONS STILL CONTINUE FOR YOU ALL. I THINK I HAVE GOT THAT BLOODY FLU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:h

[cymru]

oh my god

A bit of christmas flu is a tradition Maddy! So glad that you are facing your problems head on and making a real effort to deal with them. 2009 is a fresh start Madds, and i know we can do this.
Oh, and its not snowing. Not that cold to be honest. x

[Suzanna]

oh my god

Maddiva, I am so sorry to read of your going through all of this! Everybody gave great advice and the only thing I can say, which has been said, is to definitely put down clear boundaries, especially with regard to violence. Nobody should hit anybody else, EVER! Your sons grew up witnessing violence and on some level think it is okay but it is not, absolutely never allowable! They should learn this before they get married or have partners, so the cycle does not continue. You are doing well, and it all ended well for you. For that I am grateful. Holiday sounds fabulous for next year!!