Never quite sure where to post my thoughts. One day someone will tell me. Guess what happened? Can't guess, well let me tell you. I have been sober for 15 days and succumbed today, but you know what I am not surprised cos I do everything, and I do. I had a drink today, I did not stagger around and probably knew it was coming. So big deal I did it. Then my youngest son who is at his fathers had an argument and wanted to come home at midnight!!! Oh the dramas. Then my eldest son collected him and came in and just went berserk. My eldest son, totally abused me. Was concerned I was drinking, even moderation cannot exist in my happy home, it is totally abstinence and you all know how darned hard that is. So then he began to attack me. I am 5ft 3 and he is tall. He is seventeen and he just went berserk. pinning me down, pulling my dog by her ears, smashing my room up and it resulted in the indignity of me being thrown across my lounge and smashing my head on the couch. I am a cocky little sod and I will stand my corner, but it is like dealing with thugs and I do not like it and do not need it. I want to get better, how the hell can I with all this? Massive bump and i am tired of it. So my youngest son called the police as my eldest had pulled a stanley knife and threatened to chop my head off. The Police came and removed both my sons. ~Took them to their fathers. Who is the leader in this anti me. Do you know what I did? I took the Christmas tree and said bah bloody humbug. I love christmas I love the joy and peace and today it went out of my home like a rocket. I can honestly say hand on heart I did not deserve that. I have struggled and saved to give my kids the best christmas ever and they swear and are rude and today god delivered his present. Go it alone girl, cos you will always drink if you have dead wood around you. How horrid to talk about your kids like that. I have tried, really I have. I loved being a mum. I went through birth and adored them, yet now I feel nothing, no love, just empty. Fortunately I am young enough, but I tell you it is the most thankless task ever. I know my eldest son adores me and that is the problem it is like he is obsessed a bit like oedipus syndrome. I can no longer take it. I honestly and I say this to you as you all have drink problems, was not drunk. I was fine. I was tired and in that lies the truth. I am tired. do you know well you don't but I will share this with you many years ago I was asked by a man to marry him and move to his homeland in Ireland. I decided not to because of my children and the stress it would cause them. For what I ask, cos had he been here he would have put them in their place. Merry Christmas to all and please remind me what is this about
a very mad maddiva moan
a very mad maddiva moan