Need Help Hope

[Iruineverything]

Need Help Hope

Well i pulled off the grand daddy of all f ups yesterday. I woke up a little hung over (as usual) and i decided to take a swig of vodka to take the edge off.. This is the first day my fiance and i have both had off from work in i cant remember how long.... we had planned to have a romantic day together, picnic by the pool and all...

well after the swig of vodka came another.. then i went to Albertsons to get some groceries for our picnic and to my surprise Albertsons has a liquor store attached! so I got my groceries and a bottle of 100 proof Rumplemints.. I dont remember after that except for when i was woken up from my nap (on the garage floor) by my fiance with my father on the phone... I finally surrendered my hidden bottle of booze when there were only a few drops left. I had drank the entire bottle.

My father is now flying in from Maine tonight to see if he can somehow cure me of this vicious disease. I have never felt so low.. Somehow my fiance was still sympathetic and loving to me this morning.. she just went off to work. I ruined our day together and i ruined christmas. :upset:

[Ripple]

Need Help Hope

IRE ... are you on a diet of sorts? for alcohol to grab you like that something is out of whack. to pass out like you did is pretty damn scary to me.. maybe some medical tests are needed to void out sugar? It sounds time for change. We all sooner or later must address our health issues if we are in danger.. stick around and read here .. this is a wonderful place to see we all have had misfortune from BOOZE.. Love to you and be safe.. Ripp. :l

[BecomingMeAtLast]

Need Help Hope

Goldie,

Congratulations on staying AF for Christmas! Please regift that bottle of wine. Are you a reader? Have you read the [i]My Way Out book and the book CoDependent No More? The MWO book is downloadable here for fast reading.

For immediate craving what helped me in the beginning was L-glutamine under the tongue. I bought the capsules (it also comes in powder form) and put it under my tongue.

Can't offer you more advice but I will give you all the support I can, as others here will.

Take care, :l
Becoming

[BecomingMeAtLast]

Need Help Hope

IRE,

You do NOT ruin everything. You made a big mistake we're here for you. If you'd like to chat, I'm here for you.

Take care,
Be

[Iruineverything]

Need Help Hope

thanks Ripp.. yeah it is really scarry... im not on a diet... maybe there is something medically wrong with me.. never thought of that... i always just thought its because i moved out when i was 15 and have been drinking my self to death ever since...

I will be calling my doctor on Monday. Thanks for the advise and the support :l

[Blondie45]

Need Help Hope

Hello everyone,

IRE, OMG you have a wonderful fiance who is able to see past the situation you are in now, to the life that flows underneath -always flowing. That is the life that inspires you to talk to us on this website - that helped you find us. I am a "watcher" of this website - and I am so in awe of the support and love that is here.

I am so proud of you Goldie, to have made it through Christmas without booze. You are new, as am I, and already such a HUGE inspiration to me. Please read the book "My Way Out"...I have ordered the hypnotherapy CDs and can't wait to get them. Anyway, you are not alone.

I do have to say, I feel like I haven't hit "the bottom" yet, although I have screwed up some pretty important relationships in my life...and the pain of Christmas is taking its toll on me. I feel alone, but not really thanks to this awesome website.

Anyway, I plan to start AF on January 2nd (I have family coming for dinner on the 1st - probably not the best time to stop drinking). I will use up or throw out all alcohol by the morning of January 2nd. I am going to be clean and healthy in 2009 - and if I slip, I know where I will come. Here. If I feel tempted - I know where I will come. Here. There is no one in my life outside of this website who can possibly understand where I am at. But I know the love that is here. I am trusting in it. I am trusting in myself. Today, anyway.

Thank you all, for listening. For supporting each other. You are all so blessed, even in your pain.

Hugs, Blondie

[Ripple]

Need Help Hope

your blaming the incident to when you were 15? butt you may have a point, my son is a mess right now, as growing up things happen to us we cannot forget. bad things leave scars we can't deal with. so yes, 15 could have something to doo with your garage floor nap. it is really time to work on wot the hell is going on. Alcohol can get way out of control for some people. be safe, please.. i want to sleep tonite again.. :l Ripp.

[MissDoodleBug]

Need Help Hope

Hi Goldie! Welcome! Hang in there!

Yes, Alcohol is the enemy!!! It is a poisonous, addictive chemical depressant that makes us want more and more! It does not love you or make you feel good. Think about how you really feel when you are drunk! There is nothing wrong with you; it's just the nature of alcohol and the insidious nature of any addiction.

Just my newbie advice, even though I have only been AF 12 days (which I have not been able to do before in 20 years), get some supplements (All-One, Kudzu, L-Glutamine, True Calm) so you can stop being tortured with cravings. They help so much! You use those to get your brain and body back on track, not forever.

I feel better than I have in years! Why be miserable when you don't have to be?

Stay strong, you can do it!!!!

Love,

Doodlebug

[Iruineverything]

Need Help Hope

No not blaming the incident of sleeping on the garage floor, just being an alcoholic in general. I have gone about 6 months before without drinking.. sadly i replaced it with pain killers... now that i am off the drugs, I am back onto drinking like a fish.. I'm a true addict in every sense and i dont know how to stop.

thank god for this website and everyones support.

[Doggygirl]

Need Help Hope

I Ruin - have you downloaded the My Way Out Book? I think that sounds like a good place for you to start. The discussion community is extremely supportive, but just being here and posting won't insure that you quit drinking. You have to develop a plan and really work at it. It's hard, but it can be done. If I can, you can.

In addition to downloading the book, this thread is a Sobriety Tool Box where many folks here have posted the components of their plans to get and stay sober. It's very good reading. ETA: Oops - forgot to paste the link! Here you go... https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...box-27556.html

Best wishes to you.

DG

[GoldieGirl]

Need Help Hope

IRE, you made a mistake and are human. It's a struggle every day and this is definately the best place for us to be. The love & acceptance in this support group is like nothing I've ever seen. It's like once you come here, even if just starting you feel like your amoung friends and geniune people that care.

I just got the book My Way Out & plan to read it this weekend. I read a lot and have read a couple times Co-Dependent No More. I need to get it out, dust it off and reread it also. There is so much good advice here. I know if anything can help me, this group can - yes, I need to help myself too.

I've just stumbled onto a thought - I grew up in a situaiton where I never, and I do mean never did anything right for my mother. Even into my adult life I battled this, until my mother passed away - nothing I did was good enough or right by her standards. I've always felt like I don't deserve anything, I can't stand compliments, I want to hide when I'm in a group, lest I say to do something wrong. I know that a lot of my co-dependent behavior was/is because I think if do it all and do everything I can - my family will love and accept me and shower me with praises of my unselfish acts and goodness. (please, don't laugh or barf - I'm in part being a little humorous) BUT that never happens - the more I do, the more that is expected, most of you know the drill.

I have a lot of pain and heartache in my life. I will spare you for the moment "all" the gorey details. Maybe when I started drinking more it was to just plain ease the emotional pain that is buried very deep within me. Unfortunately, for the last several months I have also had some physical pain to deal with and if I drink, I can sleep at night. The nights I don't drink I can't sleep because of the pain. I'm giving some serious thought to going to the dr after the first of the year. Plus, I actually like, well love the taste of wine.

Well enough rambling for the moment and thank you all for your support.:thanks:
Goldie

[GoldieGirl]

Need Help Hope

If I am going to do this I have to be honest with myself and all my new friends. Today is now (again) Day 1. I came home from work yesterday, my husband was here and before I knew it I said - Do you want some Egg Nog which meant w/rum. He did - I did, BUT I only drank 2 and just didn't want anymore, same with him, drank water the rest of the night. I was tired from the holidays, kept thinking about having to report this to all of you, my kids, grandkids, etc. I did start the supplements yesterday and am going to start the book today & CD's.

I felt very mad & disappointed in myself and yet I felt good, that I stopped at only 2. I don't want to moderate, I want to quit, so for me to quit at 2 was a baby step but in the right direction. So instead of beating myself up, I decided to pat myself on the back.

So it will be a challenge this weekend because my husband drinks on the weekends which makes it easier for me to drink & hide how much I'm drinking. However, I do feel an inner strength starting to take over - I do have a strong faith in God and all his awesome creations, including you and me. Our bodies & minds are works of art. When you think of all the cells & organs in our bodies & how they all work together to give us life. It makes me sad at myself that I am destroying His work of art. So I need to start treating myself like I am worth restoring - I want peace & contentment in my soul - I want to feel who I am from the inside out. I am going to go out on a limb (only because if you all sit & laugh yourselfs silly - I won't know it). One of the things in life I have always wanted to do is be a writer. I love mystery stores.....however in the last couple years I have had it in the back of my mind I would write a book and I already have the title - "Inside Out". A book about how alcohol gets "inside" you, traps you, tricks you, destroys you and then the journey to get "out". At times I have no clue who I am, what I like or need. I have coasted along in life all my life doing what needs done and taking care of everyone and all the things I've wanted to do or accomplish are still sitting on the shelf getting dusty. I sure as the heck know how it gets in me - now I have to tackle the journey of getting it out. As I said prior, don't laugh yourself too sill over this.....and thanks for letting me share.

Blessings to all of you today, whether Day 1 or Day 101 - I can do it & I will do it and so will you.
Goldie

[Evie.Lou]

Need Help Hope

Welcome Goldie, I so relate to your story and want you to know that you have taken a major step toward RECOVERY.My MOM started an ALA TEEN and ALA-NON group in Va. way back in the 60s.
The 3 of us kids were forced to go and all 3 of us are Alcoholics.
We had to learn the BIG BOOK inside and out....lots of good it did any of us???
PM me if I can help you.
I look forward to getting to know you better..

[Doggygirl]

Need Help Hope

Hi Goldie. I love your idea of writing a book! And I love the title.

There is no doubt that this is a challenging journey to sobriety. It sounds like you assessed the situation and understand the choice you made. Now the key is to think through that situation again, and decide how you will handle it differently next time. Your sobriety will end up being built upon situations, and how to change your thinking to insure you choose not to drink. So I think you are getting off to a good start just by the way you are thinking about it.

Onward and forward!

DG

[A Work in Progress]

Need Help Hope

Goldie, I totally agree with DG. Sounds as if you have a very good perspective and understanding about all this, about what you want and need, about what alcohol does to you and your life... hold onto that, it will help you immeasurably. And... your book idea sounds fantastic! I'd love to hear how it's going, if you are up to sharing with us about it (some writers feel they can't do that, I know...)!