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[claudia3]

I'm not phsically dependant, but I drink to escape and I love the effects, I know this isnt good. at home on an evening I'm pretty controlled, but if I go out I tend to lose control and have blackouts, is anyone else in the same boat, the problem I find is, so many people drink over and above what is recommended and are eager to take comfort in the fact they dont drink as much as me so dont want to encourage me to stop!! quite the opposite! thankyou to anyone who replies

[nancy]

I' new!!! and ashamed..

Welcome to the website!:welcome:

Sorry you are feeling so bad.
I think it's really important for everyone to figure out what we ourselves think is a problem, not what peers say is ok.

It's obvious you don't like this lifestyle. Blackouts are scary, dangerous, humiliating etc.

I think you will find a lot of people you can relate to here and to get on a path you are happier with.

[ezzmae]

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It is not nice when people around you use your drinking to make themselves feel better. You just need to focus on you now. Drinking is a major problem in society, especially binge drinking. Like nancy says blackouts are scary. It is bad enough suffering a hangover without trying to remember what happened the night before.

Welcome. Some of us are on a 30 day AF program. The thread is in Just Starting Out.

[veritas]

I' new!!! and ashamed..

Claudia, welcome,
I am also not "physically" dependant, but as far as I am concerned, it's only a matter of time. Addiction is a progressing proccess. Tolerance increases and health decreases. I do not want to live my later years with liver and brain damage. I have seen it happen.
I understand how scary it is to think of stopping. Like you I love the buzz, the high.. but the returns are getting less and the consequences worse.
I am now learning that waking up fresh and guilt free is a reward in its self.

[gyco]

I' new!!! and ashamed..

hi 3,welcom,i think i can give you a little tip,if its bothering so much,just stop,som can som cant,reseach says if you get the shakes,vomit,feel depressed,you are then physically dependent,that is the difference between normal and us,or try to drink like it were medication,thats what ive tried to do,use as directed,on meds, it says 3 times a day,no more then one pill each time,notice alchohol; does not say that we just over do it,or i did, i wish you well gyco

[Arial]

I' new!!! and ashamed..

hi Claudia,

A big :welcome: from me too - it is a very personal feeling of when 'enough is enough' and until you're in that frame of mind it is incredibly difficult (in my case, impossible) to find the strength and motivation to move forward and stop drinking, no matter what anyone else says. It sounds like you're at that point, however, and the strength you will find is from inside you essentially - we're here to support, encourage, inspire in some cases, listen, share etc. etc. - and what's great is it's 24/7. It's also good to have support from 'real' friends, but even if that support isn't readily available initially, YOU have the strenth, commitment, desire in you and that is what will get you out of this mess. Just think, no more blackouts, no more waking with regrets, no more debate about whether to drink or not and can you just drink enough to enjoy but not blackout... etc. That was one of my biggest reliefs the first time I stopped drinking - for once the voices in my head were quiet!

Anyway, a big welcome and good luck - keep coming back and look forward to getting to know you better.

[irish eyes]

I' new!!! and ashamed..

Welcome Claudia
People dont want you to stop drinking because then they will have to look at their own drinking pattern! At the end of the day only you can decide if you should stop. I would say that I am not physically dependant but have got into a habit of drinking too much when I drink I have to finish that bottle of wine. I realise that I am not dependant YET but if I continue I know that I will be in alot of trouble. I also am sick and tired of wasting precious days lying around nursing hangovers. Day 4 AF for me today, first week end for years without hangover- good feeling. Do what is right for you no explanations necessary to your friends.

[BridgetJones1998]

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Welcome Claudia,
Congratulations on posting. It is a big step. You are not alone and will find a lot of support. Have you bought the book or downloaded the book? That is and important component to the program. You need to make a plan and stick to it. We are all fighting the same beast. I have been drinking for 20 years and after the first sip of the day, drank until I passed out. I am only AF (alcohol free) for 18 days now but feeling great. Post often and read through old posts and stories.

[Evie.Lou]

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Welcome Claudia, we all have different goals here but you will find the support you need, whatever your goals are.
Stay close and post often...Read the MWO book and get a plan of action.

[Blanchieboo]

I' new!!! and ashamed..

Hi Claudia, I am new here and I am also struggling. I have not gone a day without drinking for a long time. I have vowed to not drink today. I am tired of feeling guilty and hungover. This looks like a good place to be. I hope it will be helpful for us.

[New Day]

I' new!!! and ashamed..

Welcome Claudia and Blanch ---- no need to feel ashamed here ... that's what is so great about MWO ... everyone here understands.

Keep reading and posting and you'll find strength to fight off the urges ... bit by bit .. .it doesn't happen overnight for most. But don't be discouraged ... you can't fail if you keep trying.

[Imprisoned Angel]

I' new!!! and ashamed..

Hi Claudia,
I'm also a newbie...and it seems I'm aboard the same "boat" as you. I use alcohol only when I get down, or when my husband "triggers me" (not a good situation)...I have been AF now since Dec. 27, and only since Jan 2, have I been feeling like the real me. It takes a while and it's hard, I had some Oxazepam, a couple to help with the anxiety, but it was worth it, since I feel great now.
I will introduce myself in a proper post, as I had posted my first one, in a thread...and realized I had posted it in the wrong place, so I apologize to everyone, and will do that today.
Claudia, I hope we can chat more, as I have been looking forward to chatting with someone who has the same struggles as me. We could help and encourage each other to move forward.
I hope I hear back from you!

[keepwalking]

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welcome claudia, blanch and angel, you will find lots of support here, am looking forward to walk on this journey with you, read as much as you can it it takes a while to feel at home but you will find a forum and a group of folk who are aiming for the same goals. good luck x

[todsflove2]

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Hi Claudia and Blanch,

:welcome:

Claudia, when I read your story, I feel and have done the same things you have done. I would drink to escape from my current and childhood problems, I would love the feeling at the time. Then the after effects were horrible. I had blackouts, called people I didn't remember calling, just stuff I didn't need in my life. I felt shame constantly about it. I felt like I had no control until I came to this site and did the program.

This site has helped so much. After reading the book, doing the supps and CD, I am trying to find more healthier ways to escape. Before I started majorly binge drinking, I had been a ballroom dancer. I have recently returned to that and now try to make that my healthy escape. Now I look forward to classes and a performance class rehearsals. I tell myself now that I can't possibly drink because I have to be fresh for class. It's my new escape. And if I feel like I want a drink, I am committed to posting here first and then thinking about it for 24 hours before making any rash decisions.

It's a lot of work, but you can do it too! Keep posting and coming to this site. You will find lots of great help.

:l

Tina

[time2change]

I' new!!! and ashamed..

Welcome to all of you. No need to be ashamed we are all here for the same reason just at different points in our journey.