I can't take it! any more

[upnorthgirl]

:upset: I had, what. 18-19 days AF? Since Friday i have received nearly 50 voicemails and emails from my mother telling me I am a horrible person--she is ranting and raving and screaming about all sorts of imagined things. Yes, I have known since I was a toddler that she "cursed the day I was born." Hows that for maternal love? I really do KNOW she is mentally ill--seven decades of alcohol abuse has definitely damaged her brain. I do not answer her calls or respond so she leaves hideous messages. If I do call because I am worried about her--it is agonizing. She has called my husband, (who people call the saint) my children, my siblings, other family and friends. It is hateful. Psycho. I can't take it!
:drama:

I can't take this anymore! After the first dozen calls Friday i started drinking again. Today she emailed me at my job! Horrid shit--I could get fired for this! She needs to get into an institution or something but that is not my "job" it is my fathers....it would take a court case anyway. So here I sit--I have a big glass of wine--a HUGE one--tipsily writing you all. I just want to pass out and go to bed.

My family is so screwed up because of her--she is in total denial--even after interventions, hospitalizations, rehab, near-death experiences. She revises history/reality and is always the "victim"...everybody is wrong, she is right, but she is hateful to everyone and we spent our lives tiptoeing around and enabling to lesson the shit.

My poor husband is beside himself--he is so sweet and innocent--does not understand this. My children are bemused. My father is a wreck. My brothers and sisters are divided--there are eight of us with varying opinions. My mother is SO manipulative and mean--always has been--but now we are supposed to believe she is ILL? Bull! She is plain mean.

:upset: I am going to take a bath and crawl under the covers and hide from the SUCKY reality of life right now. Or, as Mommie Dearest said last night--she should have aborted me when she had the chance.

[cassy]

I can't take it! any more

Hi
How awful to be in the situation watching your mom's mental health decline and the impact on your family.
I guess you will come up with a way to protect you and yours from your mom,s abusive behaviour.
Keep positive because you achieved 19 days AF and had that time to do some clear thinking hopefully.

Tomorrow is a chance to change some of this? Maybe you need to detach with love from your mom for a while to regain your innner peace.
Can you ignore her calls..change your number, delete the emails unread. Could you write to her doctor outlining your concerns re her mental health to be held on record?

Somehow you have to protect yourself from what sounds like a volatile situation driving you to despair. Thank God you have a lovely hubby

of course its a painful reminder of what we may turn into if our own abuse of alcohol continues too...Scary.

Thinking of you and hope life gets calmer soon..but it sounds like that will only happen if somehow you detach from your mother and she gets the message that you arent prpeared to take this stuff any longer.??

Cassy

[Montana Mommy]

I can't take it! any more

Hey,
My heart goes out to you. My mom is also mentally ill, and the only thing I can do is avoid her and not talk to her. We live in different states so it's a lot easier. We haven't talked in years. I consider myself pretty thick skinned, but when it comes to her words- they're like bombs to my soul. And she seems to only be mean to me and my sister- we are the devil in her eyes.
I just wanted to let you know you're not alone. Keep trying to be AF, it's so worth it.
MM

[keepwalking]

I can't take it! any more

Goodness gracious me what a state of affairs! you do right, go to bed, drink some water, change your email address and your phone numbers first thing tomorrow, draw a big line under the relationship and move on with your own lovely family! life is way too short for that kinda nonsense. o and give yourself a big hug x

[savon19]

I can't take it! any more

WOW, Upnorth... I agree w/Cassie - change your phone number(s), somehow distance yourself. I know it's a drag to change your phone number, but it IS possible. She'd still be able to call your siblings, etc., so you might hear some of it through them, but not like what's happening now.

I wonder if your IT people could change your email at work? Well, I know they Could.. but would they? If you told them you have a family "situation" or something... It's NOT your fault.

Please try to take care of yourself. Take that bath, listen to some nice music.

Very sad for you. Don't let her ruin your life.

[universal]

I can't take it! any more

Hi Upnorth girl,

I am so sorry that your mother is creating such havoc in your life. It must be awful to have to deal with that. I wish I could offer some advice but I understand that dealing with someone who is mentally ill will always have challenges - difficult to ignore that type of behaviour.

I do agree with Cassy that if you know your mom's doctor that letting him/her know your concerns may not be a bad idea.......not sure if that would help or not.

I hope you are doing better soon and I'm sorry you have to deal with this crap.....

[Cinders]

I can't take it! any more

UpNorthGirl,

I can't add to what others have said except to say that I am so saddened by what is happening to you and your family because of your mother's illness.

I am sending prayers and wishes for healing to you and yours.

Take care of yourself and your family. Let the rest come secondary to that.

Much love,
Cindi

[A Work in Progress]

I can't take it! any more

upnorth.... I have a mother much like yours... she did her best to destroy my life, and she DID destroy my father's life. The thing is: my father refused to leave her, and allowed her to destroy him (he "left" her, in the end, by drinking all day long, for years, then committing suicide); and I had to decide whether or not I was going to LET her destroy my life, by drinking myself to death, too. It really is entirely up to you. It's VERY difficult to do the distancing that everyone here is recommending... but you have an obligation to yourself and your family to save your own life, and the kind of toxic stuff you are describing will destroy you... if you permit it to... The first, important step: stop drinking in response to her craziness. It only makes things worse.

[keeta]

I can't take it! any more

UpNorth,

I am so sorry to hear about the situation with your mother. Words can be poison, and eat at a person. Please try and follow the others advice, change your phone number if possible, but definately change you email addresses.
I know you know drinking won't make anything better. I also understand that it is hard to retrain ourselves when alcohol has become a core coping mechanism.
If you can, perhaps you should print out some of these emails, and present them to her care provider as an indication of her mental state???
I hope there is a way you can distance yourself from this hatefulness. My heart aches for you.
please take good care of you. Surround yourself with people you love, and who in turn love you.
You are in my thoughts. :l :l :l for you,
K

[sunshine_gg]

I can't take it! any more

Big huge :l for you!

*sigh*
I don't know what to tell you hun... I'm so very sorry you have to deal with such nasty behavior from your own mother. There really is no excuse for purposely going out to hurt someone like she does to you. And, of course, there's no use in telling you to ignore it - I couldn't do it either. As others have suggested - make yourself as unavailable as possible. Change your email, phone - try to avoid her.

But... (you knew there was a but, right?)... having a drink because of HER??????? No way! You are SO much better and stronger than that! And you DESERVE better than that. So, please, put pour that drink out, get yourself some water, cry on hubby's chest, or just have a good cry by yourself (sometimes that DOES help) and take care of yourself.

I assume, your dad isn't any help in this? Could/would he sit her down?

[Accountable for Me]

I can't take it! any more

I am so sorry, upnorth. My mother is an ill, alcoholic, MEAN bitch too. Everything that I achieve in life gets torn to shreds because she hates herself so much and in turn hates me. She has to sabotage every good I do by putting me down. She has made it very clear that she hated me since the day I was born. The fucked up thing (pardon my french) is that I still associate with her because of guilt (for what???) and I actually feel sorry for the miserable bag.

You are doing great with your sobriety. Keep on going. Don't let her bring you down and take another piece of you away from yourself. I have learned to understand that my mother is sick and I don't take anything she has to say to heart anymore. I am done feeling like shit and won't have it.

Delete those messages. Tell her that you need some space. Too bad for her if she doesn't like it. You need to do this for you and you are a wonderful, loving person. Don't ever forget that. I did for a long time and my life was a mess.

xoxoxox I feel for you.

[BridgetJones1998]

I can't take it! any more

Dear Upnorth, I was thinking about you earlier today and have missed your wonderful posts and "spirit" on the boards. I am sorry you are going through this. There is some great advice from some very wise people here who have survived some difficult situations as well.
I'm sending you a big hug. You are a very strong woman. Get some rest tonight and read through these posts when you've had some rest and have a clear head.

[irish eyes]

I can't take it! any more

Dear Upnorth
I hope u will feel differently tomorrow. I think it is important to point out that you had to put up with that crap from your Mom when you were little, today you are an adult and you have choices. Be good to yourself.
T

[witchywoman]

I can't take it! any more

UpNorthGirl, that toatlly sucks, but I think what Acountable said is on the money, for reasons only known to your mother she has to destroy you in order to feel good about herself, you need to let go, have no contact, write her a letter stating that you (& your family) no longer wish to have any contact with her because of how she treats you, and as WIP said you ahve an obligation to save your own life. at your mother age now she is not going to change, all you can do is take control overhow much contact you have with her, good luck sweetheart, be well & look after yourself
XX

[witchywoman]

I can't take it! any more

ohhh one other thought, as a mother yourself you would not let anyone treat your children in such a dispicable manner, so dont let her treat you like that. I know its probably easier said than done, but you are important. treat yourself as such.