I have been in denial about my wine consumption for a long time. I never had a real problem with drinking until the year 2000. I had divorced in 1998 and in 2000 I met a guy and he moved in with me. The drinking started innocently enough; a glass of wine now and again in the evening, then it became more often and then it was two glasses of wine. I had gastric bypass surgery in 2002 and didn't drink for several months; almost up to a year. Then my partner encouraged me to have a glass of wine with him and before I knew it we were having wine nightly. Things had changed though, with bypass surgery your body immediately absorbs the alcohol so I would get loaded in a short period of time with a small quantity of AL. I started to like the comfort I was getting from the AL, my relationship with Mr. Wonderful was coming to an end. He had lived off me for four years (I financially suppored him and his children) and he really didn't contribute much to our relationship, emotionally or financially, so it ended. Then I became somewhat crazy there for a while, drinking heavily and going out with friends and partying hard; something I had never done. My older children were mortified and had several talks with me about my behavior; I thought I was just experiencing my new found freedom, I'd say I was out of control for a good year, I have a handful of embarrassing moments that I feel ashamed over. I finally seemed to calm back down to drinking in the house again and joined a dating service and started dating and thinking about a relationship again. Two of the dates brought up my drinking saying they thought I might have a problem because I sucked down three glasses of wine on the first date. I got drunk at one guys home party and embarrassed him in front of his friends; needless to say that relationship didn't go anywhere.
I am a very successful professional in my community and I wonder how many people saw me in my drunken state making a fool of myself. I know I embarrassed my children and their friends made sure to tell them every time they saw me out. So a few years ago I hook up with a new love through the dating service, I slowed down my drinking, everything seemed to be going well and he asked me to marry him. Soon after we are married I find out he is addicted to Opiates. It has been a roller coaster ride since that point and I find myself drinking nightly sometimes two glasses of wine and many times 3-4 glasses. With my bypass I am not suppose to drink like this; it's probably eating a hole through my tiny stomach. I have many stomach issues from the bypass and I thought wine helped calm my stomach after a bad food day and I use that excuse plenty - but when I wake up the morning after a heavy night of drinking, I realize that I have a problem; I never feel good in the morning, I'm tired most days, can't focus on my work and the cycle usually starts over after dinner each night.
I've tried to tell myself I don't have a real problem but when I look at the people I've hurt, what I have done to myself and the shame I feel about my drinking, I know I have a real problem. I don't know which way to head with this. My marriage is in a lot of trouble (another story for another day), I'm not feeling really stable emotionally right now (got laid off and just started a new job, sold my house of several years and moved to a new town into my husband's house). A lot of changes and disappointments last year; what was suppose to be a fairytale wedding turned into Nightmare on Elm Street.
With my husband in treatment for Opiates, but smoking pot and messing with his medication he is still sliding downhill and I have no support from him (he a compulsive liar and I can't believe a word he says). I am also dealing with issues with sick and elderly parents. I want to stop drinking, but with all that goes on around me, I don't know if I can ... I ordered the book to read first. I'm going to research the medications recommended. I won't go to AA; I don't want anyone to know that doesn't know and I do live in a new community and I know nobody here. I don't even want to tell my doctor (my regular doctor of 26 years died last year, so I have to find a new doctor).
Too much on my platter, but I need change even if it is baby steps.
I am a very successful professional in my community and I wonder how many people saw me in my drunken state making a fool of myself. I know I embarrassed my children and their friends made sure to tell them every time they saw me out. So a few years ago I hook up with a new love through the dating service, I slowed down my drinking, everything seemed to be going well and he asked me to marry him. Soon after we are married I find out he is addicted to Opiates. It has been a roller coaster ride since that point and I find myself drinking nightly sometimes two glasses of wine and many times 3-4 glasses. With my bypass I am not suppose to drink like this; it's probably eating a hole through my tiny stomach. I have many stomach issues from the bypass and I thought wine helped calm my stomach after a bad food day and I use that excuse plenty - but when I wake up the morning after a heavy night of drinking, I realize that I have a problem; I never feel good in the morning, I'm tired most days, can't focus on my work and the cycle usually starts over after dinner each night.
I've tried to tell myself I don't have a real problem but when I look at the people I've hurt, what I have done to myself and the shame I feel about my drinking, I know I have a real problem. I don't know which way to head with this. My marriage is in a lot of trouble (another story for another day), I'm not feeling really stable emotionally right now (got laid off and just started a new job, sold my house of several years and moved to a new town into my husband's house). A lot of changes and disappointments last year; what was suppose to be a fairytale wedding turned into Nightmare on Elm Street.
With my husband in treatment for Opiates, but smoking pot and messing with his medication he is still sliding downhill and I have no support from him (he a compulsive liar and I can't believe a word he says). I am also dealing with issues with sick and elderly parents. I want to stop drinking, but with all that goes on around me, I don't know if I can ... I ordered the book to read first. I'm going to research the medications recommended. I won't go to AA; I don't want anyone to know that doesn't know and I do live in a new community and I know nobody here. I don't even want to tell my doctor (my regular doctor of 26 years died last year, so I have to find a new doctor).
Too much on my platter, but I need change even if it is baby steps.
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