Why do we do it?

[veritas]

Today, I started out, so determined to stay sober.

I am aware that I am extremely worried about finances. I am self employed and at the moment, there is a lot of stuff out of my control. I am also very sensitive to other people's struggles, so it is very difficult for me to ask for money if I am aware that people are struggling.

Today, I had to spend a lot of money I just don't have on my children's education.

I tried so hard not to drink. Managed until half an hour before shop closing time and went and bought a half bottle of wine.

I am just so disappointed in myself.

[on my way]

Why do we do it?

V, I know how hard it is sometimes, just because you bought the bottle does not mean you've tossed it all. Get a drink of water, put on suitable shoes and get out for a walk. I know when all seems shi* some exercise really can make me feel better. If you want to chat, I'll be around for another 20 minutes of so, nat

[veritas]

Why do we do it?

Thank you, On my way.

Where I am, its bedtime. I only had to make it another 10 minutes to be AF for another day.
I do not keep alcohol in the house. I know that I would not be able to resist the temptation.
I managed, teeth gritted, until just before the shops closed. Fortunately, I cannot get more alcohol.

I just want to know how others manage.

[on my way]

Why do we do it?

It is not easy at first and I still take it one day at a time. I have tried very hard to get a handle on my triggers (anger and frustration) and be aware of them. I try to keep the triggers from controling me. Bottom line for me is I cant control the amount I drink after I start. If I don't start I'm great.

keep posting, it gets better

[A Work in Progress]

Why do we do it?

Hey, Veritas... sorry you are feeling lousy, and stressed out. Here are some thoughts on others possible ways to manage times like that: well, really it's one thought, with lots of ways to implement it. Distraction is the key. If you are finding yourself in an internal struggle or argument about drinking... you must shake yourself, literally and figuratively, out of that mode of thinking, and DO SOMETHING ELSE. Walking, running, reading, watching TV, cooking something, eating something, coming onto MWO and talking to someone, reading and posting on MWO, listening to music, taking a shower, even if (especially if) it is difficult, just DO something else that will begin to allow your mind to detach from the thinking and craving. It takes discipline to get our bodies moving in a different direction... but it works. If necessary, tell yourself that you will re-consider the "drinking option" AFTER you have done something else for 30 minutes. Or 15 minutes.

[veritas]

Why do we do it?

I will.

I know that at the moment my trigger is anxiety.

What am I feeling?
just a bit numbed out.

Fortunately, that's it until I go to bed. I cannot buy more.

[veritas]

Why do we do it?

WIP, I have so appreciated your contribution s to the forum and I think that I am learning.

I knew from yesterday that this might happen. I struggled for a number of hours and gave in at the very last moment.
It was very much a kind of, "f.. you", reaction.

I think that I am an "F.. you" drinker.

I think and think and think. Yes, I feel deeply, but I am controled by thinking. I just sometimes need to escape my head.

No, I am not obsessive. I do not ruminate, but I wish I could not be so fricking reflective.

[cymru]

Why do we do it?

I am in a similar boat veritas. Managed all christmas and new year without a single drink, then went out saturday and got drunk. feel disappointed today, but i will not let it defeat me. I also have money worries, and im not working at the moment. the christmas bills are coming in, and i dont have the money to pay them all. But i must realise that getting drunk is not going to help matters, and its certinatley not going to get me back up on my feet.

[A Work in Progress]

Why do we do it?

Yes, V., I am often the same way. Many times I have chosen to drink out of anger... a very paradoxical kind of thing, isn't it, to do something harmful to myself, in response to someone (or the world) doing something that does not please me! "I'll show you! I'll get drunk!" ... yeah... that really works well, right?

Getting out of my head is one of my most important life strategies... out of the endless loop of thinking mostly non-sensical and counterproductive thoughts... Mindfulness meditation practice has been extremely helpful in helping me to learn how to detach from that fruitless dialogue that can go on... I recommend it highly; the great alcohol researcher, Alan Marlatt, has incorporated it into his relapse prevention programs...

[veritas]

Why do we do it?

Cymru, thank you for helping me feel that I am not alone.

WIP, I need to learn to detach. I am actually, by nature, optimistic, but I live in a world far too much in my head.
I don't know if you know the Myers Briggs personality test. I have found it quite helpful in understanding certain aspects of my behaviour.
I am an INFP. If you do not understand what that means, google Myers Briggs and have fun doing the test.

Problem is with that personality type, is that they live in a world filled with ideals. They can loose touch with reality, not in a psychotic way, but in a self "judgement" way.

[A Work in Progress]

Why do we do it?

V., I'm very familiar w/ the MBTI... I'm a psychologist... The thing is, of course, to learn to work w/ your "type," right? So... not really a problem... all data are friendly, right?

[veritas]

Why do we do it?

I do like Myers Briggs, because it deals with light and shadow, not wrong and right.

I have been browsing and laughing at the "laughing out loud". Pity that I didn't do that before I bought the wine. It kind of puts things back into perspective in a crazy, paradoxical and ironic way.

So, WIP, why am I not surprised to find out that you are a psychologist?
You have been very understanding.

[A Work in Progress]

Why do we do it?

Laughter! Good! Another strategy!

You'll be fine, I'm sure...!

[nancy]

Why do we do it?

I think it can be really hard to learn not to rely on alcohol when you are feeling bad but it can be done. I am still having some issues with the happy times but I am not drinking to cope anymore. I guess I realized that it was hurting more than helping and I talked it over with a psychologist. And I have been learning to cope with feelings more. I really recommend you look into the things Work in Progress recommended because I think mindfulness meditation is truly the answer.

I thought Sunbeam's story in the My story section was inspiring too. She wrote that she didn't want to wind up blitzed in her chair again, something like that. That image really helped me the other night when I thought about bringing some alcohol home. As you know it's so counter-productive. As a therapist told me, if you have a really bad day, you deal with it sober and yeah, you may have one bad night. You drink and you turn one bad day into maybe 3 bad days to cope with the hangover.

A lot of bad feelings pass on their own if you give them time and you feel a lot stronger. We are much more able to tolerate things than we give ourselves credit for.

[veritas]

Why do we do it?

Thank you for all your replies:thanks:

Today is a new day. I woke up feeling very sheepish. I know that I lost the plot early in the day and gritted my teeth, rather than getting pro-active. I should have listened to a motivation tape, or read something ispiring early on in the day.

When I get anxious, I go into disaster thinking and it can be quite paralysing. I also do the worst thing possible, withdraw from people. It just leads to trouble. That's when the bottle becomes my best friend.

So, a new day and a new beginning. My head is fuzzy, it is not bright and clear. I woke up sneezing like crazy. I do suspect that I have an allergy to wine. Later, I will take the dogs for a walk and try to take note of what happened. I really do not want to drink. The fun has gone.