I'm new here - and I need help

[tinkerbell68]

:new:As my title says I'm new here, and need help. I have been drinking nightly for as long as I can remember. It is now at the stage where I am opening a second bottle of wine.
I declared that as of the 1st January that I would not drink, and go back to work looking refreshed and rested on the 8th January.
Well today is the 7th of January and here I am with nothing changed. I really don't know why I cannot stop drinking. Every morning I wake up with a hangover and tell myself - right thats it no drinking tonight - and yet cave in.
Any insight from day one ers would be great.
I'm in Australia so the weather is just divine and great to sit outside with a lovely cool glass of wine - so a hot drink is not an option LOL

Hope to get lots of support here

:thanks:

[sunshine_gg]

I'm new here - and I need help

:welcome: tink!

Hmmm.. How about a Club Soda with Lime on the rocks??? :H That sounds nice, doesn't it?

Much like you, pretty much every night a bottle of wine or more for me. For years and until November last year. AF (alcohol free) days here and there, always stumbled at day 3 - just this week made it to day 4 and caved tonight (had 2 glasses of wine before/with dinner).

Well, what you need, little fairy, is a plan. You might want to start with RJ's book, also the toolbox thread in monthly abstinence is a great read with lots of info. From there, you'll decide which route you want to go (e.g. with/without medication, etc.)

Again, welcome! You found a great community with many very wise and insightful members here

[ezzmae]

I'm new here - and I need help

Welcome. I am also in Australia only my vice was a cold beer especially on hot days like this. I am a weekend binge drinker but there is plenty of daily wine drinkers here that will be able to offer you some great advice. My only tip would be to do something different at that time of day when you normally have your first drink. With the lovely weather maybe you could get out for a walk that way you avoid the triggers.

[belovedconsole]

I'm new here - and I need help

Morning Feelings/Guilt/Night Feelings

The title I put is in reference to the three things that popped out at me, regarding your post.

In the morning, I find that I don't have cravings for alcohol, perhaps because it is still in my system. And at that time, it seems perfectly natural to go home that night and not drink; I feel content, and that I've had my fill. And this all seems very reasonable.

By afternoon at work, I'm debating: maybe I should? And WHY was I quitting, anyway? Can't remember, doesn't seem to matter.

By the time work is over I know I'm going to repeat what happened yesterday-- I need comfort, after all-- what a quick way to get it!

Like you and many on here we have taken a step, by searching for answers here and there are a lot of ways to find those answers, and I'm looking forward to it.

What I mean is, you were pro-active, you made a decision to change, a step towards a new creativity, new values, even-- I wonder how many in here have suddenly or slowly practically re-invented themselves and their lives-- with the help of answers and support.

The main thing that I personally feel can be so scary and debilitating about this whole alcohol thing, is the profound guilt and self-loathing that can manifest, after we've had our fun.

Guilt and shame of this sort is so debilitating, it can be part of a cycle of self-sabotage, negatively re-inforcing some of the reasons we might drink in the first place.

This judgement of ourselves causes pain and pain causes fatigue, worry and misery, and since we are alcoholics, we all know the quickest way to numb these particularly ill feelings-- with more alcohol.

Hence a cycle of shame and regret followed by bouyant partying and oblividization (spell-check says that's not a word, but you know what I mean), literally at times forgetting what we did the night before.

So what you have done, by coming here, is you have made a choice, to take steps out of that darkened valley; you probably looked for the little sign that drew you here. The sign points to a path; the path points to redemption.

As you walk through this, move through this, you will come to see there are many paths, and you will come to learn that there are many ways out of the valley.

Sometimes you will exit and get scared and come back to the seemingly comforting haunted valley; it's what you know.

But having left at times, or walked different paths toward healing, which is what this is all about, you will experience healing.

Then you will know the feel and the shape of it. And you will know how to get to it, such that you may choose it, repeatedly.

You just start healing and healing yourself, repeatedly, with others, along the way.

I offer this ambivalent story as one of hope, an image one can grasp and imagine.

I have travailed this course to some degree, but never with the social tools that are present here, the level of support, for just this problem.

So I too sit here, a noob as well, nursing a drink, but yesterday I was so proud, only 1.5 beers, all day, and that was the day I found this site.

Before that, 1/2 a bottle of vodka or more, every day, for the past few months and before that it was 8-9 beers until my stomach just couldn't process it, anymore.

For me, having a day a week where I don't drink is a small starter step. Getting used to what it feels like again, dealing with anxiety, asking for help. And that's just a day. But I am excited and bolstered by stories like the one above this, where someone is dealing with I do, yet they're farther than me-- 4 days, for instance.

Start small and find ways to not dislike yourself or your behaviour.

Sorry so long of a post! :new:

[TeeHayDal]

I'm new here - and I need help

Tink.. I can echo your post as well as beloved's..... I' am fine til the after work hours... Tonight I went to the gym just to do something besides obsess over drinking... I still thought of it and it kinda made me mad at myself that I waste all those hours of destroying my body.... What a mad cycle..... Good luck... I'm pretty much new also..

Tee

[MormonMom]

I'm new here - and I need help

Hey Tink,
Go to the Monthly Abstinence section and there is a daily thread called "AF Daily (day/date). This gives some great insight to MANY like you who are struggling just to get those single digits under our belts. I've been back and forth on this website over the past year. I went 49 days in the Fall, then fell off the wagon during the holidays. But like you, I'm here at the website trying to turn my life around. When I drink, one bottle of wine doesn't do it anymore. And if it does, it's only because I'm unable to go to the store to get the second bottle. And when I fall off that wagon, recognizing a buzz after a couple glasses only lasts for maybe a week. Then I'm right back to the whole bottles. It's such a vicious cycle. But even if it takes a while for you to make that commitment, check out the posts on here. They're motivating, not to mention scarey because many of them sound like they're talking about your own self. Hope to see ya on AF Daily :-)

[kitkatsue]

I'm new here - and I need help

Welcome tink,

I enjoyed console's post,lots of good thoughts there.

I can only say that I think this drinking thing is a habit that is hard to break. A bad habit.

Something you work at everyday.

I look forward to your posts !!

P.S. Ice Tea is a wonderful drink.

kit

[Rags]

I'm new here - and I need help

Welcome Tinkerbell68
Yep we're having beaut weather at the moment.
Yep it's our resolve that we have to keep going.
It is so easy to cave in to our habitual behaviour.
Have you tried doing some other activity when drinkies time comes along? Maybe go for a walk or something, just to break the routine.
There are heaps of threads here with sound, sage advice so have a look through those.
Also have a think about seeing your doctor having a chat and get Campral.
You can also order Kudzu (which dampens your desire to drink) and other supplements from this site, so perhaps give that a crack. But for me, the trick has been to break the routine, and set small achievable goals such as no drinking the wine that's supposed to go in the spag. bol.. Now I don't even cook with wine (except for theChristmas pudding).
Most important, believe in yourself and your ability to be able to stop drinking. It is no more than a habit.
But you CAN do it. You want to be OK for work tomorrow... so make tonight a non drinking night. There's not much on TV tonight except CSI Miami, so why not come on line and pop into chat.
And believe me, you will feel so good, so proud, so happy that you've made it one night with no booze.
Take it easy and be kind to yourself.

[belovedconsole]

I'm new here - and I need help

TeeHayDal (tell us what THD means, sometime for fun), why you so sad? Why you looka so down? It's a not-so-bad, it's a nice-a-place.

Remember that? Well anyways, you gave nice advice, and it is hard to determine why you are sad, you went and worked out. For sad, I refer to your "emoticon" which say that you are sad.

Now why didn't I think of putting on a coat taking a nice walk, to get endorphins going? It seems like that's what you did, so why-a you so-a sad-a?

[peacenik]

I'm new here - and I need help

MormonMom;512450 wrote: Hey Tink,
Go to the Monthly Abstinence section and there is a daily thread called "AF Daily (day/date). This gives some great insight to MANY like you who are struggling just to get those single digits under our belts. I've been back and forth on this website over the past year. I went 49 days in the Fall, then fell off the wagon during the holidays. But like you, I'm here at the website trying to turn my life around. When I drink, one bottle of wine doesn't do it anymore. And if it does, it's only because I'm unable to go to the store to get the second bottle. And when I fall off that wagon, recognizing a buzz after a couple glasses only lasts for maybe a week. Then I'm right back to the whole bottles. It's such a vicious cycle. But even if it takes a while for you to make that commitment, check out the posts on here. They're motivating, not to mention scarey because many of them sound like they're talking about your own self. Hope to see ya on AF Daily :-)

you just hit my nail on the head...we're alcoholic twins!

[gyco]

I'm new here - and I need help

hi tinker,i do feel for you,your culture is much more advanced then ours,it could be worse,you could wake in the hospital,and find yourself with no limbs,a dead child,positive thinking,i will,i wont,im in canada,we watch the videos ,from aussie land,does make sense to this canadian,have a great 2009, geico

[tinkerbell68]

I'm new here - and I need help

Hi All out there

This is harder than I remember, I am not going to give into these cravings - - I just have to make it past these damn cravings

I'm sitting in front of the computer with glass of soda water - its still hard though

[Sweaty Betty]

I'm new here - and I need help

Hi Tinkerbell. How about having one day AF, and then see what tomorrow brings? I'm also a wine drinker, particularly partial to a sparkling shiraz. It's taken me a while to get here but I'm day 4. I'm aiming to moderate. Before Christmas I started to cut down by buying just a 250ml bottle and having no other AL in the house. I had to buy just one a day though as if I had more I would drink them! Good Luck.

[tinkerbell68]

I'm new here - and I need help

Thats the plan, except mine is hour by hour. If i can hold off until 7pm, then 8pm etc etc

[cassy]

I'm new here - and I need help

Hi tink

Its hard to get going..but the good news is you can keep coming here for support. Even when I succumb to the temptation of too much booze this site helps me to get some perspective and support in a NON JUDGEMENTAL way,

Its not for anyone excelpt yourself that you have the urge to change,,,I,m 54 and dont want the shame for myself or my family of turning canary yellow and ending my life early through my own abuse of alchol.

Also as a christian i am struggling to live the gospel message...when i know this isnt how god wants me to live my life,

The power of prayer and all the other tools inmy box including this site have got me to day 3 AF

I have reframed my goals because so many on here demonstrate its too frightening to think to far ahead..so i will be concerned with today only.

I wish you luck Tink

Cassy